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He's perfect personality-wise...but not attracted

Miss Spider

By Miss Spider
in Dating

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted

So I was gonna multidate men and sleep around..but I chickened out and when it came time I couldn't do it. It's not in me...casual. I realized, too, I'm physically repulsed by men who have casual sex, even if it's with me, and even if they're super attractive. It was so good in theory, damn it.

 

 

So after embarrassing the **** out of myself with several men on dating apps, I'm looking for a real connection with a man again. I'm ready to move on from my ex. Thing is, I'm not attractive and I have a horrible personality. I'm having trouble finding men my type who are attracted to me.

 

I've been getting to know this man...he's such a great person...kind, funny, charismatic. He is PERFECT (imo) personality-wise, and he's not bad looking, but he's not my type. I am really struggling to find myself physically attracted to him.

 

 

Sex is not on the forefront of my mind...but he probably wants it or he would not be dating me I'm thinking,....I don't know if I'll ever want to be with him like that. I just can't stand that I'm so picky about my type..which is hard to find...esp with a good personality.

 

 

Should I just end it with him or keep trying to see if the attraction grows and I desire him? Right now I'm really not. Or should I keep looking for my elusive type? I don't want to 'play' him.

 

 

I feel sad I'm never gonna find someone in into who is into me back

MidwestUSA Established Member

MidwestUSA

Posted
Posted

Three days ago, you were talking to a few guys and dropping the word 'casual' while pondering relationships vs FWB. :o

 

Now you're dating someone?

 

You don't waste any time!

 

How many dates have you been on with him?

  • Like 2
TheTraveler Established Member

TheTraveler

Posted
Posted
So I was gonna multidate men and sleep around..but I chickened out and when it came time I couldn't do it. It's not in me...casual. I realized, too, I'm physically repulsed by men who have casual sex, even if it's with me, and even if they're super attractive. It was so good in theory, damn it.

 

 

So after embarrassing the **** out of myself with several men on dating apps, I'm looking for a real connection with a man again. I'm ready to move on from my ex. Thing is, I'm not attractive and I have a horrible personality. I'm having trouble finding men my type who are attracted to me.

 

I've been getting to know this man...he's such a great person...kind, funny, charismatic. He is PERFECT (imo) personality-wise, and he's not bad looking, but he's not my type. I am really struggling to find myself physically attracted to him.

 

 

Sex is not on the forefront of my mind...but he probably wants it or he would not be dating me I'm thinking,....I don't know if I'll ever want to be with him like that. I just can't stand that I'm so picky about my type..which is hard to find...esp with a good personality.

 

 

Should I just end it with him or keep trying to see if the attraction grows and I desire him? Right now I'm really not. Or should I keep looking for my elusive type? I don't want to 'play' him.

 

 

I feel sad I'm never gonna find someone in into who is into me back

 

Quit the drama post cookies. The only reason you're dating a **** ton of guys is because your ex is in a happy relationship.

  • Like 2
CaliforniaGirl Established Member

CaliforniaGirl

Posted
Posted

What is your type and how is he not your type?

  • Like 1
ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted

Dating or sleeping with a bunch of men isn't the answer to your problems, OP.

 

Unless you address the real root of the issues, you won't feel better. You have to stop using men to fix that.

  • Like 1
basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted

Cookies, you give excellent advice to others. If this post was written by another poster, what would you advise her to do?

  • Like 2
hunk Established Member

hunk

Posted
Posted

"multi dating" and "sleeping around" will leave you a depressed, anxious and confidence-sapped mess, and will ruin your ability to properly bond with a suitable man in the future. Don't do it. Embrace your biology. You're not built for that, your fertility is valuable. Be proud of this and don't squander yourself and your body just to make yourself feel temporarily wanted. Exit the dating scene for a while and work through your emotions for your ex. Rebounding is the absolute worst idea.

 

Did he dump you and instantly get into a new relationship?

  • Like 4
GoldSparkz Established Member

GoldSparkz

Posted
Posted

Have you tried not dating and finding happiness on your own? I've done it, and I feel like a weight's been lifted. I'm the happiest I've ever been!

  • Like 3
enddeck Established Member

enddeck

Posted
Posted

You can't depend on anyone else to make you feel happy it has to come from yourself.The most handsome,charismatic,sexy man in the world will still leave you cold if you are feeling bad about yourself.It also puts too much pressure on him if he feel your happiness is down to him.

By the way if that is your photo under your name you look good from where I'm standing.

  • Like 1
Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

Posted
Posted

Physical Attraction has never grown for me and I don't think it ever will, but there are some women who claim it has grown for them. You have to decide if you are someone whom attraction can grow or someone who it can not. And yes, looking in from the outside it seems like it would be 'playing' him if you string him along, but girl there are so many men who are more than happy to be strung along. They see it as getting a chance, rather than not.

  • Like 1
act00 Established Member

act00

Posted
Posted

Have you met this man in person? Pictures are pictures, but sometimes when you meet someone in person, the attraction is there, the chemistry is right, and you don't worry about certain "flaws." If you have a point-by-point list of requirements in your head that you are unwilling to overlook or bend on, then you have to realize that it's going to take a lot longer to find "Mr. Perfect." Everyone has flaws, and in relationships, there are compromises, changes, acceptance, and things you can't work around.

 

This man is great in so many areas, and you might find yourself physically attracted to him when you meet in person.

 

If you have already met in person, your hangups on his appearance are likely not going to change, so cut your losses and spare him by not leading him on. Expect that if you are unbending on particular traits, you're just going to have to go through a lot of guys before someone meets your criteria.

  • Like 2
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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Three days ago, you were talking to a few guys and dropping the word 'casual' while pondering relationships vs FWB. :o

 

Now you're dating someone?

 

You don't waste any time!

 

How many dates have you been on with him?

 

Nay, we have just been talking back and forth online. Thanks, all. I'll let this one go...

RecentChange Established Member

RecentChange

Posted
Posted
I'm not attractive and I have a horrible personality.

 

Would you find some who said this about them self attractive?

 

You don’t like yourself right now, and ya know what, people can see that from a mile away.

 

Work on THIS first – then consider dating. No one can love you if you can’t love yourself.

  • Like 3
VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

Posted
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Yes stop seeing him because you are not ready to date.

 

Deal with your need to be validated by guys instead.

 

Seems like a much more rewarding effort of your time and thoughts right now.

  • Like 2
SoThatHappened Established Member

SoThatHappened

Posted
Posted

Work on THIS first – then consider dating. No one can love you if you can’t love yourself.

Second this.

 

Figure your own stuff out.

 

Be happy ALONE first.

  • Like 1
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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