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How do I continue this "friendship" I have without ruining it and overthinking?

moonchild94

By moonchild94
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moonchild94 Established Member

moonchild94

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So first week we were supposed to meet he couldn't due to his moms surgery. This week I couldn't due to my work schedule and being too busy.

I told him I wouldn't be able to make it this weekend. He says it's ok. Maybe next weekend?

I said sure. He says maybe Thursday night or Friday and that we would figure it out. That this actually works best for him as well.

 

Im wondering why are we both dragging it out?

I know mine is because I'm tired and he's about 40 minutes away from me. I'm definitely interested but scared too. I'm wondering why on his part. He is in constant contact with me.. everyday. Says I'm really cool and that he's looking for something serious but not in a rush.

preraph Established Member

preraph

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I don't see why one or the other of you doesn't just say "Let's plan for Friday" and then stick to it. While his mom may well be sick, I've watched too many episodes of Catfish to not have radar pop up when there's a "tragic" excuse.

 

Have you Skyped or Facetimed or something to know he's the sex he says he is and the age and everything and to check for wedding rings??

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moonchild94 Established Member

moonchild94

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I don't see why one or the other of you doesn't just say "Let's plan for Friday" and then stick to it. While his mom may well be sick, I've watched too many episodes of Catfish to not have radar pop up when there's a "tragic" excuse.

 

Have you Skyped or Facetimed or something to know he's the sex he says he is and the age and everything and to check for wedding rings??

 

Hm. I've checked his Facebook. Didn't see any wedding rings.

He followed me on another social media site a few days ago.

Other than that no FaceTime or Skype yet .

Should I ask him if he wants to? If he says no he may be a catfish then?

Now that you mention it I've never talked on the phone.. only texting.

preraph Established Member

preraph

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Anyone can dummy up a Facebook page. You need to skype him before meeting and make sure you're not wasting your time. There are so many people out there just goofing off on the internet. He could be 8. He could be a 58-yr-old female. I mean, is there any reason you can't facetime or skype just briefly? He could certainly be married. I mean, he can still hide that on Skype so pay attention to where he is doing it from. If it's always from the office or car, he is avoiding doing it at home and having one of the kiddies jump into the lens.

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moonchild94 Established Member

moonchild94

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Anyone can dummy up a Facebook page. You need to skype him before meeting and make sure you're not wasting your time. There are so many people out there just goofing off on the internet. He could be 8. He could be a 58-yr-old female. I mean, is there any reason you can't facetime or skype just briefly? He could certainly be married. I mean, he can still hide that on Skype so pay attention to where he is doing it from. If it's always from the office or car, he is avoiding doing it at home and having one of the kiddies jump into the lens.

 

That's true but his Facebook looks pretty legit tbh.

Idk. Should I ask for his snapchat or to talk on the phone? We've just been texting but I'm slowly getting tired of the same thing over and over. Would it be weird to ask him for his other social media or talk on the phone or skype?

preraph Established Member

preraph

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I would say, "Hey, since we haven't been able to connect in person yet, you want to Skype or Facetime later?"

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moonchild94 Established Member

moonchild94

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So after 3 weeks of long texting I finally met with the guy.

We get along great as in we are very similar in thinking.

However our lifestyles are wayyy different.

He's 25 and I'm 22. I'm more ambitious/know what I want... he goes with the flow (from what I can tell)

It was just a hangout and it lasted 3 hours. We drank and ate food.

We laughed.. we talked about life and deep issues.

To be honest he was just a great to talk to and I didn't treat it as a date.

I split the bill.. I talked about my ex/family a little ( he asked ).. I just kept it casual. I felt it was good because I didn't try to be anything like I wasn't. I didnt rush it. I ate most of the food because I love eating.. He didn't seem to eat a lot though. He ate like a bird which I thought was weird because he smokes weed a lot?

He said we are very similar to each other.

We ended the hangout... I told him it was nice to meet him and he said the same and said something about maybe seeing eachother again .. I don't remember. Gave eachother a side hug and then left.

He texted me to drive safe... 2 hours later he asked if I got home.

 

I told him yes and thanked him for joining me and hoped he had a good time/lets do it again soon.

 

He replied definitely and then goodnight.

 

I haven't heard from him today. I'm a bit nervous because we've been texting eachother every single day for the past 3 weeks. I like him.. in a crush/friend way but I dont want to seem needy. Should I wait for him to message me? Were these good signs for hanging out?

TheTraveler Established Member

TheTraveler

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Send him a text?

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moonchild94 Established Member

moonchild94

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Send him a text?

 

I don't want to seem needy though?

Or too excited is the thing?

i want to take my time but I don't want to seem disinterested.

CaliforniaGirl Established Member

CaliforniaGirl

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I don't want to seem needy though?

Or too excited is the thing?

i want to take my time but I don't want to seem disinterested.

 

Ugh, I hate the whole texting game!

 

Because for all you know, he's playing a game waiting for you to text first.

 

But on the other hand, what if something went wrong...what if he's no longer interested...what if he met with a freak meat grinder accident and lost his hands so he's not able to text?

 

I HATE HATE this sort of crap...so if it were me I'd just send a "thanks for the date last night" text. I don't think that's needy. If HE thinks that's needy then he's certifiably insane and not somebody I want to be with anyway.

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moonchild94 Established Member

moonchild94

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Send him a text?

 

What if he wasn't as interested in the hangout as I was?

CaliforniaGirl Established Member

CaliforniaGirl

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What if he wasn't as interested in the hangout as I was?

 

 

I honestly don't see that there was any damage here. It's not like she texted him to say she had secretly always envisioned popping all the buttons off his shirt with her teeth or something. (Now THAT would have made an impact...)

 

She randomly texted him with a FB add request, like people do a gazillion times a day (not necessarily via text but it's the same idea) with a gazillion barely-acquaintances...I don't see any issue here that would have made her look bad...for all he knows she's just trying to up her FB friends count, which is a little juvenile but not beyond odd or anything...and I don't see her having humiliated herself with any admissions or anything. If it were me I would just forget it and not say another word.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Send him Happy St. Patrick's Day. That's hardly needy.

 

 

If you don't hear back you know he doesn't feel the same. If he replies you go forward. Even if he's not as invested as you are, better to know now then later.

 

 

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

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moonchild94 Established Member

moonchild94

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Ugh, I hate the whole texting game!

 

Because for all you know, he's playing a game waiting for you to text first.

 

But on the other hand, what if something went wrong...what if he's no longer interested...what if he met with a freak meat grinder accident and lost his hands so he's not able to text?

 

I HATE HATE this sort of crap...so if it were me I'd just send a "thanks for the date last night" text. I don't think that's needy. If HE thinks that's needy then he's certifiably insane and not somebody I want to be with anyway.

 

California girl I already sent him that text last night when I got home.

He just replied with definitely&goodnight. Yeah I don't want to play games since during our hangout he said his ex did a lot of that.

VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

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No don't text him... if he is interested he will come to you.

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moonchild94 Established Member

moonchild94

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Send him Happy St. Patrick's Day. That's hardly needy.

 

 

If you don't hear back you know he doesn't feel the same. If he replies you go forward. Even if he's not as invested as you are, better to know now then later.

 

 

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

 

Yeah, I guess I can send that. It's harmless.

Definitely, it's good to know now rather than later.

But about the food part.. isn't that weird?

He only knit picked his food. I ate most of all we ordered. He ate maybe 4 bites and that's it. But I know he likes to eat a lot...

maybe he ate before or maybe he wasn't into the hangout that he was thinking let's box it up and go? He did look at the time at one point during it. But he said time flies by when you're having fun.?

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moonchild94 Established Member

moonchild94

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No don't text him... if he is interested he will come to you.

 

He always texts me first. Out of the 3 weeks he's always the one to initiate so yeah.. now that we hung out I don't want to seem like I'm thirsty and going crazy over him....

What do you think about the food?

I know he eats a lot but he barley touched all the food. I ate most of it.

Idk if the whole meeting was disinteresting that he didn't want to eat?

He did check his watch one time to say it was late but he said time flies by when you're having fun.

CaliforniaGirl Established Member

CaliforniaGirl

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California girl I already sent him that text last night when I got home.

He just replied with definitely&goodnight. Yeah I don't want to play games since during our hangout he said his ex did a lot of that.

 

Okay, good, so actually, he did answer...he just hasn't contacted you today. I don't know in this case that I'd text him today. He's the one who's changing the plan. He was texting you daily, now he's playing games. He didn't give you anything to work with, with that text. It was pretty closed, really. Yes and goodnight. Nothing to say to that, you both said goodnight. If he wants to contact you he will. If he's playing a ridiculous texting game ("make her wait three days! That's what Roosh says"), then to hell with him, you have better things to do.

Purepony Established Member

Purepony

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I don't understand why you would want t see him again

 

You said he is unmotivated and smokes weed

It sounds like you twonhave different personalities so i'm just wondering why would you want to see somebody who display something that could be a red flag to you ?

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CaliforniaGirl Established Member

CaliforniaGirl

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Who cares about the food? You're not his mother, to worry about his eating habits. Maybe he didn't like the food. Maybe he already pigged out because he'd smoked a bowl before the date. Maybe he had diarrhea. Maybe he wasn't feeling the date. Maybe maybe maybe who cares? Don't obsess. Go out RIGHT NOW, even if for a walk in town (I'm assuming you're not working today?)...anywhere, get out and get in the spring air and don't think about all this for a bit.

 

He's stoner, they're frequently unmotivated. This whole thing could be pulling teeth for all you know. Don't worry "whether" he likes you. Let him SHOW YOU that he can be a good boyfriend BEFORE you waste time worrying about his tummy or whether to text. Don't worry about whether he likes you. Worry about whether he's good enough to keep in your life. He didn't show that last night or this morning. Maybe later, he will. In the meantime just don't worry about it.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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On a first meeting you know nothing of his eating habits (although you apparently know about his weed habit)

 

 

Don't try to read that particular set of tea leaves. You will make yourself nuts.

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VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

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I don't understand why you would want t see him again

 

You said he is unmotivated and smokes weed

It sounds like you twonhave different personalities so i'm just wondering why would you want to see somebody who display something that could be a red flag to you ?

 

Nothing wrong with people who smoke weed so meh to that point.

 

Don't worry about his food. I have a good friend who is a bird eater who smokes a lot of weed too. Weed has different effects on appetite for different people.

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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I don't believe a woman should sit on her tuffet waiting for the guy to contact her. If you like the guy, send him a text for crying out loud. If he doesn't respond, then you have your answer....why wait fretting for a text. If you come off as needy then the guy was never that into you in the first place.

 

Maybe he felt you were not interested because you paid for your half of the date. Oh my goodness now it just gets even worse! lol *rolleyes*

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moonchild94 Established Member

moonchild94

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I don't understand why you would want t see him again

 

You said he is unmotivated and smokes weed

It sounds like you twonhave different personalities so i'm just wondering why would you want to see somebody who display something that could be a red flag to you ?

 

He's not unmotivated just because he smokes weed?

When I meant that I'm ambitious I meant I want more than your average person. He works at a really good company and he has a backup plan just in case that doesn't work.

I meant lifestyles as in I don't smoke weed but he does.

We are actually pretty similar in a lot of other things with personality as well so I don't see why I wouldn't want to see him again?

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moonchild94 Established Member

moonchild94

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Okay, good, so actually, he did answer...he just hasn't contacted you today. I don't know in this case that I'd text him today. He's the one who's changing the plan. He was texting you daily, now he's playing games. He didn't give you anything to work with, with that text. It was pretty closed, really. Yes and goodnight. Nothing to say to that, you both said goodnight. If he wants to contact you he will. If he's playing a ridiculous texting game ("make her wait three days! That's what Roosh says"), then to hell with him, you have better things to do.

 

Yeah that's what I meant. He didn't text me today "yet"..

But I hope he doesn't play games. He did express that his ex played games and he hated it. But whatever. Yeah, I'll just wait it out. It's up to him.. if he's interested he will contact. If he's not he will leave me be and I won't worry about it.

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