basil67 Posted March 13, 2017 Posted March 13, 2017 All dumpees know (at least after the dust has settled) that their dumper doesn't think they are a horrible person. Some people do get dumped because they are horrible people. We see it on here all the time.
marky00 Posted March 13, 2017 Posted March 13, 2017 Some people do get dumped because they are horrible people. We see it on here all the time. Yes but there isn't the dumper on LS trying to lessen the guilt for breaking it off.
hunk Posted March 13, 2017 Posted March 13, 2017 Forgive me if i'm wrong, but if you were to be brutally honest, this is what your post would read. "Dumpee, I was never sexually attracted to you. I strung you along knowing this, I enjoyed your attention and I enjoyed what you provided me, but I did not want to have sex with you. I took everything from you and gave you nothing, I should've ended it with you when I realized I would never enjoy sex with you, would never desire you, and I would always be on the lookout for a man who excites me, who doesn't worship me and who I can chase and attempt to tame instead of settling for a man who I perceive as weak. I am not interested in nice men, they are boring. I'm interested in men who arouse me. I knew this and yet I continued in this relationship with you under the guise of trying to make it work so I could keep lying to myself about my own nature and act as if I've taken the higher ground when i finally decide it's time to end things, while giving you the impression I loved you and was attracted to you when I didn't and wasn't and knew i never would be." I'm not busting your balls here but this is honesty and you know it. Posts like yours just do harm because they're not honest and you know they're not honest. If you're going to be brutally honest about why you didn't want a relationship with a man, tell us the real reason, and that reason is very, very simple. It will do more good than lying to save face and preserve your reputation as a good person. (of course i'm not insinuating you're a bad person by any means. But just be real with yourself and others, you'll learn about yourself that way) 3
Heartbrokenandhurt Posted March 13, 2017 Posted March 13, 2017 But can you not dump someone based on the fact you don't feel right together rather than it be because you aren't attracted to them? Can't you be attracted to someone but still not think they are right for you?
Author winterkeep Posted March 13, 2017 Author Posted March 13, 2017 Hunk there is absolutely no way that anyone can logically conclude what you've written from my post, unless of course they're projecting.. It seems that someone dumped you because you're not attractive and are rubbish in bed.. not every man has this problem.
hunk Posted March 13, 2017 Posted March 13, 2017 (edited) But can you not dump someone based on the fact you don't feel right together rather than it be because you aren't attracted to them? Can't you be attracted to someone but still not think they are right for you? Of course. But most relationships end due to the very simple reason that the dumper was no longer sexually invested or attracted to the dumpee. It all boils down to that at the end of the day. All other reasons will stem from this. A guy can be a great boyfriend in textbook, but if he's not turning his woman on and keeping her interest she will usually rationalize her lack of attraction as being for other reasons such as him being lazy, him being broke, reasons to use as being "not compatible". It's also why NC and space apart reignites attraction and therefore reconciliation in some cases. All NC is doing is restoring attraction through distance and scarcity. When two people are still fundamentally attracted to eachother and chemistry is there a relationship will never truly end, no matter how many times they dump one another, or how much time they spend apart. It's bizarre but it's the human condition. It's why abused women go back to their abusers, it's why men go back to insane women. It's why our exes cheat on us with their exes etc. It's all about attraction and sex. Edited March 13, 2017 by hunk 4
marky00 Posted March 13, 2017 Posted March 13, 2017 (edited) I read so many posts here from those who have been on the receiving end which are filled with confusion and desperation to fix the situation so thought I'd give my perspective. Ok OP, so you have given us your perspective. That's fine. Can you understand however that this perspective you are sharing isn't in any way, shape or form of any COMFORT to the dumpee? By your own admission, you stated that you would never tell your soon-to-be Ex what you told us here. I believe you said it would be "unnecessarily cruel". So why would any LS dumpees take any solace out of this perspective? A realisation given by a wise third-party or figured out by the dumpee themselves doesn't make the realisation any less hurtful. Edited March 13, 2017 by marky00
jorgeg3d Posted March 13, 2017 Posted March 13, 2017 Communication is key in any relationship. If you con't communicate properly what your problem is, in the relationship then how is anything supposed to get better? Also, if you truly love someone you wouldn't dare to end it with them. Most of the time people who are in love want to be with each other often. But its also good to give each other some space to miss each other. So, that is the real question you should ask yourself, if you don't love him, than its better to let him know so there's no second guessing, sure he'll ask why or how you fell out of love. And if its because you were being smothered, then tell him too, thats the problem with some people, they don't take the time to know themselves enough, so they fester in their situations. If you had known yourself enough, you could have caught this early enough that you could have told him and maybe he would have listened, and thus you may have been happier with him.
stillafool Posted March 13, 2017 Posted March 13, 2017 It's all about attraction and sex. This is key in all relationships and especially with women. If women don't feel the sexual attraction it's almost nearly impossible to turn us on. Once we are turned on to a man sexually it's hard to lose us. Men may not be so sexually attracted but will still perform and enjoy themselves. 1
jorgeg3d Posted March 13, 2017 Posted March 13, 2017 (edited) In the end, women want to chase. If a guy chases a woman, she will become smothered like the OP and fall off the wagon sort of speak. In the 5 months I've been dating, I've had 3 women start falling for me mostly because I wasn't chasing, and I was in a mindset where I wanted to take it slow. I had to let 2 of them go because things were getting too serious to quick and I just wasn't ready. No one ever takes the time to figure out what made them fall for each other in the first place, and try to get back to that. Its always easier to blame the other person for the change of heart than to blame yourself. I never chased my ex per se, but towards the last few months, I looked for answers she did not want to discuss with me, I suppose for lack of "hurting me", though the end result was the same. Edited March 13, 2017 by jorgeg3d
fromheart Posted March 13, 2017 Posted March 13, 2017 (edited) OP, right now you're in a position of assumed power. If he's a man who knows his game when you dump him (and you really should end it now) he'll take his power back very quickly. He'll walk away with NC and in a couple of weeks he'll be driving around with a beautiful girl. Your advise is based on the assumption that the man will become a needy wreck, and will be completely hurt by your actions, powerless to make things right. It doesn't apply to those who have discovered how to roll with the punches and stand on their feet, those whom dumpers have no power over whatsoever and never did. Its usually that realization that has many dumpers asking for a second chance, that doesn't come as it hasn't been earned. It's the dumper who can also end up with the long term regret and hurt, and the dumpee who moves on to better things. Just to give my perspective and experience in return. Edited March 13, 2017 by fromheart 1
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