fooloflove Posted March 18, 2017 Posted March 18, 2017 Things went wrong, me and my boyfriend had some arguments, i felt that he dont love me as much anymore, and he has changed, i do understand how people will change before and after a r/s, i accept him as his true self. But sometimes when he is being so passive about stuff that are important for us, i feel that i'm not as important, i recently asked him to move to my city to work and live together, but he doesnt' want to and said he hates the place, is it hard to endure a place where u can be with the one u love? For me if i can choose to be with the one i love, i dont care where i will be The future is a serious topic as i think every couple has to be serious about, but he is not giving me a clear answer about how our future lies. ( not the 1st time we argued, we will argue whenever we discuss about future plans, as he is in a LDR with me). So i was upset and i said i think we need a break , and he didnt even text me for the whole day i mean yes, i said i need a break, so u just stop texting me? is it normal?
d0nnivain Posted March 18, 2017 Posted March 18, 2017 You asked for a break. He went silent. He followed your instructions. You don't get to be mad at him for that. Fair warning: Breaks don't help. They make everything worse. If you are going to fix a relationship you have to work together. Spending time on a break convinces one person that they don't need this relationship. If he doesn't want to move to you, what is the plan to end the LDR? If you can't close the gap, what is the point of continuing the relationship? 1
Author fooloflove Posted March 18, 2017 Author Posted March 18, 2017 He is currently looking for jobs in my city, but it takes time, i therefore said that i could go over but he is trying to move out and if i move to his city, he will not like it because he is bored of his city....
Author fooloflove Posted March 18, 2017 Author Posted March 18, 2017 You asked for a break. He went silent. He followed your instructions. You don't get to be mad at him for that. Fair warning: Breaks don't help. They make everything worse. If you are going to fix a relationship you have to work together. Spending time on a break convinces one person that they don't need this relationship. If he doesn't want to move to you, what is the plan to end the LDR? If you can't close the gap, what is the point of continuing the relationship? He changed back to his own picture instead of our selfie, what does it mean?
GemmaUK Posted March 18, 2017 Posted March 18, 2017 He changed back to his own picture instead of our selfie, what does it mean? That he listened to you and is having the break you requested. Same as with not being in contact. 2
Arieswoman Posted March 18, 2017 Posted March 18, 2017 fooloflove, Well you can call me a BOF because I am over 50 (boring old f@rt) but I just don't understand all this cr@p about "going on a break". If you want to be with someone you do. If you don't you don't. Either you want to be with each other or you don't. If you do then you sort it out. If you can't then you part company. d0nnivain nails it here; If he doesn't want to move to you, what is the plan to end the LDR? If you can't close the gap, what is the point of continuing the relationship? Sorry this is not working out for you. x 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 18, 2017 Posted March 18, 2017 Things went wrong, me and my boyfriend had some arguments, i felt that he dont love me as much anymore, and he has changed, i do understand how people will change before and after a r/s, i accept him as his true self. But sometimes when he is being so passive about stuff that are important for us, i feel that i'm not as important, i recently asked him to move to my city to work and live together, but he doesnt' want to and said he hates the place, is it hard to endure a place where u can be with the one u love? For me if i can choose to be with the one i love, i dont care where i will be The future is a serious topic as i think every couple has to be serious about, but he is not giving me a clear answer about how our future lies. ( not the 1st time we argued, we will argue whenever we discuss about future plans, as he is in a LDR with me). So i was upset and i said i think we need a break , and he didnt even text me for the whole day i mean yes, i said i need a break, so u just stop texting me? is it normal? he doesn't want to move where you are and he doesn't want to live with you. you got your answer atleast in this regard. Now You broke up with him. He doesn't have to continue texting you. Stand by your actions and move on and find someone who does want ltr with you and leave him alone because it's not what he wants with you.
Author fooloflove Posted March 18, 2017 Author Posted March 18, 2017 he doesn't want to move where you are and he doesn't want to live with you. you got your answer atleast in this regard. Now You broke up with him. He doesn't have to continue texting you. Stand by your actions and move on and find someone who does want ltr with you and leave him alone because it's not what he wants with you. We are just on a break, not breaking up..
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 18, 2017 Posted March 18, 2017 We are just on a break, not breaking up.. What does that even mean 3
Author fooloflove Posted March 18, 2017 Author Posted March 18, 2017 Becase we were having differences in the arguments, and i was mad and so,i wanted some time off and stop talking about it and we will discuss it when we both are not in our worst kind of mode.. it's like a break.. until we are ready to talk about it, and we solve the problem.
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 18, 2017 Posted March 18, 2017 Let me get this straight. You say let's take a time out and give each other space. We still together but let's stop and evaluate where we at. I am only guessing that s the difference between taking a break and breaking up. If I am right in that assumption you say take a break but you mad at him for actually taking a break? Because not texting you is him taking some space from you. And you mad? So was the break only for you? Or was the break trying to get him to getting his act together and it backfired? What exactly was your true motivation of said break?
Author fooloflove Posted March 18, 2017 Author Posted March 18, 2017 Let me get this straight. You say let's take a time out and give each other space. We still together but let's stop and evaluate where we at. I am only guessing that s the difference between taking a break and breaking up. If I am right in that assumption you say take a break but you mad at him for actually taking a break? Because not texting you is him taking some space from you. And you mad? So was the break only for you? Or was the break trying to get him to getting his act together and it backfired? What exactly was your true motivation of said break? I asked for the break, but he said like yeah i do think u need a break, so i figured the break is for me.. to clear my head and talk about it when i'm in my rational mode
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 18, 2017 Posted March 18, 2017 I asked for the break, but he said like yeah i do think u need a break, so i figured the break is for me.. to clear my head and talk about it when i'm in my rational mode Forgive me but your being a bit childish to think that you can take a break from him without him doing the same to you. You thought you can go back to him when your ready and he still be there. You should be very careful using terms like break to think it would only serve your purposes. Look he agreed to this break. Cause it takes a break from you. I don't know you and I don't know your guy but I really don't think he is down for this ltr. 1
d0nnivain Posted March 18, 2017 Posted March 18, 2017 We are just on a break, not breaking up.. They are the same thing. You think they are different. You want some sort of a time out. Doesn't exist. You are either together or you are broken up. 1
KBob Posted March 18, 2017 Posted March 18, 2017 It seems like you made this decision unilaterally. He's simply going along with it and not allowing himself to play the chase game. My suggestion is you apologize and end this break, because he's most likely going to check out during this time and your break is definitely going to turn permanent. I must say, if he doesn't want you to move to his city and he doesn't want to move to yours because "they're boring", and isn't providing an alternative, I'd say your relationship is finished anyhow.
Author fooloflove Posted March 19, 2017 Author Posted March 19, 2017 They are the same thing. You think they are different. You want some sort of a time out. Doesn't exist. You are either together or you are broken up. I sorted things out with him and i do realised i'm too irrational, and now he says he needs a break instead, i asked if he still wants us, he cant answer and stayed silence.. i texted him a bit and he's not replying, he said i'm a total different person before and before we're together..
Author fooloflove Posted March 19, 2017 Author Posted March 19, 2017 It seems like you made this decision unilaterally. He's simply going along with it and not allowing himself to play the chase game. My suggestion is you apologize and end this break, because he's most likely going to check out during this time and your break is definitely going to turn permanent. I must say, if he doesn't want you to move to his city and he doesn't want to move to yours because "they're boring", and isn't providing an alternative, I'd say your relationship is finished anyhow. i talked things out and understand how in his point of view, i am forcing him to do stuff that he's not willing.. i do understand and i want to have a chance to prove.. i dont really have the guts to message himanymore because he says he need a break to think about things but he said we're still together..
Miss Spider Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 (edited) i talked things out and understand how in his point of view, i am forcing him to do stuff that he's not willing.. i do understand and i want to have a chance to prove.. i dont really have the guts to message himanymore because he says he need a break to think about things but he said we're still together.. That's the thing...Trying to prove that you've changed when someone's checked out already is really anxiety inducing and doesn't really work. Literally nothing positive you can say right now will change his mind... You don't have to go full NC, I understand you want an opportunity to "prove" the rship can work, but at least give space.... It's counterintuitive because you're thinking if 'I leave him alone, he'll forget about me and move on' but if you and your relationship meant anything to him, he wouldn't do that. He is fed up with things now. You are associated with drama at the moment. It's very hard to talk your way out of that and if you try you might make it worse = needy = drama Edited March 19, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1
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