SmallWonder Posted July 26, 2005 Posted July 26, 2005 Okay, here's the deal. I am in a psuedo-relationship with "The Boy Next Door." He's actually my parents neighbor, and we had crushes on each other all through school. We never dated, but liked each other. There has always been an attraction. Fast forward 10 years. We run into each other and it's an instant connection. We stare at each other all night from across the room where we are, and talk, flirt. Nothing happens from there, and it's a month before we see each other again. This time, we take things a little further and end up talking in my car after a long night out. The sexual tension heats up the car but we just talk and again, flirt. I drive him home and we have one of those kisses where your body trembles but it's just a touch to the lips. He says, "Wow..." I can barely drive straight. He invites me to an outing that includes his friends (a Nascar race). We go on his bike. We go to dinner with his family (his parents, of course know me - I'm the "Girl Next Door!"). He calls, I call. He confessed to me that I scare him because he got hit with a wave of emotions when he first saw me again after so long. Like he got hit with a board. He's torn between "jumping in with both feet" and just being friends with me because he's "freaked out and honestly, scared." Our sexual chemisty is like nothing I have ever felt. He feels it too, and the last time we were together, he admitted "I've never had that happen before" (I won't get into details...) But here's the deal: He lives with is folks (we're both 27) after moving home after a failed relationship. He hangs out with his single friends CONSTANTLY. I guess it's a habit that's been hard to break. He works hard, and works out, and parties on the weekends. With his friends. There are no other woman in the picture BUT - his friends are the other woman. And here's the BIG DEAL - He saw me out at a huge community event and we barely spoke. He was busy drinking, I guess. I was really hurt, but we talked about it and he said he was sorry. He had been drunk. THEN I went out with my girlfriends recently, and there was a guy hitting on me who wanted my number. I told him if he wanted it, he had to ask "JOE". Right, thinking, "There is no way Joe will give that up." UH, WRONG. The guy from the bar called me. Sure enough, Joe had given up my phone number. Again, while he was drinking..... WHAT IS WITH THIS GUY? Is he just not that into me? What do I do????? What do I SAY to him? Is he just running scared, or could it be that he thought, "Good luck buddy. She's not going out with you, but give it a shot?" I feel like a FOOL.
whichwayisup Posted July 26, 2005 Posted July 26, 2005 Don't feel like a fool. Just back off and let him find you. If he felt that connection as deeply as you did and he's scared, trust me, he'll come looking for you when he realizes you're not around. Never rush a good thing... Don't be mean to him, if he calls, great, if not, that's okay too. Go on with your life and don't make him be such a focus right now. Don't allow yourself to care too much either right now...Detach and just see what happens. Good luck and I do hope it works out.
Winfield Posted July 26, 2005 Posted July 26, 2005 If you feel like a fool, then don't stand for his behaviour! It seems to me as though this guy "Joe" really doesn't know what he wants, and judging by his social behaviour, he isn't ready to settle down or commit himself to a long-term relationship with you (or any other woman for that matter). Commitment seems to frighten him. Maybe he just wants a bit of fun after his last relationship broke down...who knows? Only he would be able to answer this. If you are considered to be a "couple" (in a roundabout way), then there is NO way "Joe" should have given your phone number to the guy hitting on you at the bar. I suppose the answer you're looking for is right there in front of you - you said to the guy hitting on you to ask "Joe" for your telephone number. If "Joe" had any serious feelings for you, then there is no way in the world he should have given that information. Sober, drunk or a bit tipsy, it makes no excuse...it was up to YOU and YOU ONLY to pass on your number, and not "Joe". Ask yourself - would you be able to put up with behavior such as this in the future? Seeing how things are affecting you at the moment, I think it would be safe to say your answer would be "no". Make a stand, take control, and take the time to find a guy who will respect your privacy. Good luck!
Author SmallWonder Posted July 26, 2005 Author Posted July 26, 2005 You're both right, and of course I knew that. Sometimes, you just need affirmation. This seems to be a case of Wishful Thinking.... How depressing. Fortunately, I have plans for this weekend that will keep me busy, and my mind off "Joe." I know that's what I need to keep my mind from thinking about him constantly. Being single really does suck. Then I go to the bookstore (this is before I find out he passed out my number) and I read bits of "He's Just Not that Into You." It says that the worst relationship partners are those who: Live with their Parents (check), Have all single friends (check). It's not like I've been thinking exclusively. It's just that no one else appeals to me. There is no Sizzle or Burn when I look at someone else. "Joe" and I were even on his couch one night and we were just, well, staring at each other - and he says "What is this?" shaking his head. And I was like, "This is chemistry." And all I have to do is basically touch him and he gets turned on. We haven't had sex. But we want to. Well, now I'm guessing that's not going to happen. Not anytime soon.
clynn Posted July 26, 2005 Posted July 26, 2005 Hey, Not soooo fast. He probably doesn't wanna rush anything. And if it is a good thing, you don't really need to rush it, after all. What's the hurry? It'll be less scary for him when you both are able to float yourselves into a normal life and figure out each other's ins and outs in a more natural fashion. If he's just moved back, he's reconnecting with old friends and dealing with a lot of stuff. Also, that book is probably good for people who really are hanging onto desparate threads. But then again, it is a book, written by ONE man. Don't take what any one person (me included) says as gospel, just because its been published. And you know something? If you told the guy to ask JOE for your phone number, then you're guilty as charged in playing games, my dear. Whether Joe is your kinda boyfriend, sorta boyfriend, or love of your life, he still isn't your gate keeper. Now or ever. Shame on you for doing that to him. Geeze. Mind you, he probably thought it was funny and was flattered that another guy was interested in his girl. He might not be the possessive type and realizes that only trial adn tribulation and time will really be the evidence of what you two may or may not have in the future. If what you're getting from him isn't what you want, then by all means, cut it loose. Truthfully, it doesn't really seem like he's playing you. He's just being a guy in his 20's...hanging with the boys and having fun with you. not a crime, not a crime.
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