Author Kopking96 Posted February 11, 2017 Author Posted February 11, 2017 Good question and honest answer, I think Iv been a bit stressed from work and just not seen the signs and it's obviously affected elsewhere
Author Kopking96 Posted February 13, 2017 Author Posted February 13, 2017 Well she's coming round tonight to talk to me, well I think I know what's coming. Looks like it's break up time and to be left in a world of s**t
spiderowl Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 Sorry Kopking. If she has not been in touch in the meantime, that would suggest a break-up. You could wait and see or decide for her. Personally, I would either decide for her or be out when she arrives, but then I'm not the best person to talk to about making a relationship work. Once people start hurting each other and have forgiven each other a few times, one has to ask why the hurting continues.
Author Kopking96 Posted February 13, 2017 Author Posted February 13, 2017 Well she has been and she is willing to try and make it work......however here is the kicker. She doesn't have feelings for me anymore and doesn't want to be there, however she has agreed to try and get those feelings back again, she knows it won't be easy. She knows that if she doesn't want to be there she will have to make the sacrifice to come round if we are to try. So she has to make herself come round and I have to try and bring those feelings back. It's going to be hard and a battle but it's one I'm up for, but it's going to be baby steps, but a night watching a film talking nonsense or sit playing a board game is a start
Jimmyjackson Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 Well she has been and she is willing to try and make it work......however here is the kicker. She doesn't have feelings for me anymore and doesn't want to be there, however she has agreed to try and get those feelings back again, she knows it won't be easy. She knows that if she doesn't want to be there she will have to make the sacrifice to come round if we are to try. So she has to make herself come round and I have to try and bring those feelings back. It's going to be hard and a battle but it's one I'm up for, but it's going to be baby steps, but a night watching a film talking nonsense or sit playing a board game is a start It seems as though she is forcing herself to be with you, if she is not feeling it anymore, she just isn't. I personally can't see this ending well. She has pretty much told you she has no interest in being with you yet she's going to 'try'. It doesn't sound healthy, she may friendzone you.
Author Kopking96 Posted February 15, 2017 Author Posted February 15, 2017 Well the relationship has ended, she just doesn't want to try and make it work and feels it's better to end it. It's all been amicable and civil no cross word or nastiness, so that's it, it's over after 11 years. She admits that's she's done damage to the relationship by not opening up more and Iv done my share which I have. So now it's time to dust myself down, have some alone time and then think about how the hell you meet someone new as it's been so long. I feel ok, it's odd, I don't feel angry, Iv not even cried, it's really strange it's more relief and disappointment. I think I started my healing 3 weeks ago because I think in the back of my mind this was going to happen and my mind started to process the fact that she isn't and if she does it's a bonus. So we had a hug and 1 last kiss, she says she finds me attractive still, and cares, but the feelings are no longer there. There definitely isn't anyone else either.
Author Kopking96 Posted March 10, 2017 Author Posted March 10, 2017 So as some know on here I split from my fiancée of 11 years 2 weeks ago. The reasons for the split were as follows She hated the house we lived in (bad memories of an adoption) she didn't feel loved I let myself go However we had ended a bad adoption back in June 2016 and she said she's felt like this since the little boy left us. However I hadn't given her the attention she has asked for due to the adoption having to be concluded nobody else was going to do it she didn't want to. So unfortunately I hadn't had time to process what had gone on and in which case I let my self go a bit. So she admits that she should have said something instead of letting all things get to her and sitting in silence, however she doesn't know if she'll give me a 2nd chance. Iv not hurt her, Iv not been aggressive, I just took my eye off the ball while having tie up loose ends of a nasty mess, But however she hasn't took in concideration how I felt about it but agreed I was probably stressed from this and work but that hasn't made any difference. There 100% nobody else I know that as fact, however she basically said that the only way we would get back together is if she misses me through no contact. But she's been so blasé about it all, I said I do have good qualities I said to her name 2 of them, she said your funny and erm erm I went what about caring she went oh yeah you are caring. She's sat at her mummy and daddy's and being showered with gifts, while I'm sleeping on my sisters sofa while my new flat is being made ready, I lost the house as I couldn't afford to stay there. So she said I'm annoying her with the texts and calls but I wasn't given any answers to anything, it's taken force to get anything out of her, when we talk on the phone she says nothing, I say are you there she says I'm watching tv. In the 11 years she found she would never have children I gave up my chance of being a father for her, I had a career I gave it up for her as she wanted to stay near her mum and dad, she wanted a big house she got it, she wanted to be a mum she got it (unfortunately it ended) When Iv said to her Iv given you everything I can and all Iv asked for is a chance she just says well that was your choice. So now it's a case of if she misses me during no contact which starts today she will be back and if she doesn't then she won't, that's a simple as it is. So In a nut shell relationship ended due to people not speaking up about there issues and will only get back if she misses me, so 11 years means nothing and what Iv done for her just dismissed.
Author Kopking96 Posted March 10, 2017 Author Posted March 10, 2017 I must add that there were other issues but they were her own issues. Iv never given her any reason not to confide in me, Or trust me. But any issues she will always run to mum and dad, this has been our first major blip in 11 years and she has bolted, no sit down and talk just pack up and run.
spiderowl Posted March 11, 2017 Posted March 11, 2017 For whatever reason, she has just lost the feeling she had for you. She has mentally checked out. Don't give her chance to decide to come back - you have lost so much as well as her, including your home. I'm really sorry it didn't work out. Sometimes feelings just change, especially if there have been testing circumstances. Both people find out then how the other copes with pain and stress. She might think you haven't paid attention to her but it works both ways. She does not seem to have been caring about you either. You have done your best for her and it is not enough. She is not the one for you. If she was, she would be with you and fighting to make it work. She would appreciate what you have done. You deserve someone who can give back to you, not just take.
Author Kopking96 Posted March 11, 2017 Author Posted March 11, 2017 Just unreal how she gave up, we should have been working together through the sadness, but unfortunately the messy part had to be dealt with before we could sit and grieve together. It wasn't one of those things that could just be cast to one side and dealt with at a later date, she knew this. So now as she said the only way she will be back is if she misses me, I can't believe nothing else will be taken in to account and it will all be based on an emotion. She's made herself unhappy by keeping her thoughts locked up and I'm not psychic, you don't tell me I can't help, but it's always the same something has to happen before we start finding things out. She's been brought up to lack empathy and see any sort of logic, it's either black or white, and to see everyone's bad qualities first and that's just how her parents are as well. So Iv asked her what my good qualities are she said I'm funny and went erm, I said after 11 years your going erm, I said what about caring, she went oh yes your definitely caring. She's like 2 different people around me she's great, around her family she's a nightmare, and that's why her living back home is a problem because now she's acting like 11 years didn't matter, that she has zero feelings for me, doesn't care nothing it's like we never even met. It hurts more for me because I haven't done anything wrong
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