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Why is my ex gettin her mental connection from me instead of her new man?

Protec

By Protec
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Blanco Established Member

Blanco

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Her potentially monkey-branching to a new guy would've been like the 39th worst thing she did in this relationship.

 

The fact that Protec is even flirting with venturing down this path shows that he has A) not learned his lesson B) is at fault for any pain or negative experiences he shall have from interacting with this woman.

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Protec Established Member

Protec

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Her potentially monkey-branching to a new guy would've been like the 39th worst thing she did in this relationship.

 

The fact that Protec is even flirting with venturing down this path shows that he has A) not learned his lesson B) is at fault for any pain or negative experiences he shall have from interacting with this woman.

 

I try to keep my head cool... truth is i really like talking with her.

It was not my imagination. Even after 6 months break we still enjoy talking to each other and the chemistry is still there...

 

Can we be just friends? I don't know... It just feels our chemistry is too strong.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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I try to keep my head cool... truth is i really like talking with her.

It was not my imagination. Even after 6 months break we still enjoy talking to each other and the chemistry is still there...

 

Can we be just friends? I don't know... It just feels our chemistry is too strong.

 

So what's stopping her from breaking up with her boyfriend and coming back to you?

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Protec Established Member

Protec

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So what's stopping her from breaking up with her boyfriend and coming back to you?

 

She is happy with her new man. that is.

Blanco Established Member

Blanco

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The thing about chemistry is that it can sometimes lead to combustion. "Chemistry" in cases like this, I believe, aren't necessarily a good thing. When you're in the midst of it all, it's easy to confuse the highs and lows of drama-fused relationships with "chemistry."

 

Personally, I don't think you two can or should be friends. Too much craziness went down and there's plenty of evidence on this forum alone that you two are not positive influences in each other's lives.

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Protec Established Member

Protec

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The thing about chemistry is that it can sometimes lead to combustion. "Chemistry" in cases like this, I believe, aren't necessarily a good thing. When you're in the midst of it all, it's easy to confuse the highs and lows of drama-fused relationships with "chemistry."

 

Personally, I don't think you two can or should be friends. Too much craziness went down and there's plenty of evidence on this forum alone that you two are not positive influences in each other's lives.

 

Yeah. You could be right... But for some reason we feel very confy around each other. At least for now. Things could change again tomorrow.

 

I just came back from my therapist and she said "99% of the people would not see that person ever again" She talked about my ex.

 

Also she asked if my ex is sometimes in hospital treatment. I said "no". Therapist answered "well, what you told me now, she should be"

 

I admit, i feel easier now than trying to force myself not to contact her.

 

Somehow it feels like a stone has been lifted off from my chest. I definitely feel better somehow.

 

She has been very quiet again...i guess her mind switched again..

 

OH. And i got kicked off from work. I was at... test-time? What you call it? Anyway, i got panic attacks and anxiety amongst people, so doctor thought i am not suitatable for that work and they laid me off.

 

Oh well. I just need to find a job that suits for me better. Maybe some kind of office work would be better.

keiji Established Member

keiji

Posted
Posted (edited)
We discussed about this with my ex last night. Why is that we are so drawn to each other?

 

We have a strange connection between us. She told me even before i said it "I've had this empty feeling inside me ever since"

 

She even gave me a handmade necklace to me.

 

There is no denying it. We do have a strong connection between us. IT's been half year since we have last talked and seen each other. It felt like there never wasn't even a day apart between us. We continued where we left.

It was strange. I cannot explain it. She cannot explain it.

 

She told me "I've had you blocked for a long time now,but every now and then, i've been going to check out if you had sent anything to me, kinda wished that you had. My friends told me not to contact you ever again and delete everything about you...but here i am. I've been trying to explain this thing between us, but no one understands."

 

That sounds more than familiar. It sounds like....me. But the funny part is, i have never said anything like that to her. sO she is not copying me, or my words.

 

After a long time i am actually smiling. Finally i had a good nights sleep.

 

 

A strong connection? I have a strong connection with my cat too. She'll go out on the terrace when I'm parking my motorcycle downstairs and start meowing. Talk about energy flow.

 

You haven't learnt a thing in the last months. Everything that's happening to you is your fault. "Recharge my energy". What the hell is that supposed to mean? Is she some guru that just landed from Rishikesh or what?

She's cheated on every single guy she's ever been with, she tells you she's happy with her new man and now she wants to use you as a wall socket to recharge her energy. And there you are, believing in cosmic connections that nobody understands except you two (of course, you're both different from the other 7 billion people on this planet) and putting up with humiliations that anyone with a gram of self-esteem left in their body would not tolerate. You have a problem, and it's not her or that unique and irrepressible connection you two have. The same goes for Mrs. Low Battery.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
troll call-out ~T
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Protec Established Member

Protec

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A strong connection? I have a strong connection with my cat too. She'll go out on the terrace when I'm parking my motorcycle downstairs and start meowing. Talk about energy flow.

 

You haven't learnt a thing in the last months. Everything that's happening to you is your fault. "Recharge my energy". What the hell is that supposed to mean? Is she some guru that just landed from Rishikesh or what?

She's cheated on every single guy she's ever been with, she tells you she's happy with her new man and now she wants to use you as a wall socket to recharge her energy. And there you are, believing in cosmic connections that nobody understands except you two (of course, you're both different from the other 7 billion people on this planet) and putting up with humiliations that anyone with a gram of self-esteem left in their body would not tolerate. You have a problem, and it's not her or that unique and irrepressible connection you two have. The same goes for Mrs. Low Battery.

 

She believes in spiritual things, yin & yang, twin flames, soulmates etc. theories. She is sensitive woman, although she does not easily show it.

 

And this is true. Every word she has said is true. And every word i've said to her, is true. It is true. Believe it or not.

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keiji Established Member

keiji

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She believes in spiritual things, yin & yang, twin flames, soulmates etc. theories. She is sensitive woman, although she does not easily show it.

 

And this is true. Every word she has said is true. And every word i've said to her, is true. It is true. Believe it or not.

 

Yeah, she does not easily show it, particularly to you and all her previous boyfriends, unless cheating has something to do with spiritual things, ying & yang, twin flames, soul mates, etc. theories that I don't know of.

 

And no, I don't believe it, and you shouldn't either, because you don't know if every word she said is true. It's impossible, because you're not her. Period. But you don't want to change, you refuse to become a better version of yourself. Instead, you let this woman trample on you whenever it suits her, and tomorrow you'll come here whining and saying "You were right. I need to change. I need to find a job. My therapist says, blah, blah, blah...". And then everything will start all over again. This is all on you. Not her. Not the universe. Not ying &yang. You.

 

And by the way, have you ever truly gone NC on her? Have you not spoken to her in 6 months? Perhaps my memory is playing tricks on me, but this sounds like a piece of distorted info.

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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She believes in spiritual things, yin & yang, twin flames, soulmates etc. theories. She is sensitive woman, although she does not easily show it.

 

And this is true. Every word she has said is true. And every word i've said to her, is true. It is true. Believe it or not.

 

I take it you have no intention of actually healing from this chaos, then.

 

My impression is that you will continue to accept whatever silliness she tosses your way, because you are desperate for her to come back. You are hoping against hope that she is serious this time and you will wind up together.

 

It's sad because there has clearly been no progress made since your last big thread about her. But have at it, I suppose. You are going to learn the hard way that this situation is only headed in one terrible direction, I'm afraid.

 

Since you both claim to believe in the universe and energy and whatnot, you should be prepared for the karma that is coming your way by flirting with another man's girlfriend.

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VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

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We discussed about this with my ex last night. Why is that we are so drawn to each other?

 

We have a strange connection between us. She told me even before i said it "I've had this empty feeling inside me ever since"

 

She even gave me a handmade necklace to me.

 

There is no denying it. We do have a strong connection between us. IT's been half year since we have last talked and seen each other. It felt like there never wasn't even a day apart between us. We continued where we left.

It was strange. I cannot explain it. She cannot explain it.

 

She told me "I've had you blocked for a long time now,but every now and then, i've been going to check out if you had sent anything to me, kinda wished that you had. My friends told me not to contact you ever again and delete everything about you...but here i am. I've been trying to explain this thing between us, but no one understands."

 

That sounds more than familiar. It sounds like....me. But the funny part is, i have never said anything like that to her. sO she is not copying me, or my words.

 

After a long time i am actually smiling. Finally i had a good nights sleep.

 

She believes in spiritual things, yin & yang, twin flames, soulmates etc. theories. She is sensitive woman, although she does not easily show it.

 

And this is true. Every word she has said is true. And every word i've said to her, is true. It is true. Believe it or not.

 

PROTECT!! What are you doing!!

 

First of all you haven't been six months no contact so that was an untrue statement.

 

Second of all - you are here once again spouting how great your ex is meanwhile the last year has been absolute hell for you because of this woman!! She has lied, cheated, manipulated you and you have done the same and broke into her house and assaulted her.

 

This is a TOXIC relationship AT BEST. This is not love. This is your insecure attachment style being triggers by an avoidant woman. Please read the book"Attached" and see the truth. That "connection" is your attachment style being activated.

 

This woman told the police you sexually assaulted her. What the hell is going on in that head of yours to even give this woman the time of day!! I know you are lonely and think there is no one else there for you but please, stay away from your ex for yours and her safety and health. I mean you say she's so great yet you were ready to call child services on her.

 

Stop kidding yourself. You are this woman's play thing and nothing more. Sorry to be harsh but you need a WAKE UP CALL!! Like, yesterday.

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goldway90 Established Member

goldway90

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Quick look at your previous threads: your ex is bipolar and probably not taking meds or seeking professional help.

 

She believes in soulmates or whatever which raise a flag of being manic or even delusional.

 

She cheated and emotionally abused you that's why the connection you feel is called Trauma bonding ( aka Stockholm syndrome) explains why the OP is still talking to her, thinking their connection is special maybe the OP thinks it's love.

 

OP is codependent at best, i wouldn't be surprised if he thinks he'll save her from whatever she's going through.

 

Here's the bad news, the friendship or relationship will never work between you two, this woman has a mental disorder, she needs to fix her issues and it's not your problem to help, your not her therapist or a psych ward for her to dump every emotional need.

 

Block her and cut this toxic woman out of your life right now. Listen to your therapist and RUN FOR THE HILLS.

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Protec Established Member

Protec

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We talked in phone for 47 minutes!!! That is a long time to talk, considering we just saw each other yesterday at coffee & lunch for almost 2 hours.

 

And what she said? "I would not like to end this call at all but i have to leave work soon."

 

We could have talked for hours...and again hours...

 

I know, i know she did all the stuff to me. But i also know she is not coming back.

 

I don't know why suddenly she wants to talk with me this badly.

 

Maybe her current man is not on the same wavelength with her. I know how it feels when you are in a relationship and you still feel lonely, you got no one to talk with, you feel like your partner does not understand you. That's when you wake up "this is not what i want".

 

But for my ex...she doesn't care about mental connection. It seems she is now using me as her mental partner. I am the guy she wants to watch movies with, spend free time with, her man is the wallet, the fixer who can use tools and does all the housework.

 

I don't see it lasting long. I don't know anything worse than NOT being on the same wavelength with your partner.

 

I once dated a woman i had absolutely no connection with for over 2 years....it was horrible.

VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

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[]She has a connection with him. She is sleeping with him!! []

She's just keeping you there for back up once she sensed you moved on.

 

This connection you feel is entirely in your head. You know how dangerous you are together yet you continue to pursue her. To think what you two have is more "special" than what she has with her boyfriend is beyond naive. She's a USER. She probably tells her bf the exact SAME things.

 

This is not healthy. Call your therapist ASAP.

 

By focusing so much on this person, your life and love life is on hold. You have closed the door for real love by letting this toxic woman lurk in the doorway.

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todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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She believes in spiritual things, yin & yang, twin flames, soulmates etc. theories. She is sensitive woman, although she does not easily show it.

 

And this is true. Every word she has said is true. And every word i've said to her, is true. It is true. Believe it or not.

 

 

I believe in many spiritual things...twin flames ...empathy... sixth sense...i believe in connections..telekenisis telepathy..ghosts .psychic connections........seen many of these things...i believe in all things spiritual.....i hope in all things spiritual........however

 

 

with spirituality there is a common thread that goes through most core beliefs...and that is to do whats right ..to choose to do it not just say it......to do right by yourself and by others..to do right by the higher power who put us here.......to not hurt others...i cant even step on ants..i have a spider catch and release program.......let alone the guilt i feel when i am unfaithful disloyal, deceitful or cause pain to another....its a sadness i dont like to live with

 

with spirituality comes more responsibility not less....a certain higher learning that the world and everything that happens in it is connected.....god is good....we however are not.....and we have to really try to do what is right...doesnt automatically happen because you are spiritual....

 

she may love spiritual things ....doesnt make it right for her to cheat in her new relationship and she is...emotionally as of now...... or to revisit a toxic relationships where you sue each other and have police separate you both.......that isnt spiritual.....its demonic.....deceit....lies...manipulation..violence ...hatred.... resentment...lust..court cases ......public humiliation.....umm nah....cant paint it light when it is black....

 

 

spiritual would be to ...wish each other well...apologize for all the hurt caused....and change the effect fo the toxicity to something positive..........and then with grace send prayers up that you find someone who really loves each of you...... for her to recognize what she did to seal the demise of the relationship as well....try to put all that went wrong behind and remember good times with a smile.....

 

one of the things about twin flame relationships are they may not be formed to be a love for life...they can come together to teach a lesson.....and to help people grow towards becoming better people.....they dont have to be lovers they can friends family or even antagonists....and most soul mate connections are also this...doesnt mean you stay with each other for life because that isnt up to us....ther eare more than one soul mate ...more than one person you can have a deep connection to.....again doesnt have to be lovers...i have had deep connections to teachers of mine....where i though ti was falling for them...i wasnt......i just appreciated who they were ....respected them....

 

i feel that you were both needing to learn from your relationship and grow from it not revisit it......that then would be spiritual.....i think you had a lesson here....both fo you ......and you both dont want to listen.... .

spirituality doesnt mean ....do what you want..the world revolves around you...........it means actually...to be selfless...and do your bit to make the world a better place to live not more toxic....deb

spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

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In my opinion, a mental connection is the most powerful kind. If you really hit it off with each other on that level and find you need each other, then all other relationships can fail to match up. If she is not good for you though, then you need to wean yourself off her because, mental connection or not, you are going to end up suffering. I know it seems very unfair.

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Protec Established Member

Protec

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spiritual would be to ...wish each other well...apologize for all the hurt caused....and change the effect fo the toxicity to something positive..........and then with grace send prayers up that you find someone who really loves each of you...... for her to recognize what she did to seal the demise of the relationship as well....try to put all that went wrong behind and remember good times with a smile.....

 

 

We did apologize each other when we saw last sunday. I apologized for hurting her physically and causing all the trouble. She apologized for cheating me and causing emotional pain.

 

Maybe we both are just bonkers. But she is one of the rare people i can look into eyes for a long time. I feel strange likeness, in her.Yet she is very different than i am. But i've had the same feeling towards her ever since the first time i met her.

 

I have always remembered the good times with smile. I cannot hate that person. I am unable to. She was my teacher. I learned so many things about myself when i was with her, and i am forever greatful to her for that reason.

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Protec Established Member

Protec

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[]

 

I rather have short relationship with lots of emotions and sparks than grey, bland and long and boring relationship.

 

We literally did nothing with that woman for 2 years. She never wanted to go out. She once agreed to come out with me for a walk into forest. All she did was whine for the whole 2 hours. "oh there is snow in my shoe, there is too much snow". Sex was boring. Her feet smelled. I guess i just was with her because i didn't want to be alone.There was never physical chemistry, no lust, no emotional connection, no mental...I was so relieved when it was over.

 

I did more stuff with my ex in 1 month than during those 2 years with that boring ex. And you know what? Not once i have missed that "boring ex". I am glad she is gone. We had nothing incommon. I have not once drunk-dialed her or even tried to ask how she is doing. I deleted her number instantly from my phone and even removed all the pictures. And that was almost 3 times longer relationship than i had last time.

 

And yes, the police was a bad thing. I agree. And again to clear things up, police did not come on site to break up our fight.

 

She did police report 2 weeks after our fight. Still a bad thing. My fault, completely. I still feel bad about it.

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Protec Established Member

Protec

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to make things clear:

 

-I DO remember what she did to me

-I DO remember what i did to her

-I DO understand i cannot get back together with her, she has a new man

-I have actually healed a bit. I have been on a date and i can actually have crush towards other women than my ex. (my workplace colleague for example, i even tried to ask her out to movies BEFORE i reconnected with my ex)

goldway90 Established Member

goldway90

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I rather have short relationship with lots of emotions and sparks than grey, bland and long and boring relationship.

 

That's great, but there's a different between sparks and toxic and your relationship with your ex was toxic.

 

I did more stuff with my ex in 1 month than during those 2 years with that boring ex

 

You should read a little bit about " Mania", i'm certain you met your ex during her manic days where she was all over you, she's feeling adventurous and all that. I don't think you understand Bipolar to be compositely honest.

 

And yes, the police was a bad thing. I agree. And again to clear things up, police did not come on site to break up our fight.

 

There's nothing to clear here, the police came which means you had a toxic relationship.

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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So, what exactly is the point of continuing to meet up with your ex?

 

You say she's happy with her man. You say you are not getting back with her.

 

Seems like a total waste of your time.

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Protec Established Member

Protec

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So, what exactly is the point of continuing to meet up with your ex?

 

You say she's happy with her man. You say you are not getting back with her.

 

Seems like a total waste of your time.

 

I like talking with her. I really no one to talk with my daily life, or movies i've seen etc.

 

I would like to have her as a movie friend or something...just someone i can do some stuff with now and then. All my real friends are too busy to come with movies with me.

 

I just miss spending time with her. But...i admit, it kinda feels strange when she talks about her new man about me.

 

I am really thinking does this really work, and i right now, i am 70% on the NO-side.

 

To truly be her friend, i need to feel confortable about her talking about her new man. I just wonder, would she listen about my new girlfriend, if i had one?

 

Anyway, it happened. I was drunk, i contacted her and all this happened. It cannot be reversed anymore.

 

I just need to accept the situation and keep on moving. I wanted this, she wanted to "come back" too. I didn't force her. She was the one who suggested we should meet up. She was the one who suggested movie. She was the one who suggested the other meetup. Not me.

 

I did find out this:

 

"The narcissist only returns again and again to ensure that you never move on from the pain he has caused you – and this is the ONLY reason. If you remember nothing else from what I tell you, you must remember that. The sociopath and narcissist will hoover for no other reason than to get another chance to hurt you. This is why a narcissist will return only to leave again and this time quicker than ever before. Sometimes the N will leave within just days and even after having what you thought to be wonderful make-up sex."

 

I did mention in my email to her that i've been dating people...

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Protec Established Member

Protec

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And my ex sent me a text:

 

"I talked with man till 3'o clock at night and he did not like about our meeting at sunday".

 

of course not. Who would?

 

She is with her new man. I have no room in that. She wants to be with him.

 

I know that. I just need to keep on moving. I do like the fact she doesn't hate me anymore.

MidwestUSA Established Member

MidwestUSA

Posted
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And my ex sent me a text:

 

"I talked with man till 3'o clock at night and he did not like about our meeting at sunday".

 

of course not. Who would?

 

She is with her new man. I have no room in that. She wants to be with him.

 

 

If you're not careful, you're gonna be on the receiving end of violence this time. Tread cautiously.

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Protec Established Member

Protec

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So, what exactly is the point of continuing to meet up with your ex?

 

You say she's happy with her man. You say you are not getting back with her.

 

Seems like a total waste of your time.

 

If you're not careful, you're gonna be on the receiving end of violence this time. Tread cautiously.

 

My guess is my ex is trying to make her new man jealous. She did that to me too and apparently she has talked everything about me to her new man when they have met. That is a HUGE red flag which i didn't see back then.

 

She does has amazing ability to get you hooked. I know.

 

And even i started dating her, she did the same thing to me too. She complained about her "crazy ex boyfriends" and dumped me for few days just to get back with her ex, then took me back.

 

See is now doing the same thing to her current man. Trying to make him jealous...

 

A theory.

 

And you know, i would never accept a woman who gets wasted in a middle of the week, and has to go to work next morning.

 

That's what she did. Again. "i am still drunk, i have to go to work"

 

So she found her perfect man again, a man who accepts everything she does.

 

When i imagine about my future woman, i honestly, honestly don't want a woman who is still drunk at morning and has to go to work.

 

She has not changed, she has not healed. There was my answer again. It was NOT ME, it was her.

 

I didn't cause her to drink. I did not cause her to behave that way. She has a new man now and she is HAPPY with him, he wants to het MARRIED with him. Still she is drunk in the middle of the week, suffering from hangover at work.

 

This is why i wanted to get back in contact with her. To get answers that it wasn't me. It was never about me. She acts the same with her new man.

 

I am not happy she is the same, i really really care about her and want her to do well. But know i know her behaviour was not caused by me because she does the same things to her new man.

 

-Seeing ex-bf secretly (she did that to me too, new year eve, but dumped me for 2 days

-Got drunk in the middle of week

-Talked about how crazy her all ex's are ( a HUGE red flag i am now aware of)

-Tried to lure me in to move in with her only after 2 months of knowing (i didn't fall for that, her new man did)

-Forgets to take her medication / uses alcohol w/ medication

 

And she still seems to be very demanding. But i hope she is happy with him. I got my answers. You know how long i have blamed myself?

"if i'd just acted differently then...if just knew how to use tools like professional" I blamed myself for my "shortcomings". She always invented some new ones. "a real man does this...a real man does that..."

 

I still love her. And i always will love her. That will never change.

Edited by Protec
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