czen Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 I'm asking this for a friend (for once I do not need help myself!): My friend has a bit of an issue. He is dating his new girlfriend for about a month now, after breaking up with an ex about half a year ago. Things are going well, but now he has a vacation trip coming up with an ex that they had booked before they broke up. The ex still really wants to go (apparently not to rekindle the flame, but just someone to have the vacation with and link up with a few times throughout the week as she knows he is dating someone else). I am a bit worried about the ex's intentions, but my friend says they had a good talk and that she knows nothing has any chance of happening. My friend wants to go too since he kind of needs a vacation (dealt with a lot of family issues the last year), and doesn't want to eat the cost of the trip, but he does not want to hurt his girlfriend and create distrust. What advice do you have? Go on the trip or not and how should he bring the news to his girlfriend? He definitely wants to tell his girlfriend btw, so hiding it is not an option.
savvy2008 Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 I would say try and sell the trip to someone else, unless this is a cruise and he can't change the name. I would not do this if I were in a new relationship, it's disrespectful to the new person. Six months is a very short time to be spending time together as friends, after breaking up. Your friend could easily still take the time off from work but do something different, or cheaper, that is just as relaxing. Even just staying home instead of going to work is awesome. I don't really get why he would still want to go on the trip, to be honest. Just my opinion though. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 What?!?!?!? 6-months ago!?! How far in advance do people purchase tickets for vacations (w/ insurance?)? When people advance purchase, it is always smart to purchase insurance with it in the event something happens. So, this trip was booked at least 6-months in advance. Ugh. Anyway, not the point of this thread. Your friends needs to see if he can change the name of the other ticket for his gf or something who is not a risk of being a fling...or bite the bullet and lose the money...or sell his ticket to his gf (and change the name, if possible). The only option he doesn't have is to go with his ex. That is a no-brainer. 1
GoldSparkz Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 Has your friend considered how the girl that he is dating will feel about him going on holiday with his ex? Can't the ex sell the holiday to the new girl out of respect?
WhenLoveHurts Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 What the hell. No guilt trip cr*p he needs a vacation because of his issues. How is he suppose to relax with a ex? When a ex is a ex for a reason. He needs to sell these tickets out of respect for his new girl. 1
d0nnivain Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 Once you break up with somebody you don't go on vacation with them. If he does go, I hope he knows that his present GF will be right to dump him over this. 4
smackie9 Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 (edited) Your friend is an idiot. They should have cancelled the trip when they split up or sold it to a friend of hers or buy her out. If he knew this trip was pending and was going, why start a relationship with someone.....damn fool. Edited March 12, 2017 by smackie9 5
TheBathWater Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 I'm asking this for a friend (for once I do not need help myself!): My friend has a bit of an issue. He is dating his new girlfriend for about a month now, after breaking up with an ex about half a year ago. Things are going well, but now he has a vacation trip coming up with an ex that they had booked before they broke up. The ex still really wants to go (apparently not to rekindle the flame, but just someone to have the vacation with and link up with a few times throughout the week as she knows he is dating someone else). I am a bit worried about the ex's intentions, but my friend says they had a good talk and that she knows nothing has any chance of happening. My friend wants to go too since he kind of needs a vacation (dealt with a lot of family issues the last year), and doesn't want to eat the cost of the trip, but he does not want to hurt his girlfriend and create distrust. What advice do you have? Go on the trip or not and how should he bring the news to his girlfriend? He definitely wants to tell his girlfriend btw, so hiding it is not an option. If this were my relationship, it would be a definite no. Going on a vacation with someone you have had a romantic history with is playing with fire. There is something about going away that is romantic. Doing it with someone else creates a special experience. Even if they "agreed to be platonic," they are putting themselves in a situation where there is potential for boundaries to dissolve. They will have fun and make a lot of memories together while away, and it will become really easy at some point for the two of them to consider rekindling what they had. And even if they don't act on it, the experience is sure to off-balance the partner's relationship at home in some way. No, no, no.
TheBathWater Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 What?!?!?!? 6-months ago!?! How far in advance do people purchase tickets for vacations (w/ insurance?)? When people advance purchase, it is always smart to purchase insurance with it in the event something happens. So, this trip was booked at least 6-months in advance. Ugh. Anyway, not the point of this thread. Your friends needs to see if he can change the name of the other ticket for his gf or something who is not a risk of being a fling...or bite the bullet and lose the money...or sell his ticket to his gf (and change the name, if possible). The only option he doesn't have is to go with his ex. That is a no-brainer. The insurance thing can be a rip-off. I bought tickets to go around the world with my ex, and we got insurance "just in case." When we split up, I called to ask if I could refund the tickets and they said "no, the insurance only applies if you can't go due to a medical emergency." I am still going because I was planning to fly without her for a business event. She was going to come with. Now, there will be an empty seat next to me on the plane since the ticket can't be refunded AND they won't let me give it to someone else!
Kitchen Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 Love and dating can be painful at times, sometimes necessarily so. Pain, depression, blown self confidence, bruised egos, tears, fighting, breakups. Let's not add to that gigantic pile of sadness by doing something idiotic. Tell your friend not to go. Even asking the new gf if he can go will cause damage.
preraph Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 He can't go on this without losing his present girlfriend. It's just asking too much. And if they're that buddy-buddy that they can just go hang out and have fun after a recent breakup, then why'd they break up. What's going on here is one or both of them want to get back together, and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't mind having a secret hookup with the ex. Every guy I dated shortly after their breakup told me they couldn't imagine never sleeping with their ex again.
Author czen Posted March 12, 2017 Author Posted March 12, 2017 He can't go on this without losing his present girlfriend. It's just asking too much. And if they're that buddy-buddy that they can just go hang out and have fun after a recent breakup, then why'd they break up. What's going on here is one or both of them want to get back together, and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't mind having a secret hookup with the ex. Every guy I dated shortly after their breakup told me they couldn't imagine never sleeping with their ex again. Well they are not that close (from what I know), but it was more that they apparently could not sell/give the ticket to anyone else. He says that they will get separate hotels and probably barely see each other. But I agree, perception can be reality and it looks bad.
lionlover1973 Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 Assuming this is an airline ticket, most airlines allow changes - i.e. - all he needs to do is change the travel dates (and pay the coinciding fess), and go when his ex is not there. And, most hotels allow changes as long as you make the changes in advance according to the hotel's policy. If not, he either chooses to lose his girlfriend by going, or, lose the trip entirely. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 1. He goes alone and absorbs the loss for the other ticket. 2. He goes with his ex and breaks it off with his current gf. Did he tell you that he wasn't "that" close to his current? He (you) is already in the process of rationalizing this situation to justify going with the ex. I really believe that your friend knows it would be wrong. He wants someone to help support a motion to go so he doesn't feel so bad. It is absolutely not an issue of grey here. It's black and white.
BC1980 Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 Oh jeez, don't go on a vacation with an ex. I made the mistake of doing that, and it was so awkward and depressing. Your friend will feel like a fool after the fact.
Author czen Posted March 12, 2017 Author Posted March 12, 2017 1. He goes alone and absorbs the loss for the other ticket. 2. He goes with his ex and breaks it off with his current gf. Did he tell you that he wasn't "that" close to his current? He (you) is already in the process of rationalizing this situation to justify going with the ex. I really believe that your friend knows it would be wrong. He wants someone to help support a motion to go so he doesn't feel so bad. It is absolutely not an issue of grey here. It's black and white. Sorry for the confusion, I meant more like that he is not so close to his ex anymore. As he never brings her up and he never hangs out with her (afaik), every time I see him he is with his new gf, who he tells me he is very into. But I agree with the rest of the post, I've told him similar advice but he is still a bit like "but nothing would happen!"
ZayKayWill Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 Meh, if this guy and his current gf were together for longer than a month AND they had a chance to meet maybe (current gf and ex gf) then maybe some people wouldn't be alarmed, but in this case he should just not go. They've only been together a month and I'm guessing the current gf hasn't met the ex? Yeah that would just be too much for her to handle. How does she know something more wouldn't happen? She wouldn't...sorry mate.
Versacehottie Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 It would be a mistake to go on several counts. If he values losing the cost of the vacation over losing his current gf, that is the only reason to go (which is still idiotic btw). It is also a potential minefield SEPARATE from whatever current gf's opinion is, because ex-gf probably has intentions contrary to what she is saying to him. Bad idea all around--unless his real intention is to get back together with the ex. That is only REAL reason to go, in which case he should be above board with current gf and take his chances that it may or may not work out with the ex.
lolablue17 Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 (edited) My friend wants to go too since he kind of needs a vacation (dealt with a lot of family issues the last year), and doesn't want to eat the cost of the trip, but he does not want to hurt his girlfriend and create distrust. Are you kidding me? If I were his new gf I would have dumped him immediately even only for being such a stupid idiot. I'm wondering about his friends... Edited March 12, 2017 by lolablue17
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 13, 2017 Posted March 13, 2017 But I agree with the rest of the post, I've told him similar advice but he is still a bit like "but nothing would happen!" Bologna and his gf won't take it that way nor should she.
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