Didyouknow96 Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 (edited) Okay so I'm in college. I met a guy at a party on a Saturday and we fooled around. We had a really good connection though and talked for a long while after about life and poetry and our interests and ended up getting each other's numbers. He asked me to get coffee with him later that week and to come to a literary night he was hosting at his fraternity that Friday. So Thursday he texts me asking if I still want to come to the literary night, and I say yeah for sure and ask if he'd like to get coffee that day. He agrees to get coffee but doesn't seem like super thrilled about it...he takes a while to reply between texts and I'm tempted to just abandon the whole thing but when he finally gives me a time and place I just agree to go. So I meet him at a coffee shop and we have a great time! We talked for over a hour and we were both smiling and had really great chemistry and it was just really nice. He asked me to go back to his place after and I said yes because I genuinely wanted to and didn't want to seem disinterested. So we go back and fool around and yeah end up having sex but then we talk for a while and laugh and watch tv and he asks me to spend the night. Then he works on homework for a while with a couple of friends and after like an hour and a half of him seeming stressed out I decide to just go home and let him get his work done. He says bye but like doesn't walk me out or act like a super gentleman. The next day I text him telling him I can't make the literary night, which was true, and he didn't respond. I never heard from him again. No text the next day, honestly I don't even think he would have responded if I asked him what time the literary night was. I have no idea what went wrong! What did I do! Ugh. sigh... Edited March 16, 2017 by Didyouknow96
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 The easiest way into a woman's pants is to establish a connection, usually by agreeing to lots of things the other says in a "wow, me too" sort of way, and to make references to the future (I.e. future plans and the like). That's because we subconsciously or consciously think there could be a future in it for us. Thereforenwe tell hours lves it couldn't he just sex. The irony is, it is just sex. It's how guys who get laid a lot, get laid a lot. I'm really sorry. 6
angel.eyes Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 He got what he wanted and is on to the next. The first sign that he wasn't really interested in you other than for a ONS (or two-night stand depending on what you meant by fooling around when you first met): He was less than enthused to meet you at the coffee shop after you "fooled around." The second clear sign: He invited you over for the night and after he was done ignored you in favour of doing homework...to the point that you just left. 10
Erik30 Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 You didn't do anything wrong, it seems like he was just trying to get laid. In the future, don't go to some guy's place only because you want to show him you're interested, you don't have to do that. (Unless you're fine with having something casual) 7
angel.eyes Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 You have two active threads ATM. Is it two different guys or the same guy in both threads?
shahjskalio Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 He's not looking for a relationship. Just casual hook up. Don't contact him. Move on. 2
Arieswoman Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 Didyouknow, You made the mistake of showing the movie before the trailer Learn from this and move on. 2
GoldSparkz Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 I see at least 3 red flags from your post (not that you necessarily did anything wrong): 1. He took too long to respond to your initial texts, yet you still agree to go on a date with him. 2. You agree to go back to his place on the first date, considering you don't know the guy. 3. You both slept together without there being any discussion of exclusivity or a relationship. No matter how much you like a guy, don't ever agree to a date or even think about going back to his place unless you've taken the time to get to know him and have confirmed from his actions that he genuinely likes you. How a guy treats you depends on how you allow yourself to be treated, so next time set some boundaries. Write this date off as a life lesson. Also, nice girls finish last so don't worry about coming across as a bitch...especially when it's obvious that the guy only wants one thing. 2
GoldSparkz Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 You have two active threads ATM. Is it two different guys or the same guy in both threads? It looks like this thread is about a different guy who she met on Saturday. However, I see a pattern emerging after reading both threads. 1
Author Didyouknow96 Posted March 16, 2017 Author Posted March 16, 2017 It's just, he was the one that suggested getting coffee the day after we initially met! He texted me on Thursday confirming that I wanted to come to the literary night and I didn't want to just go to that without following up on his offer to get coffee. Then he like didn't seem to give a **** but eventually replied and what was I supposed to do cancel? My friend was like if you cancel he won'5 ask you out again.
Author Didyouknow96 Posted March 16, 2017 Author Posted March 16, 2017 He got what he wanted and is on to the next. The first sign that he wasn't really interested in you other than for a ONS (or two-night stand depending on what you meant by fooling around when you first met): He was less than enthused to meet you at the coffee shop after you "fooled around." The second clear sign: He invited you over for the night and after he was done ignored you in favour of doing homework...to the point that you just left. He asked me to spend the night after we had had sex! And to be fair he did have an assignment due the next morning.
Whodatdog Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 He asked me to spend the night after we had had sex! And to be fair he did have an assignment due the next morning. Of course he did. Gives him a chance to boink you again with no effort on his part other than rolling over. 7
stillafool Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 He asked me to go back to his place after and I said yes because I genuinely wanted to and didn't want to seem disinterested. So we go back and fool around and yeah end up having sex but then we talk for a while and laugh and watch tv and he asks me to spend the night. Then he works on homework for a while with a couple of friends and after like an hour and a half of him seeming stressed out I decide to just go home and let him get his work done. He says bye but like doesn't walk me out or act like a super gentleman. I have no idea what went wrong! What did I do! Ugh. sigh... I don't think anything went wrong. You wanted to go back to his place and you also wanted to have sex with him which you did. He is a college kid with lots of work to do and probably enjoyed the evening as much as you. He just doesn't want more. Were you expecting a relationship out of this? 1
curiouslysearching Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 The easiest way into a woman's pants is to establish a connection, usually by agreeing to lots of things the other says in a "wow, me too" sort of way, and to make references to the future (I.e. future plans and the like). That's because we subconsciously or consciously think there could be a future in it for us. Thereforenwe tell hours lves it couldn't he just sex. The irony is, it is just sex. It's how guys who get laid a lot, get laid a lot. I'm really sorry. she is dead on....and seems to have a very clear insight into both the desires and wants of men in general 1
CptInsano Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 I don't think the OP did anything wrong. Something good could have started under the circumstances, and if the OP genuinely wanted to have sex with him, then so be it. Better luck next time. 2
Author Didyouknow96 Posted March 16, 2017 Author Posted March 16, 2017 I don't think anything went wrong. You wanted to go back to his place and you also wanted to have sex with him which you did. He is a college kid with lots of work to do and probably enjoyed the evening as much as you. He just doesn't want more. Were you expecting a relationship out of this? I don't know..It's hard to say. I liked him but we would be kind of a strange couple and it wouldn't really work...but I at least would've liked some validation that he thought I was a decent human being. And by that I mean, texting me that he had a nice time, or responding to my text when I told him I couldn't make it Friday. I'm just wondering, should I have not gone for coffee with him when he seemed disinterested? It seemed rude to cancel when I had asked, and like my friend said, he probably wouldn't have asked me again. The date went really well though, and I don't go on dates often, like that was a big step for me, and it felt successful, but then he just never talked to me again! It's just annoying!
Author Didyouknow96 Posted March 16, 2017 Author Posted March 16, 2017 Exactly! Like isn't there something to be said for physical attraction? Like around the time the coffee place was closing I knew I at least wanted to kiss him goodbye because I felt very attracted to him. And no he wasn't just saying "wow yeah that's awesome!" the whole time. We were having a really great intellectual conversation about school and social media and college and growing up and it felt so nice...Like nothing I did felt like he was just getting in my pants. It felt super mutual. I just don't get why he had to completely disappear on me. We could've at least stayed friends or something.
stillafool Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 I don't know..It's hard to say. I liked him but we would be kind of a strange couple and it wouldn't really work...but I at least would've liked some validation that he thought I was a decent human being. And by that I mean, texting me that he had a nice time, or responding to my text when I told him I couldn't make it Friday. I'm just wondering, should I have not gone for coffee with him when he seemed disinterested? It seemed rude to cancel when I had asked, and like my friend said, he probably wouldn't have asked me again. The date went really well though, and I don't go on dates often, like that was a big step for me, and it felt successful, but then he just never talked to me again! It's just annoying! He definitely thought you were a decent enough person and that is why he had sex with you. He just doesn't want anything serious yet, or may have a girl at another school or back home he wants and this was just sex and a good time to him. Stop questioning yourself, you didn't do anything wrong and enjoyed yourself. 1
Author Didyouknow96 Posted March 16, 2017 Author Posted March 16, 2017 Sigh..I guess...I just hate how I'll probably never see this guy, whom I had a really great connection with, ever again. Like we don't even go to the same school, we're not going to be friends or anything.
Miss Spider Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 This is really a "date" to me...it's kinda like a "hangout" ..for it to be a date to me there is some implication of pursuing a romantic relationship or seeing each other again possibly... This is more like hanging for coffee then having a ONS, which is totally cool, but there's not really any expectation to contact one another after even if they think you're a great person. 4
Purepony Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 Exactly! Like isn't there something to be said for physical attraction? Like around the time the coffee place was closing I knew I at least wanted to kiss him goodbye because I felt very attracted to him. And no he wasn't just saying "wow yeah that's awesome!" the whole time. We were having a really great intellectual conversation about school and social media and college and growing up and it felt so nice...Like nothing I did felt like he was just getting in my pants. It felt super mutual. I just don't get why he had to completely disappear on me. We could've at least stayed friends or something. I get your interested in him and all but he just wanted sex ...! That's it and that's all ! He might call you again because he might want more sex but it will just be sex ! That's the game don't try to re invent the wheel 4
smackie9 Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 This is what college kids do...hang out, get laid, study. 6
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 Exactly! Like isn't there something to be said for physical attraction? Like around the time the coffee place was closing I knew I at least wanted to kiss him goodbye because I felt very attracted to him. And no he wasn't just saying "wow yeah that's awesome!" the whole time. We were having a really great intellectual conversation about school and social media and college and growing up and it felt so nice...Like nothing I did felt like he was just getting in my pants. It felt super mutual. I just don't get why he had to completely disappear on me. We could've at least stayed friends or something. He knows if you stay friends you will want more. He's getting that vibe off you. I mean I'm getting that vibe and I don't even know you and am only reading what you've written. So definitely he gets that feeling too. I agree with the poster who said something can come from ONS...but USUALLY (sorry) from people older than college age. Or let's reverse that...it's way less likely for a college-age guy to be putting forth the whole concerted-effort-to-get-laid game for a few days, along with dangled carrots ("we'll do X and Y together later...as a couple...are ya swooning yet?"), then want it all to blow up into a big romance. Can young people have great relationships...of course. Can young people have ONS that turn into something more...yeah...but...come on. Let's be realistic. College age guy + easy sex = / = "I am just dying to form an attachment with a future...I can see myself having children with this woman I just decked," said the world's smallest percentage of 19-year-old dudes ever.
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 I don't think the OP did anything wrong. Something good could have started under the circumstances, and if the OP genuinely wanted to have sex with him, then so be it. Better luck next time. But she did do something wrong...for her. She was clearly hoping for more, despite her saying now that she couldn't see it working, and so on. Because if she really did feel that way she wouldn't be upset enough about this to be continuing to put up protests (but he did this, but he said that) and to ask a few dozen strangers on the internet about it. I'm a woman. Read this woman's words and feel the feelings she had writing them...she's hurting. She did think there would be more. Given that, grabbing for the coffee date even though she knew even at that time that he wasn't into it (he had already lost interest, in just a couple of days) because otherwise he "might not ask her out again" (this too points to her obviously having wanted something to come of it) was definitely the wrong tack to take. She got hurt. It wasn't "wrong" as in morally wrong (IMO)...but it was the wrong thing to do if she wanted to protect her heart. She basically got desperate and pushed to continue a date that seems to have been given only half-heartedly, perhaps because she was hovering around him like a satellite and he just wanted to give her enough to satisfy her and send her on her way and because she was so adamant that he most likely figured "wow, this girl is SO gone on me, I guess I can at least get sex out of it". So this IS the lesson for the OP: you can not get a disinterested man back by sleeping with him (at the most you can be his occasional sex partner...that is, if he isn't afraid you'll be too attached, which this guy obviously is). And you can't get something "back" that was never there. Enthusiasm for a couple of hours or whatever is just part of being on the make, with you perhaps one of several girls he was trying this with in a rotation (ask the guys on here about having girls in a rotation ), it's not a promise that the person will be gone on you long-term...or even longer than a month, or a week. And in your age group, you need to move a little more slowly. Will A LOT of guys run if you don't give up sex instantaneously? Yes. But since that isn't what you want - a pump-and-dump - who cares if those guys run? You want to keep them there long enough for the pump-and-dump? Then what? Let those guys run. You wait for someone who seems to genuinely like you, longer-term. 1
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