WTF just happened?!

[sweetjess1951]

Last Friday, I went out with some friends to watch a basketball gme. I met a guy at the bar we went to. He was super cute, sweet and fun. He stayed long after his friends had left and when I was getting ready to leave, he asked for my number. This guy had everything I wanted. The only thing was he was 5 years younger than me.

 

The next day, I went to a professional basketball game with some friends. I knew this guy was doing a st. Pattys day Bar crawl, so I didn't expect to hear from him. Low and behold, he texted a little later that night. I told him what bar I was at and he came. We made out most of the night, but that was it. The following day, he reached out to ask how I was feeling, which was sweet.

 

This past week, we texted, most initiated by him, but he never asked to hang out. Today, I was with my friends most of the time, but when him and I were texting, I told him he could meet up with us if he wanted, and he did.

 

The rest of the night was amazing, or so I thought. We went to a couple bars with my friends and his attention was on me the whole time. He opened doors for me, we joked and laughed, danced together, kissed. ALL my friends were talking about how great he was and was so into me. Never once did I bring up relationship talk. There were a few times he mentioned "a wife" or kids, but that's it.

 

So close to the end of the night, he seemed liked he was getting tired. I told him he could go home if he wanted, that it was totally fine. He asked me if I was sure and I said yea, no problem. He told me we could share and Uber and I responded it was fine and that I wasn't going to go home with him. He said he respected that and was just offering to share the Uber. I said it was ok, he could head out and then said if he wanted to go play ping pong tomorrow, to let me know (we had a friendly bet). He said he was probably going to stay on the couch all day and I responded that that was totally fine. No worries.

 

Then out of NO WHERE, he starts telling me how he wasn't sure he was ready/looking for something serious. My response was "well, I guess that's something you need to fire out" and he said "you're right. I do need to figure that out". I said yea, I'm kind of looking for a little more than that. And he again said "I need to figure that out". I cold shouldered him. He said have a good night and left.

 

Seriously. WTF?! I NEVER gave any sort of impression that I was trying to get married tomorrow. I was cool about EVERYTHING! He acted 1000% like he really liked me. There was nothing about his actions that would make you think he was using me. And then out of no where, basically ends it?! I feel

SO stupid

[KBob]

He said he's not looking for anything serious, which means he's just into casual dating and sex. You replied you weren't into that, so why continue things? You should be glad; he did the mature thing and backed off instead of playing you and eventually getting you in bed, which would have happened given how into him you were. Nothing wrong here IMO, just two people that wanted different things.

[Sweetfish]

Pick

Up

Artist

[CaliforniaGirl]

Honey...I think he was just trying to let you know he was looking for sex only. He started getting the hint that that wasn't what you wanted so he figured he'd take the plunge and just basically put it out there that he wasn't looking for a relationship just in case there was a chance you might sleep with him anyway. You two want two different things but it wasn't about what you did or didn't do. He was hitting on you hard looking for the sex and you misinterpreted that at first bit you couldn't have known until he tried to clarify.

 

Don't feel stupid...you two just want two different things.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Last Friday, I went out with some friends to watch a basketball gme. I met a guy at the bar we went to. He was super cute, sweet and fun. He stayed long after his friends had left and when I was getting ready to leave, he asked for my number. This guy had everything I wanted. The only thing was he was 5 years younger than me.

The next day, I went to a professional basketball game with some friends. I knew this guy was doing a st. Pattys day Bar crawl, so I didn't expect to hear from him. Low and behold, he texted a little later that night. I told him what bar I was at and he came. We made out most of the night, but that was it. The following day, he reached out to ask how I was feeling, which was sweet.

 

This past week, we texted, most initiated by him, but he never asked to hang out. Today, I was with my friends most of the time, but when him and I were texting, I told him he could meet up with us if he wanted, and he did.

 

The rest of the night was amazing, or so I thought. We went to a couple bars with my friends and his attention was on me the whole time. He opened doors for me, we joked and laughed, danced together, kissed. ALL my friends were talking about how great he was and was so into me. Never once did I bring up relationship talk. There were a few times he mentioned "a wife" or kids, but that's it.

 

So close to the end of the night, he seemed liked he was getting tired. I told him he could go home if he wanted, that it was totally fine. He asked me if I was sure and I said yea, no problem. He told me we could share and Uber and I responded it was fine and that I wasn't going to go home with him. He said he respected that and was just offering to share the Uber. I said it was ok, he could head out and then said if he wanted to go play ping pong tomorrow, to let me know (we had a friendly bet). He said he was probably going to stay on the couch all day and I responded that that was totally fine. No worries.

 

Then out of NO WHERE, he starts telling me how he wasn't sure he was ready/looking for something serious. My response was "well, I guess that's something you need to fire out" and he said "you're right. I do need to figure that out". I said yea, I'm kind of looking for a little more than that. And he again said "I need to figure that out". I cold shouldered him. He said have a good night and left.

 

Seriously. WTF?! I NEVER gave any sort of impression that I was trying to get married tomorrow. I was cool about EVERYTHING! He acted 1000% like he really liked me. There was nothing about his actions that would make you think he was using me. And then out of no where, basically ends it?! I feel

SO stupid

 

You thought we had 'everything' you wanted by a single encounter???! So, in other words, he was good looking...the only thing that matters to you?

 

He wanted a ONS. He was trying to play you and hoping that he could get that. If you had succumbed to sex, I guarantee he would have not come back into the picture.

[Erik30]

I get that it's disappointing but least he was honest. He didn't use you. You're just not looking for the same thing.

[GemmaUK]

His actions all spoke louder than words here.

 

He didn't see you as priority enough to take you on an actual date.

All he did was text for mid - evening meet ups probably because there was no girls interested in him where he was at the time - you were a safe bet for some kissing.

This is only one step away from the 'come over to mine' at midnight text because he didn't get lucky that night.

 

his actions have totally displayed from the first moment that he wasn't looking for anything serious and that you were an easy back up plan for a night out.

 

Just block him and move on.

[Curiousroxy86]

Last Friday, I went out with some friends to watch a basketball gme. I met a guy at the bar we went to. He was super cute, sweet and fun. He stayed long after his friends had left and when I was getting ready to leave, he asked for my number. This guy had everything I wanted. The only thing was he was 5 years younger than me.

 

The next day, I went to a professional basketball game with some friends. I knew this guy was doing a st. Pattys day Bar crawl, so I didn't expect to hear from him. Low and behold, he texted a little later that night. I told him what bar I was at and he came. We made out most of the night, but that was it. The following day, he reached out to ask how I was feeling, which was sweet.

 

This past week, we texted, most initiated by him, but he never asked to hang out. Today, I was with my friends most of the time, but when him and I were texting, I told him he could meet up with us if he wanted, and he did.

 

The rest of the night was amazing, or so I thought. We went to a couple bars with my friends and his attention was on me the whole time. He opened doors for me, we joked and laughed, danced together, kissed. ALL my friends were talking about how great he was and was so into me. Never once did I bring up relationship talk. There were a few times he mentioned "a wife" or kids, but that's it.

 

So close to the end of the night, he seemed liked he was getting tired. I told him he could go home if he wanted, that it was totally fine. He asked me if I was sure and I said yea, no problem. He told me we could share and Uber and I responded it was fine and that I wasn't going to go home with him. He said he respected that and was just offering to share the Uber. I said it was ok, he could head out and then said if he wanted to go play ping pong tomorrow, to let me know (we had a friendly bet). He said he was probably going to stay on the couch all day and I responded that that was totally fine. No worries.

 

Then out of NO WHERE, he starts telling me how he wasn't sure he was ready/looking for something serious. My response was "well, I guess that's something you need to fire out" and he said "you're right. I do need to figure that out". I said yea, I'm kind of looking for a little more than that. And he again said "I need to figure that out". I cold shouldered him. He said have a good night and left.

 

Seriously. WTF?! I NEVER gave any sort of impression that I was trying to get married tomorrow. I was cool about EVERYTHING! He acted 1000% like he really liked me. There was nothing about his actions that would make you think he was using me. And then out of no where, basically ends it?! I feel

SO stupid

 

 

you did nothing wrong. what happen was he was catching feels and he tried to resist them and was thinking out loud. when he was spending time with you...you felt girlfriend-ish instead of ho-ish. and he had to catch himself. don't take it personally. don't lose sleep over that lame.

[sweetjess1951]

Isn't that a lot of work to put in for just wanting sex? I've had my encounters with guys who just wanted to sleep with me, and none of them acted the way he did. For example, I was at a bar one night and started talking to a guy. We chatted for the whole night and when it was time to go, invited me back to his place. I declined but we exchanged numbers. I thought that was a good sign, until he never responded to my text.

 

This guy is pretty attractive. And he has his 'ish together. I wouldn't doubt that he has girls pursuing him. But, he came to meet up with me last Saturday night and never pressured me or suggested sex. Even when we were making out, I told him I wasn't going home with him. IMO, if that's all he wanted, he would have stopped right there. He wouldn't have reached out to me during the way, pretty much every day to see how my day was going. And even last night - he met up with me earlier in the night and had intended to only stop by for a drink. When we were together at the bar, he wasn't super handsy the way a guy is when he wants to just sleep with you. It felt very relationship-like. I personally thought he got freaked out.

 

But regardless of his intentions, I won't be entertaining that anymore.

[GemmaUK]

Isn't that a lot of work to put in for just wanting sex?

No, not really. It's just a case of where I am at isn't a good option but I have a potential option elsewhere so I'll text her if my night isn't turning out how I want.

 

But regardless of his intentions, I won't be entertaining that anymore.

Glad to hear it!

Value yourself!! He doesn't - or if by the slightest chance he does then he would be a seriously lazy boyfriend.

You're worth better than this.

[pogredad]

I think like the others that he was not looking for anything serious. I find that many people today are not looking for anything serious and just want to have fun. It has a little bit made you understand but I do not find it very correct.

[Sweetfish]

Isn't that a lot of work to put in for just wanting sex? I've had my encounters with guys who just wanted to sleep with me, and none of them acted the way he did. For example, I was at a bar one night and started talking to a guy. We chatted for the whole night and when it was time to go, invited me back to his place. I declined but we exchanged numbers. I thought that was a good sign, until he never responded to my text.

 

This guy is pretty attractive. And he has his 'ish together. I wouldn't doubt that he has girls pursuing him. But, he came to meet up with me last Saturday night and never pressured me or suggested sex. Even when we were making out, I told him I wasn't going home with him. IMO, if that's all he wanted, he would have stopped right there. He wouldn't have reached out to me during the way, pretty much every day to see how my day was going. And even last night - he met up with me earlier in the night and had intended to only stop by for a drink. When we were together at the bar, he wasn't super handsy the way a guy is when he wants to just sleep with you. It felt very relationship-like. I personally thought he got freaked out.

 

But regardless of his intentions, I won't be entertaining that anymore.

 

 

Sweetheart... he played you.

 

Every encounter with this guy was at a BAR.

You never went on a formal date.

He tried to spend as little monies as possible

He did the 3 tries your out rule.

He tried to share a ride with you... to get you in bed.

 

Btw.. If these guys are buying you drinks...they want sex.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Isn't that a lot of work to put in for just wanting sex? I've had my encounters with guys who just wanted to sleep with me, and none of them acted the way he did. For example, I was at a bar one night and started talking to a guy. We chatted for the whole night and when it was time to go, invited me back to his place. I declined but we exchanged numbers. I thought that was a good sign, until he never responded to my text.

 

This guy is pretty attractive. And he has his 'ish together. I wouldn't doubt that he has girls pursuing him. But, he came to meet up with me last Saturday night and never pressured me or suggested sex. Even when we were making out, I told him I wasn't going home with him. IMO, if that's all he wanted, he would have stopped right there. He wouldn't have reached out to me during the way, pretty much every day to see how my day was going. And even last night - he met up with me earlier in the night and had intended to only stop by for a drink. When we were together at the bar, he wasn't super handsy the way a guy is when he wants to just sleep with you. It felt very relationship-like. I personally thought he got freaked out.

 

But regardless of his intentions, I won't be entertaining that anymore.

 

He acted relationship-y because every guy even loosely acquainted with PUA knows establishing trust and hinting at a future (through words or in this case, actions) is the quickest route into a woman's pants.

 

Then when he disappears after the sex he isn't a bad guy because after all, he never said you were in a relationship, right? No promises were made.

 

As the first guy in your example showed, just literally asking to go home with the person isn't usually very successful unless the girl is extremely lonely, extremely horny or extremely drunk. So over time they move on to at least a little finesse, as your mates guy shows.

 

I'll bet this latest guy gets laid (and disappears) way more often than Guy One.