swim808 Posted March 18, 2017 Posted March 18, 2017 So I’m on a semester abroad right now in Europe. Most of the time, I hang out with a pretty large circle of other international students (~30-40 people). A couple of weeks ago I started noticing this guy hanging out in the group who I thought was pretty cute. I’ve been too shy to go introduce myself so since we’ve been here we never really met formally. Until last night. My main group of friends and I went out to a bar for St. Patrick’s day and about an hour into it once I was already pretty tipsy him and his friends showed up. I was tipsy enough that I eventually just said screw it and went over to him and asked him what his name was. We chatted for a bit, then ended up dancing together, and it wasn’t long before we were kissing. We kissed probably three times on the dance floor, then left the bar in a group to go get something to eat where we chatted for a bit, then we kissed more in the car on the way home. I asked him to walk me to my room, which he did and he came in for a bit. Honestly, I wasn’t looking for that much but I did just want to makeout for a bit but he didn’t really make a move and I was too nervous to initiate anything especially since I wasn’t willing to go that far, so we ended up just chatting for about another half hour then he said bye and HUGGED me and left. I am severely insecure and this is where the problem always comes in for me when I kiss guys at bars. I’ve actually told myself before that I can’t do it anymore because I get too attached to people and kissing actually means a lot to me, but I had a lot to drink last night plus I had already had my eye on this guy so I did it anyway. Since we hang out in the same circle, I’m definitely gonna see him again and I don’t know how to act. I enjoyed hanging out with him last night and obviously find him attractive so I’d like to get to know him better…but I’m just terrified that he isn’t into me even though we kissed multiple times and he was not nearly as drunk as I was. I mean we were alone, in my room, sitting on my bed, and he didn’t even try anything at all. Yes, in the back of my mind of course I appreciate that and find it respectful that he didn’t just jump on top of me or anything like that especially since I had visibly had a bit too much to drink, but I mean a kiss goodnight or a little bit of cuddling at least seems like something he would’ve tried if he was into me. Also he has my facebook and everything (we added each other at the bar) and it’s not like I heard anything from him today. I know it was just a bar makeout and I shouldn’t expect anything out of it. I’m just wondering how I should act the next time I see him then? Obviously I like him…but I don’t want to embarrass myself by trying to go for it if he gave me enough signs that the night was meaningless to him. I recently came out of a situation where I got really, really hurt by being bold and just going after what I wanted so I’m not ready for that again. What do I do when I see him? Act the same as we always do and barely talk or try to flirt with him? Do you think a bar makeout ever means anything on any level? Like would a guy bother to kiss and spend some time with a girl he wasn't into at all if he was tipsy enough?
savvy2008 Posted March 18, 2017 Posted March 18, 2017 I think if you ignore him like usual, it's going to make him think that YOU were just looking for fun and weren't interested in him, you were just drunk. You don't have to be flirty to the point where it makes you uncomfortable but I would definitely start talking to him like he's part of your group.
basil67 Posted March 18, 2017 Posted March 18, 2017 Would a guy kiss a girl and spend time with her if he wasn't into her? Hell yes! And he doesn't need to be tipsy to do so. This was one of the first dating lessons I learned in my late teens back in the 1980's. I would snog a guy and think that it meant he really liked me and would want to date me. And I found out that this isn't the way it works the hard way. To be honest, I was mortified when I realised how wrong I'd gotten it. If you're interested in him, be friendly towards him. But if you don't want to be hurt, don't kiss him again unless he takes you on an actual date. 1
Simple Logic Posted March 18, 2017 Posted March 18, 2017 Next time you see him smile, walk up to him and start some small talk. Then kinda set back and determine if he has a romantic interest or is kicking himself in the butt for not trying to get in your pants the first night. 1
d0nnivain Posted March 18, 2017 Posted March 18, 2017 You act confident & a little flirty. You also stop drinking the minute you see him so that you can judge how things are sober. If you enjoyed what happened, own it. Don't be ashamed & start skulking around. Do not say things like I'm sorry or I never do that or I was drunk. All of those make you come across like someone to can't handle her alcohol & then makes promiscuous morally questionable choices under the influence. If you are bold enough, ask him to dance again. Make him realize that you are a catch. I've started more than 1 relationship from a drunken make out session in a bar. I have also been "let down gently" in the cold light of day. But even the guys who said no thank you were still cordial enough when I saw them again & they certainly didn't think less of me for one night of PG fun. 1
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