ascofield Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 Hello everyone, Long story short I moved in with my girlfriend 3 years ago, 280 miles away from my home and my family. She wanted to breakup just after this Christmas and overall I gladly accepted it because our relationship wasn't working at all in the last few months. Before I moved in with her, we had made an agreement that she w'd help to pay for my getting back my stuff and the moving out in case of a breakup because I was focused on my studies and that I was the one to leave behind my part-time job, my apartment and the capacity to see my family often (I could see them only once or twice a year since I lived with her). However, even though she decided for the breakup, she got very cold and agressive with me for no reason. One time, she called me for the organization of the moving out and she hid her number. She had to do it to try to hurt me because there is absolutely no other reason why she would hid her number. I never harrased her or anything else so hiding her number was a way for her to try to hurt me. She was also very aggressive on the phone and condescending. She did put money into the moving out but it's obvious that she only does it because we had an agreement, otherwise she would just tell me to get lost despite my sacrifices and despite the fact that I left a lot of things behind me so we could leave together. Since she works every 2 week-ends and she lives 280 miles away from my apartment, it's quite difficult to find people available to help me for the moving out, which will be on the next week-end, on march the 25th. I have 1 brother who works at night and another brother who celebrates the aniversary of his engagement with his wife on saturday night so he can't come with me on sunday early in the morning. Furthermore, in order to put obstacles on my way, my ex told me that if I came on sunday, it w'd be better if I came between 5pm and 6pm because she has to cook for her children. I have to make a very long and tiring 280 miles trip but she still has the guts to tell me that it w'd be better if I arrive between 5pm and 6pm, as if I lived 10 miles from her. There is many ways she could still give food to her children without putting a time limit on my moving out. I could also understand if I arrived at her apartment after 8pm or 9 pm but 6 pm is quite exagerated knowing the length of the trip. My point is that she does whatever she can to annoy me and to put obstacles on my way. Since I can only go with my mother (who is 61 years old) and my nephew (12 years old) my mother is worried that my ex might do anything to start a fight when we will arrive to get my stuff. She will be with her niece (23 years old) and the husband of her niece (24). I w'd like your opinion if you thought that it was safe for me to go without another man and if you have any advice on how to handle this situation. Thank you.
PegNosePete Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 What do you mean, safe...? Do you think she is a threat to your personal safety, like she's going to beat you up, or have someone else do it? What kind of things are we talking about here? A few books and photo albums, or furniture? If it's relatively small amount of stuff then just ask her to put it in some boxes so she can just hand it over the doorstep and you can be on your way in 5 minutes. If it's larger furniture items etc then you may need to stay overnight and you may need someone with you to help lift. Unfortunately your ex has taken the approach that your problems are not her concern, and there's really nothing you can do about that other than to accept her time-frames. Your other option would be to just abandon your stuff - but that depends what it's worth, or what its sentimental value is.
preraph Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 If this is stuff that she can box and ship, have her do that. If this is furniture, hire a mover to go with you. Maybe she will be too proud to argue in front of a stranger. If you have your own truck or trailer, just hire someone from the local employment commission or a student or something like that to go with you. Maybe if you hired a neighbor's teenage boy, she'd be civil so as not to scare him.
d0nnivain Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 I agree. Spend the money for professional movers. Leave the 12 year old at home unless there is nobody to watch him. Your mom is 61 not 91. Show up when the movers are available. Be done with this. 1
Author ascofield Posted March 17, 2017 Author Posted March 17, 2017 What do you mean, safe...? Do you think she is a threat to your personal safety, like she's going to beat you up, or have someone else do it? What kind of things are we talking about here? A few books and photo albums, or furniture? If it's relatively small amount of stuff then just ask her to put it in some boxes so she can just hand it over the doorstep and you can be on your way in 5 minutes. If it's larger furniture items etc then you may need to stay overnight and you may need someone with you to help lift. Unfortunately your ex has taken the approach that your problems are not her concern, and there's really nothing you can do about that other than to accept her time-frames. Your other option would be to just abandon your stuff - but that depends what it's worth, or what its sentimental value is. I mean like she's going to beat me up and I'm very scared The loading of the truck will take about 40 to 60 minutes but that's not the issue. The issue is since she went out of her way to be disrespectful and even aggressive since the breakup, I wonder if it's possible that she will start fights and arguments with the husband of her niece for instance or even other male friends. I didn't think about it but my mother is worrying about that so I began to ask myself if that was a possiblity. I know there's really nothing I can do about her time-frames, I just think it's another way of trying to annoy me because I know she has a lot of free time on sunday and, out of simple cordialty, she can easily organize her time in order to facilitate my moving out since I have a very long and tiring trip (2 x 7h 1/2). And there's absolutely no way I could abandon all my stuff. Not only there is almost all my stuff but also some things with very sentimental value
d0nnivain Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 Stop dancing to her tune. Tell her you will come on Sunday with the movers but you drive out Saturday. Stay in a hotel. Be well rested for Sunday. The drive back Sunday.
fromheart Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 Unfortunately its common for women to become aggressive to men they have dumped, which is another big reason to walk and not look back. If she's one of the growing numbers of violent women she's actually less likely to get violent with another woman around. Reason being, she knows that if its her word against a mans word to the police you'll be arrested on the spot, after she's beaten you. She'll claim it was self defense. With another women around, the police are less likely to believe your ex should she assault you and claim self defense. If she has assaulted you in the past and/or you feel your personal safety might be threatened notify the police straight away.
Author ascofield Posted March 17, 2017 Author Posted March 17, 2017 Unfortunately its common for women to become aggressive to men they have dumped, which is another big reason to walk and not look back. If she's one of the growing numbers of violent women she's actually less likely to get violent with another woman around. Reason being, she knows that if its her word against a mans word to the police you'll be arrested on the spot, after she's beaten you. She'll claim it was self defense. With another women around, the police are less likely to believe your ex should she assault you and claim self defense. If she has assaulted you in the past and/or you feel your personal safety might be threatened notify the police straight away. I agree with you about the fact that women are given huge favors in front of the law compared to men. However I'm not worried at all about her being violent lol. She has never been violent either. My sole concern is about her pushing the husband of her niece to be aggressive with me (since she was agressive herself right after the breakup) or even bringing some of her male friends to try to start a fight. Like I said, she kinda went out of her way to be aggressive towards me since the breakup while I've always tried to be polite and cordial.
Author ascofield Posted March 17, 2017 Author Posted March 17, 2017 Stop dancing to her tune. Tell her you will come on Sunday with the movers but you drive out Saturday. Stay in a hotel. Be well rested for Sunday. The drive back Sunday. I also think that I kept on dancing to her tune and she seems to enjoy that.
fromheart Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 I agree with you about the fact that women are given huge favors in front of the law compared to men. However I'm not worried at all about her being violent lol. She has never been violent either. My sole concern is about her pushing the husband of her niece to be aggressive with me (since she was agressive herself right after the breakup) or even bringing some of her male friends to try to start a fight. Like I said, she kinda went out of her way to be aggressive towards me since the breakup while I've always tried to be polite and cordial. Well, if shes going to get someone to fight you for her thats violent intention. I think you've had a huge stroke of luck getting this woman out of your life! Go down to get your stuff and if it looks like it'll get violent just call the cops. Don't stoop down to her level and get in a fight.
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