MsJayne Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 (edited) If you're in your own home and you ask your new-ish partner not to smoke around you first thing in the morning what do you do if they ignore you and smoke anyway? This happened to me yesterday and I got quite angry at him and he acted like I was out of line. I'm a casual smoker, I usually will have a couple of cigarettes if I have a glass of wine in the evening but not always, and I'm working towards stopping altogether, but this is why he thought it was OK to ignore my request that he not smoke around me first thing in the morning. Am I just a great big hypocrite? Edited March 12, 2017 by MsJayne
todreaminblue Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 (edited) If you're in your own home and you ask your new-ish partner not to smoke around you first thing in the morning what do you do if they ignore you and smoke anyway? This happened to me yesterday and I got quite angry at him and he acted like I was out of line. I'm a casual smoker, I usually will have a couple of cigarettes if I have a glass of wine in the evening but not always, and I'm working towards stopping altogether, but this is why he thought it was OK to ignore my request that he not smoke around me first thing in the morning. Am I just a great big hypocrite? no you arent a hypocrite you have every right not to be around it when you dont want to be...i know the hypocritical feeling....feeling like a hypocrite is horrible but you arent a hypocrite.......hypocrites dont feel horrible about being hypocrites....they feel justified and superior.....you are the opposite....because you dont want that to be you you didnt tell him not to smoke you told him not to smoke around you in the morning because you dont want to smoke in the morning and have plans of quitting altogether.......its fair and just...not hypocritical..he should be supporting you in your hopes of giving up not getting angry about it..its a positive thing you are doing....deb Edited March 12, 2017 by todreaminblue 1
Tressugar Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 Nip this in the bud right now. Establishing boundaries are important in the beginning stages of the partnership. 3
Author MsJayne Posted March 12, 2017 Author Posted March 12, 2017 Just ask him to go outside? I did, and he's just outside the door doing this, so the smoke is wafting into the house....
Mrin Posted March 13, 2017 Posted March 13, 2017 I did, and he's just outside the door doing this, so the smoke is wafting into the house.... Don't date a smoker if you don't like him being a smoker.
Tressugar Posted March 13, 2017 Posted March 13, 2017 I wouldn't throw the baby out with the bath water. If this is the only flaw it can be salvageable if the two of you can reach an agreement. 2
act00 Posted March 13, 2017 Posted March 13, 2017 You're not out of line for asking someone not to smoke around you in the morning or to refrain from smoking in the house. You should offer solutions or accommodations. Accept the fact that while you may not smoke in the morning, other people do. You could offer, "Could you please smoke on the patio?" If he doesn't shut the door, shut it for him, "I don't want smoke coming in the house. Can I get you some coffee?" You have chosen to date a smoker, and it's okay to establish rules, but you also have to accept the issues that come with smoking, and offer solutions, and be a bit compromising. If you absolutely cannot tolerate smoking of any kind, in any way, shape, or form, in the morning, don't let smokers spend spend the night.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 13, 2017 Posted March 13, 2017 If you're in your own home and you ask your new-ish partner not to smoke around you first thing in the morning what do you do if they ignore you and smoke anyway? This happened to me yesterday and I got quite angry at him and he acted like I was out of line. I'm a casual smoker, I usually will have a couple of cigarettes if I have a glass of wine in the evening but not always, and I'm working towards stopping altogether, but this is why he thought it was OK to ignore my request that he not smoke around me first thing in the morning. Am I just a great big hypocrite? This is about respect. He didn't respect your reasonable request. Also, does he know you're trying to quit? Why date someone who smokes if you are trying to quit?
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 13, 2017 Posted March 13, 2017 I wouldn't throw the baby out with the bath water. If this is the only flaw it can be salvageable if the two of you can reach an agreement. Hmmm....well, if it's a misunderstanding, I agree. If he is being a jerk and intentionally being disrespectful then this is big. 1
coolheadal Posted March 13, 2017 Posted March 13, 2017 Hold his pack of smokes and say this to him : SEE THIS YOU WANT IT OR YOU WANT ME?" If you choose the it you have to go for good! I am done with you! Take your smoking habit with you! Get out of my house, apartment an etc... 1
Author MsJayne Posted March 13, 2017 Author Posted March 13, 2017 So.... Mr Ashtray Breath has been given his Marching Orders. Oh well... 1
basil67 Posted March 13, 2017 Posted March 13, 2017 I did, and he's just outside the door doing this, so the smoke is wafting into the house.... Close the door
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