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Why is my ex gettin her mental connection from me instead of her new man?

Protec

By Protec
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Protec Established Member

Protec

Posted
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So title says it.

 

I broke up with my ex about 6 months ago and it was nasty. Police was involved etc etc.

 

I have been trying to solve things between me and her once a while but without success.

 

 

Anyway, the real question is: Why a person (ex-gf) who hates me so much subscribes on my youtube channel?

 

Why? I see no logic in that. I mean why on earth would i want to follow a person i hate most in my life (i don't hate anyone that much but you get my point).

 

Can someone lighten me up a bit?

preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted

Block her! She's looking for ammo. I will never understand why people with bitter breakups don't block their exes every way to Sunday. They are looking to stir up trouble most of the time or a way to accidentally run into you or something you don't want.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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You already know why: she's unstable, she plays games, and she manipulates you.

 

You already know what you need to do, too.

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Protec Established Member

Protec

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I somehow ended up having coffee with her and we went to movies....

 

But, she has a new man. So i did it just to get some anwers since our breakup was very bad.

 

I do love her, we have strange connection with each other (we talked about that), but we do not belong together.

 

I just want her to be happy.

Bromeo Established Member

Bromeo

Posted
Posted
I somehow ended up having coffee with her and we went to movies....

 

But, she has a new man. So i did it just to get some anwers since our breakup was very bad.

 

I do love her, we have strange connection with each other (we talked about that), but we do not belong together.

 

I just want her to be happy.

 

That's quite a development, I feel like some details were left out. Lol

 

Regarding your op, time has a way of softening past hurts.

 

Her meeting you while having a man is worrisome though, just saying.

DarrenB Established Member

DarrenB

Posted
Posted
I somehow ended up having coffee with her and we went to movies....

 

But, she has a new man. So i did it just to get some anwers since our breakup was very bad.

 

I do love her, we have strange connection with each other (we talked about that), but we do not belong together.

 

I just want her to be happy.

 

You need to stop, she needs to stop. Halt, terminate, conclude this absurdness.

 

Draw the bloody line.

 

For your own sake, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

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Protec Established Member

Protec

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You need to stop, she needs to stop. Halt, terminate, conclude this absurdness.

 

Draw the bloody line.

 

For your own sake, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

 

We discussed about this with my ex last night. Why is that we are so drawn to each other?

 

We have a strange connection between us. She told me even before i said it "I've had this empty feeling inside me ever since"

 

She even gave me a handmade necklace to me.

 

There is no denying it. We do have a strong connection between us. IT's been half year since we have last talked and seen each other. It felt like there never wasn't even a day apart between us. We continued where we left.

It was strange. I cannot explain it. She cannot explain it.

 

She told me "I've had you blocked for a long time now,but every now and then, i've been going to check out if you had sent anything to me, kinda wished that you had. My friends told me not to contact you ever again and delete everything about you...but here i am. I've been trying to explain this thing between us, but no one understands."

 

That sounds more than familiar. It sounds like....me. But the funny part is, i have never said anything like that to her. sO she is not copying me, or my words.

 

After a long time i am actually smiling. Finally i had a good nights sleep.

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Protec Established Member

Protec

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We are not getting back together.

 

She is happy now with her new man. She even said to me now that she is getting married with him (they have known each other for 4 months, but hey, who am i to judge)

 

It's cool. I just have to accept it. But i rather have "open channel" with her, than try to force myself to forget her.

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Protec Established Member

Protec

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Some of you know my situation, some doesn't.

 

But, past few days i have been talking with her more than we talked while we were together. There is some pretty heavy stuff in there.

 

"I would just like to touch you. Do you remember the waves and the energy that got trough us when we touched each other? I felt so free, like you removed my every problem from existence when i touched you".

 

She is asking me to try out shuffle dance, meditation. She asked me to come to artisan mess with her, she told me "Why i can't stop thinking of you at all?"

 

What is going on?!

 

She told me she is happy now with her new man. But for some reason she is reaching out for me for the mental "connection". I guess she is not on the same wavelenght with her new man....

 

Why does she want me for her "mental" partner?

dumbass2 Established Member

dumbass2

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Sounds like you are being a very good "friend" to her (why I don't know). Just what she is looking for. She can go to her man for all the other needs she has (including sex), but you do offer her some things......just not everything she is looking for in a man. So as you've been advised many times in the past, you are the one allowing this.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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She's using you. And you make it very easy for her to do so.

 

Don't fool yourself into thinking she's in love with you.

 

You really need to cut this woman out of your life, forever. Your previous threads are evidence why, OP.

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Protec Established Member

Protec

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she's a cheater and your available. did she cheat on you?

 

Yes. She cheated on me. She has cheated many times on different men...

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Protec Established Member

Protec

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I have gotten so many messages today...i am confused. Because i think the mental connection with your current partner is the most important thing. Nothing else matters.

But for some reason she is now lookin for me for the mental connection...

Purepony Established Member

Purepony

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Stop wasting your time

Just tell her she needs to respect her new relationship because it's for her own good and you're moving on

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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I'm assuming you hope this means she wants you back, OP?

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Protec Established Member

Protec

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I'm assuming you hope this means she wants you back, OP?

 

this is my opportunity to find out what i really want from my companion.

 

I got so many messages from my ex yesterday and some of them were something i would never show to my partner (if i had one). That would cause major fight in a relationship.

 

She is talking about how she wants to touch me and feel my energy, i am her other half, etc.

 

I know the chemistry between us is not fake. It's real. That's what i found out at sunday. The chemistry part is real. We do genuinely like each others company, that's for sure.

 

But why me? Is it that her new man does not give her the "mental" connection?

 

This is new situation for me.

 

You know, i tried hard not to contact her. For 6 months i tried my best. Sure, sometimes when under influence of alcohol i sent her messages. Even birthday card and xmas card. But most of the time i managed not to call her or send her anything.

 

It seems she struggled too. She said to me it was very hard for her not to call me, and she secrectly checked if i had sent her any messages (from the blocked-list).

 

This is just strange situation. It seems we both want to do things together, but we can't. She told me yesterday she would like to come and watch movie at my place, but she can't. She wants to take me to dance lessons etc. instead of her new man.

 

This is very strange for me. As i have always thought my companion should be my best friend and someone with i can do every thing.

Edited by Protec
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Protec Established Member

Protec

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So i just went to have a lunch with her and cup of coffee.

 

She stared deep into my eyes "You are the only person i can look in eyes for this long time..."

 

Then we talked how she is happy and has a new man and how she is happy. But still...she wants to touch me all the time. There we sat on a sofa, in corner of a coffee house, and she was holding my hand. "I would love to hug you, in a more silent place. Like at home, on a sofa. These other people are distracting me"

 

There is so much chemistry between us, i cannot describe it. It is real.

Then she said "why am i doing this? I am happy with my new man and i even get closeness from him but...it doesn't feel the same".

 

"just let me hold you for a while longer...i need to recharge myself with your energy"

 

Is that cheating? Was that already some sort of cheating? Sitting there holding hands...looking each other into eyes and we both sigh we cannot do anything more.

 

IT's like we want to be together, but we can't. We know it doesn't work out. But still we want each other like crazy.

Haydn Established Member

Haydn

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Mate, you need to step out of this fantasy.

 

"just let me hold you for a while longer...i need to recharge myself with your energy"

 

If what you say is true then you should be together.

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Protec Established Member

Protec

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Mate, you need to step out of this fantasy.

 

"just let me hold you for a while longer...i need to recharge myself with your energy"

 

If what you say is true then you should be together.

 

This is all true. I am not making this up. I have no reason to make this up.

 

She even touched my leg, held her and on my leg and said "You are so warm...we need a crowbar to be able to remove my hand from you"

 

But she asked questions from herself "Why i am doing this? I am happy now. I have a job, life is going well and i get all the closeness i want, but it doesn't feel the same. We have these sparks between us"

 

Yes we do. We have crazy chemistry between us. IT was not a lie. It's not imagination, we both feel it.

 

And when we left she said "Thanks for not giving up on me. I tried to give up on you too, but i have been waiting for this."

 

And as i am a master of cliches i answered her word to word "I promised i would not give up on you."

 

The way we touch each other...it's so different. It's loaded with energy. It's so passionate and gentle at the same time. We are just holding hands but it's like a storm of emotions going trough us.

 

It's crazy.

 

Does someone consider this cheating? I mean...cheating does not always have to be physical. I think we are on the very fine line here.... We even hugged 3 times. And when eating she put her leg against my leg, i looked at her she said "I have to feel you."

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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She's playing you and her boyfriend both for fools.

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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for whatever reason it didnt work out is still all there.....you can have a really physical connection to someone but doesnt mean that you should be together...she is with someone else now..whether you have the connection or not you can't act on it.....and you shouldnt tempt it....

 

dont see her anymore.....its not fair on the new guy she has to develop that connection not reignite your connection to her.....she sounds like an empath struggling with residual emotions that weren't dealt with.... and you are receptive to her..its not mental ...its physical...her mental emotive state is she is happy with the new guy ...so its a physical bond wanting to touch you all the time .....

 

 

you need to heal and move on dont see her at all no coffee no lunch no dinner no walks....and definitely no sofa alone with her.....break contact...and let he rbe happy with her new guy...you are her past..she is yoru past.....move on heal and date a woman who says she is happy with you not with someone else...she isnt single...so let her go....you wouldnt like it fi you were the new guy would you...be respectful of him he doesnt deserve to be cheated on..if she was single it would be different..but she aint single she is involved with another guy.......so leave her to be happy with him........deb.....

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marky00 Established Member

marky00

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Posted
for whatever reason it didnt work out is still all there.....you can have a really physical connection to someone but doesnt mean that you should be together...she is with someone else now..whether you have the connection or not you can't act on it.....and you shouldnt tempt it....

 

dont see her anymore.....its not fair on the new guy she has to develop that connection not reignite your connection to her.....she sounds like an empath struggling with residual emotions that weren't dealt with.... and you are receptive to her..its not mental ...its physical...her mental emotive state is she is happy with the new guy ...so its a physical bond wanting to touch you all the time .....

 

 

you need to heal and move on dont see her at all no coffee no lunch no dinner no walks....and definitely no sofa alone with her.....break contact...and let he rbe happy with her new guy...you are her past..she is yoru past.....move on heal and date a woman who says she is happy with you not with someone else...she isnt single...so let her go....you wouldnt like it fi you were the new guy would you...be respectful of him he doesnt deserve to be cheated on..if she was single it would be different..but she aint single she is involved with another guy.......so leave her to be happy with him........deb.....

 

 

hmmm....

 

 

For all we know this new guy was the reason for the ending of the OP's relationship. I bet he was waiting on the wings, knowing the woman was in a relationship with the OP.

 

 

Unless there was abuse or cheating, its SO RARE for a woman not to monkey branch to the next man.

 

 

The OP should not feel guilty at all for what has transpired here. He met her before the other guy did and had developed a history with her before the other guy arrived. And if the guy wasn't aware of the OP's existence initially, he definitely would have found out over time. All couples have the "what baggage do you have" talk a few months into the relationship.

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted
hmmm....

 

 

For all we know this new guy was the reason for the ending of the OP's relationship. I bet he was waiting on the wings, knowing the woman was in a relationship with the OP.

 

 

Unless there was abuse or cheating, its SO RARE for a woman not to monkey branch to the next man.

 

 

The OP should not feel guilty at all for what has transpired here. He met her before the other guy did and had developed a history with her before the other guy arrived. And if the guy wasn't aware of the OP's existence initially, he definitely would have found out over time. All couples have the "what baggage do you have" talk a few months into the relationship.

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/602042-my-journey-better-tomorrow

 

 

this thread more or less shows it is a new relationship and not an affair considering protec said she has moved on 4 to 6 times already..the thread gives context.....to the toxicity of the relationship with his ex.....deb

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Protec Established Member

Protec

Posted
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Posted
for whatever reason it didnt work out is still all there.....you can have a really physical connection to someone but doesnt mean that you should be together...she is with someone else now..whether you have the connection or not you can't act on it.....and you shouldnt tempt it....

 

dont see her anymore.....its not fair on the new guy she has to develop that connection not reignite your connection to her.....she sounds like an empath struggling with residual emotions that weren't dealt with.... and you are receptive to her..its not mental ...its physical...her mental emotive state is she is happy with the new guy ...so its a physical bond wanting to touch you all the time .....

 

 

you need to heal and move on dont see her at all no coffee no lunch no dinner no walks....and definitely no sofa alone with her.....break contact...and let he rbe happy with her new guy...you are her past..she is yoru past.....move on heal and date a woman who says she is happy with you not with someone else...she isnt single...so let her go....you wouldnt like it fi you were the new guy would you...be respectful of him he doesnt deserve to be cheated on..if she was single it would be different..but she aint single she is involved with another guy.......so leave her to be happy with him........deb.....

 

I tried to break contact with her for 6months. We had very stormy breakup. Police involved and everything. Still, when we talk it feels we could talk for hours and hours. There is definitely some mental connection too. It's not all physical.

marky00 Established Member

marky00

Posted
Posted
http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/602042-my-journey-better-tomorrow

 

 

this thread more or less shows it is a new relationship and not an affair considering protec said she has moved on 4 to 6 times already..the thread gives context.....to the toxicity of the relationship with his ex.....deb

 

this does not mean that she did not leave due to meeting the new guy.

 

 

Gas lighting etc happens quite often as a result of a 3rd party.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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