AnnieB Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 A few years ago I broke up with a man, who was reluctant to marry me. After I had already moved out, he indeed showed up with a ring, but it was too late for me. Whatever, my life is better now, I've been pretty much single and have focused on my career more than anything else. I am a codependent and have in the past relied way too much on my romantic relationship to give my life purpose. It was quite a change to woman up and actually draw the inspiration for my life from myself. I am still struggling with it. But I am so much better off. I do not regret the breakup either. I am happier even though I am lonely at times. Anyway, my question, after I broke up with said bf, a friend of mine was going through a divorce and I always had a bit if a crush on him, so he proposed to date and started pursuing me. It was all very flattering and sexy, for the first couple months until he started going cold on me (probably met and sexed other ladies). He has cheated on his wife in the past, so I knew what I was getting into, but loneliness and hormones and sex, and attraction got the best of me. He's basically stopped pursuing me, but keeps booty calling me and this has been going on for the last two years. I've only seen him 5 times after he went cold on me, every time the sex is decent, but I feel like total **** afterwards. I manage to stay away fro months. I saw him last week ,and before that it had been 9 months. He tricked me into seeing him last time, as I had already told him it was over, and I thought I was doing a great job ignoring him, and when I do that he goes into text and phone call tirades to win me over; I though I had the upper hand and was strong enough to see him, haha, silly me. Went to his place to talk, haha, and there he was all sexy buff in his boxers. He insists he likes me and will like me for the rest of his life, he is interested, but, when push comes to shove, all he wants is sex. And I am easy, when it comes to him. And I hurt. He hasn't texted me since, and I sure as hell will not text him. I really really do hope this is the last time I see him, but it is an addiction, and I know I am in charge of not ever seeing him again, and it is all up to me to block him and forget him. Yet I linger in there, like an idiot just to sabotage my self worth once again. If anybody has any advice I appreciate it.
smackie9 Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 Yes block/delete...............cut off the source. 6
Zahara Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 He tricked me into seeing him last time No one tricked you. Take responsibility for your choices. You wanted to go. Sometimes you need to get trampled on over and over again to finally learn. Then you'll be ready to block and move on. 9
carhill Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 Can't help on the self-esteem stuff since that takes personal work but the outside stuff, the guy, is easy. Change your phone number. Boom, gone. A lesser method I found works great with my cell provider is to put a block on any known numbers of problem humans. If one presents a problem, poof, gone. They're just another irrelevant human on the planet. Billions of them. What happens to them matters not. If you need help with the co-dependent thing, get with a professional and work that. They've got great tools to deal. It'll work out.
preraph Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 When something isn't working for you, try completely changing what you normally do. Do things differently and people will treat you differently.
act00 Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 I really have no advice, but I think a good strategy is to not go to his place or he to yours, because clothes have a habit of coming off, so if you cave and see him, see him in a public setting, drinks, dinner, movie...like a date, and do not go over to his place "just to talk." Of course the best strategy is to not respond to his texts or calls. Go nuclear and block him if you must. He will charm you; he always does, so if you cave in (when you cave in), then insist on drinks/coffee, enjoy the company, the kissing that will inevitably happen, but do not go to his place (clothes come off in private). Have your own transportation, and exit at the end of the evening; that is, if you don't have a car or drive, do not let him give you a ride. You might even plan something for later that you can't break and are obligated to do, or early the following morning, so you have to be home early. If he stops contacting you because you are no longer his booty call, great, and you got some dinner out of it. Seriously, the best strategy is to not see him in person at all. You know you'll cave, so avoid that temptation. You might cave and text/talk, but you really need to stop that too, because one thing leads to another.
rushed Posted March 18, 2017 Posted March 18, 2017 Date other guys. Once you finally meet a guy that genuinely likes you, you'll be like "What was I thinking with this other guy?!" When you're lonely it's hard to think straight and to stay away from temptation even when it's bad for you. I know - I've been there. Good luck! Try and be strong!
GoldSparkz Posted March 18, 2017 Posted March 18, 2017 Simple. Stop relying on sex to boost your self esteem. Too many women do this and consider themselves as 'empowered', but as long as the guy is getting sex, you are nothing but meat. You have more to contribute to society then just sex. If you like sex, then fine, get a vibrator! But stay away from men for the time being. Only focus on your happiness from now on and not someone else's. Don't let a guy come anywhere near you unless he proves that he is genuinely interested in you. Once you free yourself from the cycle, then your life will improve. And I say this without hating on men, in fact, the same goes for men. If we spent more time focussing on ourselves and our achievements instead of sex, we would be capable of so much more.
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 18, 2017 Posted March 18, 2017 A few years ago I broke up with a man, who was reluctant to marry me. After I had already moved out, he indeed showed up with a ring, but it was too late for me. Whatever, my life is better now, I've been pretty much single and have focused on my career more than anything else. I am a codependent and have in the past relied way too much on my romantic relationship to give my life purpose. It was quite a change to woman up and actually draw the inspiration for my life from myself. I am still struggling with it. But I am so much better off. I do not regret the breakup either. I am happier even though I am lonely at times. Anyway, my question, after I broke up with said bf, a friend of mine was going through a divorce and I always had a bit if a crush on him, so he proposed to date and started pursuing me. It was all very flattering and sexy, for the first couple months until he started going cold on me (probably met and sexed other ladies). He has cheated on his wife in the past, so I knew what I was getting into, but loneliness and hormones and sex, and attraction got the best of me. He's basically stopped pursuing me, but keeps booty calling me and this has been going on for the last two years. I've only seen him 5 times after he went cold on me, every time the sex is decent, but I feel like total **** afterwards. I manage to stay away fro months. I saw him last week ,and before that it had been 9 months. He tricked me into seeing him last time, as I had already told him it was over, and I thought I was doing a great job ignoring him, and when I do that he goes into text and phone call tirades to win me over; I though I had the upper hand and was strong enough to see him, haha, silly me. Went to his place to talk, haha, and there he was all sexy buff in his boxers. He insists he likes me and will like me for the rest of his life, he is interested, but, when push comes to shove, all he wants is sex. And I am easy, when it comes to him. And I hurt. He hasn't texted me since, and I sure as hell will not text him. I really really do hope this is the last time I see him, but it is an addiction, and I know I am in charge of not ever seeing him again, and it is all up to me to block him and forget him. Yet I linger in there, like an idiot just to sabotage my self worth once again. If anybody has any advice I appreciate it. I had someone that I love dearly but is not at all good for me darken my door step last night. so I know what you mean. You have to just block them. You know they are not good for you. reason you don't block them is because there is some hope that maybe just maybe they will get their act together and reach out to you in a way that you want them to. but if they do reach out to you...it will be that same bs you originally left them for lol. so block them no matter with what you think you want. block block block.
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