Very little to no affection

[GoldSparkz]

Its great that you were able to talk things over and get clarity from him. I find that its often when you take your first holiday together that you realise whether you're compatible or not.

 

For me, showing affection and having it reciprocated is a fundamental part of the relationship, so if they guy isn't affectionate then I can't be with him. There is nothing worse than sleeping in the same bed and the guy sleeping as far away as possible...as if you've got some contagious disease or something. You feel unattractive and insecure.

[Miss Spider]

^^ haha really? I guess it really just is different preferences.

 

I cannot sleep close to someone! I love cuddles, and I don't mind cuddling them to sleep, but when it's time for me to sleep get your azz wayyyy over there!

 

This one dude would sleep clung to me like a sloth..it was really sweaty and hot and every time he dozed off and I got away for a few minutes he would pull me back into a chokehold.

 

That's an extreme but I sleep best when there's plenty of space between us.

[Els]

How long have the two of you been together?

 

Unless it's an extremely new relationship, like only a few dates in (in which case I would wonder why take an overnight trip together?)... I can't wrap my head around this. Sleep, okay, I can understand. Some people just need their space to get good sleep. But that doesn't preclude them from cuddling BEFORE sleep. And no holding hands, no other forms of affection at other times... it would feel more like a platonic friendship to me, honestly.

 

If it was just one or two things (say, he doesn't do PDA much, but makes up for it in private), it could potentially be worked on. But this just seems like a huge mismatch or lack of interest all around.

 

Also, I don't think him paying for dates necessarily makes up for it or is mutually exclusive with showing physical affection, especially in private.

[BluEyeL]

I don't know how long you two have been dating , it would be relevant to know. Are you an official boyfriend/girlfriend couple?

 

My ex husband was very over the top with affection and words. I think that's why our relationship lasted 19 years and the marriage 14 years because in the end he was a pretty bad husband and father and nkt a good person, emotionally abusive and even physically abusive with our son. But at the end of the day no matter what he did he would be so affectionate that I would forgive everything every time and the marriage lasted way over the expiration date. So a lot of verbal and physical affection goes a long way for many women but it doesn't always mean the relationship is great.

 

My current partner is in some way like yours , i.e. less affectionate and I have to admit I do have a problem with it. But even my SO is more affectionate tha. What you're describing . He would cuddle st night justnit as much as I want and nkt give me massages every night like my ex. He says I love you and kisses me just not as often as I want, but he does. On our first trip together like yours we had sex twice a day or even more , since the relationship was about 7months old. He is more of the silent type and yes he does use money to show he cares.

 

I figure on my side there is not much I can do than to accept this is who he is and appreciate what he does. Sometimes when I really want affection I use a bit of the push pull so I can get him to come forward. Other times I model what I want and he responds . But I don't expect he'll change. I am certain of his devotion though and know he loves me and shows it in many different ways.

 

I think you should think about the future and what you'd be able to live with. If the relationship is new it really should be more affection. Ours is 3 years and the beginning was way more than now , especially the verbal part. On the long run it's only going to go down for you. Can you imagine life with someone who is just a provider and doesn't find it important to show physical and verbal affection?

 

Like I said above a lot of affection is not necessarily crucial but you need to get what you can live or compromise with otherwise it'll be frustrating and depressing 5 years from now.

[Blanco]

It sounds mostly like a compatibility issue.

 

I never realized how much I enjoy the physical touch with a partner (not necessarily sexually) until I was with someone who was not like that after the post-honeymoon cool-down phase. I knew she found my physically attractive and the lack of affection stemmed from her upbringing, but it was still tough for me to work around.

 

Looking back, I think that put a strain on our relationship. I've never been one who needs constant verbal praise; in fact, it sometimes makes me uncomfortable, but being with someone who was both sparse of vocal appreciation AND physical touch made for a really frosty dynamic which I would often interpret as there being a problem. Usually, there wasn't and that's just how she conducts herself, but the combination was so jarring for me that it would manifest until there actually was conflict between us.

 

Through discussions, I learned that she grew up in a home where there wasn't a lot of verbal affection (i.e. "I love you") and little physical affection. To hear her tell it, most of her longer relationships took on the form of roommates/friends after the limerence died down. For some, that's all they really want in their romantic relationship: Someone around whose company enjoy with just enough intimacy sprinkled in to prevent the bond from becoming a platonic friendship. For others, that's a sort of hell and, I think, one of the reasons we see affairs.

 

The thing to remember is that just as affection may come easily to you, it comes just as unnaturally to people who have trouble showing it. It's actually a bit sad sometimes, because I think there's a part of these people that would like to engage on that deeper level. But it's such an unnatural, almost repugnant thing to put into practice for them.

[RecentChange]

Dating is an exercise to see if two people are compatible.

 

"Physical touch" is my number one love language. I NEED physical and sensual touch from my partner. If they are compatible with me, then yes, it should come naturally to them. If it's foreign, unnatural or otherwise uncomfortable for them to express affection through physical touch, well then they probably aren't a match for me.

 

So in that sense, I agree with sunshine.

 

Eh those things should come naturally...I really don't see the point in telling someone to "hug you more".

.

 

Now, for some people physical touch obviously is not their primary means of showing or perceiving affection, like Donnivain pointed out - but someone like Donnivain would never be a good match for me, and I wouldn't be a good match for her.

 

They don't come naturally to some people. My family is not touchy feely.

 

It took me a long time to be comfy with somebody in my space. Not everybody is tactile.

 

If you can't read your partner. If their body language leaves you feeling perplexed, like perhaps that they are annoyed with you - when in reality they are "just being themselves" - well perhaps this isn't a great match?

 

Will you be happy with limited shows of affection, limited physical touch? With expressing your love in a way that is perhaps counter intitive to you, but comfortable for him?

 

For me it would be a no - but perhaps this isn't as important to you as it is to me OP?

[Tressugar]

I love to be touched. I loved to be caressed by someone I like.

 

Ever since we returned from our vacation he has really stepped up with his communications to me. I think our time together has brought us closer.