Difference between dating for rship and fwb

[Miss Spider]

Love hurts too much. It's not worth the pain. Fun is fun

[mightycpa]

Besides the romantic feelings part? What do you do vs not do?

I want to find and maintain a FWB for the first time (maybe a few?) but I don't don't understand this kind of 'dating' at all. I don't understand the boundaries that are set vs dating towards relationship, if there even are any ? I've only done the latter.

 

I am talking to a few guys and I told them all I want something casual. I can't bring myself to say the words "fwb".

 

The one guy I am talking about...I told him off the bat " I want to be straight forward with you, I just got over something with my ex. Im not looking for anything serious. I just wanna find someone to chill with. Just casual."

 

He said "Yeah, I recently got out of one & am focusing on myself for once. So casual is perfect."

 

So I thought this is good set up..

We hang out a couple times (and he seems like an awesome guy and he's very attractive..but I feel like I keep having to set a boundary (maybe it's just im not used to it? )For instance, fwb don't have to keep in regular contact, right?

 

After I told him I couldn't hang out yesterday, but I'd let him know

He said;

"Don't mean to be a bother and blow your **** up. Did I do something?"

 

"I'd really like to keep hanging out.

 

"..it is totally ****ed up to disregard such a potentially awesome connection with someone"

 

 

I mean, to me, "casual" means no expectations at all. I shouldn't have to talk to you if I don't wanna and you shouldn't have to talk to me. If were both free for lunch and want company we do it. If we're both feeling frisky at 10pm we link up...

 

I don't think you should have to make small talk or update them about things?

But also I don't wanna make men cold when we are together. . I really like the affection. It's only human to like to give and receive cuddles and random forehead kisses. And it should be okay to go out together on dates and also like holding hands in public?

 

Do you think of you told them from the beginning you want keep it CASUAL that means you really do anything short of telling them you changed your mind your mind about that, and they should expect it to be temporary and I can dash at any time and most likely will very shortly.

There's really only one boundary, and you're not in charge of it. You can't help whether you begin to feel romantic or whether he does. If neither of you do, then you will have achieved your goal. If one of you does, then you'll have a problem. If both of you do, then you'll find yourself in a committed relationship.

 

Be bold, stick to what you want, talk about it often, and talk about what happens if one of you starts "catching feelings."

[coolheadal]

Besides the romantic feelings part? What do you do vs not do?

I want to find and maintain a FWB for the first time (maybe a few?) but I don't don't understand this kind of 'dating' at all. I don't understand the boundaries that are set vs dating towards relationship, if there even are any ? I've only done the latter.

 

I am talking to a few guys and I told them all I want something casual. I can't bring myself to say the words "fwb".

 

The one guy I am talking about...I told him off the bat " I want to be straight forward with you, I just got over something with my ex. Im not looking for anything serious. I just wanna find someone to chill with. Just casual."

 

He said "Yeah, I recently got out of one & am focusing on myself for once. So casual is perfect."

 

So I thought this is good set up..

We hang out a couple times (and he seems like an awesome guy and he's very attractive..but I feel like I keep having to set a boundary (maybe it's just im not used to it? )For instance, fwb don't have to keep in regular contact, right?

 

After I told him I couldn't hang out yesterday, but I'd let him know

He said;

"Don't mean to be a bother and blow your **** up. Did I do something?"

 

"I'd really like to keep hanging out.

 

"..it is totally ****ed up to disregard such a potentially awesome connection with someone"

 

 

I mean, to me, "casual" means no expectations at all. I shouldn't have to talk to you if I don't wanna and you shouldn't have to talk to me. If were both free for lunch and want company we do it. If we're both feeling frisky at 10pm we link up...

 

I don't think you should have to make small talk or update them about things?

But also I don't wanna make men cold when we are together. . I really like the affection. It's only human to like to give and receive cuddles and random forehead kisses. And it should be okay to go out together on dates and also like holding hands in public?

 

Do you think of you told them from the beginning you want keep it CASUAL that means you really do anything short of telling them you changed your mind your mind about that, and they should expect it to be temporary and I can dash at any time and most likely will very shortly.

 

Please, oh please.. What do you want? Can't have it so many ways. No one going to have it. We all want it all, but you can't really. Either you sit it out and figure out what you want. But your going to want things casual and not serious then these are just going to be fun guys, hanging out and doing fun things with you until the fun is over and they want more. But you don't want that, you just want to have fun! If you run into a player then things really go south on you as well. CASUAL no strings and no attachments.

[VeveCakes]

 

 

Veve, thanks. That makes sense. Im just lonely right now and feeling rejected because my ex finally got fed up with me. it makes me feel better spending time with men with no attachment because it's not possible for me (since my heart is still with my ex.) It feels really empowering. I'm always so worried about men liking me or having them hooked, because I want to keep seeing them again and get closer with them and never had 'casual' sex.. Now I don't even want it and I'm having a lot of fun with the freedom. I never realized how fun it can be, although it's only been a week or so. I have a ton of dates lined up and I'm excited about meeting all these new, attractive guys. .

 

Being lonely, rejected and wanting validating is the EXACT reason you should be staying away from men. In this position not only will you act in a way that is not yourself, you will accept less, ignore red flags, and no relationship or happiness can come from this. You are simply not emotionally in a place to be dating.

 

You really need to step back and evaluate what you truly want and why you are reaching for a man so badly.