harmoni Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 Hi guys, Since my last breakup years ago, I found myself entering a same cycle over and over. Either attracting girls who i have no romantic interest in, or failing to get into relationship with girls i like. I am not bad looking, but acne problem does play a role in making me look bad. I am nice to girls, but i do know my mistake of doing too much at times, it's killing attraction. I don't fall for just anybody. Throughout these few years, there were 3 girls who i thought of wanting to be in a relationship with. But which none did happen. Was very close with the first girl but screwed it all up because of my jealousy issue. I learnt a hard lesson from it. It took me over a year to move on. Second one was brief, we only went for a few dates. I knew she's also dating other guys, but also due to our different work schedule we could barely meet up often, so i decided to move on. Third one was recent. I thought heaven is finally bringing my life partner to me. We connected well and had much fun together. We chatted all day long, and the feelings are reciprocal. I escalated things pretty quickly, i was too sure of it, so sure that i put in all my feelings and did way too much for her. Maybe it was an attraction killer, i should have taken things slowly, it's a lesson i need to imprint onto my mind. Perhaps she's also seeing other guys at the same time. She's always texting a lot on her cells. I mean it's a fair game, i admit it was my own problem for not being able to keep her attraction. 7 Reasons To Date More Than One Person At Once, Because Keeping Your Options Open Is Empowering https://www.bustle.com/articles/103566-7-reasons-to-date-more-than-one-person-at-once-because-keeping-your-options-open-is "There's nothing more disappointing than spending weeks getting to know someone, only to have a bombshell dropped on you. " " When things end, it can feel daunting to start from scratch all over again: Right swipe, chat, text, first date, second date...the process is exhausting. " I came across this article, and quoted the 2 lines that exactly tells what i'm feeling now. I'm really exhausted. Is it true that i should date more than one person at once? I'm so tired, career has lots of difficult situations too. I'm not making good income. Love is always not coming to me either. This time i feel really hopeless. I have been a good person, and i have been sincere always, i don't know why god has to make me go through this over and over. I always trusted that things happens for a reason, and that it was an experience i needed to learn. But this time it's wayyyy enough. Way enough of this repeated falling.
Knix Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 I think you need to work on yourself a bit before you get into a relationship. You need to focus on your self esteem and stop being so negative. Just by reading your post I could recognize a few things you may not be aware of: 1. You are describing a lot of negative things about yourself. Women have a hard time being with someone they don't think is a catch, makes sense. 2. You called your third date a 'gift from heaven'. You've put her on a giant pedestal without even knowing her yet. That immediate attachment isn't just unattractive, it's also a red flag that you won't give her space and will become clingy. You don't HAVE to date multiple women at once, but that doesn't mean that a woman you're dating = future wife, mother of my babies, soulmate. It just means you two are trying each other out for a relationship. One step at a time. Good luck!! 2
PegNosePete Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 (edited) Is it true that i should date more than one person at once? It's neither true nor false. It's personal choice. A counter-argument to the points you quote (I didn't read rest of the article): - You should always be honest about multi-dating, but not too honest. Don't mention other women, but don't lie if asked. If one asks you out on a Saturday night and you've already made plans with another, what will you say? Best to plan these things in advance rather than having to think fast and risk saying something stupid. You don't wan to lie. You don't want to say "I'm seeing another woman". You don't want to say "none of your business". So what to say...? - The bombshells might not seem so bad because you have backup options, but you'll get just as many dropped on you. In fact some "bombshells" might be dropped because you have other options, or aren't putting in enough effort. ie. jack of all trades instead of master of one. - Multi dating requires you to be a good organizer and have a good memory. You need to remember whose sister travelling to Sri Lanka next week, and whose cousin is getting married next month, etc. Also remember what you've said about yourself to each of them... repeating the same story because you thought it was someone else you told, is not cool. If you're dating 3 or 4 then it can get very confusing, very fast. - You mention you are often tired from work. You may have difficulty finding time for multiple women, and putting in enough effort to each of them. You may find you lose them all because you're spreading yourself too thin. Whereas if you concentrate on one, you might have enough time to put in the effort. - If you're not making good money then you may have difficulty affording multiple dates. Most women expect a date per week at least. In the early stages you'll probably be funding them, or at least half of them. If you're seeing 3 or 4, that can be a lot of cash. Unless you do cheap/free activities of course. In my opinion if you have more free time and free cash in the future then you could try multi-dating. But for now I think you're better off sticking to one at once. Edited April 10, 2017 by PegNosePete
Mkn1010 Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 When you're feeling really tired and disappointed from a recent 'bombshell', that means it's time to take a break! I feel like this at the moment so no online dating for me. The break also allows you important 'reset' time as there's a possibility that after each one we become a little more desperate and our standards drop. And then the next person you even feel remotely attracted to, you latch onto and ignore red flags! When that person is not really all that and a bag of chips, they just feel like your last option!! 1
Larryville Posted April 10, 2017 Posted April 10, 2017 I'm so tired, career has lots of difficult situations too. I'm not making good income. Love is always not coming to me either. This time i feel really hopeless. I have been a good person, and i have been sincere always, i don't know why god has to make me go through this over and over. Dude... I always trusted that things happens for a reason, and that it was an experience i needed to learn. But this time it's wayyyy enough. Way enough of this repeated falling. Damn.. Yes, take a break from dating, because until you get rid of this mindset you might as well take these words and hang them around your neck. Because any half-way in-tuned mature woman will see you coming from a mile away and avoiding. Think of it like wearing too much cologne, a little overwhelming. Back off and reinvent/retool yourself... and leave God, out of dating misery... 1
Recommended Posts