palmsand Posted March 11, 2017 Posted March 11, 2017 I've kind of been on a mental roller-coaster lately. My dating life has been non-existent until recently, my first ever date was late last year and second first date in January. I'm 23. I always felt unwanted and like a failure because I had almost zero experience with women and felt like dating and entering a relationship was impossible. Always wondered what was wrong with me? Things have changed. The January date turned into six dates over a month. Everything went really fast and ended suddenly because of issues on her side. After that ended I went back on OLD with a new profile pic and I'm talking to so many women I can't possibly ask them all out. Complete 180* turn in fortune. But now I feel like since I CAN date people, it's just not that great, not that big of a deal. I saw a new girl today. Things went well I think, but not intense like the last girl, who asked for MY number, for example. Overall I think the date today was much more normal. Nice conversation, hug, her number, etc. I guess what I'm getting at is that everything seems boring compared to the last girl. That was so intense and exhilarating, I don't know how anything else could compare. I also know that wasn't normal. She had a lot of issues and I think she became attached so fast for the wrong reasons. So how should dating feel? Should it be routine and take-it-or-leave-it kind of thing? I don't want the last girl to set an impossible standard of expectations in my head.
Redhead14 Posted March 11, 2017 Posted March 11, 2017 I've kind of been on a mental roller-coaster lately. My dating life has been non-existent until recently, my first ever date was late last year and second first date in January. I'm 23. I always felt unwanted and like a failure because I had almost zero experience with women and felt like dating and entering a relationship was impossible. Always wondered what was wrong with me? Things have changed. The January date turned into six dates over a month. Everything went really fast and ended suddenly because of issues on her side. After that ended I went back on OLD with a new profile pic and I'm talking to so many women I can't possibly ask them all out. Complete 180* turn in fortune. But now I feel like since I CAN date people, it's just not that great, not that big of a deal. I saw a new girl today. Things went well I think, but not intense like the last girl, who asked for MY number, for example. Overall I think the date today was much more normal. Nice conversation, hug, her number, etc. I guess what I'm getting at is that everything seems boring compared to the last girl. That was so intense and exhilarating, I don't know how anything else could compare. I also know that wasn't normal. She had a lot of issues and I think she became attached so fast for the wrong reasons. So how should dating feel? Should it be routine and take-it-or-leave-it kind of thing? I don't want the last girl to set an impossible standard of expectations in my head. I'm 23. -- Son, you ain't seen nothing yet. Buckle up But, don't go into dates with expectations from that person. Go into them with a little hope, tempered with objectivity, logic and with the understanding that endorphins are powerful. Learn to chill and be yourself always. The right person will love you just the way you are and vice versa. Don't envision the future with that person or the way you want them to be. Let them show you who they are. Be focused on the here and now and observe. Your instincts were good with that girl who seemed to rush things. You can trust yourself. If the other person isn't "chilled", they've got issues . . . Take it or leave it? -- Be prepared for either case.
CptInsano Posted March 11, 2017 Posted March 11, 2017 No, dating should not become a routine. Something is wrong when you are at that point. If you cannot be excited about the prospect of seeing somebody, spending an evening together, and enjoy playing with what might be, then you are just going through the motions. Aside from dating, any progress after the dates? Six dates within a month is not necessarily fast.
Author palmsand Posted March 11, 2017 Author Posted March 11, 2017 It's not that I'm not excited to see someone new, more like it's not a big deal if things don't go well because they aren't the only option. And don't want to make the mistake of going too fast again. The six dates in a month thing, five were within three weeks and two back-to-back, slept(only) at her place the third. It was pretty fast. Then more than a week when we couldn't get together because of work and school schedules. Got together one more time, then she dumped me out of the blue two hours before the 7th date. I guess I don't see the blatant desperation to see me from the new women like I saw from the last. But I guess that's closer to normal?
CptInsano Posted March 11, 2017 Posted March 11, 2017 It's not that I'm not excited to see someone new, more like it's not a big deal if things don't go well because they aren't the only option. And don't want to make the mistake of going too fast again. [...] But can you see how this can be a trap in itself? This is one of the reasons why I don't do OLD. There is always the option of somebody else, maybe a click or a swipe away. No, a woman shouldn't be the only option, but in my experience it takes effort to make things work, there is no perfect match. That just doesn't exist, only two people who have enough in common and enough mutual attraction to work things out. If in the back of your mind you know that you can always get another date, it can create its very own very troublesome dynamic. 1
GoldSparkz Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 But can you see how this can be a trap in itself? This is one of the reasons why I don't do OLD. There is always the option of somebody else, maybe a click or a swipe away. No, a woman shouldn't be the only option, but in my experience it takes effort to make things work, there is no perfect match. That just doesn't exist, only two people who have enough in common and enough mutual attraction to work things out. If in the back of your mind you know that you can always get another date, it can create its very own very troublesome dynamic. ^^ This is literally the best advice you're ever going to get. As you are now becoming a successful dater, don't assume that the grass is greener because 99% of the time it isn't. Don't let yourself get drawn into a false sense of security because more women are just a tab away. If you find someone you care about, ALWAYS be prepared to work until you've exhausted all your options on that person. Then walk away and find someone else. OLD makes people disposal and no one wins.
todreaminblue Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 there's boring and then there's comfortable and easy its like weather.... i am a storm walker love walking in storms i am an intense person....i can handle storms i find them ...exhilarating .....the bigger the better...but if i were to walk in that same intense storm every day it would get old falrly quickly i would burn out......and when i get tired of walking in the storms i can go home freezing cold from torrential rain......and warm my body and soul in a warm shower...soft spray....gentleness..... dating is like that storm and that warm shower...you start off with storms you go home to warm showers.....where its easy and comfortable and sometimes if it goes really right for you you get a mix of storms and showers together...you will have a storm person with a warm shower person......and they balance each other out....to become two people who love all the weather.....who appreciate both......and just enjoy walking in the rain...a compromise...lol....for a storm walker.... the biggest shame would honestly be...never venturing outside and getting wet...or only seeing the beauty in storms and never seeing the beauty in gentle rain or warm showers without having walked in either...you need to experience both to appreciate either one....then you find your own personal weather.....good luck with that ....keep walkin.........deb.
Author palmsand Posted March 12, 2017 Author Posted March 12, 2017 ^^ This is literally the best advice you're ever going to get. As you are now becoming a successful dater, don't assume that the grass is greener because 99% of the time it isn't. Don't let yourself get drawn into a false sense of security because more women are just a tab away. If you find someone you care about, ALWAYS be prepared to work until you've exhausted all your options on that person. Then walk away and find someone else. OLD makes people disposal and no one wins. Totally agree. I would say once you meet, it becomes 'real', and that person deserves the same respect and attention as anyone else you meet in life. there's boring and then there's comfortable and easy its like weather.... i am a storm walker love walking in storms i am an intense person....i can handle storms i find them ...exhilarating .....the bigger the better...but if i were to walk in that same intense storm every day it would get old falrly quickly i would burn out......and when i get tired of walking in the storms i can go home freezing cold from torrential rain......and warm my body and soul in a warm shower...soft spray....gentleness..... dating is like that storm and that warm shower...you start off with storms you go home to warm showers.....where its easy and comfortable and sometimes if it goes really right for you you get a mix of storms and showers together...you will have a storm person with a warm shower person......and they balance each other out....to become two people who love all the weather.....who appreciate both......and just enjoy walking in the rain...a compromise...lol....for a storm walker.... the biggest shame would honestly be...never venturing outside and getting wet...or only seeing the beauty in storms and never seeing the beauty in gentle rain or warm showers without having walked in either...you need to experience both to appreciate either one....then you find your own personal weather.....good luck with that ....keep walkin.........deb. I really like this analogy. This is exactly how I felt with the last girl, she was the storm. Exciting, exhilarating, but somehow taxing at the same time.
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