Fallen for the wrong girl

[Mouse23]

Hi guys, I'm just going to jump in with this and hope it makes sense. I'm 22 by the way.

 

I found a girl online that wanted me to come to hers just to sleep with her a couple of weeks ago. I thought 'ok, I haven't slept with anyone in a while so this should be fun', and I had to get the train because she lives about 114 kilometres from me. Which is no big deal, I don't mind traveling to see people. Anyway, I got there and surprisingly it didn't exactly turn out the way I thought it would. She was very open and we actually talked about a lot of things, personal stuff. She told me she sleeps around a lot and used to bang people on the airline she used to work for, and heaps of other people off the internet like me. Well we did it and when I left the next day I had strange feelings, like I actually liked this girl. She text me a few days ago if I wanted to stay over again and I did, and I just got home today.

 

Before I got there last night she told me she didn't want to sleep with me tonight because her 'sex drive was down at the moment and didn't feel like it', and I thought ok, I'll go anyway because I like her and I'm actually a very lonely guy. Well we cuddled a bit but like she said she didn't want to have sex and didn't even really want to kiss. I took her out to dinner at some vietnamese place and just tried to enjoy the night together. She asked me why I wasn't sleeping with other girls off the dating app we were using and I said ''because I'm not interested in them''. She made jokes that she was the one for me, but then laughed it off and said no one can hold her down, she loves being single and all of this stuff. And she is applying for another airline job in another country and said she'll leave if she can get it.

 

Edit: She asked me would I not want her to go to the job, and I said to her ''I want you to do what you want to do''. I don't ever want to hold anyone back from what they want, and I want to know if someone wants to be with me, that that is their decision, not because I told them.

 

So heres my problem, I get the message, she's not interested in being in a ltr with me. I just don't know how to unattach myself from her. I haven't had a girlfriend for six years and it feels so good to feel affection from someone again, so I get hung up on people pretty easily. I know its not long to know someone but I'm a sensitive guy. I basically spend all of my time working and working out, and don't do anything else, so I'm lonely and I just want someone to be with. I never saw a doctor about it but I've been depressed for years and I think I may have anxiety because I constantly think about the future and if I'm ever going to achieve anything in my life. And that's also why I work out and diet all of the time. Because I don't want to feel like a loser, I want people to look at me and actually think something of me.. can't explain that one but that is just how I am right now, have been for a while.

 

I told her I didn't think she'd ask me back but I'm glad she did. She said to me today ''don't worry you'll see me again''. I asked her to come camping with me back in my town but I'm not sure if its a good idea now. The thing is, I've seen her twice now and I get more attached each time, but if she needs to drop everything for a new job then she will, so I am thinking it might be better to just cut the relationship before I feel more for her.

 

I don't know what to do, some help would be great at the moment. I know she is not into me like I'm into her. I can't help looking at my phone to see if I get a notification for a text from her, and today she was like ''what time is your train coming?''. Like she has today and tomorrow off and she just didn't want me hanging around.

 

I know its pretty pathetic, but like I said, I'm soft and I hate losing people. Someone please help give me some advice, I really need it, because it just hurts at the moment. I'm getting anxiety about it and its just bringing me down.

Edited March 13, 2017 by Mouse23

[d0nnivain]

She doesn't want monogamy with you. If you continue to hang around & your feelings grow this gets worse for you.

 

 

Tell her you have developed feelings which you understand she doesn't reciprocate but to guard your own heart you are going to put some distance in here before you get hurt worse.

[ExpatInItaly]

I completely agree with D0nnivain.

 

This is not the girl you want to get attached to. The best thing you can do is stop seeing her.

 

It won't be be easy to cut it off, but it will be easier than continuing to see her and getting your heart broken when you learn she is having sex with other guys too. She's been upfront that she's doing so and will keep doing so. I'm not sure if she's actually the man-eater she says she is, or if she's exaggerating to make herself seem desirable or powerful. In any event, you can only go by what she's told you.

 

A word of caution, make sure you use protection with her. If she sleeps around as much as she claims she does, there is a risk to you too.

[Mouse23]

Thanks guys, I do agree, I just wanted to hear it from someone else. But how can I stop seeing her without feeling gutted and sad? Im soft when it comes to relationships. I just want affection from someone.

[d0nnivain]

You can't. You were offered physical affection & you got it. But you didn't stop there. Your heart got involved. That is actually pretty normal because the body releases hormones designed to foster the bonds between sex partners. But since your heart & emotions got involved, the feelings on your side will get stronger & it will hurt that much more later if you keep hanging around. Up to you: some pain now or a lot of pain later.

[Mrin]

Disappointed you will be.

[Mouse23]

Thanks a lot for your advice guys, I really needed it. I guess I know what to do later this week. She was meant to come camping with me out of town but I know what to say now.

 

I spoke to my sister about this and she said ''yeah, you're not the type to sleep around, this is why''. Lesson learned..

 

EDIT: Will update with how it goes. I'll probably hear from her friday night or around then. I'm interested to hear what she'll have to say.

Edited March 13, 2017 by Mouse23

[Mouse23]

So I didn't receive a text or anything from her tonight. I figured I'm not going to bother, seeing as I traveled to her city just to see her, took her out to dinner and she can't even send me a text when she was saying she wanted to come see me this weekend? whatever.

 

I don't even know why I bother trying to be honest.

[Curiousroxy86]

Hi guys, I'm just going to jump in with this and hope it makes sense. I'm 22 by the way.

 

I found a girl online that wanted me to come to hers just to sleep with her a couple of weeks ago. I thought 'ok, I haven't slept with anyone in a while so this should be fun', and I had to get the train because she lives about 114 kilometres from me. Which is no big deal, I don't mind traveling to see people. Anyway, I got there and surprisingly it didn't exactly turn out the way I thought it would. She was very open and we actually talked about a lot of things, personal stuff. She told me she sleeps around a lot and used to bang people on the airline she used to work for, and heaps of other people off the internet like me. Well we did it and when I left the next day I had strange feelings, like I actually liked this girl. She text me a few days ago if I wanted to stay over again and I did, and I just got home today.

 

Before I got there last night she told me she didn't want to sleep with me tonight because her 'sex drive was down at the moment and didn't feel like it', and I thought ok, I'll go anyway because I like her and I'm actually a very lonely guy. Well we cuddled a bit but like she said she didn't want to have sex and didn't even really want to kiss. I took her out to dinner at some vietnamese place and just tried to enjoy the night together. She asked me why I wasn't sleeping with other girls off the dating app we were using and I said ''because I'm not interested in them''. She made jokes that she was the one for me, but then laughed it off and said no one can hold her down, she loves being single and all of this stuff. And she is applying for another airline job in another country and said she'll leave if she can get it.

 

Edit: She asked me would I not want her to go to the job, and I said to her ''I want you to do what you want to do''. I don't ever want to hold anyone back from what they want, and I want to know if someone wants to be with me, that that is their decision, not because I told them.

 

So heres my problem, I get the message, she's not interested in being in a ltr with me. I just don't know how to unattach myself from her. I haven't had a girlfriend for six years and it feels so good to feel affection from someone again, so I get hung up on people pretty easily. I know its not long to know someone but I'm a sensitive guy. I basically spend all of my time working and working out, and don't do anything else, so I'm lonely and I just want someone to be with. I never saw a doctor about it but I've been depressed for years and I think I may have anxiety because I constantly think about the future and if I'm ever going to achieve anything in my life. And that's also why I work out and diet all of the time. Because I don't want to feel like a loser, I want people to look at me and actually think something of me.. can't explain that one but that is just how I am right now, have been for a while.

 

I told her I didn't think she'd ask me back but I'm glad she did. She said to me today ''don't worry you'll see me again''. I asked her to come camping with me back in my town but I'm not sure if its a good idea now. The thing is, I've seen her twice now and I get more attached each time, but if she needs to drop everything for a new job then she will, so I am thinking it might be better to just cut the relationship before I feel more for her.

 

I don't know what to do, some help would be great at the moment. I know she is not into me like I'm into her. I can't help looking at my phone to see if I get a notification for a text from her, and today she was like ''what time is your train coming?''. Like she has today and tomorrow off and she just didn't want me hanging around.

 

I know its pretty pathetic, but like I said, I'm soft and I hate losing people. Someone please help give me some advice, I really need it, because it just hurts at the moment. I'm getting anxiety about it and its just bringing me down.

 

 

if your stuck on this girl you need to let her go. you know she don't want to be with you so don't waste your time and don't waste hers. if you really rather have a relationship then don't waster anymore of your time trying to turn this hoe into a housewife and find a girl that wants a relationship like you do. you got this dude.

[Mouse23]

Thanks curiousroxy. I woke up early this morning and I'm going to run a few miles with my trainer from the gym. I gotta get over this and get moving like you say so thank you guys. I appreciate the advice

[irresolute]

Hello there,

 

She probably is sleeping around, that's why she doesn't contact you.

The interesting thing here is how roles have changed. You are waiting for her to contact, you are suffering because she doesn't care, you are the one who got attached... she's the agggressive one in this relationship. As if she were the man and you the woman. Don't take me wrong, I'm not saying you're not manly enough.

 

Next time try to react differently. Take initiative and be more aggressive in your game. Don't wait for the girl to contact you.

 

You should forget about this one though. She's lost interest, which is perfectly normal given your behavior

[Mouse23]

Hello there,

 

She probably is sleeping around, that's why she doesn't contact you.

The interesting thing here is how roles have changed. You are waiting for her to contact, you are suffering because she doesn't care, you are the one who got attached... she's the agggressive one in this relationship. As if she were the man and you the woman. Don't take me wrong, I'm not saying you're not manly enough.

 

Next time try to react differently. Take initiative and be more aggressive in your game. Don't wait for the girl to contact you.

 

You should forget about this one though. She's lost interest, which is perfectly normal given your behavior

 

Perfectly normal given my behaviour? so traveling over 200 ks both ways and taking her out to dinner was not good enough to warrant a text back? lol ok, you're entitled to your opinion but I think she called me back a second time just because she was broke and knew that I was into her.

 

All good, I don't even care any more. I've spoken to my trainer and I have my sport to worry about now so I don't even care anymore, new week, moving on. I'm going to work on myself more and the friends I already have, and disregard relationships for a while.

Edited March 20, 2017 by Mouse23

[VeveCakes]

Has nothing to do with his behaviour but the fact she was completely honest that she doesn't want a relationship! When someone tells you who are they are and what they want - listen! You're upset she didn't text you but hello - she doesn't want a relationship. She wants what she wants when she wants it. Don't try and make this something it never is going to be.

 

It's also concerning she is that promiscuous and open about it. That is a sign of an unstable person. Casual sex is one thing, sleeping with loads of dudes offline and from her work is another.

 

I hope you used protection.