mia251 Posted March 14, 2017 Posted March 14, 2017 So, I've been talking to a guy who I met through a dating app. I know I have to be careful and it's quite common now to meet people online... Anyway, we've been talking on the phone, texting and SnapChatting pics for over 5 months now. He is legitimate. Like not a catfish or anything because he has social media, and its similar to mine so i know he isn't pretending. I really really like him. We're planning to meet either this month or the next but I'm so scared and nervous. He makes me feel so comfortable and happy. I'm not afraid to be me and just be open with him. I know I haven't met him yet but he wants more like I do. Like I said, I'm scared about meeting him because I don't want him not to like me in person. He likes me now but it would hurt a lot if he didn't like me after meeting me. I've sent him pics of me every week (not nudes!) Even with no make up on and with messy wet just got out the shower hair. And he sends me pics back. But I don't know. My worst trait is paranoia and over thinking near enough everything. I hate that it is scaring me because I like this guy so much and i don't want it to end after meeting him in person. I don't want it to end.
Telemachus Posted March 14, 2017 Posted March 14, 2017 You're scared, but not for your personal and physical safety. That's the main thing that should be your concern leading up to a first in-person meeting. It's customary to bring a friend with you for the initial meeting. As you're arranging a meeting, inform him that you'll have a friend with you. Spend a few minutes, the three of you; have her note a few identifying details from his driver's license, and then confer with you privately. If he seems like a psycho to her, then you and she leave together. If he doesn't, then your friend leaves the two of you alone. All she walks away with are a few noted details like his name, address, and the state of issue of his DL. If you never return from your date or return in damaged condition, they'll be needed. Moreover, you have no idea whether he's a rude and self-important person. An excellent indicator of how he treats people will be how he speaks to a hostess or server in a restaurant on your first date. Many a seemingly wonderful man caused a date to bail-out on first meeting by being rude or using offensive language to or about someone in a service profession. You have no idea. It's important because it's a good indicator of how he'll treat you. No matter how "legitimate" you consider him to be, you really don't know, specifically because you met him online. The fact that you've been exchanging messages, thoughts, and pictures for five months and have never met in person indicates to me that he may be married or that he otherwise makes a game of establishing online connections. You may be one of many. I know that you didn't consider any of this to be what you're worried about, but it's what should concern you. As to whether you'll hit it off and he'll like you as much as you like him, time will tell, but get past step one first. That isn't step one.
somanymistakes Posted March 14, 2017 Posted March 14, 2017 Really no matter where you meet someone there's always a risk when you don't know them well, and it's a good idea to have friends handy and bailouts planned just in case. Many online relationships work out just fine! But better to be safe. As far as whether you'll like each other in person - there's usually a bit of an adjustment period where you get used to what it's like REALLY being there next to each other. Expect it to be weird for both of you on your first date. If you've built a good friendship online, you should be able to adapt to each other by the second day or so. Good luck!
whichwayisup Posted March 14, 2017 Posted March 14, 2017 I'm not afraid to be me and just be open with him. I know I haven't met him yet but he wants more like I do. Like I said, I'm scared about meeting him because I don't want him not to like me in person. He likes me now but it would hurt a lot if he didn't like me after meeting me. I'm sure he probably feels the same way. Just one concern, you're worried about him not liking you but don't you think maybe you possibly may not like him once you meet him to face to face? Online it's easy and the mind fills in the gaps, you can talk 20 times a day. Just don't build this up and have high expectations. Meet in a public place and DO tell your friends and family where you are going with him.
Popsicle Posted March 15, 2017 Posted March 15, 2017 You made yourself scared by chatting to him for 5 months. You should meet right away after making online contact.
d0nnivain Posted March 15, 2017 Posted March 15, 2017 5 months is way too long to chat without meeting. You are now infatuated with the idea of who the other should be while having no idea who the other actually is. You need to remember you are a great person. You need to be concerned about your own safety. Meet in public. Have a back up plan. My preference -- a friend planted at the public place but at the very least a phone call so you can fake an emergency & leave if he's awful. Your secondary fear ought to be that he's not genuine & you don't like him. Where do those factor into your feelings? 2
somanymistakes Posted March 15, 2017 Posted March 15, 2017 5 months without meeting isn't unusual in international cases where managing to meet is quite expensive and difficult. Again, it will be weird for a day or so while you adjust. It WILL change things.
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