"You like them. They don't like you. They like you. You don't like them."

[preraph]

For me personally, it's a huge turn on when a man clearly demonstrates his attraction. Either by telling me or by romantic gestures. If I am on the fence about someone, this would push him over the fence into me liking him. Conversely, if he is inconsistent or lukewarm, I quickly lose attraction.

 

There is only one caveat: I need to find that man at least little bit attractive for this to work. If I don't, then nothing he does will change my feelings.

 

This is the truth no one seems to want to hear.

[preraph]

In the 20th Century pre-birth control days, a man having regular sex was not considered his entitlement either. Women were less likely to want to have sex since many married because they were supposed to, and once they had their kid quota, they would often shut the baby factory down, and certainly some of this was because of birth control and some of it was they were tired of having sex with a man they were maybe never very attracted to to begin with. These were not the good old days for anyone except men who didn't want to pick up their own socks, really.

[LookAtThisPOst]

In the 20th Century pre-birth control days, a man having regular sex was not considered his entitlement either. Women were less likely to want to have sex since many married because they were supposed to, and once they had their kid quota, they would often shut the baby factory down, and certainly some of this was because of birth control and some of it was they were tired of having sex with a man they were maybe never very attracted to to begin with. These were not the good old days for anyone except men who didn't want to pick up their own socks, really.

 

I hear of wives shutting the "baby factory down" even these days, which therein' lies the sexless marriage issues. I have met women even today that divorced a few years down the road, some of them had fully admitted to not ever having been attracted to their husbands to begin with.

 

And I thought, "Wow, that must have been one crappy honeymoon/wedding night."

 

I mean, what's going through her mind when he's enjoying himself, and she's just laying there like a cold fish for the sole purpose of pro-creation?

 

Of course, I wonder what was going on in their heads when they decided to marry a man they were never attracted to.

 

Of course, the BC pill could be to blame because she may go ON the pill after the baby factory closes, and these hormones introduced will decline her attraction to her husband, and that's an entirely different convo. altogether. So there is a question of medication driving down sex drives.

 

Another can of worms.

Edited March 14, 2017 by LookAtThisPOst

[GemmaUK]

Of course, the BC pill could be to blame because she may go ON the pill after the baby factory closes, and these hormones introduced will decline her attraction to her husband

 

The BC pill doesn't reduce attraction to a partner, - reduced attraction can come from a man not doing his 50& of the household chores though.

I have a fair few friends going through this right now.

[GoodOnPaper]

The BC pill doesn't reduce attraction to a partner, - reduced attraction can come from a man not doing his 50& of the household chores though.

I have a fair few friends going through this right now.

 

This idea has been out there for a long time and those of us with "nice guy" tendencies will read it and immediately start volunteering to do lots of housework and expecting it to spice up things in bed - and I don't think it would work out that way. This is from a man who works full time and does all the outside yardwork, all the house repair, and almost all of the house cleaning. My wife has always worked half- or 3/4-time and she does do at least 90% of the running the kids around and a little more laundry than I do.

 

While I have no doubt that there are many women who are doing more household upkeep than they should, I think the relationship to attraction is more complex. Although there could be some UK/US or generation cultural differences, I think there is a fine line between a man appearing helpful and appearing too "domesticated" - the latter could easily kill attraction as much as not helping at all. With anything involving empathy or sensitivity, the most credit goes to men who don't appear that they are sensitive but may be behind the scenes. Those of us who are naturally sensitive and it shows - it comes off as weakness.

[LookAtThisPOst]

The BC pill doesn't reduce attraction to a partner, - reduced attraction can come from a man not doing his 50& of the household chores though.

I have a fair few friends going through this right now.

 

Correction, the BC pills does affect who you are attracted to, that may be on in the same though, but there are legitimate write-ups.

 

Just Google "birth control pill attraction" and you'll see a ton of articles on this.

 

Time Magazine - Sex on the Pill: How Birth Control Affects Attraction | Time.com

 

Scientific American - https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/birth-control-pills-affect-womens-taste/

 

Women who choose a partner when they’re on hormonal contraceptives and then stop taking them will prioritize their husband's attractiveness more than they would if they were still on it," says Michelle Russell, the Florida State graduate student who is the lead author on the study. "The effect that it would have on her marital satisfaction would carry more weight.”

 

That means that if your husband is not conventionally attractive and you go off the Pill, his attractiveness might bother you more than before. Conversely, if you're bored of your foxy husband, going off the Pill might make you more excited about him. Maybe.

 

The research refers to how going on or off the pill can impact a woman's attraction to a man.

Edited March 14, 2017 by LookAtThisPOst

[GemmaUK]

This idea has been out there for a long time and those of us with "nice guy" tendencies will read it and immediately start volunteering to do lots of housework and expecting it to spice up things in bed - and I don't think it would work out that way. This is from a man who works full time and does all the outside yardwork, all the house repair, and almost all of the house cleaning. My wife has always worked half- or 3/4-time and she does do at least 90% of the running the kids around and a little more laundry than I do.

 

While I have no doubt that there are many women who are doing more household upkeep than they should, I think the relationship to attraction is more complex. Although there could be some UK/US or generation cultural differences, I think there is a fine line between a man appearing helpful and appearing too "domesticated" - the latter could easily kill attraction as much as not helping at all. With anything involving empathy or sensitivity, the most credit goes to men who don't appear that they are sensitive but may be behind the scenes. Those of us who are naturally sensitive and it shows - it comes off as weakness.

 

I did say 50%.

I meant 50%.

 

I recall one relationship - I was out working in my back garden cleaning a pet cage that was my height and four times my width.

He sat with a beer....

I was doing nothing special - bucket of water - elbow grease.

Two would have done the job faster than the four hours it took while he watched me.

That above was at my place- comes to his place - guess who did most of the work for Christmas dinner for 8 folks.

He put the turkey in the oven and took it out - sum total.

[basil67]

No, you're wrong. I guess you don't know that many people that are at least baby boomer aged?

 

I've spoken to plenty of people from that time that you could buy 4 loaves of bread for 1 dollar. Gas was 25 cents per gallon in the 60s. A neighbor lady of mine came from a family of 8 and her father could support his wife kids on his salary alone.

 

Pretty much any job, carpenter, teacher, postal worker, accountant, insurance salesman, etc. could afford to support a woman and kids. Basic income was pretty good at covering a family.

 

1.70/hr in the last 60s as teletype machine person...communications. Clerical work basically.

 

It was later the cost of living went up and went out of sync with peoples' wages.

 

And my dad supported my mother and us on an electrician's wage. But he had qualifications. In modern days, if dad is periodically out of work the wife's income will supplement. But back then, if a man did not work/had limited work/unskilled work/disability stopping him from working the family would suffer.

 

When I talk about earning potential, I don't mean high income. I mean an ability to stay employed in a job which had a living wage.

[basil67]

This idea has been out there for a long time and those of us with "nice guy" tendencies will read it and immediately start volunteering to do lots of housework and expecting it to spice up things in bed - and I don't think it would work out that way. This is from a man who works full time and does all the outside yardwork, all the house repair, and almost all of the house cleaning. My wife has always worked half- or 3/4-time and she does do at least 90% of the running the kids around and a little more laundry than I do.

 

While I have no doubt that there are many women who are doing more household upkeep than they should, I think the relationship to attraction is more complex. Although there could be some UK/US or generation cultural differences, I think there is a fine line between a man appearing helpful and appearing too "domesticated" - the latter could easily kill attraction as much as not helping at all. With anything involving empathy or sensitivity, the most credit goes to men who don't appear that they are sensitive but may be behind the scenes. Those of us who are naturally sensitive and it shows - it comes off as weakness.

 

I 100% agree with you that the issue far more complex than "do more housework - get more sex". Of course, a woman isn't going to be attracted to a lazy slob but there are so many other things which come into it. I read an excellent book called Where Did My Libido Go? (Dr Rosie King) and more than half the book goes into identifying causes for a woman's lost libido.

 

That said, I disagree that being sensitive to a partner's needs comes off as a weakness. To me, it comes off as 'evolved'. The only time I see sensitivity as a weakness is when a person (male or female) describes themselves as being "too sensitive". As in, getting butt hurt at the slightest issue.

[preraph]

I hear of wives shutting the "baby factory down" even these days, which therein' lies the sexless marriage issues. I have met women even today that divorced a few years down the road, some of them had fully admitted to not ever having been attracted to their husbands to begin with.

 

And I thought, "Wow, that must have been one crappy honeymoon/wedding night."

 

I mean, what's going through her mind when he's enjoying himself, and she's just laying there like a cold fish for the sole purpose of pro-creation?

 

Of course, I wonder what was going on in their heads when they decided to marry a man they were never attracted to.

 

Of course, the BC pill could be to blame because she may go ON the pill after the baby factory closes, and these hormones introduced will decline her attraction to her husband, and that's an entirely different convo. altogether. So there is a question of medication driving down sex drives.

 

Another can of worms.

 

Taking birth control pill hormones increases the drive if anything. Doctors need to do a hormone panel on you so they know what you need to balance you, but even if you od'd a woman on hormones and made her sexually rabid, it wouldn't really change her feelings toward a man she wasn't attracted to. But she would probably be more motivated to go out and find one she is attracted to. That isn't something that normally ever happens though. You can't make a woman attracted to you who isn't, and yes, in the bad old days many women felt like they must marry, if for no other reason than to get away from their parents.

[preraph]

This idea has been out there for a long time and those of us with "nice guy" tendencies will read it and immediately start volunteering to do lots of housework and expecting it to spice up things in bed - and I don't think it would work out that way. This is from a man who works full time and does all the outside yardwork, all the house repair, and almost all of the house cleaning. My wife has always worked half- or 3/4-time and she does do at least 90% of the running the kids around and a little more laundry than I do.

 

While I have no doubt that there are many women who are doing more household upkeep than they should, I think the relationship to attraction is more complex. Although there could be some UK/US or generation cultural differences, I think there is a fine line between a man appearing helpful and appearing too "domesticated" - the latter could easily kill attraction as much as not helping at all. With anything involving empathy or sensitivity, the most credit goes to men who don't appear that they are sensitive but may be behind the scenes. Those of us who are naturally sensitive and it shows - it comes off as weakness.

 

 

I agree it won't make you attracted to someone, but it might keep you from starting to hate and detest the man you married if he shows you the respect of doing his share.

[curiouslysearching]

This is the truth no one seems to want to hear.

 

sometimes the Truth is HARD to HEAR

[curiouslysearching]

Taking birth control pill hormones increases the drive if anything. Doctors need to do a hormone panel on you so they know what you need to balance you, but even if you od'd a woman on hormones and made her sexually rabid, it wouldn't really change her feelings toward a man she wasn't attracted to. But she would probably be more motivated to go out and find one she is attracted to. That isn't something that normally ever happens though. You can't make a woman attracted to you who isn't, and yes, in the bad old days many women felt like they must marry, if for no other reason than to get away from their parents.

 

that does not sound remotely appealing now does it???

[Moves Like Jagger]

For me personally, it's a huge turn on when a man clearly demonstrates his attraction. Either by telling me or by romantic gestures. If I am on the fence about someone, this would push him over the fence into me liking him. Conversely, if he is inconsistent or lukewarm, I quickly lose attraction.

 

There is only one caveat: I need to find that man at least little bit attractive for this to work. If I don't, then nothing he does will change my feelings.

 

In Mark Manson's book "Models", the authori advised guys on the power of flirting. Flirting will turn a girl who is a maybe into a yes. However, if you don't flirt or show interest, the maybe girl will turn into a no.

[preraph]

In Mark Manson's book "Models", the authori advised guys on the power of flirting. Flirting will turn a girl who is a maybe into a yes. However, if you don't flirt or show interest, the maybe girl will turn into a no.

 

Certainly showing off a good personality may sway someone who is riding the fence about you. I think limiting that to "flirting" is dangerous though. Makes it sound like all you have to do is tell a woman she's hot or something. I think charm and wit and a confident composure go a lot further than calculated flirting.

[curiouslysearching]

Certainly showing off a good personality may sway someone who is riding the fence about you. I think limiting that to "flirting" is dangerous though. Makes it sound like all you have to do is tell a woman she's hot or something. I think charm and wit and a confident composure go a lot further than calculated flirting.

 

I think you are referring to "fakey flirting".....being sincere, being a gentleman definitely have their appeal I do believe

[stillafool]

 

I mean, what's going through her mind when he's enjoying himself, and she's just laying there like a cold fish for the sole purpose of pro-creation?

 

Of course, I wonder what was going on in their heads when they decided to marry a man they were never attracted to.

 

.

 

It doesn't mean she's just laying there like a cold fish because she knows that will just prolong the sex. She is trying to get him off the fastest way possible.

 

The reason she would marry a man she was never that attracted to was because he more than likely was a good catch and she had no idea that her feelings for him would not catch up with his feelings for her. Men want to marry good looking women no matter what the cost and unfortunately this is one of them.

[LookAtThisPOst]

It doesn't mean she's just laying there like a cold fish because she knows that will just prolong the sex. She is trying to get him off the fastest way possible.

 

The reason she would marry a man she was never that attracted to was because he more than likely was a good catch and she had no idea that her feelings for him would not catch up with his feelings for her. Men want to marry good looking women no matter what the cost and unfortunately this is one of them.

 

Funny thing is, these 2 women, who are still on the dating sites till this day, aren't much to write home about in looks themselves. One's thin, and gangly looking..horse teeth...but cute enough to want to date, still.

 

Another, is chunky and has a good amount of weight on her, cute face, size DDD boobs and touts herself online, "I'm no model, but if you don't care for women with some weight on them, move on to the next profile."

 

That statement just acknowledged to herself that she knows she ain't all that in the looks dept.

 

But these men, are pretty much equal to themselves in looks, but for some reason, was never attracted to them.

 

Yeah, I know, foolish to kind of think that people perceive themselves differently than others perceive them. But it's all perception.

 

It's kind of like having an honest, male friend. THis male friend knows his buddy is ugly, and his ugly friend sees a woman, says, "Man she's ugly!" and his buddy says to him, "Really? You think she's ugly? You're ugly, you'd two make a good match...go over and talk to her!"

 

LOL

[preraph]

Media is to fault for making most of us, no matter what our appearance, crave only the best looking, but it's more true for men wanting those women because the objectification in media for women is way worse than for men. You see media with pretty women paired with goofy below average guys all the time. There's a clothing ad running right now with his really grody looking dude who's supposed to be hot getting the flirty eye from a girl who looks like a model. All I'm saying is it does raise the bar what we are attracted to, and very few people that attractive in real life because you can't photoshop a woman on the street, though you can be sure she's photoshoped her selfies.

[basil67]

Media is to fault for making most of us, no matter what our appearance, crave only the best looking, but it's more true for men wanting those women because the objectification in media for women is way worse than for men. You see media with pretty women paired with goofy below average guys all the time. There's a clothing ad running right now with his really grody looking dude who's supposed to be hot getting the flirty eye from a girl who looks like a model. All I'm saying is it does raise the bar what we are attracted to, and very few people that attractive in real life because you can't photoshop a woman on the street, though you can be sure she's photoshoped her selfies.

 

I particularly notice the casting of beautiful people in US dramas. The lead women cast in roles are almost all beautiful And now that you mention it, their male cast members aren't of equal beauty. I think the US would be a tough place to be in terms of media representation of woman.

 

Then I go and watch BBC and find regular looking women in the lead roles. Australia tends to be somewhat middling.

[stillafool]

Well you see it on news stations everywhere. The anchor woman is young and pretty and the anchor man is usually past middle age and looks it.

[preraph]

I particularly notice the casting of beautiful people in US dramas. The lead women cast in roles are almost all beautiful And now that you mention it, their male cast members aren't of equal beauty. I think the US would be a tough place to be in terms of media representation of woman.

 

Then I go and watch BBC and find regular looking women in the lead roles. Australia tends to be somewhat middling.

 

I agree. I mean, there's exceptions to everything, but just taking it on average.

[preraph]

Well you see it on news stations everywhere. The anchor woman is young and pretty and the anchor man is usually past middle age and looks it.

 

Yep. And weathermen and women, big difference there!

[JuneJulySeptember]

You've probably heard this:

"When you like them. They don't like you. When they like you. You don't like them."

 

With that in mind,

Is doable to like the people who like you?

To reframe you're thinking perhaps?

 

To not see it as settling or lowering your expectations, but see it as normal, your standard/league.

 

I never experienced that. There's always guys posting about fat, ugly women lusting/chasing after them. I never had that.

 

As far as what you are able to do, you can do whatever you want. You can date a 350 pound woman with one leg and a chicken wing permanently affixed to her mouth. It's your life.

 

Do you want to life on your own, or do you want to follow some rulebook of leagues and standards and worry about how pretty/cool/interesting your dumb ass yuppie friends think your new squeeze is?

[stillafool]

I never experienced that. There's always guys posting about fat, ugly women lusting/chasing after them. I never had that.

 

As far as what you are able to do, you can do whatever you want. You can date a 350 pound woman with one leg and a chicken wing permanently affixed to her mouth. It's your life.

 

Do you want to life on your own, or do you want to follow some rulebook of leagues and standards and worry about how pretty/cool/interesting your dumb ass yuppie friends think your new squeeze is?

 

You see women are the only ones expected to settle at a young age but men are to hold off and marry someone out of their league to show off to their friends.