TheBathWater Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 I'm part of a popular and local dance community, and a woman who is a big name at the club I dance at has always been super nice to me. She always dances with me, initiates contact, and is just really nice. She even kisses me on the cheek whenever a dance finishes. She is not my type romantically, but I consider her an acquaintance. Anyway, I friend requested a few people on Facebook affiliated with the dance community through the official dance page, and she was one of them. She accepted it, but ever since she did, she literally ignores me at the club and acts as if she doesn't even notice me. At first I thought it was strange when I asked her to dance and she would make an excuse as to why not, but then be off dancing with someone else a minute later...and now she just ignores me. Huh? I don't get it. Is there some reason why ever since I FB request her she would be this way? There is nothing unusual on my FB page and I really don't post much. She is not the only person from the dance community I am FB friends with. I just don't get why the sudden big switch from being super nice to super cold. Any insights? And should I bring it up with her in person in a respectful way? I'm kind of bothered by it. If I did something to make a bad impression, I want to apologize for it.
bluefeather Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 If it's due to the facebook friend add, maybe she saw that you have a connection with someone she absolutely hates.
basil67 Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 Do you have many political posts on your wall? Or anything else she may find offensive?
somanymistakes Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 Did she un-friend you after the add? If not, it may be totally unrelated. She may have things of her own going on. 1
Author TheBathWater Posted March 19, 2017 Author Posted March 19, 2017 Do you have many political posts on your wall? Or anything else she may find offensive? I don't post anything political, and nothing else that I can think of that would even be interpreted as offensive. I'm not very active. Most of my posts are actually check-ins when I visit the club we both dance at. 1
Author TheBathWater Posted March 19, 2017 Author Posted March 19, 2017 Did she un-friend you after the add? If not, it may be totally unrelated. She may have things of her own going on. Nope, she kept me on her friend's list, but then she never made real contact with me again. When I say she ignores me, I mean she literally goes out of her way now when she sees me to avoid me - walking in the opposite direction, avoiding eye contact, not approaching me to dance anymore. It's so bizarre.
Author TheBathWater Posted March 19, 2017 Author Posted March 19, 2017 If it's due to the facebook friend add, maybe she saw that you have a connection with someone she absolutely hates. My friends list is private
SoleMate Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 The only possible explanations I can come up with are: 1) she sees the dance club as something she wishes to keep completely separate from things IRL, and now you're violating that boundary, so she has to shut you down 2) she has you confused with someone else 3) something random you're not aware of 1
mikeylo Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 She doesnt want to keep the two lives separate. She accepted the friend request to be polite.
bluefeather Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 My friends list is private People can still see who your friends are if they comment on or like your posts.
Author TheBathWater Posted March 19, 2017 Author Posted March 19, 2017 Should I unfriend her then? Or confront her about her obvious awkwardness toward me now? Both? Or am I supposed to just go on without saying a word? It's so bizarre that she was just so personable and nice to me before, and now all of a sudden, so cold and distant. I feel like I did something wrong and am not being told about it.
bluefeather Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 Hmm. Well, let me ask you this: What would you do if you never attempted to add her on facebook, and all of a sudden she started acting that way to you?
preraph Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 She is reading it as you being interested and her not wanting to give you any mixed signals that she has any interest in you beyond just friends. She's taking no chances. She's probably been through this before. And I'm guessing if you just wanted to be friends, this wouldn't be a big deal to you, so she's probably right. 3
Author TheBathWater Posted March 20, 2017 Author Posted March 20, 2017 She is reading it as you being interested and her not wanting to give you any mixed signals that she has any interest in you beyond just friends. She's taking no chances. She's probably been through this before. And I'm guessing if you just wanted to be friends, this wouldn't be a big deal to you, so she's probably right. No, she is not my type. I literally friended her and the club owner because they both lead the weekly classes and chat me up/are nice to me. It was pure networking on my part and wanting to move in closer with that community. They seem to friend lots of people who frequent the club. Had it been the owner, I'd have the same reaction. It's an important community to me for one, but I'm also sensitive to rejection and feeling like I'm suddenly now a bad person or something to someone.
Author TheBathWater Posted March 20, 2017 Author Posted March 20, 2017 Hmm. Well, let me ask you this: What would you do if you never attempted to add her on facebook, and all of a sudden she started acting that way to you? I would say: "Hey, I've noticed you've been acting unusually different and avoidant of me lately. Is there something going on that I'm not aware of?" But seeing as the only thing that has changed is the FB friend request, I know what it's about. If I would have known it was going to generate such offense and awkwardness, I wouldn't have even considered it. So strange.
preraph Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 No, she is not my type. I literally friended her and the club owner because they both lead the weekly classes and chat me up/are nice to me. It was pure networking on my part and wanting to move in closer with that community. They seem to friend lots of people who frequent the club. Had it been the owner, I'd have the same reaction. It's an important community to me for one, but I'm also sensitive to rejection and feeling like I'm suddenly now a bad person or something to someone. Then why do you care? What are you seeking through the networking?
VeveCakes Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 I agree she thinks you may like her and doesn't want to give the wrong impression. Or maybe she has a psycho jealous boyfriend and he saw you added her and now she avoids you to show him nothing is up. Could be anything. Why is this stressing you. I suggest getting off Facebook for a few weeks..
Author TheBathWater Posted March 20, 2017 Author Posted March 20, 2017 Then why do you care? What are you seeking through the networking? Get more 'in' with the dance community, make new friends, potentially getting more invites to parties and unadvertised meetings that members of the community set up, etc... Ultimately, hoping to make new friends and have a more vibrant social life.
bluefeather Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 I would say: "Hey, I've noticed you've been acting unusually different and avoidant of me lately. Is there something going on that I'm not aware of?" Well this is kind of a weird situation. Normally, I would suggest asking her what's up, but it's not like you two are actually friends, so if you say something like that, it might be taken as creepy. I would either find a light-hearted and playful way of bringing it up, or shrug it off and try to stop caring about it so much.
Imajerk17 Posted March 21, 2017 Posted March 21, 2017 (edited) ETA: I read how she was really friendly to you before. I assume you get along well w everyone else? Then don't worry it's her problem. If you do not, then I wonder if she is close friends w someone who doesn't get along w you. Note that the above two have nothing to do w your Facebook add. The only way I could see that being an issue is if she isn't Facebook friends w anyone else there. Facebook 101: Just because someone accepts your FB friend request doesn't mean they are really your friend. Edited March 21, 2017 by Imajerk17
Author TheBathWater Posted March 21, 2017 Author Posted March 21, 2017 Well this is kind of a weird situation. Normally, I would suggest asking her what's up, but it's not like you two are actually friends, so if you say something like that, it might be taken as creepy. I would either find a light-hearted and playful way of bringing it up, or shrug it off and try to stop caring about it so much. Yeah, I pretty much feel like there's nothing I can do. It's really not up to me whether people like me or not. She was there tonight and same thing. It is what it is, I guess. A reflection of her, not me.
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