Why is my ex gettin her mental connection from me instead of her new man?

[keiji]

-I DO understand i cannot get back together with her, she has a new man

 

Here is the problem. The reason you are not with her again is that she has a new man. After all you two have gone through, it's her that doesn't want to be with you because she's found a replacement. If she called you now, you'd leave the house running in your underwear and barefoot. You haven't learnt a thing.

Edited March 17, 2017 by keiji

[Haydn]

And my ex sent me a text:

 

"I talked with man till 3'o clock at night and he did not like about our meeting at sunday".

 

of course not. Who would?

 

She is with her new man. I have no room in that. She wants to be with him.

 

I know that. I just need to keep on moving. I do like the fact she doesn't hate me anymore.

 

 

You talked to her BF?

 

You are not supposed to contact her, let alone him. Stop creeping around her and let her go etc...

 

You said you feel it was her and not you, so you have your answers.

 

Now move on.

 

Before this gets beyond out of control.

[Protec]

You talked to her BF?

 

You are not supposed to contact her, let alone him. Stop creeping around her and let her go etc...

 

You said you feel it was her and not you, so you have your answers.

 

Now move on.

 

Before this gets beyond out of control.

 

But she called me last night...i thought about calling but she called me first.

She wants to talk with me. Maybe she genuenily thinks me as her friend now.

 

I mean she gave me handmade necklace, she gave me the armband back she gave me year ago...she apologized for our breakup and ****ty stuff that happened between us.

 

What is her motive?

 

She has new man. She doesn't need me, yet she does.

[Protec]

You talked to her BF?

 

You are not supposed to contact her, let alone him. Stop creeping around her and let her go etc...

 

You said you feel it was her and not you, so you have your answers.

 

Now move on.

 

Before this gets beyond out of control.

 

No, that is a typo i made. She talked with her man till 3 o'clock at midnight and talked with her man.

[goldway90]

I need to be extra careful. I am actually feeling better than months ago. Therapy has helped. YEs, i still contacted her but i actually got what i wanted from her. Answers. Conclusion.

 

You got your answers from her it's time to BLOCK HER. What you're doing is a textbook mental gymnastics from your last threads, and we all know the ending of that story.

[Protec]

You got your answers from her it's time to BLOCK HER. What you're doing is a textbook mental gymnastics from your last threads, and we all know the ending of that story.

 

I am not falling for her anymore... I cannot. She is not interested in me. It would be a suicide.

[Haydn]

No you are not falling for her.

 

You are obsessed with her.

 

Do yourself a massive favour and just stop.

[VeveCakes]

And my ex sent me a text:

 

"I talked with man till 3'o clock at night and he did not like about our meeting at sunday".

 

of course not. Who would?

 

She is with her new man. I have no room in that. She wants to be with him.

 

I know that. I just need to keep on moving. I do like the fact she doesn't hate me anymore.

 

So she talked to you for 47 minutes but she talked to her man until 3am and she has no mental connection with him??? Righttt.....

 

She is going to pin the two of your against each other...this woman is severely unstable.

 

One point you said she doesn't have therapy now you are saying she does? Which is it?

 

Are you still disgusted in how she handles her children? Maybe you could use this time to address that, since last time you were hell bent on calling child services on her. Here is the perfect opportunity to help those children you were so concerned about.

[Protec]

So she talked to you for 47 minutes but she talked to her man until 3am and she has no mental connection with him??? Righttt.....

 

She is going to pin the two of your against each other...this woman is severely unstable.

 

One point you said she doesn't have therapy now you are saying she does? Which is it?

 

Are you still disgusted in how she handles her children? Maybe you could use this time to address that, since last time you were hell bent on calling child services on her. Here is the perfect opportunity to help those children you were so concerned about.

 

 

Veve, i don't really know if she goes to therapy atm. She is still on medication though.

 

Unstable yes. I wish i could translate the email she sent me. It was pure hate towards me. And yet suddenly she wanted to go movies with me.

 

And yes, i am worried how the children are. But she lives with her new man now so i guess they are ok. And now they have 4 childs. 2 from my ex, and 2 from her man.

 

Well. I just need to live my own life and concentrate on my own well being, as i've done this far, with varied results. I do feel better, much better than lets say... 4 months ago.

 

I do understand she is not the right woman for me, but that doesn't mean i should not care about her. I do have very deep emotions towards that woman.

 

I just wonder what kind of a man is her new man...since he lets her drink so much wine she is still drunk at the morning and she has to go to work!

 

"oh, i passed out on my bed"

 

Of course, it's not my business anymore, i just wonder....

 

And yes, i let her drink too, but i would have never let her drink if i'd knew she had job at the morning.

 

I worry too much. She is going to be fine. It's not really my business at all.

[Protec]

No...it's draining me again. Mentally. I think about her all the time... i just want to be with her too much. I feel so much at peace when i am with her. There is no worries, nothing matters, i am completely free when i am with her.

 

Still thinking about asking that co-worker out from my ex-workplace. If i could get out with her, maybe i would finally stop obsessing about my ex.

[VeveCakes]

No...it's draining me again. Mentally. I think about her all the time... i just want to be with her too much. I feel so much at peace when i am with her. There is no worries, nothing matters, i am completely free when i am with her.

 

Still thinking about asking that co-worker out from my ex-workplace. If i could get out with her, maybe i would finally stop obsessing about my ex.

 

That's not how healthy dating works. Get over the one then go dating. I thought the co worker was clear she wasn't interested?

[rester]

-Seeing ex-bf secretly (she did that to me too, new year eve, but dumped me for 2 days

-Got drunk in the middle of week

-Talked about how crazy her all ex's are ( a HUGE red flag i am now aware of)

-Tried to lure me in to move in with her only after 2 months of knowing (i didn't fall for that, her new man did)

-Forgets to take her medication / uses alcohol w/ medication

 

For your own physical safety...leave this woman alone. Block her from everything. If all her exes are crazy, there is a high chance her new man is also crazy...and violent. Tread cautiously. Get on with your life. This should have been over a long time ago.

[Protec]

I need someone to be able to not think her all the time. I need someone to spend time with, and no, male friends don't do it. Trust me, i've tried. One weekend i was at my friends house, we played boardgame and got some alcohol. IT was nice evening / night. I was so god damn drunk. But still i felt alone. I felt lonely. Something is missing.

 

Even now i just want to call her. Every god damn cell in my body wants to call her, be next to her.

 

She was my drug. I always felt so calm and peaful next to her. Even if we didn't talk, but just held hands, i was at peace. I can feel it that my body relaxes and i feel perfect.

 

No. I don't have medication. And i had a small date couple weeks back, but she was not my type really. A very nice woman and we talked about this and that but physically she was not my type...and i guess i was not hers since we never met again, i asked even. But even with her, i felt lonely.

 

I feel lonely. Even when i am amongst my friends i feel lonely. They are good friends, i have known them for all my life. I still feel lonely.

 

MY ex is the only person i have ever encountered to remove the loneliness from me completely. When i am next to her i feel complete. I don't know why.

 

I have dated before, my 1st girlfriend was very nice. Awesome woman, beautiful, funny, sexy, kind, and we got along nicely and we had some very good times together and i dated her for 2,5 years but not even her made me feel like this.

 

I know this sounds like insane babbling, but this is not funny for me at all.

 

When i sat next tomy ex in the cafe, we looked each other in the eyes, i could feel it. When she touched my hand i felt it even stronger. The passion, the lust, the crazy chemistry we had between me and her. She even sniffed my scent when she hugged me (behind my ear and neck).

 

And we can talk about anything. We make each other laugh. We share similar ideas, we are both have very creative minds.

 

I could tell she wanted to hug me for a long time. But she couldn't because of her new man. "Gosh i would like to hold you close so badly....but i can't".

 

Maybe i just need to go sleep now.

Edited March 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[VeveCakes]

No, replacing your thoughts of one women with another is not healthy. You HAVE to learn how to be content on your own before you are ready to date.

 

You are supposed to not be drinking... what happened with that.

 

Again, as stated by every single person more than once, that isn't connection. It's your attachment style, it's your mania, it's your issues that make you think you have this insane connection. Just because you dated someone for two years who didn't give you the feels doesn't mean what you feel for your ex is love. You're obsessed. It's unhealthy. No one made you date the other ex for two years. That's on you.

 

Now stop wasting another two years on a woman who will do nothing destroy your life. She is using you and you can't even see it. All this stuff she can't do because of her "new man". She had no problem doing to him when you and her were dating.

 

Call your therapist asap.

[Protec]

Veve, i have always been able to forget all my exes.

 

When my 1st girlfriend dumped me, it hurt like hell. She even tried to get me back. "I can get you back anytime i want."

 

You know what i replied to her? "You can try, but you will never succeed". And she never did. I made up my mind. She was dead to me. 2,5 years together, my first girlfriend.

 

My 2nd GF cheated me. I couldn't even touch her or look at her for months. We tried again, it never worked out so she dumped me. I forgot about her in few months. After a year we started talking again and saw each other now and then as friends. I had no feelings like this towards her at all. I was not obsessed about her at all. She was simply my friend. we never touched each other and barely even hugged, we kept our distance.

 

And same thing with every other GF i've had. I've usually gotten around in 3-5 months. And usually i've gotten more energy after those breakups, i've started to live better.

 

But this one...this one i don't understand at all. What the hell she did to me. Why i am so obsessed about this woman? Why can't i get over this one at all?

[Protec]

I have lots of thoughts so i may jump from place to place pretty quickly. And i have been at psychiatrist, and my therapist. I am completely normal. I have cyclothymia and depression and i do have rapid mind. So i write stuff as they come to my head. Sorry for being "all over the place" that is not my intention.

[VeveCakes]

I've already explained it's because of your insecure attachment and she is avoidant. It triggers you. Download the book "Attached" and real it NOW. It's on iTunes.

[Protec]

I've already explained it's because of your insecure attachment and she is avoidant. It triggers you. Download the book "Attached" and real it NOW. It's on iTunes.

 

But why am i only attached to this ex this badly? That's what i want to find out.

[VeveCakes]

But why am i only attached to this ex this badly? That's what i want to find out.

 

For the THIRD time because she is "avoidant" type. It triggers you. When you meet another, the same will happen. This is what you think "connection" is. Insecure and avoidant attachment styles will always be trouble and do not end in happiness.

 

You need to understand this so you can avoid it in the future.

 

You can not keep her in your life in a healthy way. Time to let go.

[Protec]

For the THIRD time because she is "avoidant" type. It triggers you. When you meet another, the same will happen. This is what you think "connection" is. Insecure and avoidant attachment styles will always be trouble and do not end in happiness.

 

You need to understand this so you can avoid it in the future.

 

You can not keep her in your life in a healthy way. Time to let go.

 

Avoidant... Can you be bit more specific? So do you mean like "push-pull" behaviour? She pushes me away, pulls me in, pushes away again...so i get emotionally attached?

[Protec]

You are right Veve.

 

I read this: 6 Signs of a Love Avoidant | Relationship Avoidannce | Love Addiction Help - Recovering from Love Addiction | Treatment for Love Addiction | Recover - Heal - Overcome Obsessive Love in Relationships

 

And yes, this does ring a bell.

 

"Additionally, a love avoidant partner can become a love addict- not in the relationship, but outside. More common than many people imagine, they can be in a committed relationship (or married), and become extremely addicted and obsessed with a person outside the relationship. "

 

She has cheated all her partners as far is i know.

Edited March 17, 2017 by Protec

[Protec]

Anyway, i think i try to overanalyze this situation again too much. I just need to live my life just like i lived when she was not in my life. Doing my stuff, seeing friends, etc.

[Els]

A better question: Why are you allowing her to contact you if your breakup was so nasty the POLICE had to get involved??

[William]

It appears another member purge is in order so I'll close this up and get things cleaned up later.

 

Short version is the topic was a question about why an ex was getting her mental connection from the starter instead of a new man and turned into accusations of delusion and mental illness of the starter, clear excursions into incivility and emotional extortion which are cause for permanent removal from our forum. I'd suggest members read our guidelines of discussion and follow them, or don't and be gone from here. It's sad that moderation is the only thing between the horde and people seeking civil and respectful advice and insight.

 

=================

 

OK, both myself and moderator ~T worked the thread and processed out the most inflammatory and demeaning content but left some tangentially/potentially such content because the thread starter's responses would have to be deleted as well and to the extent they addressed the topic we erred on the side of retention. A number of members lost their posting privileges and the thread will remain closed since this content appears to trigger people to forget our rules and just go off. Hopefully the thread starter gained some insight and we won't be revisiting this again any time soon. Please do not start any threads in the near future about this same content. Thanks and have a pleasant weekend!

Edited March 18, 2017 by William
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