jony Posted March 13, 2017 Posted March 13, 2017 (edited) Hello~ I'm from Hong Kong I broke up with my ex 6 weeks ago, my problem is.....We work at a same company/office! She already has a new boyfriend now, which is her friend before, they knew each others long time ago (6 years) since studying at college in LA. The boy chased her before (6 years ago), but my ex rejected him at that time. After that, they became a friend. She always said that herself and this boy will never been a couple, because their value and personality won't match. (oh, well....) The boy worked in LA after graduated and quit his job at the end of 2016. After a 1.5 year haven’t see each other (but still keep contact as a best-friend), they met again and hang out frequently in Jan 2017. At the end of Janurary, she said she has some “special feeling” towards this boy, but she did not sure either that's the "feeling of best friendship" or the "feeling of true love". (she is an impatient person) After a week, my ex wants to break up with me. Everyone can guess what happened next, they been together at the beginning of Feb (before Valentine day). ——————————————— My ex is 24 yrs old, and I am 8 years older than her. She is a emotional, impatience & forthrightness girl, and always has negative thought and confused mind, sometimes childish and headstrong, like a little girl......(but i still love her). We are colleague, but we seldom work together, because we are in different department, and handling different kind of job, but we can still see each others everyday (Mon to Fri) since our office is not large. I never contact her proactively, but she always called me by internal phone in office (or sometime send text message), She still trying to remain friend with me, and keep chat with me like a "close friend", sometimes normal chat, sometimes she ask for comment/opinion about her job or life, or sometimes ask me for help. Sometimes she ask me to go out for lunch with her. She keeping contact me on working days/working hour, but never contact me at the weekend (she hang out with his new boyfriend at the weekend). How do i apply “no contact rule”to her? I can’t avoid to pick up the phone call in office, I can't let the phone keeps ringing and not answer~ She is a headstrong person, If she feel that I go cold and obviously ignoring her, she will mad at me, she will never talk to me again in the future and leave me forever. Edited March 13, 2017 by jony
hunk Posted March 13, 2017 Posted March 13, 2017 In future never date someone you work with, live with, share the same immediate friends with, attend school with or are in close proximity to. Send her a message politely asking her to stop contacting you during work. Say "Hey, do you think you'd be able to stop calling me and messaging me during work? It's making it hard for me to get stuff done. It's just distracting. I still care about you and respect you but I need you to stop contacting me, thanks." I personally would send that exact message, but I don't know the intricacies of your situation. Then continue with NC and avoid any situations where you have to be with her one on one until you've healed and have other women in your life, which should be now to be honest.
d0nnivain Posted March 13, 2017 Posted March 13, 2017 This is the downside of workplace romance -- what happens when it ends. You can't go full NC unless you get a new job. If she calls you about work, you do the professional thing. If she calls you about anything else you politely say that you prefer not to be friends with EXs & that you would appreciate it if she confined her contact with you to work related subjects only.
Author jony Posted March 16, 2017 Author Posted March 16, 2017 Thanks for the comments/opinions "After a week, my ex told me she has some "special feeling" toward that boy, and she wants to break up with me." I asked:"so you sure it's really the 'feeling of true love' neither than 'feeling of friendship' ?" She said:"um......I'm not sure, but I really have some feeling for him now...." :(:(
Altair0770 Posted March 16, 2017 Posted March 16, 2017 I'm not sure how it is in Hong Kong, but I agree with what the other two responders said. I'd also file a harassment report if she continues to contact you with non-work related topics after you ask her politely not to. Unfortunately you cannot apply NC, but you can apply LC. Limited Contact. Which means you only speak to her about work if you HAVE to for your job. Other than that, don't respond to her other attempts to communicate and do not go to lunch with her.
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