How to tell wife I need more space?

[seismic802]

I'm new here, so hello to everyone.

 

Basically, my wife is very clingy and has to do everything with me. This was sort of always the case, but we have been married about 6 years now and I guess it is just overwhelming me now. It is difficult to have friends of my own and hang out with them without my wife wanting to be there, and she wants to be involved in every hobby that I pick up and want to do for myself. The moment I want to do something without her I get guilt trips and she will act weird about it.

 

I feel guilty even asking this question, but how do I tell her I need more of my own space? I'm really not trying to be a jerk, but I feel like I need time away from her and a little of my own world for my own sanity and to keep from getting tired of her always being around.

 

Any input, thoughts, or advice on this would be appreciated.

[mikeylo]

Be careful what you ask for !

[BaileyB]

It's nice that she enjoys your company so much that she wants to be with you all the time. But, I think it is healthy for two people to have some separate friends or hobbies. You are not wrong for wanting the occasional boys night out or perhaps, even the occasional night alone.

 

I don't really have any advice for you except to say that I would just say it honestly, that you love her dearly and you enjoy spending time together, but Friday night you want to go out with the boys, alone.

 

Best wishes.

[aileD]

I'm only half joking by saying the only safe way to do this is to join a man-only activity....if they even exist anymore.

 

Does she have reason not to trust you? Has she had someone in the past that affected her trust that you're seeing the fallout from?

 

 

Do you guys have "couple"friends? If so suggest a girls night and a boys night.

 

But yeah like someone said, be careful what you wish for ....

[JamesM]

I understand.

 

You tell her gently and with kind honesty.

 

And then if you think her clinginess is from a fear of you cheating or a fear of you losing love for her, you reassure her why that is not true and be completely open about who you will be with and why and where.

 

In time, I suspect your new activities will be less of a concern.

[d0nnivain]

The difficult part is you waited 6+ years to make this an issue. At this late date she's going to conclude that you want to have an affair not that you just got fed up.

 

 

One way might be to lay out what you want but be realistic about it. Separate vacations & every night out with the boys isn't going to happen.

 

 

But you may be able to start with, "Honey I love you but I'll be a better partner if I have some "me" time. After dinner I'm going to go into [the basement, the den, the backyard, the garage] for an hour just to veg. Please just let me." After you get her used to that, take up a new hobby & encourage her to do something without you two. "What do you say we make Tuesday's civic night. I'm gonna join the [fill in organization name]. they meet on Tuesdays. Why don't you get involved with [fill in blank] or hang out with [fill in name of wife's BFF]?"