ExposedBrick Posted March 13, 2017 Posted March 13, 2017 I went out for a drink with a woman last week. I thought the date went really well. I live in the northeast US, which is expecting a big snowstorm tonight. An hour before the second date tonight, she asks if we can reschedule for next week due to a busy work schedule, poor weather, and her friend visiting out of town for the weekend. I don't really know her at all but the first date went really well. I was prepared to tough out the crap weather. Does it seem legit? What should I do next?
Simple Logic Posted March 13, 2017 Posted March 13, 2017 I went out for a drink with a woman last week. I thought the date went really well. I live in the northeast US, which is expecting a big snowstorm tonight. An hour before the second date tonight, she asks if we can reschedule for next week due to a busy work schedule, poor weather, and her friend visiting out of town for the weekend. I don't really know her at all but the first date went really well. I was prepared to tough out the crap weather. Does it seem legit? What should I do next? Well, if a forecast blizzrd isn't a legit enough excuse, what is? 10
goldway90 Posted March 13, 2017 Posted March 13, 2017 If she wasn't interested i don't think she'd ask for another date at all. Play it cool,reschedule for another time and make sure to have fun on your second date. 6
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 13, 2017 Posted March 13, 2017 When did she learn there would be a blizzard? When did she realize her friend was coming to town? (Her friend is traveling to see her through a blizzard??) When did she realize she had a "busy work schedule"? My guess is: NOT only an hour ago. It sounds like bullchit to me...especially with her falling all over herself to find three "huge" excuses, all at once. Nah. I'd not contact this person again. I'd be continuing to look around.
bluefeather Posted March 13, 2017 Posted March 13, 2017 Well, if a forecast blizzrd isn't a legit enough excuse, what is? You did see that she said a "friend" was visiting, right? That could be the real reason. ExposedBrick, did you actually reschedule, or did she just leave it up in the air for a vague "some time next week?" 2
normal person Posted March 13, 2017 Posted March 13, 2017 I also had a girl cancel because of the storm. I wouldn't worry about it. She probably just wants to make sure she has enough food for her and her friend and wants to get home as quick as possible. Grocery stores in NYC are absolutely flooded with people right now. It's a legitimate excuse.
TheBathWater Posted March 13, 2017 Posted March 13, 2017 The snow storm isn't going to impact anything until tomorrow. She is cancelling for another reason, which I guess is "the friend." If she offered to reschedule, that's a good sign. I would ask her which days/times would work for her, see what she says, and then pick one. If she flakes again (no pun intended), lose her.
StormyEyes Posted March 13, 2017 Posted March 13, 2017 I'd give her the benefit of the doubt this time. If she brushes you off when you try to reschedule, then let her go. 3
Author ExposedBrick Posted March 14, 2017 Author Posted March 14, 2017 You did see that she said a "friend" was visiting, right? That could be the real reason. ExposedBrick, did you actually reschedule, or did she just leave it up in the air for a vague "some time next week?" She said next week vaguely. I said I was also busy over the weekend and told her I would touch base in a few days to set something up. Obviously, if there is any further flaky behavior I'd drop her like a ton a bricks but it seemed like a reasonable excuse. She quickly agreed to the second date and I thought the first date went well. Either way, nothing to lose here I suppose. I wish I would have just tried to set it up then, but I was trying to play it cool.
mushroomlol Posted March 14, 2017 Posted March 14, 2017 I would not go on a date tonight. Esp with someone that I just had one date. Just wanna get cozy up at home and get ready for the snow day. But that's just me.
mortensorchid Posted March 14, 2017 Posted March 14, 2017 I am also in the same geography as you are, and we are expecting a blizzard tomorrow. I don't think that's a lame excuse, as long as she says she'll reschedule. At this point at least, so give it another chance.
Author ExposedBrick Posted March 14, 2017 Author Posted March 14, 2017 I would not go on a date tonight. Esp with someone that I just had one date. Just wanna get cozy up at home and get ready for the snow day. But that's just me. So you don't think I should feel rejected? I just got rejected by another girl I really liked after a month of dating and still feeling a bit bummed.
PegNosePete Posted March 14, 2017 Posted March 14, 2017 Either way, nothing to lose here I suppose Exactly, you have nothing to lose by giving her the benefit of the doubt. If she bails again, or won't commit to a time/date/place when you suggest one, then assume she lost interest. 3
CptInsano Posted March 14, 2017 Posted March 14, 2017 So you don't think I should feel rejected? I just got rejected by another girl I really liked after a month of dating and still feeling a bit bummed. Let me tell you that you will get rejected many times over. But without taking that risk you will never find somebody. Eventually you will learn not to expect too much too early. Other than that, severe weather is a valid reason. It's something that anybody might cancel for. 2
d0nnivain Posted March 14, 2017 Posted March 14, 2017 I went out for a drink with a woman last week. I thought the date went really well. I live in the northeast US, which is expecting a big snowstorm tonight. An hour before the second date tonight, she asks if we can reschedule for next week due to a busy work schedule, poor weather, and her friend visiting out of town for the weekend. I don't really know her at all but the first date went really well. I was prepared to tough out the crap weather. Does it seem legit? What should I do next? If she cancelled last night, Monday, that's kind of lame. It didn't really start snowing 'til late. If that was the only reason she gave I'd say legit . .. .I mean she probably had to run to the store with the rest of the world to get milk & bread. (I totally don't get that. I ran out & got booze & snacks -- lol) When she added the laundry list of other reasons to put the date off until some indefinite time next week instead of say Thursday which gives more than plenty of time to dig out, she lost credibility in my book & it seems more like lack of enthusiasm to see you again. My advice: Send her a pithy text about the storm, leave it with an invitation for her to contact you about the next date that she asked to reschedule. Expect never to hear from her again. Be pleasantly surprised if she does get back to & go on the second date with an open mind. 1
StormyEyes Posted March 15, 2017 Posted March 15, 2017 My advice: Send her a pithy text about the storm, leave it with an invitation for her to contact you about the next date that she asked to reschedule. Expect never to hear from her again. Be pleasantly surprised if she does get back to & go on the second date with an open mind. I disagree with this approach. I would see it as a brush off. Be direct. Pick an evening that you are free. Make a general plan. Then ask her out, providing the details. It will tell her you are serious. So many people say "let me know when you are free". It's lazy. If she says no when you ask and doesn't offer an alternative/compromise, that will tell you all you need to know. This goes for males and females. And please remember, in the early stages you don't owe each other explanations as to why you or she isn't feeling it. It is nice to let the other person know that you aren't interested in seeing them again, but for those of us who have done that and gotten a verbal slap back, it is hard. Early rejection is very rarely a reflection of you or your worth, unless you were a total jerk. Best of luck!
Author ExposedBrick Posted March 15, 2017 Author Posted March 15, 2017 I disagree with this approach. I would see it as a brush off. Be direct. Pick an evening that you are free. Make a general plan. Then ask her out, providing the details. It will tell her you are serious. So many people say "let me know when you are free". It's lazy. If she says no when you ask and doesn't offer an alternative/compromise, that will tell you all you need to know. This goes for males and females. And please remember, in the early stages you don't owe each other explanations as to why you or she isn't feeling it. It is nice to let the other person know that you aren't interested in seeing them again, but for those of us who have done that and gotten a verbal slap back, it is hard. Early rejection is very rarely a reflection of you or your worth, unless you were a total jerk. Best of luck! What do other people think? I said I would reach out to find another time. Should I pick a date and time and let her decline/suggest an alternative or ask what days are you free? Since the initial date was last Thursday, I'd prefer to see her sooner than later. However, I'd like to see a time investment so I was going to suggest next Friday to rule out any Bull**** work excuse. The only bad part is it will have been over two weeks since the initial date. Thoughts?
Titanll Posted March 15, 2017 Posted March 15, 2017 So you don't think I should feel rejected? I just got rejected by another girl I really liked after a month of dating and still feeling a bit bummed. See...you need to let go of that crap before you start "dating" someone else. Her canceling was "legit" not because of any particular reason. She needs no reason to cancel! Handle your business. A man or a woman will be available for someone that they want to spend time with. She gave you some reasons that she canceled which, to me sound, perfectly reasonable. Again, not that she owes you much of anything except maybe courtesy. Also, she sort of rescheduled, right? If the timing of the snow coincided with the date, to expect a date during that time was a horrible mistake on your part. That amount of selfishness should be a major red flag to her.
kassy Posted March 15, 2017 Posted March 15, 2017 If your schedule is fairly open I'd ask her when she's free. If there are only a few times you're free I'd give her three options and ask if any of those work for her. If she says no but doesn't come back with a counter time then it's over.
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 15, 2017 Posted March 15, 2017 What do other people think? I said I would reach out to find another time. Should I pick a date and time and let her decline/suggest an alternative or ask what days are you free? Since the initial date was last Thursday, I'd prefer to see her sooner than later. However, I'd like to see a time investment so I was going to suggest next Friday to rule out any Bull**** work excuse. The only bad part is it will have been over two weeks since the initial date. Thoughts? How did you leave things? What did she say to you the last time she texted you?
Author ExposedBrick Posted March 15, 2017 Author Posted March 15, 2017 If she cancelled last night, Monday, that's kind of lame. It didn't really start snowing 'til late. If that was the only reason she gave I'd say legit . .. .I mean she probably had to run to the store with the rest of the world to get milk & bread. (I totally don't get that. I ran out & got booze & snacks -- lol) When she added the laundry list of other reasons to put the date off until some indefinite time next week instead of say Thursday which gives more than plenty of time to dig out, she lost credibility in my book & it seems more like lack of enthusiasm to see you again. My advice: Send her a pithy text about the storm, leave it with an invitation for her to contact you about the next date that she asked to reschedule. Expect never to hear from her again. Be pleasantly surprised if she does get back to & go on the second date with an open mind. The first date was last Thursday, 03/09, when should I suggest date 2? I'm concerned a date during the week could result in some bull**** excuse but suggesting Friday, 03/24, seems really far off.
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 15, 2017 Posted March 15, 2017 If your schedule is fairly open I'd ask her when she's free. If there are only a few times you're free I'd give her three options and ask if any of those work for her. If she says no but doesn't come back with a counter time then it's over. ^ This is probably how I'd gauge it too. That's why I asked the OP how this woman left things. If I were interested in seeing a guy, I'd NEVER just say "I can't because of X" and leave it at that. I'd add a time that I *could* get together. Open-ended stuff...just sort of "I can't do this" and trailing off...to me that feels very brush-off-ish. Although I'm only a sample size of one, I don't think I'm all that rare. When you're interested in seeing a person, you do not want that person to fade away. So you don't just say, "Nope, sorry, Critical Issue X came up so we can't get together" and then fall silent.
bluefeather Posted March 15, 2017 Posted March 15, 2017 I'd already be talking with other girls. If someone cancels and doesn't show interest in rescheduling, it's kind of a turnoff for me. However, if you are super attracted to her and think there is a high chance you can turn that around, and think that she is worth that effort, I might call or text her to ask her out again, but maybe after a week, after thinking about it some more. 1
d0nnivain Posted March 15, 2017 Posted March 15, 2017 I'm usually of the mind set that a proper ask is would you like to go on a date with me on [date] [day of the week] at [time] to [location]. Anything devoid of those specifics is lazy. The reason I suggested the pithy non-specific text putting ball firmly in her court is because I genuinely think she's fading on you & is about to ghost. There is no sense in making the effort in that case. Today is Wednesday. She said next week. So the earliest you can even ask is for Monday, March 20. 1
Author ExposedBrick Posted March 15, 2017 Author Posted March 15, 2017 I'd already be talking with other girls. If someone cancels and doesn't show interest in rescheduling, it's kind of a turnoff for me. However, if you are super attracted to her and think there is a high chance you can turn that around, and think that she is worth that effort, I might call or text her to ask her out again, but maybe after a week, after thinking about it some more. I texted her today and gave her the option of next Tuesday or Friday. She said Friday but said she has to go to a friend's party later in the night which starts at 9. It seems a bit odd giving an out to a second date? I'm not sure what time to suggest meeting now knowing that she has a job and this other thing. I'm confused about what to do next. Usually I wouldn't schedule something after anything but a first date, or if I did, I'd keep that to myself.
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