LotusAvx Posted March 15, 2017 Posted March 15, 2017 In your opinion. Does it kill any chance of a relationship? I had a relationship for 4 years that started as a one night stand.. I am reading lots of articles that say it doesn't matter, that if a guy wants to be with you he will, so it doesn't matter how many dates it takes for you to have sex - because he truly wants you. Then some say they loose interest. I went out with a guy and we are both looking for long term and we are really into each other. Didn't have sex but it was really hard not too! I think if there is chemistry and you both already discussed what you are looking for (ie. long term) then why should it matter? If you could be with this person for a while potentially, why would it matter when you have sex? Isn't it good to know if there is any sexual chemistry sooner anyways? But then some stuff I read says that men will loose interest or loose respect for you if you "give it up too easy" and that they "want what they can't have" I know these are possibly like evolutionary things, but if two people are into each other does it really matter? And what if you wait 5 dates for example to have sex with someone, and they end it, or they could do the same after 1 date...so does it really matter??
basil67 Posted March 15, 2017 Posted March 15, 2017 I'd say that your experience has answered your own question 5
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 15, 2017 Posted March 15, 2017 In your opinion. Does it kill any chance of a relationship? I had a relationship for 4 years that started as a one night stand.. I am reading lots of articles that say it doesn't matter, that if a guy wants to be with you he will, so it doesn't matter how many dates it takes for you to have sex - because he truly wants you. Then some say they loose interest. I went out with a guy and we are both looking for long term and we are really into each other. Didn't have sex but it was really hard not too! I think if there is chemistry and you both already discussed what you are looking for (ie. long term) then why should it matter? If you could be with this person for a while potentially, why would it matter when you have sex? Isn't it good to know if there is any sexual chemistry sooner anyways? But then some stuff I read says that men will loose interest or loose respect for you if you "give it up too easy" and that they "want what they can't have" I know these are possibly like evolutionary things, but if two people are into each other does it really matter? And what if you wait 5 dates for example to have sex with someone, and they end it, or they could do the same after 1 date...so does it really matter?? 1. Leave evolution out of this. 2. We are hearing what YOU are saying, but not the other person. YOU HAVE NO IDEA IF HE WANTS A LTR! People who want a one night stand and/or sex early on ALWAYS tell you that they want a LTR. If #2 is okay with you, go for it. You are both attracted and it sounds like you want to sleep with him. 3
dumbass2 Posted March 15, 2017 Posted March 15, 2017 Have sex on the first date date or the 30th. What ever works for YOU. Just remember that since you do not know this person, every word out of their mouth could be lies just to get you to bed. Everyone is on their best behavior (usually) in early stages of dating. If you are emotionally prepared to have sex with someone with intentions of dating them long term, just be prepared and not surprised when one time you do it and the guy disappears. Sex does not mean the same thing to people. Some think it means something very personal and can get easily attached. Others, maybe because of upbringing or past relationships and cheating and what not, have become more emotionless when it comes to the physical part. They enjoy it, but it doesn't mean anything special to them.
alphamale Posted March 15, 2017 Posted March 15, 2017 in reality, when you sleep with someone has little to do with how long the relationship will last. but, and that's a big but, its always better to wait as long as you can when you really like someone a lot.
preraph Posted March 15, 2017 Posted March 15, 2017 Just depends on the two people and their beliefs about that and how strong a connection you had. It certainly can't hurt if you just kiss on the first date and tell a guy it's too soon to fall into his arms. No one will mark you down for that except a guy only after sex.
RecentChange Posted March 15, 2017 Posted March 15, 2017 I had sex on the first official date (we met at a party, and went on a date two days later). That was 15 years, four months and two weeks ago. We are still together (now married). In my case it definitely didn't matter. 6
alphamale Posted March 15, 2017 Posted March 15, 2017 In my case it definitely didn't matter. yea it usually doesn't but you never know 2
RecentChange Posted March 15, 2017 Posted March 15, 2017 ^^ yeah I guess I don't know how some guys work. How does it go? "Man I am just wild about this girl! She's cute, smart, everything I would want in a girl - but after we both felt crazy chemistry, she slept with me on the first date (even though I wanted to!). She must be a s***. Gotta dump her" 1
Author LotusAvx Posted March 15, 2017 Author Posted March 15, 2017 that's exactly how i feel! wouldn't they want to continue especially if they liked her and sex was good?
kendahke Posted March 15, 2017 Posted March 15, 2017 In your opinion. Does it kill any chance of a relationship? I had a relationship for 4 years that started as a one night stand.. I am reading lots of articles that say it doesn't matter, that if a guy wants to be with you he will, so it doesn't matter how many dates it takes for you to have sex - because he truly wants you. Then some say they loose interest. I went out with a guy and we are both looking for long term and we are really into each other. Didn't have sex but it was really hard not too! I think if there is chemistry and you both already discussed what you are looking for (ie. long term) then why should it matter? If you could be with this person for a while potentially, why would it matter when you have sex? Isn't it good to know if there is any sexual chemistry sooner anyways? But then some stuff I read says that men will loose interest or loose respect for you if you "give it up too easy" and that they "want what they can't have" I know these are possibly like evolutionary things, but if two people are into each other does it really matter? And what if you wait 5 dates for example to have sex with someone, and they end it, or they could do the same after 1 date...so does it really matter?? Depends upon the expectations of the people involved. Sex on a first date can lead to a relationship and it can lead to going on ignore/block.
TheBathWater Posted March 15, 2017 Posted March 15, 2017 Sleeping with someone on a first date doesn't always ruin the chance for a relationship, but delaying sex for at least several dates or weeks will never ruin a chance for a relationship. 1
RecentChange Posted March 15, 2017 Posted March 15, 2017 Sleeping with someone on a first date doesn't always ruin the chance for a relationship, but delaying sex for at least several dates or weeks will never ruin a chance for a relationship. Is this a given though? I am a very sexual person. I am not the type to wait several weeks. If a guy wanted to hold out for weeks, I would start to wonder if he was attracted to me / feeling the same chemistry etc. I think hard fast rules are really hard to apply successfully to complex situations. 2
emsx0x Posted March 15, 2017 Posted March 15, 2017 Usually having sex too soon before you really know them ruins the excitement of when you finally do. The guys I really like I hold out for that reason. If I didn't really care if I saw long term with the guy but I was attracted to him then yeah, why not. But don't expect anything too serious after. That's my take.
Miss Spider Posted March 15, 2017 Posted March 15, 2017 (edited) *In before some red piller comes in with his evolutionary biology crap about how men find "easy" women unappealing because if they'll sleep with them quickly they'll do it with anyone most likely and men risk so much "siring another man's seed" (they really say it like that) or some shiz* That was your experience. With one man. Maybe he is a guy who holds these views. That humans are little removed from their biological instincts and women who are sexual with THEM are sexual with EVERYONE. And it's okay for men to like and want sex, but women who do it are damaged and "loose". But I think these people are idiots. Could it be he was just never into you that much:looking for anything more to begin with? A lot of times waiting for sex can benefit a woman because guys will stay around longer so you have that window to develop an emotional bond with him..but if he likes you and the sex is good..he'll probably come around again anyway? I've always been a good girl. Wait for sex months in, building bond, but it's never has it benefited me any more than my friends who are free spirits and sleep with guys whenever they want to. It's just wasted more of my time. I've only been with 1 guy and I waited and he didn't respect me more. I just haven't seen play out in real life, but I must admit my circle/type is a little less traditional. Edited March 15, 2017 by Cookiesandough 3
d0nnivain Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 I read an article recently that said dating habits are changing. Some people now want sex before the official first date because if the sex is bad, they don't want to stick around. It's a personal choice & will vary. If you made a choice to have sex, and weren't pressured into it & you enjoyed it, that is all that matters. It's unfortunate that some people may jump to conclusions about your morals over it but as long as you can look yourself in the mirror afterwards do what works for you. 3
Arieswoman Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 As I've said in other posts, IMO it's a mistake to show the movie before the trailer It's a personal choice, but I wouldn't do it. 1
GoldSparkz Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 As I've said in other posts, IMO it's a mistake to show the movie before the trailer It's a personal choice, but I wouldn't do it. I agree. Also, the problem is you never know whether the ONS will develop into a relationship, so you're better off waiting. Because if things do develop into a flourishing relationship then what difference would it make if you waited? If it doesn't develop into a relationship then at least you walk away with your pride...and sexual health:laugh: Basically there are less risks if you hold off having sex on the first date. 2
5x5 Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 I don't think it matters. My ex-wife and I had sex within hours of meeting at a party, My third longest relationship, was with a woman who I had sex with at the end of our second date. While my 2nd wife (we've been together for close to 21 years, married for almost 18) and I had sex on our third date (with our first two dates occurring on the same day). Everyone else I had sex with was mostly on the night we met, or the first or second date, with a few that went to the third or fourth date. In all instances where sex hadn't occurred by the fourth date as such, I let them go since I presumed they weren't particularly attracted to me sexually. 1
greenbee81 Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 I've been on 5 dates without sex and was called an emotional tampon by a member here. I think it's fine if you do and fine if you don't. My girl mentioned it was time (tonight) and I think it builds up the experience? .ive slept with girls usually the first date, and some went to be 4 year relationships and some a week
Whodatdog Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 People have sex all the times with people they barely know, even people they barely like. Its just sex. What makes sex different is when you have a deeper feeling for someone. So there truly isnt a special number of dates to have, its more spiritual than that. You can have sex on the first date with someone and they never call you again, or you can have sex on the first date and get married 6 months later. Its all about the deeper feelings. 1
OatsAndHall Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 I don't sleep with women on a first date because I tend to get too involved emotionally if I do so. This can blind me from potential red flags which is never a good thing. I we slept together straight off the bat, it means that the date went well and that I feel that there is potential between the two of us. This will lend itself to a few more dates (also involving sex) where I will ignore red flags and thing just get ugly from there. I had my fair share of one night stands in college and it never ended well.
Miss Peach Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 If you are good with it and can handle whatever comes out of it then it's OK. But if you did I would go into it assuming it's a ONS and if it's not then fine. Personally speaking I am very sexual but I like to wait to know who I'm sharing it with. It doesn't seem very common lately. I like to have a little but of a non-sexual connection first. My current BF was my exception. I was rebounding and didn't think he would really have a chance with me. I didn't do it on a first date but I did have sex after a few dates which is early for me. He questioned me for awhile wondering about my values there. Even though he did it too, he's inexperienced and was with his college GF for over 20 years. So there were some ramifications even though he's been in.
Simple Logic Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 Personally, I have always wanted some emotional connection before sex and wanted to know I wasn't going to contact an STD first. 2
TheWoman Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 I prefer to have sex on the first date if I'm attracted. Sex is really important to me, so I want to know asap if that side of things will be good. That being said, I have only got to that point with a small number of people in my life. And every time it has resulted in a relationship. I let my intuition lead the way.
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