misty15 Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 Hi all, I met a guy on the weekend from OLD at a bar. He lives 200km away from me and said he was coming down my way on the weekend so I thought I'd just give it a go and meet him. He is 35, I'm 33. I didn't know anything about him before we met but when I did meet him he told me he had 2 children an 11 month old and a 3 year old. He said he had been married for 5 years but separated. The first thing he did was show me pics of his kids which i thought was nice but then he started to talk about his ex which kind of annoyed me and told me he didn't like his ex new partner. He did stop talking about his ex after I brought up a new topic and we seemed to get along fine having a laugh. We had a good night out having a few drinks and a dance but then he started to say some weird things that I took offence to. I dont know if I'm over reacting or if other women would be upset but he made a comment saying "I think people are looking at us saying either she's too good for him or I'm too good for you". I didnt get at all where he was going with that. I have self esteem issues and I took it to mean I was ugly. I just thought it was a bizarre thing to say?? I ended up giving him my number which i thought he was never going to text but he did end up texting later that night. He also deleted me as a contact on the dating app that i met him off. I found that strange, did he do that because he already has my number? It's not an app where you can see who is online or anything so I found it a bit insulting.
Zahara Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 He's separated. He's still pining/bitter over the ex. He's long distance. He's communicating in a way that's already rubbing you the wrong way. Move on. Go and meet other guys. Set some boundaries and aim higher. Maybe it would be time to work on your self-esteem rather than date. You need to be really thick skinned to be on OLD. You're going to meet all sorts and you have to have some level of confidence to take the punches and roll with it. Not feeling slighted/insulted over some guy you just met. And when you start seeing/feeling red flags, move on. Don't sit there and question your judgement. Listen to you instincts. 3
Author misty15 Posted March 16, 2017 Author Posted March 16, 2017 Thanks for your reply. Yeah i probably do need to work on my self esteem but i also think i need to keep putting myself out there. The more i do it the more thicker skinned i'll get hopefully. I've only met 3 guys off OLD so far so just gotta keep on trying!
kendahke Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 he made a comment saying "I think people are looking at us saying either she's too good for him or I'm too good for you". I didnt get at all where he was going with that. I have self esteem issues and I took it to mean I was ugly. I just thought it was a bizarre thing to say?? I'd have agreed this was what he was inferring had he not said first "people thinking she's too good for him" and just said "I'm too good for you". Granted that was some weird mess and I'd have asked him why he thought that I wasn't good enough for him. Put him totally on the spot and watch him sputter, while making a mental note to strangle this fledgling interest in its crib. I ended up giving him my number which i thought he was never going to text but he did end up texting later that night. He also deleted me as a contact on the dating app that i met him off. I found that strange, did he do that because he already has my number? It's not an app where you can see who is online or anything so I found it a bit insulting. He did it because he's still a legally married man and his wife might have access to either the information from the family computer on which he's got the site in the browser or she can get into his phone. Chances are, your name in his phone is listed as "Bob-mechanic". 2
stillafool Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 This guy is still very much into his ex. I would forget about him if I were you.
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 He was hoping to get laid fast (200KM away???) as revenge for his ex daring to move on without him. And he attempted negging - inexpertly - to get himself to that goal. All the while being completely unable to hide the fact that it's almost certain he's spending each night sobbing in a corner of his living room while blowing up the internet looking for random women. "I'll show her!" Just my visual when I hear your story. I don't say this very often, but...ya dodged one. Hopefully this guy can get it together eventually for his own sake.
act00 Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 He isn't even divorced yet. No, do not pursue it. Even if he was divorced, you don't want to be the rebound. He needs to be alone and care for his children and heal. He has two very young children. Are you prepared to have to work your life and dates around his time with the children and other parental responsibilities? Are you prepared to play mommy? Long distance - hard to make work. When they start going through the divorce, custody, parenting days, division of property, you will be the therapist as he mucks through it. If you didn't like hearing him complain about the ex before, just wait until the divorce kicks in. With such young children, there is a possibility they may try to reconcile. So you met him, why not? You had a good time. He managed to offend you as well. There are too many strikes against him at the moment. I would say no, you shouldn't bother with HIM again, but yes, continue OLD if you want.
Fair Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 (edited) That was a strange comment. Off-putting. Don't blame you for being insulted. You just met him and he's already making you feel off balance, confused and insulted. Bad. He's got issues and if you keep on with him he'll destroy your self esteem. He sounds like that type. Don't try to be thick skinned... take your instincts as a warning sign and run. Some people are predatory and test your boundaries right from the beginning to see how weak they are and how much you're going to take... if you take the little slights on the beginning they'll keep pushing it until you find yourself in an abusive relationship. No doubt he's already noticed your self esteem issues and is preparing to feed off that. It's another thing to consider ... Edited March 17, 2017 by Fair
angel.eyes Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 Long distance, newly separated, 11-month old infant, fixated in his conversation on his (estranged) wife? And to boot, saying things that are offputting to you? Time to make like Usain Bolt and sprint away. Lose his number as you dash away from that train wreck scenario.
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 Hi all, I met a guy on the weekend from OLD at a bar. He lives 200km away from me and said he was coming down my way on the weekend so I thought I'd just give it a go and meet him. He is 35, I'm 33. I didn't know anything about him before we met but when I did meet him he told me he had 2 children an 11 month old and a 3 year old. He said he had been married for 5 years but separated. The first thing he did was show me pics of his kids which i thought was nice but then he started to talk about his ex which kind of annoyed me and told me he didn't like his ex new partner. He did stop talking about his ex after I brought up a new topic and we seemed to get along fine having a laugh. We had a good night out having a few drinks and a dance but then he started to say some weird things that I took offence to. I dont know if I'm over reacting or if other women would be upset but he made a comment saying "I think people are looking at us saying either she's too good for him or I'm too good for you". I didnt get at all where he was going with that. I have self esteem issues and I took it to mean I was ugly. I just thought it was a bizarre thing to say?? I ended up giving him my number which i thought he was never going to text but he did end up texting later that night. He also deleted me as a contact on the dating app that i met him off. I found that strange, did he do that because he already has my number? It's not an app where you can see who is online or anything so I found it a bit insulting. don't read to much into it right now. sounds like a bad joke earlier. men say stupid things they really do lol. just keep watching how he treats you though. also I wouldn't read to much into his old activities either. yall are not official. yall had one date. so pay no attention what he does online. right now pay attention to how he treats you and if you even like him. when he show more boyfriend like efforts and ask you to be his girlfriend that's when you can give a damn about what he does with that dating profile lol.
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