Biatch

[Jolene]

We've all heard that euphemysm "blood is thicker than water".

 

My bf's sister is weird and I get uncomfortable vibes from her....like she is better, you know. I mean, she's not hurting for money and it shows in a lot of ways, but it's her husband's family's money. I don't think I like her very much. For instance, both her kids are quite young and have so many expensive toys that you either give her money or a new fancy outfit when birthdays or x-mas comes for the kids. She is the type of person that will holler at or berate her husband at a family gathering or point out to whoever she thinks cares that "that awful processed orange cheese in the macaroni" is so much worse than the white kind. Like, as if she was never a kid and ate Kraft Dinner or went to McDs. Right!! She is not a princess and never was....so what's with the attitude!!!!!

 

I like her less and less all the time.

 

My bf is quite close to her, naturally. She is the beneficiary to his estate until we get married, bla bla bla.

 

The thing is, how do I make sure she does not interfere in our marriage with her snooty opinions and telling him how he should do things. I suspect she may have an affect on his decisions....I already know this, because she's picked out the colours of the paint, floors and kitchen cabinets in his house before I came along. Any of the issues he's had in the past with me (very few) have been about my son and didn't sound like his own words...he has no kids of his own. I said I wasn't sure where he was getting his sudden pointers from, but that he'd better get on the same page with me real quick or we're gonna have problems.

 

I want to make sure she is out of the picture in that capacity as it will be my opinion that matters in the future. She may not go gently into that cold night.

 

Anybody had a similar experience. I mean, what do you do with a biatch in-law?????

[lindya]

This woman sounds a bit of what we in the UK like to call a "chav". Google the word, and tell me if I'm right. There are different breeds of chav, and this one would perhaps fall into the category of "chav who doesn't know she's one". Going to a party and thinking it's classy to insult the food your host has been thoughtful enough to provide is an example of this latter category.

 

Before you even consider confronting her, you need to be clear in your mind about which of your particular buttons she's pressing. Does she inspire envy in you? If so, she'll hone in on that like a bloodhound and make it her business to fan the flames every time the two of you meet. Are you concerned about the level of influence she exerts over your bf? If so, and she gets wind of it, she'll shift the attempts to influence him up a gear.

 

There's no set way of dealing with this, because what works for one personality may not be right for you. Broadly though, you need to be able to assert yourself calmly - whilst bearing in mind that she's an important figure in your boyfriend's life, and it's natural for her to have some protective feelings towards him.

 

You can't change the snotty aspects of her personality, so you need to somehow build up a certain amount of tolerance to them. Prospective marriage or not, you can't expect to eliminate family members from your bf's life. If you try, then you'll be building up a whole set of problems...not to mention an irate team of people who will be constantly rooting for your marriage to fail.

[Jolene]

Yes! Chavette alert!

 

Actually, when making the statement about the white cheese, she was referring to her own choice of menu item, which I so wanted to point out as the big oxymoron of the day.

 

Good, great advice! I know my boyfriend and trust me....any attempts to highlight her less than fine chav qualities, and he's going to get that frown. I so love him and don't want to let her come between us.

 

okay, so I'll find a more contructive way to deal with it....like ummmmm, spending less time around her.

 

When I do have to spend time around her, I will be all smiles, cause man oh man does he love me! At the end of the day, if I play my cards right, his world is my world of happiness and contentment.

 

But I still can't stand her. By the way, here in Canada we call her trailer trash! She is so lucky her husband's parents are loaded and she has two kids with him, cause without him she is what she is. No, I'm not envious (well maybe a tiny bit to be human), and I wouldn't trade all the money in the world for my hunny! I love my bf even if he won't be able to afford a mini-mansion and macaroni with white cheese. What an idiot!!!!

[Opium]

You can just simply tell her "this is my marriage butt out".

 

End of story.

[Jolene]

When and if it comes down to the wire, I will definitely do this!

 

I so believe in being the better person, but it's my life, too. She has her own husband to torment, right? Poor guy

[relativity]

The 1st thing a contorl freak wants to do is drive a wedge between their spouse and his/her family.

Have you looked at your own motives?

[Jolene]

Anyway, I think I said I firmly believe in being the better person.

 

There's nothing wrong with having your guard up against being a doormat! That's all. My life is very important to me and I want my marriage to be as smooth running as possible.

 

I appreciate your suggestion, and I am prepared to dance around the subject with him and with her for the rest of my life. It just gets tiring!

 

Based on my past experience, by the way, someone who is afraid of letting a woman have any control is afraid of commitment. My guy is reasonable and will hear both sides and not see it as me grappling for control. Thank God he's not frustrating like that.

 

Besides, my boss is a lawyer and laughs when he points out that his wife is a control freak. They've been together since highschool and love each other dearly.

 

I guess your girlfriend is a doormat? Have you investigated that?