bluefeather Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 Why am I over chasing? I don't know. Why are you? Maybe you can give me some tips on A, I've been out of the game a few years. So you aren't actually talking to other girls as you said. You may have misunderstood what I meant. I give observations and occasional advice. You can google tips if you want that kind of bullet point crap. Tips are like pieces of bubblegum to me. I can give you some and you will spit them out after a few minutes. ... This was my initial thought. Your initial thought was not a very good one, IMO.
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 You are right. This smells of bull****! What should I do now? Does she deserve the courtesy of a cancel? Is there anything wrong with just being direct and stating my expectations and intentions? I really just want to be honest and state,"I thought about it more and it sounds like you have other plans, maybe another time" Where are the best places to find gf material these days? Everyone seems all about OLD in my area but I'm not really a fan. That being said, as a busy professional, it's difficult to go out a lot and not feel creepy at age 33. ^ Sure, that sounds fine.
goldway90 Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 You are right. This smells of bull****! What should I do now? Does she deserve the courtesy of a cancel? Is there anything wrong with just being direct and stating my expectations and intentions? I really just want to be honest and state,"I thought about it more and it sounds like you have other plans, maybe another time" So you still want to pursue a wishy washy woman? usually being direct and stating your intentions is done like this to a woman like her " I'm not interested anymore, good luck" and you move on.
d0nnivain Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 What would you have done? I offered a weekend night as a way to assess if she was just an honest workaholic, which seems unlikely at this point. When she cancelled due to the storm before it started snowing, I would have wondered about her sincerity toward wanting a 2nd date. When she then lumped a bunch of other excuses onto you as justification for pushing the date into the next week without specifying a time, I would have known she wasn't that into me. I then would have done what I initially suggested -- send the vague text putting the ball firmly in her court & expecting never to hear from her again. When you instead reached out, you offered Tuesday or Friday. I would have only offered Tuesday. Nobody gets a weekend night for the 2nd date. She picked Friday & then told you she already had plans for later that night, meaning you were not getting her full attention. She was also kind of rubbing it in your face that she has a busier social life. When she mentioned that party but didn't offer to bring you along, that seemed mean to me. At that point, in your shoes I would have bailed saying something like: "You have a lot going on & frankly cancelling on me once, then doing me "the favor" of squeezing me in, doesn't make me think you are all that into it. I won't waste your time. It was nice meeting you but this isn't working for me." I'm blunt & I have little patience for game players. You are being kind & gracious for the most part. For your sake I hope I'm wrong & that when you meet next Friday she comes to her senses & invites you along to the party where you both have a great time. I'm just not that optimistic. 1
Author ExposedBrick Posted March 16, 2017 Author Posted March 16, 2017 I feel like you are vastly overthinking this. You suggested 7, her friend's party doesn't start until around 9ish. Is she even planning to be there right at the start? From where I'm sitting, you've got a solid 2-3 hours, if not even more, for a date. That's plenty of time for dinner, and plenty of time for a second date. I think you should inquire approximately what time she plans to go to the party, so you can plan accordingly and make your own plans for after. What is wrong with the above thinking? If some of you stated you wouldn't dedicate a weekend night to a second date, isn't this pretty much the equivalent of a weekday? This also doesn't prevent me from doing what I want to do later in the night.
Author ExposedBrick Posted March 16, 2017 Author Posted March 16, 2017 When she cancelled due to the storm before it started snowing, I would have wondered about her sincerity toward wanting a 2nd date. When she then lumped a bunch of other excuses onto you as justification for pushing the date into the next week without specifying a time, I would have known she wasn't that into me. I then would have done what I initially suggested -- send the vague text putting the ball firmly in her court & expecting never to hear from her again. When you instead reached out, you offered Tuesday or Friday. I would have only offered Tuesday. Nobody gets a weekend night for the 2nd date. She picked Friday & then told you she already had plans for later that night, meaning you were not getting her full attention. She was also kind of rubbing it in your face that she has a busier social life. When she mentioned that party but didn't offer to bring you along, that seemed mean to me. At that point, in your shoes I would have bailed saying something like: "You have a lot going on & frankly cancelling on me once, then doing me "the favor" of squeezing me in, doesn't make me think you are all that into it. I won't waste your time. It was nice meeting you but this isn't working for me." I'm blunt & I have little patience for game players. You are being kind & gracious for the most part. For your sake I hope I'm wrong & that when you meet next Friday she comes to her senses & invites you along to the party where you both have a great time. I'm just not that optimistic. I wouldn't invite a girl to a party after two dates, not a chance in hell.
Author ExposedBrick Posted March 16, 2017 Author Posted March 16, 2017 I don't know. Why are you? So you aren't actually talking to other girls as you said. You may have misunderstood what I meant. I give observations and occasional advice. You can google tips if you want that kind of bullet point crap. Tips are like pieces of bubblegum to me. I can give you some and you will spit them out after a few minutes. Your initial thought was not a very good one, IMO. I am talking to other girls, I had 3 dates last week. The other two I just wasn't interested in. I was direct with them. I didn't tell the first I would call or plan anything further, I just said it was nice meeting her at the end. The other texted me after the date and I told her bluntly the next day I wasn't feeling it. It's really quite easy to be direct, which is what I want to do here. Usually, I line up a few prospects, go on some dates, see if anything develops. If not, I cast back for a few more.
clia Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 If she wasn't interested, all she had to do was say neither Tuesday nor Friday worked for her and left it at that. She didn't do that. I don't get all the suspicion about her actions. She cancelled due to an upcoming storm (totally legitimate, in my opinion), and suggested the following week due to a busy work week (which again, could be totally legitimate), and a friend visiting from out of town for the weekend. None of this sounds shady to me at all. OP offers Tuesday or Friday. I assume she is busy on Tuesday and that's why she chose Friday. 2-3 hours together is plenty sufficient for a second date. And there's no way I'd invite a guy I'd been on one date with to a party. Nope. I just don't get the big deal here.
bluefeather Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 Usually, I line up a few prospects, go on some dates, see if anything develops. If not, I cast back for a few more. So now you are multi-dating? This feels like going around in circles trying to understand your situation outside of the one with this one girl. Oh well, now that that is cleared up, hmm, well it seems like you are not doing the "casting back" activity because of this girl. Maybe you are getting a little too hung up over her because she's one you actually like vs the other ones.
EZNona Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 I suggested meeting at 7. I will put her on back burner though and cancel should s more favorable scenario unfold! I wouldn't overthink this. The first cancellation was totally legitimate. I always see my SO on Mondays and I didn't because of the storm and we've been a couple for more than 10 years. People were scrambling last minute to prepare for the "blizzard" warnings and trying to make it back home. I would have cancelled too. That was totally normal on her part. And I don't why people are upset about her saying her friend has a housewarming at 9. If that's the truth, then what's the big deal? She's supposed to cancel her friend's housewarming for someone she only met once? Yeah, good luck with that one. She preferred Friday over Tuesday (which most people would) and gave you the heads up that she has plans for later in the evening. If all goes well and you two still meet for 7, it gives you a couple hours to see if you still vibe with each other to plan a 3rd date. And if she cancels again, then it's no real loss. It was only 1 date. Just go with the flow and chill. Don't overthink and over complicate matters. Good Luck!
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 17, 2017 Posted March 17, 2017 I went out for a drink with a woman last week. I thought the date went really well. I live in the northeast US, which is expecting a big snowstorm tonight. An hour before the second date tonight, she asks if we can reschedule for next week due to a busy work schedule, poor weather, and her friend visiting out of town for the weekend. I don't really know her at all but the first date went really well. I was prepared to tough out the crap weather. Does it seem legit? What should I do next? lol I mean what can you do. if she cant go she cant go. if there is a storm there is a storm. I am sorry but your staff not that good to weather a storm lol. all jokes aside. all you can do is set up a date next time and see if she goes. if she goes you had nothing to worry about. if she doesn't then theres your answer. she is a flake. on to the next one.
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