Jump to content

She became distant when her ex-husband got married. Now I'm friend zoned.

computersandsuch

By computersandsuch
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

Posted
Posted

That's why they call it a rebound. rebounds can be fun but most of them are temporary.

 

Don't keep in contact with her and don't contact her so to tell her to not contact her..

 

If she keep the contact with you then politely ask her to not contact you

  • Like 2
  • Author
computersandsuch Established Member

computersandsuch

Posted
  • Author
Posted
That's why they call it a rebound. rebounds can be fun but most of them are temporary.

 

Don't keep in contact with her and don't contact her so to tell her to not contact her..

 

If she keep the contact with you then politely ask her to not contact you

 

Thank you. I'll do my best..

  • Author
computersandsuch Established Member

computersandsuch

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Thank you. I'll do my best..

 

I'll try to keep this thread updated. It's really helping me a lot.

  • Author
computersandsuch Established Member

computersandsuch

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Again this... you will do more damage by pressing your involvement. It is not something you quickly get over, but even more so, easily accept love into your heart again. It is most ideal when you are healthy and whole again and that takes time, reflection, and strength - all of which she does not have right now. She is not in that place and won't be there in a while and will only hurt you even more.

 

I had many set backs... the affair, them moving in together, their wedding, the birth of their daughter (my daughters half sister and the child "we" were supposed to have together), my daughter dealing with all this and an absent father, and finally the annulment they requested two years after their wedding so they could be official in her Catholic church.

 

These instances were over more than four years and just when I was ready to move forward another brought back the pain. I am finally in a place where I am over setbacks.

 

The point of all that is that even if the most wonderful man came along at these times, I could often sabotage it all to avoid getting close to him and put my heart on the table. I wasn't ready and there was much bigger issues at stake then him.

 

I would add that I would not go back to any of them and have moved on. Partly because they remind me of an unpleasant time in my life.

 

It is in your best interest to let her go. Let her friends and family help her through this process.

What would you do to "sabotage" things? Would you break things off like this girl did? We never had any talks about a relationship. One day I'm spending the night and the next day cuddling all day with her, then three days later, I'm getting the "let's be friends" speech. Couldn't she change her mind again?

selinaluv Established Member

selinaluv

Posted
Posted
Now that I've had some time to think about things, I probably am not going to stick around. She MAY contact me this week. Who knows. She only texted me first last week and that was when she wanted me to come over. We haven't spoken since last Thursday night. I think it was Wednesday when she told me she wanted to be friends. I had told her that is fine, and she agreed that we should keep hanging out, but I don't think I want that anymore. IF she contacts me, I plan on telling her to not contact me again until she is 100% over her ex.

 

That is going to take a long time. Don't wait around.

TheTraveler Established Member

TheTraveler

Posted
Posted
She said that she doesn't see me as a "long term romantic partner." She also said she "was forcing" herself to see things about us that weren't there.

 

This is another key phrase that should instantly send alarm bells in your head ringing when a man or woman says this to you.

 

To pile it on, she's "forcing" herself to see if something is there when clearly it's not.

 

Good luck OP, this relationship has ran it's course and it's time to move on

  • Author
computersandsuch Established Member

computersandsuch

Posted
  • Author
Posted
That is going to take a long time. Don't wait around.

 

I plan on MAYBE waiting a couple of weeks if that. Then, I'll start looking again. She changed very suddenly. Who is to say she won't change her mind again. I'm not going to contact her. It's been four days now. I came close to texting her last night, but I didn't thank goodness. I'm starting to think she is probably not going to contact me any time soon if at all. The telling sign will be tomorrow night. Tuesdays are usually her only time during the week when she is home alone. If she does not contact me Tuesday, she probably won't at all.

coolheadal Established Member

coolheadal

Posted
Posted

Boy your stubborn! I hope she doesn't tell you to leave and try to scare you off saying she'll call the police on you. Back off her and let her be if you push like this going to not work in your favor. She told you had she felt about you and her life. You need to give her space and time to get over everything.

  • Author
computersandsuch Established Member

computersandsuch

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
Boy your stubborn! I hope she doesn't tell you to leave and try to scare you off saying she'll call the police on you. Back off her and let her be if you push like this going to not work in your favor. She told you had she felt about you and her life. You need to give her space and time to get over everything.

 

It won't even come close to that. I said I don't plan on contacting her at all. I am waiting on her to contact me. I was saying that if she doesn't contact me Tuesday night, she probably won't at all. She tends to text me when she's alone and wants company.

Edited by computersandsuch
grammer
  • Author
computersandsuch Established Member

computersandsuch

Posted
  • Author
Posted
This is another key phrase that should instantly send alarm bells in your head ringing when a man or woman says this to you.

 

To pile it on, she's "forcing" herself to see if something is there when clearly it's not.

 

Good luck OP, this relationship has ran it's course and it's time to move on

 

Looks like you are correct. It will take me some time to adjust. If she texts wanting me to come over, it's going to be difficult to say no.

coolheadal Established Member

coolheadal

Posted
Posted
It won't even come close to that. I said I don't plan on contacting her at all. I am waiting on her to contact me. I was saying that if she doesn't contact me Tuesday night, she probably won't at all. She tends to text me when she's alone and wants company.

 

I hope for your sake you have other options. We men shouldn't put up with a lot of these women who try to play head games with us. Good you have listen and not contact her. Even if she contacts you do not answer right away. Wait a few hours. Then contact her. Say hey what's up? if she ask you to come over don't do it. You have to be in control not her. That's what she's doing with you now. Do not give her the ace up her sleeve, where you should be the one! Report back on your progress with her...

  • Like 1
  • Author
computersandsuch Established Member

computersandsuch

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I hope for your sake you have other options. We men shouldn't put up with a lot of these women who try to play head games with us. Good you have listen and not contact her. Even if she contacts you do not answer right away. Wait a few hours. Then contact her. Say hey what's up? if she ask you to come over don't do it. You have to be in control not her. That's what she's doing with you now. Do not give her the ace up her sleeve, where you should be the one! Report back on your progress with her...

 

You got it! Sound advice.

  • Author
computersandsuch Established Member

computersandsuch

Posted
  • Author
Posted
You got it! Sound advice.

 

So. I know I should not have. After five days of no contact, I couldn't take it anymore. I texted her. She knows I'm looking for a new place to live and had sent me a link last week to an apartment. I texted just now, that the link didn't work. She sent it again like 20 seconds later. I ended up asking her to meet up as friends this week. She said "this week is crazy and I have some stuff going on this weekend, but we can probably do something." I know she does not have a date and she is going out with girlfriends from church this weekend to see a movie. That has been in the works for a while now. I told her I'd call her tonight to make plans. She knows I don't like planning things over text.

Gr8fuln2020 Established Member

Gr8fuln2020

Posted
Posted
So. I know I should not have. After five days of no contact, I couldn't take it anymore. I texted her. She knows I'm looking for a new place to live and had sent me a link last week to an apartment. I texted just now, that the link didn't work. She sent it again like 20 seconds later. I ended up asking her to meet up as friends this week. She said "this week is crazy and I have some stuff going on this weekend, but we can probably do something." I know she does not have a date and she is going out with girlfriends from church this weekend to see a movie. That has been in the works for a while now. I told her I'd call her tonight to make plans. She knows I don't like planning things over text.

 

Good luck with all of this.

  • Author
computersandsuch Established Member

computersandsuch

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Good luck with all of this.

 

Thanks. I'm not getting my hopes up. I just want to give one last shot.

coolheadal Established Member

coolheadal

Posted
Posted
So. I know I should not have. After five days of no contact, I couldn't take it anymore. I texted her. She knows I'm looking for a new place to live and had sent me a link last week to an apartment. I texted just now, that the link didn't work. She sent it again like 20 seconds later. I ended up asking her to meet up as friends this week. She said "this week is crazy and I have some stuff going on this weekend, but we can probably do something." I know she does not have a date and she is going out with girlfriends from church this weekend to see a movie. That has been in the works for a while now. I told her I'd call her tonight to make plans. She knows I don't like planning things over text.

 

Playing with fire.. i've heard the phrased "this week is crazy, and I have some stuff on this weekend" already Just watch yourself and your back.

  • Author
computersandsuch Established Member

computersandsuch

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Playing with fire.. i've heard the phrased "this week is crazy, and I have some stuff on this weekend" already Just watch yourself and your back.

 

I forgot to add the first part of the text for some reason. She said, "We can do that!!"

  • Author
computersandsuch Established Member

computersandsuch

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Playing with fire.. i've heard the phrased "this week is crazy, and I have some stuff on this weekend" already Just watch yourself and your back.

 

Just called her. We are going to hang out Saturday after she gets a back massage. She knows I've been needing some new shorts, so i suggested she help me buy some shorts. lol . She said fine.

  • Author
computersandsuch Established Member

computersandsuch

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Met her today. Hung out for like 9 hours. She was pretty flirty. We went shopping and watched a movie at her place. We sat on the couch right next to each other. . She mentioned getting some drinks, but I said no. I tried to kiss her at the end of the night and she wasn't having it.

  • Author
computersandsuch Established Member

computersandsuch

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Saw that she has created a profile on Match.com. I deleted her number and blocker her on all social media.

Gr8fuln2020 Established Member

Gr8fuln2020

Posted
Posted
Saw that she has created a profile on Match.com. I deleted her number and blocker her on all social media.

 

Sorry. You shouldn't have been surprised, right? Still, not a good feeling. Don't look back.

  • Like 1
  • Author
computersandsuch Established Member

computersandsuch

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
Sorry. You shouldn't have been surprised, right? Still, not a good feeling. Don't look back.

 

I am a little surprised. Probably should not have been though. I was on Facebook just yesterday.. She had tagged a guy in a pic she posted yesterday. I did a little digging, and she had actually asked him on Facebook to meet up just days after she and I started hooking up. If I would have known that, I would have ended things a long time ago. She is obviously not all right in the head at the moment. I'm not looking back. I'm in the anger part of grieving now. I can't believe I fell for someone like that. I feel bad for the next guy. The first thing her profile says is "Christ first." I almost laughed out loud when I saw that.

Edited by computersandsuch
  • Author
computersandsuch Established Member

computersandsuch

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

I can't believe I ignored so many red flags. My friends tell me they saw them. Why didn't they tell me? I probably would not have listened anyway. The sex was too good. I wish I would have researched rebound relationships before I got involved with her. Next time I start dating someone, I'm gonna post on this forum and get everyone's input. People on here know their stuff.

Edited by computersandsuch
kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted
I can't believe I ignored so many red flags. My friends tell me they saw them. Why didn't they tell me? I probably would not have listened anyway. The sex was too good. I wish I would have researched rebound relationships before I got involved with her. Next time I start dating someone, I'm gonna post on this forum and get everyone's input. People on here know their stuff.

 

Human nature never deviates. You can see it coming around the corner.

 

We don't give advice just to stick pins in your balloons--we advise because we've had the experience and know the outcome.

Gr8fuln2020 Established Member

Gr8fuln2020

Posted
Posted
I can't believe I ignored so many red flags. My friends tell me they saw them. Why didn't they tell me? I probably would not have listened anyway. The sex was too good. I wish I would have researched rebound relationships before I got involved with her. Next time I start dating someone, I'm gonna post on this forum and get everyone's input. People on here know their stuff.

 

You wouldn't have listened. You went on an online forum to talk to complete strangers to help you instead of your friends. That tells you something. You didn't listen to any of us early on to move on. You wanted it TOO much even after she told you how she felt about you. She did tell you that she didn't see you as LTR material. She warned you, but you chose to ignore all the signs, both obvious and subtle.

 

Good luck and learn from this.

  • Like 1
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...