Did I screw up?

[Confused1969]

I have become very fond of one of the tellers at my bank. I don't have to go to the bank that often, so I had never seen her until about 3 months ago. She started saying "Hi (my name)" as soon as I would walk in, even if she was with a customer. We get along well, always talking about non-banking topics. I'm too dumb to know if she's been flirting or just being friendly. I decided to risk that it was flirting and ask her to have lunch with me. I tried on three visits to ask her name and about lunch, but chickened out all three times. So I came up with a way that I thought would work, but it is a little unconventional. So I asked a few people if it was ok and nobody said no, so I went with it.

 

I went to the bank at closing time one Saturday and parked as close to the door as possible. Right in front of it. As soon as anybody walks out, they see me. So I'm waiting and don't know if she's even working that day, when all the employees walk out together. She is there and she sees me sitting there. I get out of my car and she says "Hey (my name)". I ask her if I can talk to her for a minute and she agrees. She even comes towards me. I ask her name and she tells me. I should have said something about her name, but I didn't. I then ask her "Will you have lunch with me sometime?"

She says "Sure, that sounds great". Now it's a cold day and the wind is blowing about 20 so it's even colder and she has on a tee shirt and no jacket. I tell her that I know she has to be cold and I know she wants to go watch a basketball game(we've discussed out favorite team) so I'll let her get going. She tells me what she is going to do as soon as she leaves. I ask for her number and she hesitates for a second, but responds quickly with "I'll give it to you next time you come in the bank". I can live with that so I tell her ok and say bye.

 

The following Friday, not even a full six days later, I get off work at 9 in the morning and head straight to the bank. She is with a customer and there are three customers in front of me. There are two other tellers and they are clearing the other customers out pretty fast. I'm the only customer left and I decline one of the other tellers help. A few minute pass and she is now done with her customer, but she doesn't say anything to me. I walk to her window and she is looking at me like she's mad or hates me. I haven't seen or spoken to her in almost six days. I ask her how long she gets for lunch and she says "I'm not interested".

 

I don't know if waiting for her in the parking lot was bad. Or if I should have gone back to the bank sooner. Or if she said sure because she felt uncomfortable and thought that was the best way to get rid of me.

I'm, without a doubt, older than her. Maybe she found out I'm older than she thought.

 

I don't know if I should ask her If I did something wrong or if she had any intention of having lunch with me. Anybody got any ideas?

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Sounds you like you mistook her friendliness as a sign of interest. That's ok, happens to everyone. Women don't always make it obvious, neither do men. Happens.

 

Don't dwell on it, meet someone else.

[bluefeather]

You stalked her! That is a really messed up thing to do to someone and you probably creeped her the hell out.

[dumbass2]

First off, do not say another word to her and IF you have to go to that same bank, avoid going to her. Not sure exactly what happened, but all you need to know is how she acted when you went back in. Whether or not it was a good idea to wait for her after work, can't say for sure, but that is stalking. She did say she would give you her number next time in the bank, but like you said, she may have just wanted to tell you whatever so she could go on her way.

 

How old are you and how old do you think she is?

[Telemachus]

Take "not interested" to mean just that, and forget about everything you described that came before that.

 

Her thoughts are her thoughts and speculation is not helpful. No matter how you feel, if you continue to go to that bank office and interact with her, be impeccably polite and respectful in your actions. If that's to

 

Attractive people, pariculary women, who have public contact positions get flirted with and asked out a lot by male customers. It's usually unwanted, and it can be unpleasant.

 

Serving your banking transaction needs is her work in her workplace. She's not interested in more. Leave it at that. Whatever you feel for her, it's not mutual and reciprocal, and she's let you know that.

 

As to what you did wrong, or could have done differently, it's not worth pondering, other than to understand that at her teller window or coming out of her workplace, you had full freedom of movement, and she did not. I can see how someone wouldn't want to find a customer waiting for her in the path between her and her car or the bus stop, after work and outside the bank.

 

Lunch sometime isn't a commitment on her part. Lunch on a particular day, specific time, and identified place would be, and she gave no such commitment. You made no such offer, and it's too late now. She's not interested.

[act00]

You kind of ambushed her in front of her coworkers, and your behavior was a bit stalky, and may have creeped her out.

 

Don't mistake courtesy and work rules with flirting. She remembered your name, but I'm guessing the bank has a rule that customers are to be greeted when they come in, and by name when possible, definitely use their name when you have access to it at the window.

 

I almost think that she might have been more receptive if you had asked her privately instead of ambushing her in the parking lot, but she could have just been friendly and it was misinterpreted. It happens.

[Confused1969]

Let me clarify about where I was parked. Yes it was in front of the door, the first parking spot that you would see when walking out of the bank. There are 3 drive up lanes between the door and where you park, so I wasn't exactly right on top of her when she came out.

[KBob]

Let me clarify about where I was parked. Yes it was in front of the door, the first parking spot that you would see when walking out of the bank. There are 3 drive up lanes between the door and where you park, so I wasn't exactly right on top of her when she came out.

 

Doesn't matter. You waited for her after work. That's creepy. Next time you need to gather up your balls and ask a girl straight up when you're in a normal social situation. Forget this one though, it's a lost cause.

[goldway90]

I ask for her number and she hesitates for a second, but responds quickly with "I'll give it to you next time you come in the bank"

 

She wasn't interested but you didn't take the hint. Don't talk to her anymore and just move on.

[smackie9]

This why I never recommend asking people out at their job....it's embarrassing and unprofessional.

 

And when it comes to customer service, bank teller, waitress, cashier, etc....of course they are going to welcome you, smile when you walk in and call you by name....it's part of their job to do so.

 

Also I agree with the others, waiting for someone to leave their job is stalker creepy....may look OK in the movies, but not irl.

[CptInsano]

[...]

Also I agree with the others, waiting for someone to leave their job is stalker creepy....may look OK in the movies, but not irl.

 

And the reason being creepy is that they cannot avoid you, you are basically intercepting the other person, and they cannot treat you as they would any other person, because you are indeed a customer. Not only are they locked in by you knowing where they are, they are also bound by the code of conduct at their workplace. Even if they wanted to tell you to go to hell, they may not be able to do so.

 

I used to work trade shows for a long time. If you get hit on by your customers it's the worst, because you want to maintain a positive business relationship, but not a romantic one. So you automatically end up in a tight spot.

Edited March 11, 2017 by CptInsano

[GoldSparkz]

In the old days, your actions would come across as sweet and something to tell the grandkids when they ask how you met grandma. However, in this day and age it's called stalking. Then by continuing to go into the bank, its now becoming harassment. However, having said that, she did lead you on by saying she'll give you her number if you came back. So by her now acting irritated could be a sign that she was just being nice in the car park. If she wasn't interested she should have told you. So her latest reaction is not your fault.

 

You didn't do anything wrong and kudos to you for doing some good old fashioned chasing. However, now it's time to walk away and invest your affections on someone who is interested. Maybe change banks as well

[NJtoDC]

As a former bank employee I would find it a threat to my safety if a customer who I did not have a prior relationship with was waiting outside the bank at closing time to approach me. During opening and closing at the bank we were on alert for possible trouble.

[preraph]

I think it was an ambiguous situation, you waiting outside for her. It's not that it was strictly awful because the alternative was just asking her name (usually there is a card in front of their window) and then calling her instead of waiting outside, which is a little stalkerish. I just think there was another way to get her name and call her instead.

 

However, if you were George Clooney standing out there waiting, she'd have been swept off her feet.

 

So the unfortunately conclusion is she was friendly but not flirting, and yes, you're probably too old for her. I'm sorry.

 

Don't even try to go to her window again. Switch banks if you want to. It's hard to ask someone out at work. And it's hard to know when you're their client if they're being genuine, plus some people are just friendly to everyone. I think that's the case here.

 

Forget about her and just move on.