Author ExposedBrick Posted March 15, 2017 Author Posted March 15, 2017 I'd already be talking with other girls. If someone cancels and doesn't show interest in rescheduling, it's kind of a turnoff for me. However, if you are super attracted to her and think there is a high chance you can turn that around, and think that she is worth that effort, I might call or text her to ask her out again, but maybe after a week, after thinking about it some more. Two things: A. I'm always talking to other girls unless it's official B. She did show interest in rescheduling
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 15, 2017 Posted March 15, 2017 I texted her today and gave her the option of next Tuesday or Friday. She said Friday but said she has to go to a friend's party later in the night which starts at 9. It seems a bit odd giving an out to a second date? I'm not sure what time to suggest meeting now knowing that she has a job and this other thing. I'm confused about what to do next. Usually I wouldn't schedule something after anything but a first date, or if I did, I'd keep that to myself. Uh...yeah, let this fizzle. Don't respond, just don't bother. If she has to basically grudgingly accept a date and even then she installs an escape route a week and a half of in advance to hold you at bay, yeah...just no. Don't bother yourself, sweetheart, you now have Friday entirely freed up..see ya.
Miss Spider Posted March 15, 2017 Posted March 15, 2017 I texted her today and gave her the option of next Tuesday or Friday. She said Friday but said she has to go to a friend's party later in the night which starts at 9. It seems a bit odd giving an out to a second date? I'm not sure what time to suggest meeting now knowing that she has a job and this other thing. I'm confused about what to do next. Usually I wouldn't schedule something after anything but a first date, or if I did, I'd keep that to myself. Just drop her
d0nnivain Posted March 15, 2017 Posted March 15, 2017 I texted her today and gave her the option of next Tuesday or Friday. She said Friday but said she has to go to a friend's party later in the night which starts at 9. It seems a bit odd giving an out to a second date? I'm not sure what time to suggest meeting now knowing that she has a job and this other thing. I'm confused about what to do next. Usually I wouldn't schedule something after anything but a first date, or if I did, I'd keep that to myself. She's luke warm at best. Suggest a 6:30 p.m. drink or cup of coffee. Fully expect this date to be over by 8:00 p.m. Best case scenario you get invited to this friend's party but I doubt this woman is that courteous. Seems awfully rude to me to tell you about a party you are not welcome to attend; she probably thinks she's doing you a favor by squeezing you in. Basically by even giving her Friday as an option you just telegraphed to her that you don't have anything else going on. Is it this Friday -- March 17 or next Friday? If it's this Friday, forget the drink. You are never going to be able to find a quiet bar on St. Patrick's Day. 1
Author ExposedBrick Posted March 15, 2017 Author Posted March 15, 2017 She's luke warm at best. Suggest a 6:30 p.m. drink or cup of coffee. Fully expect this date to be over by 8:00 p.m. Best case scenario you get invited to this friend's party but I doubt this woman is that courteous. Seems awfully rude to me to tell you about a party you are not welcome to attend; she probably thinks she's doing you a favor by squeezing you in. Basically by even giving her Friday as an option you just telegraphed to her that you don't have anything else going on. Is it this Friday -- March 17 or next Friday? If it's this Friday, forget the drink. You are never going to be able to find a quiet bar on St. Patrick's Day. It was the following Friday. I usually don't schedule things super far out unless it something unique. Should I suggest a different day and see what happens? My expectations have now become extremely low. She said 9ish for the start of the party. I guess there is a chance she could blow off the party, but who knows. I thought the first date went well and there is minimal time investment to a second date. Should I blow her off, tell her my expectations, suggest another day.... I thought about saying if you have a party, maybe another time would be better? I also thought about just being direct and asking if she isn't interested.
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 15, 2017 Posted March 15, 2017 It was the following Friday. I usually don't schedule things super far out unless it something unique. Should I suggest a different day and see what happens? My expectations have now become extremely low. She said 9ish for the start of the party. I guess there is a chance she could blow off the party, but who knows. I thought the first date went well and there is minimal time investment to a second date. Should I blow her off, tell her my expectations, suggest another day.... I thought about saying if you have a party, maybe another time would be better? I also thought about just being direct and asking if she isn't interested. Why on earth are you turning yourself into a pretzel like this... I'm going out on a limb to guess: "but she's hot"? What you should say is: right now this sounds like it could be fun but you won't know for sure you're available until closer to the day so maybe you guys can catch up with one another then, have a good weekend. And then don't contact her. Let this fizzle, unless *she* steps up to the plate and starts blowing up your phone looking for that date. You said you're talking to other girls. Ask one of them out. Right now you are all bit begging, she can tell you are begging and desperate enough to keep your schedule open for ten freaking days for the hour and a half she may or may not be generous enough to throw your way. You are embarrassing yourself. Ditch this one. Grab some dignity back.
bluefeather Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 Two things: A. I'm always talking to other girls unless it's official B. She did show interest in rescheduling A. By talking, I mean successfully. Is that what you mean too? Because if you and I are on the same page, why are you spending so much effort worrying about this one girl? How do you have the time to do that if you are flirting, having lengthy phone conversations, setting up dates, etc., with other women? B. Showing interest to me would be if she apologized for cancelling and she asked you if you could go out on ___day instead, with specifics, right after she cancelled. It looks pretty obvious that you're over-chasing this girl, and now she agreed to a date with an escape plan? Why put up with that? 1
Author ExposedBrick Posted March 16, 2017 Author Posted March 16, 2017 A. By talking, I mean successfully. Is that what you mean too? Because if you and I are on the same page, why are you spending so much effort worrying about this one girl? How do you have the time to do that if you are flirting, having lengthy phone conversations, setting up dates, etc., with other women? B. Showing interest to me would be if she apologized for cancelling and she asked you if you could go out on ___day instead, with specifics, right after she cancelled. It looks pretty obvious that you're over-chasing this girl, and now she agreed to a date with an escape plan? Why put up with that? Why wouldn't she just say she is busy those nights or suggest another night? I hate this crap. Maybe I should just cut it loose
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 Why wouldn't she just say she is busy those nights or suggest another night? I hate this crap. Maybe I should just cut it loose Who cares why? Cut her loose. Done.
Author ExposedBrick Posted March 16, 2017 Author Posted March 16, 2017 Why wouldn't she just say she is busy those nights or suggest another night? I hate this crap. Maybe I should just cut it loose I suggested meeting at 7. I will put her on back burner though and cancel should s more favorable scenario unfold!
d0nnivain Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 I suggested meeting at 7. I will put her on back burner though and cancel should s more favorable scenario unfold! Tit for tat is no answer. You can't just bail on her last minute if you get a better offer. You wouldn't want somebody to treat you that way. Follow the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Just go for the drink next week but keep your expectations low. Don't try for a different date / time. It's too late for that.
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 (edited) I suggested meeting at 7. I will put her on back burner though and cancel should s more favorable scenario unfold! You won't need to. She surely will do the canceling herself. She yessed you for now due to your begging. She knows she can find some dumb excuse later. You have chased her despite her basically blowing her off, have accepted, eagerly, her scraps of minimum time killing before she does something she really does want to do (the party), she has no respect at all for you now. She will absolutely blow you off. Probably an hour before the date. Put her on the back burner my butt, you are crawling on your knees to her right down to locking yourself ten days in advance just for the honor of buying her a meal before her fun party. Cancel now without much explanation but politely and go out with girls who want to go out with you. Edited March 16, 2017 by CaliforniaGirl spelling 2
Author ExposedBrick Posted March 16, 2017 Author Posted March 16, 2017 (edited) Tit for tat is no answer. You can't just bail on her last minute if you get a better offer. You wouldn't want somebody to treat you that way. Follow the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Just go for the drink next week but keep your expectations low. Don't try for a different date / time. It's too late for that. I would never actually pay for more than one date. It's just stupid to in my opinion. She made the classic empty gesture on the first date, so it will be enforced on the second. I view it at worst as eating at one of my favorite restaurants alone. If the date ends poorly, it ends poorly. I don't have high hopes at this point. I think it's unlikely this housewarming party is all that important but you never know. She probably is lukewarm but most first dates are lukewarm. Does she not deserve the benefit of the doubt at this point? Edited March 16, 2017 by ExposedBrick
Author ExposedBrick Posted March 16, 2017 Author Posted March 16, 2017 Tit for tat is no answer. You can't just bail on her last minute if you get a better offer. You wouldn't want somebody to treat you that way. Follow the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Just go for the drink next week but keep your expectations low. Don't try for a different date / time. It's too late for that. What would you have done? I offered a weekend night as a way to assess if she was just an honest workaholic, which seems unlikely at this point.
Author ExposedBrick Posted March 16, 2017 Author Posted March 16, 2017 A. By talking, I mean successfully. Is that what you mean too? Because if you and I are on the same page, why are you spending so much effort worrying about this one girl? How do you have the time to do that if you are flirting, having lengthy phone conversations, setting up dates, etc., with other women? B. Showing interest to me would be if she apologized for cancelling and she asked you if you could go out on ___day instead, with specifics, right after she cancelled. It looks pretty obvious that you're over-chasing this girl, and now she agreed to a date with an escape plan? Why put up with that? Why am I over chasing?
Author ExposedBrick Posted March 16, 2017 Author Posted March 16, 2017 A. By talking, I mean successfully. Is that what you mean too? Because if you and I are on the same page, why are you spending so much effort worrying about this one girl? How do you have the time to do that if you are flirting, having lengthy phone conversations, setting up dates, etc., with other women? B. Showing interest to me would be if she apologized for cancelling and she asked you if you could go out on ___day instead, with specifics, right after she cancelled. It looks pretty obvious that you're over-chasing this girl, and now she agreed to a date with an escape plan? Why put up with that? Maybe you can give me some tips on A, I've been out of the game a few years.
coolheadal Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 I went out for a drink with a woman last week. I thought the date went really well. I live in the northeast US, which is expecting a big snowstorm tonight. An hour before the second date tonight, she asks if we can reschedule for next week due to a busy work schedule, poor weather, and her friend visiting out of town for the weekend. I don't really know her at all but the first date went really well. I was prepared to tough out the crap weather. Does it seem legit? What should I do next? Let me shake some sense into you. Why do you have to think the worst. 1. Snowstorm 2. Friend Visiting from out of town 3. Busy work week But saying all of that she wants to see you for a second date. She said that to you so, she is interested in you. But oh-boy you can't wait you want it now, it just not going to happen. People have a life that doesn't center around you. Just have to be patient man. Can you do that. If you can then you have a chance to have more than a second date with her. Show some understanding and respect here for her okay. Now go make some hot (tea, coffee or hot chocolate) to weather out the storm. Let us all here know the final out come to this story..
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 Let me shake some sense into you. Why do you have to think the worst. 1. Snowstorm 2. Friend Visiting from out of town 3. Busy work week But saying all of that she wants to see you for a second date. She said that to you so, she is interested in you. But oh-boy you can't wait you want it now, it just not going to happen. People have a life that doesn't center around you. Just have to be patient man. Can you do that. If you can then you have a chance to have more than a second date with her. Show some understanding and respect here for her okay. Now go make some hot (tea, coffee or hot chocolate) to weather out the storm. Let us all here know the final out come to this story.. You forgot Number Four. The part where she tried to squirm out of it by being wishy washy and vague, he had to ask her for actual availability dates (she didn't offer at first), she threw a couple of dates almost two weeks out in his general direction but was careful to say she's even going to be busy those days, he asked for one of the two dates and she grudgingly agreed with the caveat that she would be ditching the date early to go do something fun that OP's not invited to. As for understanding and respect for her laundry list of excuses, blizzard...okay, sort of, even though it wasn't even expected to snow until the next day. But then she started throwing other stuff out there just to make sure she didn't have to go out with OP...come on. All she needed was "...and my dog died" to make that silly exercise complete. There is NO reason for OP to be humiliating himself like this. He hasn't given us one. He barely knows this girl. Jesus, have some dignity and self-respect and move on! This is just awful to watch.
Author ExposedBrick Posted March 16, 2017 Author Posted March 16, 2017 (edited) Let me shake some sense into you. Why do you have to think the worst. 1. Snowstorm 2. Friend Visiting from out of town 3. Busy work week But saying all of that she wants to see you for a second date. She said that to you so, she is interested in you. But oh-boy you can't wait you want it now, it just not going to happen. People have a life that doesn't center around you. Just have to be patient man. Can you do that. If you can then you have a chance to have more than a second date with her. Show some understanding and respect here for her okay. Now go make some hot (tea, coffee or hot chocolate) to weather out the storm. Let us all here know the final out come to this story.. I'm fine with waiting. I don't know if you saw the second half of the details. I sent her a text a couple days later to find another time as I said I would, to see if she could meet the following week on Tuesday or Friday. She said, "Friday sounds good - my friend has a housewarming but it doesn't start until 9ish". Either way, I certainly don't understand how you could consider this begging. I did what I said I would do, nothing more or less. I suppose this could be an honest reply, it just doesn't sound good with the rest of the stuff added in. It could be a best friend, could be a situation where you need to make an appearance but not important, it could be bull****, no way to know for sure. I'm mean how long should a second date last anyway? Edited March 16, 2017 by ExposedBrick
goldway90 Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 "Friday sounds good - my friend has a housewarming but it doesn't start until 9ish" So you're fine with just half date? honestly at first i thought she was interested but after reading your other replies i can tell you she's just not into it. I'm fine with waiting. You shouldn't be fine with waiting! this is called a waste of time. You should be talking and going out with other girls instead of being attached to a wishy washy woman. Come on man cut her loose. 1
Author ExposedBrick Posted March 16, 2017 Author Posted March 16, 2017 (edited) So you're fine with just half date? honestly at first i thought she was interested but after reading your other replies i can tell you she's just not into it. You shouldn't be fine with waiting! this is called a waste of time. You should be talking and going out with other girls instead of being attached to a wishy washy woman. Come on man cut her loose. You are right. This smells of bull****! What should I do now? Does she deserve the courtesy of a cancel? Is there anything wrong with just being direct and stating my expectations and intentions? I really just want to be honest and state,"I thought about it more and it sounds like you have other plans, maybe another time" Where are the best places to find gf material these days? Everyone seems all about OLD in my area but I'm not really a fan. That being said, as a busy professional, it's difficult to go out a lot and not feel creepy at age 33. Edited March 16, 2017 by ExposedBrick
Lilyana76 Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 I would just tell her you aren't interested anymore. It seems like she is giving herself an easy out if you do meet up with her, because she has plans at 9. I wouldn't waste my time. As for meeting others, I don't like OLD either. So I found different ways to meet new people. I'm a chef so I started a cooking class for singles. I also volunteer when I have the time, at various organizations (homeless shelter that serves a meal every night needs volunteers to serve, walking dogs at the animal shelter, even volunteering at a nursing home they have cute daughters and sons!) It will open up your social life, as well as help you grow as a person. Best of luck to you! Beware of the flakes in the future, you've seen the warning signs now.
clia Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 I feel like you are vastly overthinking this. You suggested 7, her friend's party doesn't start until around 9ish. Is she even planning to be there right at the start? From where I'm sitting, you've got a solid 2-3 hours, if not even more, for a date. That's plenty of time for dinner, and plenty of time for a second date. I think you should inquire approximately what time she plans to go to the party, so you can plan accordingly and make your own plans for after.
Author ExposedBrick Posted March 16, 2017 Author Posted March 16, 2017 I feel like you are vastly overthinking this. You suggested 7, her friend's party doesn't start until around 9ish. Is she even planning to be there right at the start? From where I'm sitting, you've got a solid 2-3 hours, if not even more, for a date. That's plenty of time for dinner, and plenty of time for a second date. I think you should inquire approximately what time she plans to go to the party, so you can plan accordingly and make your own plans for after. This was my initial thought.
PegNosePete Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 It's pretty clear she's not interested. If she was then she wouldn't double-book an evening. Her schedule can't be so busy she can't find a single free night to dedicate to you. I would *never* accept a 2nd date on an evening that I had to be somewhere else at 9, if I actually liked the person. If you have other options or other fun things to do on a Friday night then yeah I would just cancel. Say sorry you just realised you already had plans for that night or whatever. If you don't have anything else on, then you won't lose much by turning up. Worst case, as you say, you eat alone. Best case you get some small talk and flirting practice. But I don't think it will lead anywhere so keep expectations minimal.
Recommended Posts