AT15 Posted March 18, 2017 Posted March 18, 2017 I met a guy in September on Tinder. On sight, I was very attracted to him. I think he felt the same. We went out for drinks about 4-5 times, kissed a bit, lots of sexual chemistry. By the 6th meet up we both were itching to bed each other. I'm not in love with him. However, I feel I need him to chase me more. He texts me like once a week and it's never been really deep. We are equally attractive people. We both are equally career mi deaf. I would like to get closer, but he's hesitatant. Any suggestions? 1
Satu Posted March 18, 2017 Posted March 18, 2017 snip Any suggestions? Be exactly the same person on the outside that you are on the inside. Authenticity is very sexy. Ploys and strategies aren't. Take care. 9
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 18, 2017 Posted March 18, 2017 I met a guy in September on Tinder. On sight, I was very attracted to him. I think he felt the same. We went out for drinks about 4-5 times, kissed a bit, lots of sexual chemistry. By the 6th meet up we both were itching to bed each other. I'm not in love with him. However, I feel I need him to chase me more. He texts me like once a week and it's never been really deep. We are equally attractive people. We both are equally career mi deaf. I would like to get closer, but he's hesitatant. Any suggestions? Ok so you want to be closer but he text you once a week. Unfortunately being closer has to be agreed upon by the both of you. And since he only text you once a week I personally would assume he not trying to chase you or be closer and I wouldn't have any other expectations than what he showing you. I mean if that's not satisfying enough though I guess you could ask if y'all can get closer and see what happens. But I do feel like you already have your answer. Good luck though
stillafool Posted March 18, 2017 Posted March 18, 2017 You can't make someone chase you it has to be authentic. If he isn't chasing it's because he isn't interested enough. I agree it is best to tell him what you want and find out if you both are on the same page. 1
Author AT15 Posted March 19, 2017 Author Posted March 19, 2017 You can't make someone chase you it has to be authentic. If he isn't chasing it's because he isn't interested enough. I agree it is best to tell him what you want and find out if you both are on the same page. That's the weird thing. I've tried to cut him off twice. I actually ghosted him. But he keeps coming back???? It's like he doesn't want to let go, but he doesn't want to get closer. I'm not sure if I like him a lot, because I'm not close enough to see into him. And so, I try to move past him, and then he protests. I'm not in love, so it's easy to let go. He does travel a lot for work. He says starting in April, he will have more time.
Miss Spider Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 If you have to play games you've already lost. 5
Quiet Storms Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 I like Satu's response. Be authentic. Game-playing is fake and a huge turn-off. Be who you are, because later you won't be able to keep faking it. 2
SevenCity Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 So you are playing games and ghosted him twice and you wonder why he's not chasing more? Seems pretty clear to me. 2
TheTraveler Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 snip Be exactly the same person on the outside that you are on the inside. Authenticity is very sexy. Ploys and strategies aren't. Take care. I don't know who you are Satu, but you have a way with words :thumbsup: 3
OnlyHonesty Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 It's like he doesn't want to let go, but he doesn't want to get closer. Common sign of emotional unavailability. You are probably wasting your time. Take note of the patterns, it will be the same each time. You show interest, he doesn't, you don't show interest, he does....sound familiar? 4
Author AT15 Posted March 19, 2017 Author Posted March 19, 2017 Common sign of emotional unavailability. You are probably wasting your time. Take note of the patterns, it will be the same each time. You show interest, he doesn't, you don't show interest, he does....sound familiar? That's what I was thinking. Emotionally unavailable.
Miss Spider Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 (edited) So you are playing games and ghosted him twice and you wonder why he's not chasing more? Seems pretty clear to me. I think she ghosted because she was tired of being strung along/not being shown enouhh interest but the guy keeps coming wheh he's got nothing else going on or curious what happened But idk Edited March 19, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1
Author AT15 Posted March 19, 2017 Author Posted March 19, 2017 I think she ghosted because she was tired of being strung along/not being shown enouhh interest but the guy keeps coming wheh he's got nothing else going on or curious what happened But idk The thing is on paper he's what I'm looking for. Sexy, great career, money in the bank, fun to chill with...but I need him to open up. Maybe, I've seen all he has. Maybe he just wants the goods. I think he just wants the goods. And that's fine, but I get bored with just that. So, I tried moving along. I'm just going to tell him I'm too busy to hang out. 1
smackie9 Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 He's good looking, good career, fun , chill......he's got other women on the burner. 3
GoldSparkz Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 If he was as into you as you are him, he would be texting you more than just once a week. Like Smackie says, with all of his attributes, he is most likely juggling multiple women who are just as interests in him as you are. These women will be offering sex and all sorts in order to bag him, so you need to be one step ahead. I wouldn't necessarily rule him out. Just be smart, pull back and get on with your life. Show him that you're interested but at the same time, you're independent and don't need to run after him (like I suspect the other women are doing). Definitely don't have sex with him. Make yourself stand out from the fierce competition. 2
coolheadal Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 That's the weird thing. I've tried to cut him off twice. I actually ghosted him. But he keeps coming back???? It's like he doesn't want to let go, but he doesn't want to get closer. I'm not sure if I like him a lot, because I'm not close enough to see into him. And so, I try to move past him, and then he protests. I'm not in love, so it's easy to let go. He does travel a lot for work. He says starting in April, he will have more time. Your not serious about this you're just playing the old flirting, teasing games. Tinder is just not for the serious type of gal. If you want more than tell this guy in person and stop hiding behind the keys of text. I don't get how you all enjoy the hunt of the game of hidden desires of so call relationships that are more casual not intense. He has more women to see and you still wait for him. Don't you get why would you want a guy like this.. You can do better than him!
act00 Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 For whatever reason, he's not pursuing you in a long-term, future together capacity, and for that, perhaps it's time to straight out tell him that you are looking for a serious relationship, and he is not, so it's time to part ways. He looks good on paper. You got along great, but he's not advancing into something deeper. He's unavailable when you're "together," then pursues you when you drop the rope. For whatever reason, whether he is seeing other women or is just busy with his job and his life, you're not the one he wants to incorporate into his life. He seems to want to keep you on the back burner, when he doesn't have other things to do. Rather than playing this ghosting/available game, just flat out tell him that this isn't working out. By your original post, I'm having a hard time determining if this is someone you'd like to see play out in the long-term. You obviously want more, of which he is not giving up. He may have other women he's seeing. He may be busy with his life and his job, and isn't fully ready to blend you into it (fear, bad past, etc.). He is largely unavailable right now, that we know. Your choices are: -Completely make a break and tell him this just isn't working for you, as you are seeking long-term and he doesn't seem invested in you the same way. -Continue seeing him when he comes sniffing around and see if things progress. If you choose the second option, maintain "mental distance" unless he really starts incorporating you into his life. This is hard because it seems they're interested, and then they pull away, drop off. It's either going to move forward or it's not, and I think that if he is texting you when you go silent, but he doesn't actually go out with you or open up and start blending you in with his life, it's a lost cause. He has other things going on, and it isn't necessarily other women, but it most definitely is he's not that into you. It stings, but that's dating.
Author AT15 Posted March 19, 2017 Author Posted March 19, 2017 For whatever reason, he's not pursuing you in a long-term, future together capacity, and for that, perhaps it's time to straight out tell him that you are looking for a serious relationship, and he is not, so it's time to part ways. He looks good on paper. You got along great, but he's not advancing into something deeper. He's unavailable when you're "together," then pursues you when you drop the rope. For whatever reason, whether he is seeing other women or is just busy with his job and his life, you're not the one he wants to incorporate into his life. He seems to want to keep you on the back burner, when he doesn't have other things to do. Rather than playing this ghosting/available game, just flat out tell him that this isn't working out. By your original post, I'm having a hard time determining if this is someone you'd like to see play out in the long-term. You obviously want more, of which he is not giving up. He may have other women he's seeing. He may be busy with his life and his job, and isn't fully ready to blend you into it (fear, bad past, etc.). He is largely unavailable right now, that we know. Your choices are: -Completely make a break and tell him this just isn't working for you, as you are seeking long-term and he doesn't seem invested in you the same way. -Continue seeing him when he comes sniffing around and see if things progress. If you choose the second option, maintain "mental distance" unless he really starts incorporating you into his life. This is hard because it seems they're interested, and then they pull away, drop off. It's either going to move forward or it's not, and I think that if he is texting you when you go silent, but he doesn't actually go out with you or open up and start blending you in with his life, it's a lost cause. He has other things going on, and it isn't necessarily other women, but it most definitely is he's not that into you. It stings, but that's dating. Him not being into me doesn't sting. I'm not in love. I've got plenty options. It's just, I don't know, very slow moving. Like last time we were together he wanted to cuddle, but I was uncomfortable because my heart wasn't open like that. For it to be open, he has to be open with me. He's not open with me. He's said, when I finish up the season, I'll have more time for you. But, that's bs. He could text more than once a week on the road. He often does text while on the road, then again when he returns.
curlygirl40 Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 This one is pretty easy. You say something like 'I have had a really great time getting to know you and I really like the time we have spent together, but I'm actually looking for something that will grow into a committed relationship. I'm going to go find that now. Good luck to you' And go find what you're looking for. You can't 'win' this one. For whatever reason. You've given it enough time. Of course when you 'ghost' him he comes back around. Because you've made it easy for him to do so without really asking for anything out of him. Your needs aren't being met. His are. Best of luck 2
stillafool Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 Him not being into me doesn't sting. I'm not in love. I've got plenty options. It's just, I don't know, very slow moving. Like last time we were together he wanted to cuddle, but I was uncomfortable because my heart wasn't open like that. For it to be open, he has to be open with me. He's not open with me. He's said, when I finish up the season, I'll have more time for you. But, that's bs. He could text more than once a week on the road. He often does text while on the road, then again when he returns. If you aren't in love and have plenty of options why spend time trying to "win some game" with this guy? If he is moving slow then just move on to one of your other options.
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