will there be any contact with my ex? [UPDATE:I got all the answers]

[airborne3502]

Like a lot of you, I read these threads as unfolding stories.

 

Some are stories of reconciliation, and others are stories of people getting better or just hanging on.

 

I stopped checking my ex's social media about three weeks ago, and have been 1000 percent better for it. However, my work minion gleefully stalks her.

 

I said, "Fine just don't tell me anything."

 

Work minion couldn't help herself, and informed me that my ex is moving from three hours away, to ten hours away.

 

How did she find this out?

 

Through a lengthy Facebook conversation with the "friend" that visited my ex on dump weekend.

 

Work minion is young and cute, and has guys eating out of the palm of her hand with little effort.

 

Here's what she found out:

 

He wasn't visiting my ex to get over a breakup.

 

He was invited to hang out.

 

He didn't know about me. That's why my ex didn't want to cry on the phone with me that night. She would have had to explain it, or make excuses.

 

They didn't have sex that weekend or at all. They had decided not to go down that road again. He told work minion they reconciled, but it wasn't to be boyfriend/girlfriend. They weren't going to try long distance at three hours away, and certainly weren't going to at ten hours away.

 

They didn't get into all that, "I love you stuff."

 

To recap, after two weeks of no contact, I texted my ex and asked her if she messed around with her friend on dump weekend or red-flagged me as an abuser.

 

She was quite indignant about it in her reply:

 

 

"I'm not that kind of person. I would never do either one of those things. I'm sorry it did not work out between us but I would not try to sabotage you. I just personally could not handle the previous reaction or these continued reactions. I wish you the best of luck. But please do not continue to accuse me of things. Thank You."

 

 

So there you have it.

 

I thought to myself 100 times, "If only I had just been cool that weekend, I'd still have her."

 

However, I wasn't cool with her spending the weekend alone with another guy and giving me updates, or comparing us.

 

It obviously wasn't some sinister plot by her to cheat on me, but she definitely wanted to spend some quality time with her ex. She cooked up a reason for me to stay away, and lied by omission about the nature of their relationship. She definitely wanted another look at him before she made any final decisions about me.

 

I'm over the hurt, but it annoys me that she blames me for screwing things up. Any guy with a pair would have reacted like I did. I did trigger her, and she did turn her feelings off.

 

She's never going to be lounging in her tub, and have a "eureka moment" that she screwed up a good thing with me.

 

Truth is, it wasn't good. She was feeling it, but she lied to me to spend the weekend with her ex, and shifted all the blame onto me when I wasn't cool with her suspect actions. Instead of trying to calm my valid concerns, she went on the defensive like a guilty person does. There was zero communication, empathy, or understanding.

 

Who wants somebody like that? Who wants to walk on eggshells?

 

What would she lie about the next time she wanted something?

 

Now she's moving ten hours away, and I'm 100 percent sure we wouldn't have survived that anyway.

 

In hindsight, I was very lucky.

 

I just want to thank everyone here on LS that offered advise, support, and their insights as I tried to come to grips with, and figure all this out.

 

That's the end of that story.

 

I'm seeing someone new, and it's pretty cool so far.

 

Hopefully, this story has a better ending.