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I broke up with commitmentphobic guy and now I feel guilt:((((

shahjskalio

By shahjskalio
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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shahjskalio Member

shahjskalio

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We have been talking ad dating for 5 months. In the beginning he was always chasing me, was loving and caring. But then he started to get distant and wasn't loving and acted very indifferent. I know he has commitment issues because he told me from day one and I was stupid enough to continue seeing him. He told me he was never in a relationship because he has commitment issues and he's afraid to get hurt. He also suffers from depression and anxiety. And his profile was still up on the dating site that we met on. So yesterday out of the blue I texted him and said "let's not hangout anymore, I hope you find a great girl". I said that because I got tired of his distance and him ruining my self esteem and causing me anxiety. After I texted him that, he didn't reply. Now I feel like I hurt him cause he didn't reply and I feel guilt. How do I stop feeling this awful guilt guys??

breadbin Established Member

breadbin

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You probably did hurt him. He's probably going no contact to heal himself. I'd respect his space.

hunk Established Member

hunk

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You don't "feel guilty because you hurt him" you're shocked that your emotional blackmail text message to him had no effect on him. Please be real with yourself. You sent that message as a last ditch attempt to get him to notice you and want to be with you in the way you wanted him to be, to make it look like you were over him when you know you aren't, you expected it to work and him to respond saying what you wanted him to hear ("I want to be with you") and he didn't do that and now you feel like you've been rejected because he didn't react and took it as a sign to move on, you definitely don't feel guilty you've "hurt him".

 

He told you from day one he had commitment issues. He was never that into you and if he didn't respond to this message then I would take that as a sign to move on and go find someone else. He was probably sleeping with other people and this relationship would never have progressed into what you wanted it to, most probably because he just wasn't that into you.

 

I have been that man, many, many times. Trust me. He will never become available to you if he wasn't already.

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shahjskalio Member

shahjskalio

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No I actually sent that message because I was mad and tired. His profile was also up on tinder so that was the last straw for me.

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hunk Established Member

hunk

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Exactly, you didn't think it through and just sent it as a last ditch knee jerk attempt to get a reaction from him. You should've called him up and explained to him why his behavior was making you upset and that you couldn't be in a relationship with him while he was behaving the way he was and then maybe you'd have a proper conversation/communication and make some progress.

Fleur de cactus Established Member

Fleur de cactus

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Sorry to hear that your in this situation. But you had no choice. If he was not available to you , don't feel guilty. Just move on . He may be silent to make you feel guilty. Trust your guts and move on. All the best.

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Whodatdog Established Member

Whodatdog

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You assume a lot. I think you are assuming what you WANT him to feel, but for all you know, he read your text and thought "thank god Im rid of her". You did say he was getting distant and indifferent. Maybe you gave him an easy out.

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Maldives Established Member

Maldives

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Ye im him but not scared of commitment but hav trust issues. It cld be a possibility he's protecting himself. We can only assume that's the difficult thing wth these things only he knows or maybe he doesn't and he's gone quiet to figure out what his feeling. Guess this doesn't give u much clarity sorry.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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We have been talking ad dating for 5 months. In the beginning he was always chasing me, was loving and caring. But then he started to get distant and wasn't loving and acted very indifferent. I know he has commitment issues because he told me from day one and I was stupid enough to continue seeing him. He told me he was never in a relationship because he has commitment issues and he's afraid to get hurt. He also suffers from depression and anxiety. And his profile was still up on the dating site that we met on. So yesterday out of the blue I texted him and said "let's not hangout anymore, I hope you find a great girl". I said that because I got tired of his distance and him ruining my self esteem and causing me anxiety. After I texted him that, he didn't reply. Now I feel like I hurt him cause he didn't reply and I feel guilt. How do I stop feeling this awful guilt guys??

 

He isn't hurt. You did the heavy lifting for him by breaking it off. He made it clear that he doesn't want a commitment and probably sensed you wanted one so it was time to end it. Next time when a guy tells you he isn't looking for a commitment don't date him if you want more. Don't expect a person who doesn't want a commitment to give you more. It's time to move on.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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No I actually sent that message because I was mad and tired. His profile was also up on tinder so that was the last straw for me.

 

But he told you he didn't want a commitment which means he would be dating other people too. Why were you surprised? Believe them when they tell you something like that.

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todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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im sorry this has happened but you have your answer.....in his silence let it go now and heal.....dont feel guilty he doesnt care either way...

 

you played your hand wasnt a good hand to play to a commitment phobe..you either play their way or not at all.......your hand you played was a get out of goal free card as trump ...he took it..............you tried...let him go..... find a guy who has the same level of commitment as you do .....good luck...deb

Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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We have been talking ad dating for 5 months. In the beginning he was always chasing me, was loving and caring. But then he started to get distant and wasn't loving and acted very indifferent. I know he has commitment issues because he told me from day one and I was stupid enough to continue seeing him. He told me he was never in a relationship because he has commitment issues and he's afraid to get hurt. He also suffers from depression and anxiety. And his profile was still up on the dating site that we met on. So yesterday out of the blue I texted him and said "let's not hangout anymore, I hope you find a great girl". I said that because I got tired of his distance and him ruining my self esteem and causing me anxiety. After I texted him that, he didn't reply. Now I feel like I hurt him cause he didn't reply and I feel guilt. How do I stop feeling this awful guilt guys??

 

Your message seems kinda moot because you hadn't been hanging out recently apparently because he's been distant. You don't have anything to feel guilty about.

 

The guy gave you a heads up and you finally got the message . . . he's not responding because he's thinking "she finally got the message".

 

And, lots of times, guys/people will start dating and open with that disclaimer -- depressed, commitmentphobic, etc. so that they have an out when they decide the person they are dating isn't the one for them anyway or when they get lazy about dating that person. This way no one is "surprised".

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