Sweetfish Posted March 13, 2017 Posted March 13, 2017 (edited) I feel we both brought some issues; not going to pin it all on her. Her mom has a little ankle-biting yappy dog. It would stress me out and she in turn would get stressed out. No relationship is perfect...not one single one. However, if your S.O. goes into black and white thinking, it will be IMPOSSIBLE to have healthy mature disagreements or resolve conflicts. These anxieties, disorders, or poor regulation of emotion is often brought on by poor development from adolescence to adulthood. an emotional IQ of a 6 year old...with all the motor skills of a full on adult. BPD (or BPD traits) is a exactly what it is... Borderline. The person is slightly on the edge of psychosis. Its like an internal adrenaline shot of emotions ready to fire and the person becomes a complete different person in seconds. Once you see this...you will start to walk on egg shells and this will in turn breakdown your self and ego with it. You will shutdown, become passive, adjust, lie or manipulate to avoid seeing the psychosis and maintain "perfect" in her vision. Everything you define about your self is the mark of a codependent. The BPDer and codependent will have a relationship that often other people will not understand.. its on a higher level "magical" Its often called the "perfect dance" Both the Co and BPDer once in a relationship will mirror each other and will be in "sync" They will do anything not to step on each other toes in this "perfect dance" Cognitively, the relationship seem perfect at first. Subconsciously, the cracks in the haul of the relationships are taking on water. Eventually, the Co or BPDer slips and the "perfect dance" is over. The mirror of perfection to the BPDer is fractured and you will be devalued instantly and his/her fear of abandonment or self worth will trigger; He/she will do anything to leave the "imperfect dance" (protect internal pain). The co-dependent need of love and attachment will be triggered and he/she will try to get get back on the dance floor and try to "PERFECT the dance" IE.. Walk on eggshells I think in general too much attention is placed on the BPDer and not the codependent. (usually the OP) The co-dependent is also damaged too and will seek out or fall into depression trying to find this "unstable" love as true love does not involve love-bombing, mirror, or idealization. They will acquire a superman complex...not knowing your hunting for exactly what brought you here in the first place. Often they will find another BPDer or worse a narcissist. As codependents offer the supply of love needed to fulfill their fractured personality... but like vampires one human has only so much blood. I highly recommend "No more Mr. nice guy" you can find a audio (mp3) online if you google it free. Its a long read so I recommend the audio and I personally believe it will give you more insight into your self. I'm not sure if her relationship hopping will help this, especially since there might not be a guy who can deal with these issues when they rise up (later on in the relationshipBecause BPD usually requires a DEEP relationship with another person to trigger the psychosis, they will be often seen as "normal" to friends, employers, and even relatives ...even friends they known for years. Its a HIGH functioning disorder and requires special conditions to trigger them... so often A LOT of cluster B individuals have NO IDEA they have a disorder. You DODGED A BULLET... you don't want to get into the complexity of a marriage or have kids if you know you can avoid a turbulent future. Edited March 13, 2017 by Sweetfish
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