nonchalante Posted March 18, 2017 Posted March 18, 2017 Hi everyone, Was wondering if I could get a bit of insight on my situation - it is a bit complicated. About 3 years ago I met a guy at a dinner in Australia (I live in Canada), after which he added me on Facebook. We talked casually for a couple of months online as I had gone back to Canada, but we both got pretty busy with our separate lives and so things did not go anywhere at the time. In October, he messaged me saying happy birthday and since then we began talking again - this time on serious terms - as we were both looking to settle down. Now, we both come from cultures where family consent is very important to the both of us - so we knew things would not move forward until we both met in person again as well as our families. So in mid - February, we both went back to our hometowns in South Asia to meet up and to introduce our families to each other. Our meetings went very well, we both hit it off and families seemed to have liked each other too. Now, I'm back in Canada and he's back in Australia. My family has no problem with my relationship and us moving forward - so things on my side are very positive. So about a week ago, I asked him what his family thought of everything. He said everything seemed to have gone well - however, he was going to call his mom again to talk about us as there had been no communication ever since he went back to Aus. So he called his mom, and inquired about us to which his mom said she wasn't too sure and she and his dad were still 'thinking'. This angered him, and he didn't get what they were still 'thinking' about - he liked me, and wanted to move forward. His mom then changed the topic and they both got in an argument. (I do not know details of the argument - this is all he has told me about their discussion) Ever since then, he has been acting extremely depressed. The distance certainly does not help, and our texts/phone calls are not helping the situation. He has been really stressed out, texting less frequently, telling me things like how he's so upset that his parents did not give him a proper answer, he isn't eating well and constantly seems annoyed. I told him I was okay with waiting a bit, and maybe we should just give things time. However, it seems like he has lost all hope, and I am constantly trying to get him to tell me how he's feeling but he just isn't saying much. I don't know where I stand, or what I should be doing at this point. I feel like I am making more effort to talk and inquire about how he's feeling (even tho I am feeling quite crappy myself!) How do I know he's actually depressed and not distancing himself from me? I'm just part of this waiting game without knowing what's going on with him and his family. And for those that are wondering... yes, family consent is very important for the both of us. Unfortunately, if his parents say 'no' officially - it will be the end of this, but I don't know where I stand at the moment, and what I should be saying/doing to help him. Thank you!
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 18, 2017 Posted March 18, 2017 Hi everyone, Was wondering if I could get a bit of insight on my situation - it is a bit complicated. About 3 years ago I met a guy at a dinner in Australia (I live in Canada), after which he added me on Facebook. We talked casually for a couple of months online as I had gone back to Canada, but we both got pretty busy with our separate lives and so things did not go anywhere at the time. In October, he messaged me saying happy birthday and since then we began talking again - this time on serious terms - as we were both looking to settle down. Now, we both come from cultures where family consent is very important to the both of us - so we knew things would not move forward until we both met in person again as well as our families. So in mid - February, we both went back to our hometowns in South Asia to meet up and to introduce our families to each other. Our meetings went very well, we both hit it off and families seemed to have liked each other too. Now, I'm back in Canada and he's back in Australia. My family has no problem with my relationship and us moving forward - so things on my side are very positive. So about a week ago, I asked him what his family thought of everything. He said everything seemed to have gone well - however, he was going to call his mom again to talk about us as there had been no communication ever since he went back to Aus. So he called his mom, and inquired about us to which his mom said she wasn't too sure and she and his dad were still 'thinking'. This angered him, and he didn't get what they were still 'thinking' about - he liked me, and wanted to move forward. His mom then changed the topic and they both got in an argument. (I do not know details of the argument - this is all he has told me about their discussion) Ever since then, he has been acting extremely depressed. The distance certainly does not help, and our texts/phone calls are not helping the situation. He has been really stressed out, texting less frequently, telling me things like how he's so upset that his parents did not give him a proper answer, he isn't eating well and constantly seems annoyed. I told him I was okay with waiting a bit, and maybe we should just give things time. However, it seems like he has lost all hope, and I am constantly trying to get him to tell me how he's feeling but he just isn't saying much. I don't know where I stand, or what I should be doing at this point. I feel like I am making more effort to talk and inquire about how he's feeling (even tho I am feeling quite crappy myself!) How do I know he's actually depressed and not distancing himself from me? I'm just part of this waiting game without knowing what's going on with him and his family. And for those that are wondering... yes, family consent is very important for the both of us. Unfortunately, if his parents say 'no' officially - it will be the end of this, but I don't know where I stand at the moment, and what I should be saying/doing to help him. Thank you! in sorry to hear you guys having a hard time. If I were you I would have a wait and see attitude and remain positive when you interact with him. Don't push to see how he is feeling. Let him talk about it to you. Since it's out of your hands anyway might as well remain positive when you do talk to him. If your pretty chill and positive and not pushing him to share his feelings it may make him feel comfortable to talk to you eventually. But I would just keep observing. If you remain pretty chill and yet he begins to pull away more your going to have to eventually evaluate and see if it's worth holding on. Good luck!
Imajerk17 Posted March 18, 2017 Posted March 18, 2017 So, you're now in Canada, he is in Australia, thus my first question (and surely on the minds of your families) is, where would you both live?
enddeck Posted March 18, 2017 Posted March 18, 2017 It seems to me that he has allready started pulling away from you but hasn't the courage to tell you.I can't say I agree with the culture of parents having the final say in their children's marriage choice,it seems a small step away from arranged marriages to me.His parents have made it clear that they don't see you as suitable marriage material for their son and he will accept their decision,you will not change their minds.I would start to ease off on messaging him and see does he react,if he doesn't then you have your answer.
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