tim_90 Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 Hi guys. Im not sure if this is the right place for this post, but it seemed logical to me. So my situation is that i was recently seeing this girl around a week ago. We met online on a dating site 3 months ago and to start with things were great. We get on so well naturally and we just click together, always laughing, joking etc. To top that off we have the same interests, exploring, doing random activities and our love for running. We even met each other parents and she only 3 weeks ago booked a weekend away for us to go to. (In terms of a sexual side of things, we slept with each other 3 times and used to do a bit of hand holding and other stuff.) Now she said about 2 weeks ago that she just wanted to take things really slow, which im cool with as thats good with me too. We had a great time Saturday night at a community party and then on the Sunday she seemed a bit off. When Monday came she said she just didn't feel the spark with us. I wondered why this was and explained that I wanted to take things really slow with her so we can get to develop a great bond then see how things went relationship wise. Reason I took it slow was that she had been messed around a lot in the past and didn't want to do the same. She agreed that we got on well, but still said that there was no spark. I kinda said farewell, really clicked with you and hit me back up if you want to try things again. She said no I don't want to cut you off, I still want to meet up and be friends (warning, entering friendzone) I now realize that I made a massive mistake. I was lazy. I felt that I could just rest on the fact that we got on so well and not have to tell her the sorts of things that you'd say to someone you like. I felt like I didn't have flirt with her for the same reasons, because we just had a natural click. Because my attraction for her grew as I got to know her I got into a comfortable habit of not having to flirt with her or treat her as a someone that you're really interested in Now in terms of the next steps.... I haven't seen her since last Sunday. We spoke briefly during the week and I said i was going to go to this community run thing near her ( that i've done the last 3 weeks with her) that she does and I said I'll walk down with her and a couple of others that do it. She said yeah could do. Now having realized that I lost an amazing girl in my life who could have been literally the perfect match for me, I want to show her the new me. Someone that is more flirty and more into her as she is great person. Someone who is confident in themselves and someone that she can rely on. I know i did the odd thing in the past that annoyed her, which I will also cut out. After the walk to the run, the actual run and walk back from run, I wanted to express to her how I feel. Now this is where you guys may be able to help me. I want to tell her that I didn't treat her as the special amazing girl that she is and tell her she is special to me. I want to tell her that I made a mistake and I rested on the fact we got on so well with each other and blossoming our friendship, that I didn't make as much of an effort to treat her like a girl that I was really into romantically. After this I want to tell her that i want to start again with us as a clean slate and just get back to enjoying each other without the pressure of having to feel pressured into any particular avenue and also say that I will treat her the way that she deserves to be treated. I'll finish by seeing if she and her little puppy that shes just got, want to go on a trip tomorrow (the day after the run) to somewhere cool and exciting (purposely not saying where for mystery). Based on everything that I have just said, do you guys think that this is a good approach for me to make? I want to tell her openly how I feel and admit my mistakes that I made, whilst also rekindling things. What are your opinions guys? Appreciate anyone who reads this and answers, thank you.
mightycpa Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 Don't. Don't do that. It's not about how you TREATED her or made her feel SPECIAL in your eyes. YOU AREN'T SPECIAL in her eyes. When that happens, there's usually nothing in the world you can do about it, whether you treat her like a queen or you treat her like crap. If you lay it on thick, and it actually works (which it probably won't) she'll get used to the new baseline, and she'll eventually lose interest again, because you won't be able to step it up. Plus, you'll become exhausted from all the effort, and you'll wonder why you can't have a girl you can just be yourself with. Face it. You can't close every deal. Sometimes, with some people, you're not going to win first prize. Accept it and move on, no hard feelings. Maybe she knows somebody you can date. You ought to ask her.
todreaminblue Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 (edited) i am going to say do what you said.....taking things slow does mean still being romantic and differentiating the relationship you have together over just friendship....sounds like that is where you thought slow was ..it isnt...just means not jumping into bed.....most girls who have been messed around take that bed step way to early and get hurt in the process.....it confuses the getting to know you phase..... if you don't tell her how you feel and give it a shot you will never know what might have been or could be...so take the shot...risk rejection or a no...hope for yes..... ...the mystery trip sounds really exciting if she takes you on..........a positive idea..... if you have a chance to woo her in the future realize most women arent mind readers and you need to put in effort...romance....mystery....make her feel butteflies by beautiful fresh and new impulses........so will she need to do the same to make it work....never take a romantic interest forgranted....romance has heart and it needs to keep beating...years later not just months or days.......but be a man step up and show her you mean what you say....say what you mean...i really hope she does give you that second opporttunity sounds like you are ready for it.......and i wish you much luck....deb Edited March 16, 2017 by todreaminblue
Altair0770 Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 If there isn't a spark there isn't a spark. Unless she was honest and gave reasons why she didn't see a relationship with you, you are just making assumptions and after a week or so you aren't going to actually change, and if you do, you're just lying to her and yourself. You are who you are in a relationship. But figuring out what you need to change and actually changing are two different things. If you aren't someone who flirts then you aren't someone who flirts. And truthfully changing as a person takes a lot of experience to mold you into that person
preraph Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 You know, truly, those things you want to say to her are beautiful poetry and very genuine and romantic, and some woman sometime will be honored to hear them. But I'm afraid that once someone says they lost the spark, that the chances of getting it back just aren't very good. I suppose you have nothing to lose by trying except to get turned down and feelings hurt. Good luck. 1
confusedgirlfriend11 Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 Tim, I don't suggest you do what you're preparing to do. From a girls point of view, it sounds like she doesn't fancy you anymore - sorry. When I use the term 'spark' it usually refers to that attraction. Even though you guys have already slept together, it is possible to change your mind about being attracted to someone. It's up to you, you could try one last time and see if she fancies meeting up for a chat or cut your losses. It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong here. Unless you're not telling us stuff...
breadbin Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 i agree with mightycpa here and stay away. If you have to change to be the man she is looking for then it will end in disaster. I know it is tough because she sounds like she is the woman you are looking for but unfortunately you are not the man she is looking for. i don't think a bit of flirting is going to change her mind. Speaking from experience, you have to be yourself and if you feel pressured into being or acting in a different way it will put pressure on the relationship. My ex wanted me to be a different person and I can relate to why she wanted it for me but it was up to me to change. I felt pressure from her to change and resented it. I did try but ultimately it was never going to be just changing a few bits. Once I had worked on one thing she was giving out about something else? There was also a mention about how the baseline will change and not being able to step up? I can relate 100% to this. Once you start trying to be perfect there is no stopping. You deserve someone who loves you for who you are.
fromheart Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 If you want to rekindle her interest move on with NC, look after yourself and date other women. That pretty much rekindles their interest 90% of the time. However, aim to adopt the attitude of not wasting time with women who have a low interest in you and don't take it personally either. The above would rekindle her attraction but not above sexual. If you were to hook up with her she'd do the same thing again. So she can have the gift of missing you, while you improve yourself and pursue better things with other women. Only choose a woman who chooses you, otherwise its a waste of time and will never work. 1
Maldives Posted March 18, 2017 Posted March 18, 2017 Don't. Don't do that. It's not about how you TREATED her or made her feel SPECIAL in your eyes. YOU AREN'T SPECIAL in her eyes. When that happens, there's usually nothing in the world you can do about it, whether you treat her like a queen or you treat her like crap. If you lay it on thick, and it actually works (which it probably won't) she'll get used to the new baseline, and she'll eventually lose interest again, because you won't be able to step it up. Plus, you'll become exhausted from all the effort, and you'll wonder why you can't have a girl you can just be yourself with. Face it. You can't close every deal. Sometimes, with some people, you're not going to win first prize. Accept it and move on, no hard feelings. Maybe she knows somebody you can date. You ought to ask her. I second the above. Take her at her word wen she says the spark isn't there if it was it wouldn't matter so much u can't win em all. Move on dude its the best thing . No matter wat u do it won't make a difference in fact all u can do is not want her to make her want u weird I know. Do ureself a big favour and forget about her watch her then probably miss u and gravitate back but a word of warning don't yo-yo back wth this one as there's a high probability her feelings wil go after she has u again because it wasn't there to begin wth. It's ano's game the dating thing might tak3 a couple trys before u find one where it's mutual
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