Kcame30 Posted March 11, 2017 Posted March 11, 2017 (edited) I'm in love with a man I've been dating exclusively for six months. We were friends, then roommates before we became serious. He knows I had trouble with trusting men in the past. So to help me with trust he gave me full access to his phone. The issue is that multiple women keep texting him (almost a new woman each month). I have no idea who they are and they know nothing of me. He says he doesn't respond to the texts from old lovers (3 women). But took a while to admit he had a few female friend's ( he lied and told me he had no close female friends). I also caught him deleting texts from two women before he came home from work and an errand. I don't feel like he's sleeping around (we spend a lot of time together) but he wasn't completely honest about who these women are. If the text messages/calls are innocent why lie about it? This has caused several heated arguments. Now I don't trust him and reconsidering if I should be involved with him at all. Our lease is up in a few months. I recently told him that maybe we should go our separate ways. He thinks I'm overreacting. And that I'm the only woman he wants and love. We were planning on getting a bigger space but now I'm not sure. You thoughts? Edited March 11, 2017 by Kcame30
kendahke Posted March 11, 2017 Posted March 11, 2017 I'm in love with a man I've been dating exclusively for six months. We were friends, then roommates before we became serious. He knows I had trouble with trusting men in the past. So to help me with trust he gave me full access to his phone. The issue is that multiple women keep texting him (almost a new woman each month). I have no idea who they are and they know nothing of me. He says he doesn't respond to the texts from old lovers (3 women). But took a while to admit he had a few female friend's ( he lied and told me he had no close female friends). I also caught him deleting texts from two women before he came home from work and an errand. I don't feel like he's sleeping around (we spend a lot of time together) but he wasn't completely honest about who these women are. If the text messages/calls are innocent why lie about it? This has caused several heated arguments. Now I don't trust him and reconsidering if I should be involved with him at all. Our lease is up in a few months. I recently told him that maybe we should go our separate ways. He thinks I'm overreacting. And that I'm the only woman he wants and love. We were planning on getting a bigger space but now I'm not sure. You thoughts? I'd go ahead with the going your separate ways. What he's saying and how he's acting are not in concert with one another. You shouldn't have to ask anyone for access to their phone---you did it because you can't trust him. Playing phone warden doesn't work. If he wants to pursue other women, he's going to do it no matter what you say or think because that's who he is. If Smackie9 responds to this thread, read her tag line. It completely applies to your situation. Since you have trouble trusting men and this guy is yet another untrustworthy guy you've attracted, it might be a good idea to lay off of dating for a while and get at the root of why you keep selecting the same untrustworthy character in different bodies. Truth be told, your insecurity issues are your heavy lift, not his. They should have been resolved before you got into another relationship--that's bringing past baggage into a new relationship for that person to unpack and it's not his to unpack. He's not invested in it like you are and you need to withdraw your investment in that line of thinking. That will take a therapist and some time to dig down to the source and eradicate it. If you can't trust him, then why are you with him? 4
salparadise Posted March 11, 2017 Posted March 11, 2017 I'd go ahead with the going your separate ways. Since you have trouble trusting men and this guy is yet another untrustworthy guy you've attracted... If you can't trust him, then why are you with him? I don't think so. The fact that she has trust issues doesn't make him untrustworthy. If she's the one who has the issues, and she's supposed to dump anyone she can't trust, where does that leave her? 3
Ittakestwo Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 No. He has lied and disrespected you by doing this. I'd check out. 3
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 I'm in love with a man I've been dating exclusively for six months. We were friends, then roommates before we became serious. He knows I had trouble with trusting men in the past. So to help me with trust he gave me full access to his phone. The issue is that multiple women keep texting him (almost a new woman each month). I have no idea who they are and they know nothing of me. He says he doesn't respond to the texts from old lovers (3 women). But took a while to admit he had a few female friend's ( he lied and told me he had no close female friends). I also caught him deleting texts from two women before he came home from work and an errand. I don't feel like he's sleeping around (we spend a lot of time together) but he wasn't completely honest about who these women are. If the text messages/calls are innocent why lie about it? This has caused several heated arguments. Now I don't trust him and reconsidering if I should be involved with him at all. Our lease is up in a few months. I recently told him that maybe we should go our separate ways. He thinks I'm overreacting. And that I'm the only woman he wants and love. We were planning on getting a bigger space but now I'm not sure. You thoughts? You have trust issues. Ok. But if what you say is true...HE IS NOT TRUSTWORTHY! 2
GoldSparkz Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 I find it odd that he would give you full access to his phone knowing that random women were texting him. I would follow your gut with this guy and pull away from him. He lied to you knowing that you have trust issues and you will never feel like you can fully trust him. I know you love him, but this can't be a good basis for a relationship. 1
d0nnivain Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 The lying is almost the bigger problem then the women. You didn't say the messages were inappropriate & you don't think he's cheating. If he had told you these women were in his life / phone how if at all would that change things? 1
smackie9 Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 TBH it doesn't matter if nothing sexual is going on with him and these other women, it's the fact that his actions are making you uncomfortable and your actions make him uncomfortable. Nothing wrong with admitting you two are not right for each other. Follow your gut/don't listen to him and part ways when the lease is up. 3
kendahke Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 (edited) I don't think so. The fact that she has trust issues doesn't make him untrustworthy. from her first post: But took a while to admit he had a few female friend's ( he lied and told me he had no close female friends). I also caught him deleting texts from two women before he came home from work . However, him lying coupled with hiding and erasing conversations with other women does... if he's lying about who he is friends with (who even does that?) and can't show her what he's been saying in the moment to these chicks, then he's being deceitful. Deceitful people, by definition, are untrustworthy. If she's the one who has the issues, and she's supposed to dump anyone she can't trust, where does that leave her?from her first post: He knows I had trouble with trusting men in the past.It leaves her working on her issues with a professional to get at the root of why she gets with men she can't trust time and again. Edited March 12, 2017 by kendahke 1
basil67 Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 Have you considered that you don't have 'trust issues'? Perhaps the problem is that you're unable to identify untrustworthy people and then you let them con you. 1
coolheadal Posted March 13, 2017 Posted March 13, 2017 I'm in love with a man I've been dating exclusively for six months. We were friends, then roommates before we became serious. He knows I had trouble with trusting men in the past. So to help me with trust he gave me full access to his phone. The issue is that multiple women keep texting him (almost a new woman each month). I have no idea who they are and they know nothing of me. He says he doesn't respond to the texts from old lovers (3 women). But took a while to admit he had a few female friend's ( he lied and told me he had no close female friends). I also caught him deleting texts from two women before he came home from work and an errand. I don't feel like he's sleeping around (we spend a lot of time together) but he wasn't completely honest about who these women are. If the text messages/calls are innocent why lie about it? This has caused several heated arguments. Now I don't trust him and reconsidering if I should be involved with him at all. Our lease is up in a few months. I recently told him that maybe we should go our separate ways. He thinks I'm overreacting. And that I'm the only woman he wants and love. We were planning on getting a bigger space but now I'm not sure. You thoughts? Hard for him to let go of his priors and you know about them now. No matter what he tells you he'll always have them as a backup. If he was smart he would say "YOUR RIGHT I DONE WITH THEM IT'S ALL ABOUT US" Time to block, delete them and call it quits. Your my main focus and only focus. But you'll never get that with him because he's thinking outside the box. Trust has to be earned he lost that with you. Don't play with guys who you can't trust you need to drop them and find those you can trust. Player/Cheater is that what you want in life? I bet you'll say no! Then act on that. Give him a choice right now! No time to think about it. Overacting or not it's your life, it's what you want, if he can't agree again tell him your done!
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