Mouse23 Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 Hi guys. I'm 22 yo and I need some life advice right now. I've been thinking about all my past relationships and I've become real bitter right now. I'm insecure because ive never gotten along with my family and I'm on my own at the moment and I don't receive any love or affection from anyone and its not because of who I am. I'm generous, kind and sharing and people just see that and take advantage for what they can get out of me and I have really had enough of it. Can someone tell me how I can just get rid of this desire for love so I can stop being dissapointed every day of my life? I just want to stop caring, I'm done with it. How do I change my emotions because I am a slave to them right now and it just leaves me dissapointed
Telemachus Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 You seem a bit confused and contradictory. You write that others took love that you freely gave, and that this is a problem. You write that you want to receive love. It isn't a transaction or equation in which both sides are measured and must be equal. If you're a loving person, you give love, and that brings you joy. End of story. If you were as loving and as caring as you say, you wouldn't be fretting about all the love others aren't giving you. That's not a very loving, kind, or generous thing to do. The joy of giving is in the act of giving - it isn't in what you get in return. You need to re-think this. Your disappointment and unhappiness probably stem from the fact, as yet unacknowledged by you, that you're no more giving than anyone else in your life, and you're as interested in receiving as any of them are. What holds us back in life isn't all the love we didn't get from others in the past, but rather all the love we're not extending to others right now and today. 1
emma119 Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 Hi! You know I've struggled with this myself. I didn't get it - why did people not care for the good things that I did for them? I helped out my friends very often, with little things, bigger things. Then I started to notice that one friend in particular started to take advantage. She started asking for stuff that actually took up hours of my day (professional things, graphic design work mostly) I was happy to help, not a problem. But when it came to a time when I needed her to help me out, she just dismissed it. (even didn't answer my message for 3 days or so) The good thing is - I still have other loving sweet friends as well. I don't thing you're not a giving person, you've probably been hurt by things like these. What I took away form my experience was just not to expect much of people, and I understood that I just need to continue helping and loving the people that are close to me. And that I should just cut off the people that clearly have taken advantage of me. 1
WaitingForBardot Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 I don't think ones innate need for love and connection can really be changed. That said I think pretty much everyone has been taken advantage of at some point in their life. What matters is how you deal with it. Try not to let a few bad experiences in the past color how you view others in the future. Not easy, I know as I've struggled with this in the past myself, but it seems like the best approach. Also to mention, one of the most confusing aspects of favors is that they usually mean more to the giver than to the recipient. 1
preraph Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 If you want to become more independent, live by yourself and take care of all your own needs, work two jobs if necessary and concentrate on that. This will help build your self-esteem when you see how well you can do just on your own and it will also open new paths, because until you have lived all by yourself, without someone else's influence, like parents or partner, there are paths that remain untaken. 1
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