xxLostxxConfused Posted March 11, 2017 Posted March 11, 2017 Could someone please assist me as I am feeling guilty and seek advice from someone other then my family... I am really lost and am beating myself up from this issue that has happened the other day. I am going to keep the story short and sweet and as I know there is always two sides to the story... Me and my girlfriend of a year and a half are going through a rough patch. She is ten years younger then me, she is 21. We have lived together for the last three months and I moved out of my old apartment to get a bigger apartment in which I shared with my daughter when I have her. She has a son and she would complain about my apartment being too small. So I got two jobs and we both signed a lease for a bigger place. She got fired and got a part time job until she found a better one but I feel as if she was not applying herself to push for a full time position. She recently got her old job back but still in my opinion she should have been helping with her part time job even if it was $40. So for the last three months I have worked two full time jobs and have paid every single bill which allocates to about $800 a month for rent and water. This is not including my car payment, cable and electricity. I also would take her son to daycare when she needed to without complaining so she could go to her part time job. I also pay for entertainment and necessities for all of our family including my daughter. Anyway, sex life has fallen and she gets mad when I ask why. When she turns me down it doesn't really make sense to me especially considering how it use to be. We still have sex but its almost non-existent. She has stopped pleasing me and she used to do it all the time and this was when I was living at my old apartment when she did not live with me. She is on anti-depressent medicine and nags on me constantly and I finally had enough of it. She rarely cooks me dinner even though I am busting my ass while she stays home half the time with her son. She gets mad when I put the dishes a certain way in the dishwasher (which drives me crazy), she also gets upset when I do not want the blinds open in the morning when I am cooking breakfast, because I do not want everyone looking at me in my boxers or when I look crazy in general. Once recent event that was petty has bothered me, I bought eggs because she wanted me to get some and I put the NEW EGGS on top of the OLD EGGS just for what-ever-reason. So the next morning I grabbed two eggs and cooked them and went to work. A few hours later she sent me a text message asking if I grabbed two of the NEW EGGS instead of grabbing from the old EGGS (they are not really old just not recent purchase). And I said "yeah babe I wasn't thinking about it." So she said, "Next time use the old eggs." I just looked at my phone and shook my head. So after letting it blow over I asked her to pick up and fold her laundry that was setting in our bedroom all over the place for the last two weeks. She kindly said yeah. She has recently bought groceries with her food stamps and she is kind to my daughter so I am giving credit where credit is due. However, every time we get into an argument she texts her Mom and complains about me. So I told her that I am sick of that and I do not want your Mom to hate me so maybe you should go stay with your Mom since i am doing EVERYTHING. I raised my voice when I said it and I just had enough because so much is building up and the affection is not where I want it to be. Literally sometimes when I come home from work I feel like she doesn't even want me home just by the way she acts whether it be playing on her phone or acting distant or having a grumpy attitude. So she moved some of her stuff out and hasn't been home the last four days. She say's she thinks its best if she stays at her Mom's for now and if we work out it work's out. My daughter asked me if she is coming back and it really bothers me but I know that I have to be strong and faithful to me and my daughter and provide a comforting surrounding for her. It just breaks my heart that she has not come back or even attempted to really talk to me or my daughter even after I reached out to her telling her my daughter misses her. I have not initiated contact unless she does but I let her know that people argue over worse things but part of me is beating myself up because I feel like its my fault and its killing me. I am staying busy and not changing what I do since I work two full time jobs, hit the gym regularly and have a daughter. But when I am alone like I am now I have nobody to talk to, my family is sick of hearing about it because I have not listened to the advice they have gave me. Please let me know if I am too nice and put up with too much ****. If I am wrong please let me know... Thank you if you take the time to read this I really want some help because I am beating myself up trying to be happy.
Ittakestwo Posted March 11, 2017 Posted March 11, 2017 Yes. She is being selfish and neglectful. Given children are involved, I think you need a sit down -heart to heart- expectation to expectation...and soon. 1
Author xxLostxxConfused Posted March 11, 2017 Author Posted March 11, 2017 I've tried talking to her and she said she does not want to argue or talk right now. I just said, I will leave you be then.
goldway90 Posted March 11, 2017 Posted March 11, 2017 She is on anti-depressent medicine and nags on me constantly and I finally had enough of it This is exactly what happens when you're with someone with mental issues, she needs to take the steps to get better ( anti depressent change and therapy) otherwise it will never work. You sound like a supportive, patience guy but in the end it's up to her to fix the issues assuming she's depressed.
Author xxLostxxConfused Posted March 11, 2017 Author Posted March 11, 2017 This is exactly what happens when you're with someone with mental issues, she needs to take the steps to get better ( anti depressent change and therapy) otherwise it will never work. You sound like a supportive, patience guy but in the end it's up to her to fix the issues assuming she's depressed. What do you recommend I do just keep my distance? I've already tried talking to her and she doesn't want to talk she said she needs some space and she's going to stay at her Mom's. Thank you for reading what I had to say I appreciate it!
goldway90 Posted March 11, 2017 Posted March 11, 2017 What do you recommend I do just keep my distance? I've already tried talking to her and she doesn't want to talk she said she needs some space and she's going to stay at her Mom's. Thank you for reading what I had to say I appreciate it! She needs space well give it to her, keep your distance. Talking to her will create more arguments and problems. If she comes back at some point wanting to work on the relationship, make sure to suggest therapy for her because anti-depressents are just one part of overcoming depression, talking to psychologist would help her a lot ( learning skills to manage her stress, triggers... etc).
preraph Posted March 11, 2017 Posted March 11, 2017 I just think living together didn't work out. I'm sorry. 1
Erik30 Posted March 11, 2017 Posted March 11, 2017 Sorry dude, seems like too much drama. Also don't forget she's still really young, on medication, and already has a kid... that's a lot for a 21 year old to deal with. She might not be ready for a serious relationship, but most people her age aren't. Just focus on your daughter. 1
lurker74 Posted March 11, 2017 Posted March 11, 2017 Look up the difference between beta and alpha males. You are acting as a beta. Some women love you regardless of your status but they have to be very secure in their personality and mature. Your 21 year old girlfriend is neither. You should tell her to come by and get the rest of her things because she's a short hop away from cheating on you if she's not already. Good luck my friend.
basil67 Posted March 11, 2017 Posted March 11, 2017 End the relationship. This woman is not marriage material.
kendahke Posted March 11, 2017 Posted March 11, 2017 It's best she stays with her mom. You don't need this level of aggravation and your daughter doesn't need this role model to emulate. You stay away from her by blocking her number and remembering that you used to didn't know her. What you have on your hands is a lazy, cantankerous, grown teenager, not a mature adult. Sometime, people never ever grow out of that mind set. It's good that she's with her mom--she had her, let her deal with her moody, messy behind.
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 11, 2017 Posted March 11, 2017 (edited) So you're supposed to not expect anything back from this lazy leech? You owe her a living while receiving no adult relationship whatsoever because the poor thing has suffered? Who the heck hasn't? I will go on record right now as officially betting my left ovary that this girl is pregnant (accidentally, of course...whoops) within three to six months. She obviously failed at entrapping the other guy via pregnancy but now here is a more gentle, caring guy. She knows she will have the OP locked down with an anchor baby and OP will be feeding her, her other kid and this new kid for the next 18 years while she sits around doing nothing because ow, life hurts, life is just so hard. For her. Not for anybody else. She's the one who's owed a living. The OP spends the next 10 years masturbating helplessly following yet another refusal of sex while this girl cheats on him until she officially leaves, taking their child and half his worldly goods - at least - with her. She and the new guy get an apartment together on the OP's dime. OP is now alone, without his kid, still sexless, and now being bled of child and spousal support. OR you can break this off now, OP. Right now. NO makeup sex. I am serious about that. She'll see her meal ticket sliding away and she'll be more than ready to take more drastic measures. And you'll be locked in. This girl is a mess. A helpless and lazy one to boot. She ALREADY has dropped the "I just love sex with you" farce. Already! And she has already managed to wiggle out of working, cleaning up or even driving her own kid to daycare. She thinks you're a chump. She's laughing at you. Drop her right now. Save yourself years of misery. And next time, date someone your own age. You're welcome. Edited March 11, 2017 by CaliforniaGirl 3
act00 Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 I have to agree with CaliforniaGirl about pregnancy. She's going to realize her gravy train is slipping away and may find her self, oops, pregnant. Avoid sex with her. Was she living at home with her mother when you decided to move in together or did she have her own place? I can certainly understand, if she was on her own, that moving in with you would offer extra support and assistance in addition to income, and if you two are creating a life together, it works. However, it seems what she wants is a parent, not a partner. At home she may be able to get away with this level of laziness. It won't fly in a relationship. What she has demonstrated is despite being home all day, she does very little as her "job," especially since you're constantly working. As a SAHM, of course I felt it was my responsibility to maintain the household. It was boring, but I was home. I don't see this changing with your GF, but instead you having to support extra babies while she drains your bank account and you're still left with all the cooking, cleaning, and child care. Leave her alone. You're better off. Let her live with her mother who can deal with her messes and irresponsibility. She has a lot of growing up to do. Let her parent be the parent. 1
elaine567 Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 She may have a son and a job and look like an adult but she is acting like a depressed teenager/child and I guess she is not coping well with life, so it is best she goes back to her Mom. It is all just too much for her. I know you have been putting in 110% but you are 10 years older and you cannot expect the same from her. Keep away from this girl she is one big mess and the only way is down here for you if you stick around. What is all this about with the 2 full time jobs? Get a smaller apartment. Your daughter will grow up and say she never saw you, you were always too busy working or going to the gym. Life is short, a big apartment may be nice but not at the cost of your life and your relationships. Take some stress out of your life. Find a woman your own age who shares your goals and understands the sacrifices you are making for family, someone who actually contributes to your life and well being. 2
Author xxLostxxConfused Posted March 13, 2017 Author Posted March 13, 2017 (edited) I don't know where to start, its like I've been slapped in the face and you all really care about what is going on... I did not expect so many replies and I appreciate all of your posts, they are helping me through this ordeal. To answer a few questions, I have two jobs because I was going through some situations of not having enough money to cover the bills. I only have my daughter about four days a week and the days that I have her I am off so it works out pretty well... I got the new apartment because my girlfriend at the time wanted to upgrade since we both had children. She has her son full time, I was just trying to be a good man and take responsibility since I was dating her and trying to be a father figure for her son. Its been rough the past few days, I have been working and I have went to the gym with some friends and kept busy but she has been messaging and calling me when I do not respond to her when she wants me to. She told me she would not have left if you did not tell me "I should stay at my Moms" and tell her that she is not doing the things that I would want of her to do. She say's she has been doing them but I have not payed attention. Well yesterday she came and got her mattress and took the rest of her things to her Moms. Then she called me asking why I have not been responding to her messages ONCE again and I told her that I have been working. She then messages me on Facebook saying, "I feel like I should be coming back to our apartment. Its feels so weird here." So I did not respond to that because I am heartbroken and still wondering how someone could just leave me and my daughter that quickly... My daughter is wondering if she is coming back and to me that is just so disrespectful on her part. So after I do not respond for however long she starts messaging me again saying, "So are you just going to ignore me? I still want you to know I still love you even though we are going through this." But when I check her Twitter she seems so happy, she is tweeting things like "Literally the best", "How nice," "drop me your Snapchat names below", and the other things that say, "Find someone who will not let you goto sleep not knowing if they love you or not." I am so confused or either to weak and dumb to see the writing on the wall. I feel like its my fault she left and maybe it was. But it still is killing me on the inside but yet I am trying to be strong. Our relationship status is still in a relationship on social media and our pictures are still on there. She asked who I went to the gym with last night and wondering what I am doing every time I do not respond to her in a quick manner. I just don't know how she can do this. She is also on the lease... I feel used honestly and more pissed off because I have spent so much money. Every other week I was giving her cash to get some things she would want to get and I always suprised her. Thank you for responding please help me through this crazy ordeal. BTW, Californiagirl you hit me in the face like a ton of bricks. She has been saying she wants a baby for the last couple months and has asked when can we have one. Edited March 13, 2017 by xxLostxxConfused
GunslingerRoland Posted March 13, 2017 Posted March 13, 2017 Your situation sucks. I will say this though. You were 31 and dated a woman who was only 21. Whether or not she had a kid, a 21 year old in this day and age, is pretty much a teenager maturity wise. Getting mad that that she wasn't mature enough, is like getting mad at the mosquito for biting you.
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