lily999 Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 I got rejected by a guy recently. We started with something casual, and met for three times. After the last date, neither of us contacted each other until two weeks later, I texted him and told him that I missed him, but he rejected me as" I have to be honest, I have met a girl at work and have been out for a few dates". Was he trying to tell me that I should not talk to him again because he is found someone already? Before we met I told him that if he was not single I would not see him ,and he said he was single If I reject someone, I would say that I am not interested
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 It's hard to reject someone. Nobody really "does it right" because everyone has a different idea of what the "right" way is to get rejected. The bottom line is that none of us like to get rejected, so we'll almost invariably find some way to criticize how we were rejected. I have even seen the same person say something along the lines of "why couldn't she just be straight up with me and tell me she wasn't interested in me romantically?" about one date and then "why didn't she even soften the blow? Be nice about it? I mean she literally said 'I'm not interested in you romantically'" about another (some time apart, obviously). It is very hard to disappoint and hurt someone. IMO (and MO only, mind you), if a person is GOOD at rejecting, totally suave and smooth about it, THAT worries me, because just how much practice has this person had turning girls down left, right and center that he's so textbook flawless about it? That may sound counterintuitive but if you think about it, it's kind of true. Someone with a heart, someone who doesn't just throw women away like it's nothing is more likely to do things "badly" and/or to try to just be subtle (like your guy was) because he thinks he's softening the blow. I'm sorry this didn't work out. 1
dumbass2 Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 Sounds like he's met someone else that he might be trying a relationship with. If you liked this guy and missed him, why did you wait 2 weeks to text him? I get the impression from that, that NEITHER of you were that into each other. He's telling you he's not interested. That could be forever or just until things go sour with the new girl and he tries to contact you again. It was only 3 dates with you two, so not much invested on either side. 2
ashy555 Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 Sometimes it is softer blow than saying you are not interested. I have done it before. It could also be very true, so believe him. Either way, he has told you he is not interested so definitely don't contact him again.
curiouslysearching Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 remember...."there's no easy way to break someone's heart" 2
Author lily999 Posted March 16, 2017 Author Posted March 16, 2017 Sounds like he's met someone else that he might be trying a relationship with. If you liked this guy and missed him, why did you wait 2 weeks to text him? I get the impression from that, that NEITHER of you were that into each other. He's telling you he's not interested. That could be forever or just until things go sour with the new girl and he tries to contact you again. It was only 3 dates with you two, so not much invested on either side. You are right. Neither of us had invested much since it was just a quick fling. I remember the last time we got together he mentioned he wasn't looking for puppy love but a long term relationship. I didn't reciprocate because I thought he was not interested in me that way. But I still think about him here and there, thinking that if I missed a decent guy
Author lily999 Posted March 16, 2017 Author Posted March 16, 2017 Sometimes it is softer blow than saying you are not interested. I have done it before. It could also be very true, so believe him. Either way, he has told you he is not interested so definitely don't contact him again. I believed what he said. But I was wondering why he told me "they have been out for a few dates". I will definitely not contact him again. It has been nearly 2 months since I got rejected and I never sent him any texts or called him again
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 I believed what he said. But I was wondering why he told me "they have been out for a few dates". I will definitely not contact him again. It has been nearly 2 months since I got rejected and I never sent him any texts or called him again He's gently telling you that he's seeing her. It wasn't just a one-off. 1
ashy555 Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 Well it means he went on a few dates with someone else. I blew someone off a few months back after one date. I basically just said I wanted to explore where things went with someone else first. It wasn't 100% true but I was dating others. I just really didn't want to hurt his self esteem as he was a very decent guy.
Miss Spider Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 Well it means he went on a few dates with someone else. I blew someone off a few months back after one date. I basically just said I wanted to explore where things went with someone else first. It wasn't 100% true but I was dating others. I just really didn't want to hurt his self esteem as he was a very decent guy. This 100% . I can't vouch for guys but my "go to" rejection line is "sorry, I'm seeing someone/started seeing someone" even if it's not true. It's just a lot easier and like someone above said , there's no "nice" way to reject someone. 2
Miss Spider Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 I believed what he said. But I was wondering why he told me "they have been out for a few dates". I will definitely not contact him again. It has been nearly 2 months since I got rejected and I never sent him any texts or called him again Eeek. Met 3 times, two months since it ended and still pondering:( Do you follow him on social media? Have you been dating others?
Author lily999 Posted March 16, 2017 Author Posted March 16, 2017 It's hard to reject someone. Nobody really "does it right" because everyone has a different idea of what the "right" way is to get rejected. The bottom line is that none of us like to get rejected, so we'll almost invariably find some way to criticize how we were rejected. I have even seen the same person say something along the lines of "why couldn't she just be straight up with me and tell me she wasn't interested in me romantically?" about one date and then "why didn't she even soften the blow? Be nice about it? I mean she literally said 'I'm not interested in you romantically'" about another (some time apart, obviously). It is very hard to disappoint and hurt someone. IMO (and MO only, mind you), if a person is GOOD at rejecting, totally suave and smooth about it, THAT worries me, because just how much practice has this person had turning girls down left, right and center that he's so textbook flawless about it? That may sound counterintuitive but if you think about it, it's kind of true. Someone with a heart, someone who doesn't just throw women away like it's nothing is more likely to do things "badly" and/or to try to just be subtle (like your guy was) because he thinks he's softening the blow. I'm sorry this didn't work out. I think this guy was kinda honest& upfront and didn't mislead me that much, that was why I still kinda miss him now. At least he didn't continue to mislead me and keep me as a back up plan. After our first date, he did say that we had good chemistry and I refused to see him again twice(he was too busy so I felt I was ignored so I didn't wanna see him after the first date). He is very good looking and sweet, so he could easily get girls.
coolheadal Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 I got rejected by a guy recently. We started with something casual, and met for three times. After the last date, neither of us contacted each other until two weeks later, I texted him and told him that I missed him, but he rejected me as" I have to be honest, I have met a girl at work and have been out for a few dates". Was he trying to tell me that I should not talk to him again because he is found someone already? Before we met I told him that if he was not single I would not see him ,and he said he was single If I reject someone, I would say that I am not interested Nothing you can do! Things like this happen. At least you know why this happen. How you like to going around wondering what happen? Well pull yourself together and stop thinking about this guy has he has no intention of being with you ever again. Found who he wants, now it's your turn to find someone who can appreciate you for you and not the other way around.
scubasteve Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 They just ignore your texts/calls or just ghost you
GemmaUK Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 Sounds like you both ghosted on each other and neither of you were interested enough to keeping any contact going. I usually say I'm not interested, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't and a guy will ask me out again ignoring the fact I have said I am not interested in dating them.
Author lily999 Posted March 16, 2017 Author Posted March 16, 2017 Sounds like you both ghosted on each other and neither of you were interested enough to keeping any contact going. I usually say I'm not interested, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't and a guy will ask me out again ignoring the fact I have said I am not interested in dating them. After the first time I met him I sent him a text, then he initiated all the contacts. The third time I met him I didn't send him anything until two weeks later and was told by him he found someone else
RecentChange Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 Seems like a legitimate and reasonable rejection. Is "I am seeing someone else" any worse than, what? "I am not attracted to you" "I don't think we are compatable"? Is saying they met someone else worse than saying that they just rather not ever see you again? Rejection is a no win for the person doing it. That's why so many take the cowardly road and ghost.
stillafool Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 I wouldn't call it rejection he just found a girl he wants to date exclusively. That is what dating is about meeting people to decide who you could see yourself in a relationship with. At least he was honest and didn't keep you on the side.
preraph Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 I think "I'm sorry, but I realized we're not right for each other" covers most situations that are in early stages. 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 Seems like a legitimate and reasonable rejection. Is "I am seeing someone else" any worse than, what? "I am not attracted to you" "I don't think we are compatable"? Is saying they met someone else worse than saying that they just rather not ever see you again? Rejection is a no win for the person doing it. That's why so many take the cowardly road and ghost. Exactly. Is there a "less hurtful" choice in what to say when rejecting someone? It's all going to hurt. And I really can't believe "I'm sorry, I'm just not attracted to you/just not interested to you" is less hurtful than "I'm sorry, I'm seeing someone else." I mean that former is just...OUCH. The guy was trying to be nice. There's at least that. He thought enough of the OP to want to be sensitive to how she would feel. That is a nice thing. He did his best...rejection is horrible, but rejecting isn't a piece of cake either. 1
GemmaUK Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 After the first time I met him I sent him a text, then he initiated all the contacts. The third time I met him I didn't send him anything until two weeks later and was told by him he found someone else So you ghosted on him at that 3rd date, didn't even say you enjoyed the date - this was you ghosting. I'm guessing you weren't interested for whatever reason. If he (as you say) did the majority of initiating (and from what you have said he did almost all of it) it was definitely your turn to initiate at that point - he could then see interest from you and play with it. As it is you showed none so he moved on. Dating is two way, not one way. 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 After the first time I met him I sent him a text, then he initiated all the contacts. The third time I met him I didn't send him anything until two weeks later and was told by him he found someone else I don't think it makes any sense that you were the one pushing him away, you didn't answer him for weeks, you never initiated contact, yet you say now you're the one who feels rejected. Were you playing some sort of game? Hard-to-get? If so, you can see now that this doesn't really work, right? Not jumping into the person's lap is one thing, being utterly disinterested at pretty much every attempted contact is another. Don't play games next time. And forget about this guy...you're the one who didn't want him in the first place, according to you. Really, none of this makes any sense.
Author lily999 Posted March 16, 2017 Author Posted March 16, 2017 So you ghosted on him at that 3rd date, didn't even say you enjoyed the date - this was you ghosting. I'm guessing you weren't interested for whatever reason. If he (as you say) did the majority of initiating (and from what you have said he did almost all of it) it was definitely your turn to initiate at that point - he could then see interest from you and play with it. As it is you showed none so he moved on. Dating is two way, not one way. Thanks for your input. It gives me a different perspective. We agreed to start as something casual, so I guess he just interested in sex and nothing more. Even though he did say that it may grow more, but I thought he just wanted one more time sex. The last time it wasn't really a date, but a hook up. So I didn't feel any necessary to send him a "think you" text
smackie9 Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 (edited) You BOTH didn't contact each other for 2 weeks....that looks like a mutual understanding that you BOTH are not going to see each other again. BTW "casual" means you both are free to date others. Edited March 16, 2017 by smackie9 2
TheTraveler Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 Thanks for your input. It gives me a different perspective. We agreed to start as something casual, so I guess he just interested in sex and nothing more. Even though he did say that it may grow more, but I thought he just wanted one more time sex. The last time it wasn't really a date, but a hook up. So I didn't feel any necessary to send him a "think you" text What it sounds to me he was looking for something serious, you didn't reciprocate and wanted casual. You didn't send a text for weeks while he continued to date and found someone he's more aligned with i.e. a potential relationship. You finally reached out, and he told you truth. 1
Recommended Posts