Enso_101 Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 I'll preface this by saying I'm a 27 M who's pretty inexperienced with dating in general (not totally inexperienced though). I'm starting to figure myself out recently which has helped a lot, but I could still use some advice. While I was out on St. Patty's last Friday I hit it off with this really awesome girl. I felt like we clicked really well, conversation felt totally natural and we talked one-on-one for a solid hour or two. I grabbed her number and asked her what she was doing next weekend. She said she'd be travelling home but would text me when she gets back. She made an impression on me so I'm pretty smitten but trying hard to keep myself in check and not come off as too needy (I struggle with this). She sent me a text yesterday morning saying it was nice to meet and to thank me for grabbing her number. We texted back and forth a few times with some lighthearted banter and I'm pretty sure she wants to see me again. I don't really want to wait two weeks to set up a date so I feel compelled to ask her out Wednesday or Thursday this week. Part of the reason is I'm worried about killing the momentum if two weeks go by. Sort of kicking myself for not doing this in person, but here we are... So questions would be: 1. Would it seem too eager to ask her out this week before she leaves for the weekend instead of waiting? She did say she would get in touch after she got back... I don't want to be pushy. 2. Best way to go about asking her out based on what I've written here? I feel like calling would be the classy thing to do but don't want to weird her out either (she's in her earlier 20s and I feel like texting is more standard among our age group). Maybe text her today asking if she's free to talk this evening? 3. She struck me as kind of the spontaneous artsy type, reads a lot, likes indie music/films etc. Any solid first date ideas? I have a few but wouldn't mind some input here. overthinking it / 10 Cheers!
FoundLove Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 I don't think asking to see her before she leaves for the weekend will sound pushy at all - more likely it will show her that you are interested. I won't wait until she gets back. Ask if she is free on Wednesday or Thursday and if she would like to meet up. I honestly don't think she'd mind being asked out through a text. Good luck! 2
GoldSparkz Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 As soon as the first date is over, ask her out for the next one (literally at the end of the first date). Too much hanging around usually gives the impresion that you're not interested or unable to take the lead. So text her today to make plans for when she gets back. Perhaps you could find out what bands she likes and see if theirs a similar band playing in the area. Or you could try a gallery followed by a meal.
act00 Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 I don't think it's pushy or needy to express you would like to see her when she gets back, and I think it's great if you could even plan a day. I like this, and wish more men would not only plan a date in advance, but also stick with it. I'm a planner, and when men actually plan, and follow through, huge, major bonus points. More often than not, in my experience, planning too soon means a blow-off, stood up, or "something came up," so if she's hesitant to plan a specific date too soon, letting her know you're available and willing is a good start, but don't take it personally if she wants to wait until she gets home for such planning. Texting her and having some communication is good. I think if you're more "old school," and want to talk on the phone, it's okay, and good to express this, and make the time to do it. Call her! Ask if there's a good time to call! I don't see anything wrong here. If you're pushing for daily diatribes on the phone as well as texting all day, that would be an issue. The reality is, if a phone call is outside of her norm and has her scurrying in the corner as if you're a predator, she's probably too immature for a grown-up relationship. I say, it's totally okay to plan a date when she gets home, it's totally okay to ask for a phone call or two, which may not be easy if on vacation, so don't take it personally if she can't, and expressing your interest is the best thing you can do.
Author Enso_101 Posted March 19, 2017 Author Posted March 19, 2017 I don't think it's pushy or needy to express you would like to see her when she gets back, and I think it's great if you could even plan a day. I like this, and wish more men would not only plan a date in advance, but also stick with it. I'm a planner, and when men actually plan, and follow through, huge, major bonus points. More often than not, in my experience, planning too soon means a blow-off, stood up, or "something came up," so if she's hesitant to plan a specific date too soon, letting her know you're available and willing is a good start, but don't take it personally if she wants to wait until she gets home for such planning. Texting her and having some communication is good. I think if you're more "old school," and want to talk on the phone, it's okay, and good to express this, and make the time to do it. Call her! Ask if there's a good time to call! I don't see anything wrong here. If you're pushing for daily diatribes on the phone as well as texting all day, that would be an issue. The reality is, if a phone call is outside of her norm and has her scurrying in the corner as if you're a predator, she's probably too immature for a grown-up relationship. I say, it's totally okay to plan a date when she gets home, it's totally okay to ask for a phone call or two, which may not be easy if on vacation, so don't take it personally if she can't, and expressing your interest is the best thing you can do. Thanks for the advice and encouragement. I asked and she said she'd be free to talk this evening. I'd much rather hash out plans in a brief phone call instead of playing the texting/waiting game. So even if she's not available this week, then we can pick a day for when she gets back. I need to find a way to keep myself distracted in the meantime. blehhh.
SevenCity Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 As soon as the first date is over, ask her out for the next one (literally at the end of the first date). Too much hanging around usually gives the impresion that you're not interested or unable to take the lead. So text her today to make plans for when she gets back. Perhaps you could find out what bands she likes and see if theirs a similar band playing in the area. Or you could try a gallery followed by a meal. Do this only if you want to come across as needy, desperate, and stalkerish. Asking a girl out right as one date ends makes you look like you're too afraid to wait a day or so because she might change her mind about you. Beta behavior. If she likes you, the time apart will give her time to process and miss you. She will be excited to hear from you if you wait - or she might reach out to you. If SHE brings up going out while on your first date by all means set it up. The thing about women is they look at all your actions and make an assessment. If she's interested it won't matter that you waited and will actually increase her attraction. If she gets all butt hurt she is needy and unreasonable and won't make a good LTR partner anyway.
Miss Spider Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 Seems like you misc..lol Personally..although there's a chance, I'd wait Is her vacation for two weeks?
Author Enso_101 Posted March 19, 2017 Author Posted March 19, 2017 Seems like you misc..lol Personally..although there's a chance, I'd wait Is her vacation for two weeks? She won't be back until the following weekend so it would be at least two weeks after we met. Why would you wait?
lurker74 Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 Don't wait. If she's that into games (how long you wait, etc.) it won't last anyway, so just lead with your heart. Some people will crush you...lead with your heart anyway. As to how to do it, next time you're texting, call her. She may screen you, which is OK but more than likely she will be so surprised that she'll answer. When she does, just tell her you figured it was easier to ask her out that way than continuing text. Some may say this is needy but every time I've done it, the woman has felt it to be a strong (i.e. non-beta) move. If she screen you, don't leave a message. If she texts asking why you called, tell her she'll have to find out when she answers. Or not. Maybe all of this is too aggressive or needy but my experience is that women appreciate men who know what they want and don't mind asking for it. And games suck anyway.
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 Do this only if you want to come across as needy, desperate, and stalkerish. Asking a girl out right as one date ends makes you look like you're too afraid to wait a day or so because she might change her mind about you. Beta behavior. If she likes you, the time apart will give her time to process and miss you. She will be excited to hear from you if you wait - or she might reach out to you. If SHE brings up going out while on your first date by all means set it up. The thing about women is they look at all your actions and make an assessment. If she's interested it won't matter that you waited and will actually increase her attraction. If she gets all butt hurt she is needy and unreasonable and won't make a good LTR partner anyway. Honest question: how is all this working for you? Any time a guy made me "wait" I assumed either he wasn't interested (which always made me lose interest and look around) or he was playing some lame PUA game, which meant he wasn't good with women and was becoming desperate enough to start playing games. Gone, on to the next. Many, many times I was asked for a second date at the end of the first date. I loved this! It was exciting to feel that connection. OTOH, if I wasn't feeling it, I wasn't. I didn't want a second date. Being made to "wait" on a guy I wasn't interested in wasn't going to make me interested. Not interested is not interested.
Author Enso_101 Posted March 20, 2017 Author Posted March 20, 2017 So we're going bowling Wednesday Now I have about a hundred other things to overthink. 2
Miss Spider Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 (edited) She won't be back until the following weekend so it would be at least two weeks after we met. Why would you wait? I would have justvbeen chill, patient, and waited until after she got back and texted like she said she would. But doesn't matter now, I guess! . Gratz, good luck, have on your date! Edited March 20, 2017 by Cookiesandough
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