gemsc1990 Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 Hi everyone, its my first post on the site but I've been a reader for a while now! Basically I just need advice. Three weeks ago my boyfriend unexpectedly broke up with me. I say unexpected because six weeks prior he was telling me to give him ideas on which type of engagement ring I would like as he wanted to propose in the near future. He was also making plans for a romantic trip away in a few weeks. Up until the break up everything had been perfect, we had never had an argument in the year and half we were together, we were best friends and had an active and fulfilling sex life right up to the breakup. The day of the breakup I even woke up to a normal 'good morning, i love you' text. He hadn't been acting any different and I honestly didn't suspect anything was wrong. The breakup itself was emotional, he cried and said he felt very guilty. He said I had given him the best year and half of his life and he couldn't imagine his life without me. He said he loved me but he wasn't 'in love' with me anymore. Despite all of his recent talk about wanting to marry me and being in love with me. I asked him was there anyone else and he said 'definitely not, thats the last thing on my mind' and I feel like I can believe him as he has never lied to me before. It's been three weeks and we havent spoken since the breakup. I havent looked at his social media in about two weeks because after the breakup I made the mistake of looking and he seemed fine and happy so I'm afraid to look again! I also noticed his family have all deleted me from social media despite me having a very close relationship/friendship with them all, which hurts aswell. I guess I'd really like some of your views because I'm exhausted, heartbroken and just so so confused. Is it even possible for a person to do a complete emotional 180 inside a few weeks? Has anyone ever been in the same position?
Mrin Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 Aw, that sucks. Consider yourself hugged. I'm a dude so I can only speak from the dude's perspective. I am not sure i've ever made a 180 like that without some sort of additional circumstances - e.g. disconnect, fighting or some fact or action revealed that fundamentally changed the way I felt about a woman. Two things for you: 1. Are you sure there were no other signs or issues that led up to this? Even if they were small. 2. I am just going to toss this out there but we dudes are really bad at understanding our emotions. Honestly, I think if the average woman could "feel" the average guy's emotions they would seem muted. Diminished. With that, we are really bad at being able to weather spikes in our emotions without acting out. I think the natural instinct of when a woman experiences a spike in her emotions is to sit with it and try to understand it. For men, our natural instinct is to do something about it. Action. So a possible explanation might be as your ex-BF got closer and closer to the threshold of marriage his emotions elevated. Which would seem natural right? Well, as you can imagine some of those emotions are negative like fear, doubt and insecurity. About you. About making the right decision. Since the guy was already talking engagement, it isn't like he could walk that back. He might have had an instinctual recoil and just opted to burn the damn thing to the ground. Hence the 180. It sucks I know. And as a guy who had decided to burn the damn thing to the ground on a couple of occasions, I get it. I don't like it but I get it. The best thing you can do it just maintain NC and see if he comes around. Best of luck! Mrin 1
Author gemsc1990 Posted March 10, 2017 Author Posted March 10, 2017 Hi Mrin, First of all thank you so much for the advice - I really needed a guys insight into the situation so it really did help alot. I've been going crazy trying to backtrack over the past few weeks and see if anything changed or happened but I honestly can't pinpoint any hints as to what happened. Unfortunately I think that's why I'm finding it so hard to get closure from it all! He d I do miss him a lot as we were so close and spent so much time together before the breakup but I'm going to take your advise and keep NC for my own sanity. Thanks again
Author gemsc1990 Posted March 18, 2017 Author Posted March 18, 2017 Hi everyone, I have posted the details of my breakup on a previous thread. Basically my boyfriend of over a year completely blindsided me by breaking up a few weeks ago. He used the old 'I love you but I'm not in love with you' line, despite initiating talks about engagement/marriage and moving in together a few weeks beforehand, telling me he loved me the day before and the relationship being generally healthy, had never had an arguement before etc. I had no idea he was unhappy. The breakup was hard for him to do because he said I had given him the best year of his life and he still cared so much about me. That was about four weeks ago and I've been heartbroken and confused. I went complete NC after the breakup to give him space and time to get his thoughts together-I guess I had this little shred of hope that he would miss me and realise how positive our relationship was and realise he was in love and eventually get in contact but he hasn't. I have remained friends with him on Facebook because I didnt want the breakup to be messy, but three weeks after the breakup he started talking to other girls and it has just been a double slap to the face. I feel so betrayed and hurt, a few weeks ago he said he wanted to marry me but now he has moved on in three weeks? I'm at the stage where as much as I would love for him to come back, I don't Want to be niave, we live in a very small town and it would kill me if I had been keeping hope that he still misses me, then I see him in the street happy with another woman. I just don't know how he could move on so quickly and not be hurting? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Xx
d0nnivain Posted March 18, 2017 Posted March 18, 2017 Unfriend him on FB. That's not being messy. It's just being practical. You don't need a front row seat to his new relationship. Lick your wounds. Grieve if you are still sad. Surround yourself with positive people & keep busy. Make a great plan for how you will spend summer. 3
salparadise Posted March 18, 2017 Posted March 18, 2017 Gosh, this sounds nearly identical to my situation with the genders reversed. Happened almost at the same time too. No arguments or conflict to speak of –– in love one day, gone the next. It's really hard to deal with and I literally empathize with the pain you must be experiencing. I don't have any advice that would make it all better. It's going to take time and there will be suffering in the meantime. All we can do is keep working toward acceptance and trying to be ok with not understanding their motives completely. It has been seven weeks for me and I still hurt almost constantly despite having mostly accepted what I must, that she has devalued me and doesn't want to be with me. We can't change that. You have to practice self-care and do all you can to hold yourself in high esteem. Talking to understanding people is probably the best thing you can do. We're grieving a significant loss. It takes time. Finding a larger perspective helps too I think. Practically, you should probably unfriend and block on FB as this is going to keep you stuck hoping and wishing. If he hasn't contacted you in a month and he's pursuing other women, he's probably not coming back, and there's probably nothing you can do but try to move forward (yea, I know how hard that is). I'm sorry, I wish you the best in healing. 3
Arieswoman Posted March 18, 2017 Posted March 18, 2017 gemsc1990, I am sorry that this has happened to you. I just don't know how he could move on so quickly and not be hurting? From what I know some guys just don't deal with their feelings like women do and find a convenient band aid to ease to pain and be a distraction. In other cases (and this is really hurtful) they have already disengaged emotionally from the relationship some time ago but didn't have the b@ll$ to tell the other party. Either way you are better off without this guy who hasn't developed any emotional maturity or the cojones to make a relationship work. What you must do is grit your teeth, go out & about with your head held high and get on with your own life without him It's tough and it hurts but remember that this all shows that you are the more mature person. And yes, let him go, he wasn't the man you though he was. I'm sorry x 1
Author gemsc1990 Posted March 18, 2017 Author Posted March 18, 2017 Thank you all for your advise, the best thing about this forum is the support and encouragement from others who have been through it all before. Salsparadise I'm so sorry you're going through the same thing, it hurts like a b*tch. To be honest I'm just feeling a bit stupid for believing all the promises he was filling my head with over the course of the year. And a bit pathetic for being the only one grieving over the loss of the relationship. I'm not even sure if it's wiser to keep him friends on Facebook so that when he does get into a new relationship I will know and be able to come to terms with it, rather than bumping into them both on the street and being totally surprised by it. I wish someone wrote instructions for proper breakup ediquit haha
salparadise Posted March 18, 2017 Posted March 18, 2017 I'm not even sure if it's wiser to keep him friends on Facebook so that when he does get into a new relationship I will know and be able to come to terms with it, rather than bumping into them both on the street and being totally surprised by it. I wish someone wrote instructions for proper breakup ediquit haha I think keeping him as a friend on FB is probably an unconscious desire to avoid severing the final connection. Our actual motives can be sneaky sometimes. Just assume that he's seeing others and that you'll eventually run into him somewhere, but you certainly won't gain anything by seeing it play out of FB. It will be painful and set you back. Indifference is the goal. Don't just unfriend––block him! It will also help give you a sense of control. Don't wait around for him to do it to you and then feel hurt all over again! I guess you have to get to the right place emotionally, but there is just no benefit to hanging onto that connection. 3
Author gemsc1990 Posted March 18, 2017 Author Posted March 18, 2017 Yea I guess that makes sense. I think I'll take that advise actually - anything that will help me get over him! I was hurt/shocked the first couple of weeks after the breakup but since I reached the month mark I just miss him so so much so now it's hurting in a different kind of way. Must be going through the motions! 2
Author gemsc1990 Posted March 30, 2017 Author Posted March 30, 2017 Hi Everyone, Some of you may be familiar with my situation - I lived with my boyfriend, he had recently suggested marriage, regularly told me he loved me, then two weeks later he broke up with me out of the blue, without any warning signs, and told me I had to move out. The breakup itself was not in any way messy or angry - he felt guilty and I told him it wasn't his fault, he couldn't help falling out of love with me. We went no contact straight away and I haven't seen him since. A week and a half after the break up he was in a relationship with another woman (a friend of his who he had known for years), which sucked because I was still trying to get over the shock of the unexpected breakup. However my ex (who had never really used social media in the past) started posting over the top intimate pictures with his new partner. He also started mocking me through private jokes with his friends (posting memes about crazy ex girlfriends despite the fact I've never argued with him or been irrational toward him, haven't even spoken to him post-breakup) I have blocked him and his friends on social media but now I've noticed him and his girlfriend walking her dog past my house (he never used to walk that route). And I feel like he's doing this on purpose to try to hurt me, despite him being the one who broke up with me and despite it being a very mature breakup. He definitely doesn't want to get back together, as is evident from the way he moved on in two weeks and hasn't spoke to me since the breakup. I've known him for years and he is a very mature and loving man so I'm surprised at him trying to hurt me more or make me jealous? And why would be be so insensitive in the way he started flooding social media with his new relationship a week and half after our breakup, when he knew I was hurting? Anyone have any ideas why he is doing this?
Maldives Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 Hi Everyone, Some of you may be familiar with my situation - I lived with my boyfriend, he had recently suggested marriage, regularly told me he loved me, then two weeks later he broke up with me out of the blue, without any warning signs, and told me I had to move out. The breakup itself was not in any way messy or angry - he felt guilty and I told him it wasn't his fault, he couldn't help falling out of love with me. We went no contact straight away and I haven't seen him since. A week and a half after the break up he was in a relationship with another woman (a friend of his who he had known for years), which sucked because I was still trying to get over the shock of the unexpected breakup. However my ex (who had never really used social media in the past) started posting over the top intimate pictures with his new partner. He also started mocking me through private jokes with his friends (posting memes about crazy ex girlfriends despite the fact I've never argued with him or been irrational toward him, haven't even spoken to him post-breakup) I have blocked him and his friends on social media but now I've noticed him and his girlfriend walking her dog past my house (he never used to walk that route). And I feel like he's doing this on purpose to try to hurt me, despite him being the one who broke up with me and despite it being a very mature breakup. He definitely doesn't want to get back together, as is evident from the way he moved on in two weeks and hasn't spoke to me since the breakup. I've known him for years and he is a very mature and loving man so I'm surprised at him trying to hurt me more or make me jealous? And why would be be so insensitive in the way he started flooding social media with his new relationship a week and half after our breakup, when he knew I was hurting? Anyone have any ideas why he is doing this? Yes I definately have an idea. When someone feels a need to intentionally do wat his doing there is underlying anger. I'm not sure the context of ur relationship or wat happenned however if he was totally over it he wouldn't be behaving as he istarted. Let me share my sad story similar in tone but different. We were together 6 yrs she had kids wich I struggled wth. After 4 yrs my mum had passed and I always wanted to move to this dream location by the beach and she knew so we agreed I wld and at some stage she would follow. So I moved sold the family home and we were apart for 2 yrs. Eventually she moved up after 2 yrs but under circumstances that were making me physically Ill as in her kids 24/7 and it wasn't really clear cut and I didn't believe her ex was just gonna let the kids move 1000 miles away from him. Wen we were living in the same state I was just managing wth the rotation of the kids going to the ex and a lot o the time cldnt wait. Anyway she went for the job where I worked a large company up here one o the biggest in the country so a really good job partly supposedly to be wth me and I personally thinlike now in hindsight the money and job and lifestyle. Anyway she moved got the job the daughter stayed back down sth and she took her son wth her who wasn't getting on wth the dad and hadn't seen him for about 12 mths I broke it off and she begged and begged to work it out convinc3d me it cld work and basically did everything she cld to get me back soulmate and saying all that stuff. I gave it a go again and shortly after her moving here a custody battle ensues the ex put court orders to get the son back and won. 6 mths later the court stuff is final the son moves back down and guess wat she decides to do...let her son go back and she stayed up here. Should of been a red flag for me it was but I kinda tried to reason that she wasn't happy down there and the judge had made a pretty crazy rule where the son had to live within 25 ks of the ex wich meant she would as well. Anyway 3 mths after losing her son she dumps me and says she lost feelings and it just won't work lol no **** i knew this before but thought if anyone was gonna try that hard maybe it was worth it if the love was that strong. Anyway now I have to see her everyday and she's basically making it very hard for me to stay. She blocked me but probably figured I still look so would make some of her posts where she was going out getting drunk wth guus public. Plus she rubs it in at work always laughing etc . She's loving that she's in this good space well supposedly I donno how anyone cld be so happy after losing her kids but she is maybe she has some plan to get em back i dont kno . Anyway she's now started a office fling wth a colleague butt ugly mind u thats the only compensation I have fat short Maori guy. Anyway my point is ur ex is my ex very similar rubbing it in knowing ur seeing it and taking it a step further walking past. I would guess maybe and say there's something anger issue wth u and his trying to pay u back or his new gf is a rebound im not sure can u tell us more about wat his reasons were for ending it or wat u believe they were? Man i wish me n u lived close by I'd be asking u out for a coffee for sure and walking psst ur ex's place lol and we can both give him a wave.
Author gemsc1990 Posted March 30, 2017 Author Posted March 30, 2017 wow I'm so sorry this is happening to you too. Your situation must be so hard because you have to constantly see your ex aswell - I can't imagine how hard it must be to move on. I'm still not certain why my breakup happened as we were happy, never argued etc and he was talking about taking the next step and getting married. He used a lot of vague reasons - first he said he loved me but wasn't IN love with me, then he said he was afraid of commitment because he'd been hurt before, then he said he just needed a break, then he wanted to break up (he said all of these things inside about 5 minutes lol). I personally think he had feelings for his friend as this would explain why he was in a relationship with her a week and half after our breakup (although it doesn't explain why they hadn't got together before now because they've been friends for about 7 years). Eitherway, I'm not sure what is making him think I should be punished or hurt as I was a good girlfriend to him and have been very humble since the breakup, allowing him to move on and flaunt his new relationship so obviously in my face without saying anything about it. I just don't understand his logic? 2
Maldives Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 wow I'm so sorry this is happening to you too. Your situation must be so hard because you have to constantly see your ex aswell - I can't imagine how hard it must be to move on. I'm still not certain why my breakup happened as we were happy, never argued etc and he was talking about taking the next step and getting married. He used a lot of vague reasons - first he said he loved me but wasn't IN love with me, then he said he was afraid of commitment because he'd been hurt before, then he said he just needed a break, then he wanted to break up (he said all of these things inside about 5 minutes lol). I personally think he had feelings for his friend as this would explain why he was in a relationship with her a week and half after our breakup (although it doesn't explain why they hadn't got together before now because they've been friends for about 7 years). Eitherway, I'm not sure what is making him think I should be punished or hurt as I was a good girlfriend to him and have been very humble since the breakup, allowing him to move on and flaunt his new relationship so obviously in my face without saying anything about it. I just don't understand his logic? Then I am baffled by this as well that is strange. I can understand wHypnosiscertified.com/sgjtrainingarea/login my ex doestrogen it although now she's just made me angry and wat i missed about her I no longer do well losing that feeling and seeing her true colours. I've seen the mistakes I made but angry that she chased and chased and said all these wonderful things like ive never met anyone like u ur my soulmate I've never felt like this about anyone seems like all words now. Although someone on this thread told me something that was very powerful. They felt that way at that moment. Meaning feelings change. Ur ex though had me baffled. I feel they're cheap excuses to bemreak up and the only thing I can think of is so he can be wth this woman. Do u suspect it started a lot earlier than a week and half ago? Btw I love u but I'm not in love wth u means they found someone else lol my ex said that. I'm baffled why she'd go for this guy as she was very sexual and he is not a hot looking guy so I'm baffled myself. My sister beloved it was a rebound the 1st person that showed her attention. I kinda believe that. Plus she's met this social group of work and another friend of mine my mates wife believes I remind her too my job now of the past and that pain or losing her kids som what makes sense. If he's gonna torcher u like that walking past ur place very cruel in my opinion im just wandering wathe u can do. Is moving a posibility or do u wont the property.? Still a hassle I know it's like me im stuck because there's not many good jobs like tg his one up here being a holiday destination I've even considered buying a property moving back down for a yr or 2 tutorial heal and then moving back up because the company is also based down sth and I can trandmsfer it might end up being an option but that's wat this impulsive woman has done to my life made it hard now. I try and ignore her at work as much as I can but ull still see her like today going hom she's taking a selfie wth her work colleagues and this new fling stung for a lil while then went away. I truly hope karma gets her back for this. Hurting me and keying her kids go. It's not tg he 1st kid either ern I first met her she had a older kids wth another ex and 2 wth the current ex who she also met at work notice a pattern lol. I shld of listened to my gut about her I never really trusted her because of her actions from her past. Anyway the 1st son she cldnt handle him and gave him up wen he was like 12 or 13 and told me she always regrett ed d it and karma was paying her back shes lucky now that this son has a relationship wth her at all. Apparently he was giving her a hard time about leaving the dad but the dad had cheated on her wth her best friend. So she's had all this **** happen to her people hurting her yet me apart from struggling wth her kids and moving interstate betrays me wth the way she's behaving now. One thinges I learned about people and particularly people like mine and ur ex...people can be evil. Sounds like he has no real reason to do wat he's doing to u and then that makes me think he has no respect foru and lacks any empathy. Honestly to me he sounds like his a a little bit of a socio path to be behaving the way he is.
Maldives Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 Btw sorry for all the spelling errors auto correct and typing from my mobile phn lol.
1fish2fish Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 I wonder if because you have been so mature and haven't been begging at his doorstep for a second chance, he is trying to get a reaction out of you to show him that you do still care. On some level, it sounds like he hasn't completely moved on, despite his actions immediately following dumping you, and he's testing the waters to see if you are still there waiting for him. Also, because you walked away with your pride intact, it only makes him look like more of a jerk for the way he ended things with you. Therefore, he's only trying to ease his own guilt by throwing the "crazy ex gf" bs your way. Projecting his own feelings of guilt perhaps by blaming you instead. Whatever the case, continue to be the bigger person and let him act out until he gets it out of his system and continue to not show any reaction. 5
Maldives Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 I wonder if because you have been so mature and haven't been begging at his doorstep for a second chance, he is trying to get a reaction out of you to show him that you do still care. On some level, it sounds like he hasn't completely moved on, despite his actions immediately following dumping you, and he's testing the waters to see if you are still there waiting for him. Also, because you walked away with your pride intact, it only makes him look like more of a jerk for the way he ended things with you. Therefore, he's only trying to ease his own guilt by throwing the "crazy ex gf" bs your way. Projecting his own feelings of guilt perhaps by blaming you instead. Whatever the case, continue to be the bigger person and let him act out until he gets it out of his system and continue to not show any reaction. That actually helped clarify my situation that makes sense because like her I've been very sensible and walked away wth my pride intact NC for almost 4 mths and def no urge that makes sense now
EmilyJane Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 I wonder if because you have been so mature and haven't been begging at his doorstep for a second chance, he is trying to get a reaction out of you to show him that you do still care. On some level, it sounds like he hasn't completely moved on, despite his actions immediately following dumping you, and he's testing the waters to see if you are still there waiting for him. Also, because you walked away with your pride intact, it only makes him look like more of a jerk for the way he ended things with you. Therefore, he's only trying to ease his own guilt by throwing the "crazy ex gf" bs your way. Projecting his own feelings of guilt perhaps by blaming you instead. Whatever the case, continue to be the bigger person and let him act out until he gets it out of his system and continue to not show any reaction. This. Plus the instant relationship... ummm...that was starting while you were together. He was in a relationship with her before he left you. I would suspect he left you when he was getting enough of an emotional hit from this new one and under pressure from her to end it properly with you so they could go public. She is part of the anger. It is from her too. Possessiveness and resentment and she is the one encouraging plastering their relationship online. Just wait. It will blow up spectacularly at some point. Her insecurities over his continued feelings for you. That's a powder keg. Just sit back with your popcorn gorgeous. You're doing everything right and are awesome 3
Altair0770 Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 Been a friend for years? I somehow doubt that's even a relationship, and his actions make me think he's simply trying to get a reaction out of you because you aren't begging and crawling at his knees. Look at all the evidence, he broke up with you, and is now making every little bit of effort to make you jealous. I wouldn't worry about it. Continue NC until he is the one crawling back at your feet. 1
preraph Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 Well, you just keep him blocked and I'm sorry he's being a jerk trying to hurt you, but the good news is now you know he's a jerk who enjoys hurting you and that you dodged a bullet! Draw the blinds. 1
Redhead14 Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 Hi Everyone, Some of you may be familiar with my situation - I lived with my boyfriend, he had recently suggested marriage, regularly told me he loved me, then two weeks later he broke up with me out of the blue, without any warning signs, and told me I had to move out. The breakup itself was not in any way messy or angry - he felt guilty and I told him it wasn't his fault, he couldn't help falling out of love with me. We went no contact straight away and I haven't seen him since. A week and a half after the break up he was in a relationship with another woman (a friend of his who he had known for years), which sucked because I was still trying to get over the shock of the unexpected breakup. However my ex (who had never really used social media in the past) started posting over the top intimate pictures with his new partner. He also started mocking me through private jokes with his friends (posting memes about crazy ex girlfriends despite the fact I've never argued with him or been irrational toward him, haven't even spoken to him post-breakup) I have blocked him and his friends on social media but now I've noticed him and his girlfriend walking her dog past my house (he never used to walk that route). And I feel like he's doing this on purpose to try to hurt me, despite him being the one who broke up with me and despite it being a very mature breakup. He definitely doesn't want to get back together, as is evident from the way he moved on in two weeks and hasn't spoke to me since the breakup. I've known him for years and he is a very mature and loving man so I'm surprised at him trying to hurt me more or make me jealous? And why would be be so insensitive in the way he started flooding social media with his new relationship a week and half after our breakup, when he knew I was hurting? Anyone have any ideas why he is doing this? as is evident from the way he moved on in two weeks A week and a half after the break up he was in a relationship with another woman (a friend of his who he had known for years) -- He didn't "move on" in two weeks, this was going on before the "break up". He had moved on some time ago which is why he can be so "calloused". He wasn't very invested in you anyway. I'm sorry this happened to you, but it's better that it happened sooner than later than it did. He isn't doing this TO you. I doubt very much that he is thinking about you at all. What he is doing is all about him. He's on an ego trip. And, trust me, he's not making himself or her look very good.
Author gemsc1990 Posted March 31, 2017 Author Posted March 31, 2017 Hey guys. THANK YOU all for your replies! I think I just had a bad day yesterday and I really needed some outsider views of the situation. 1fish2fish - the reason I didn't crawl back is he seemed confused and I just wanted to give him space. I honestly thought he would come back eventually because the relationship literally had NO problems. but now he's with this girl and apparently they're 'in love'? If he still had feelings I honestly think he would have come back. Emily - As much as he has screwed me over post-breakup I really don't think he cheated. This girl was still calling her own ex last week and begging for him back and I don't think my ex would have left our relationship, or started a relationship with her if she was still begging for her own ex back. I DO however also hope it blows up spectacularly in their faces. I look forward to the day I can come back to this thread and let you all know about it Altair - I really dont understand why their relationship didnt start before now because they've been friends for so long and been single at the same time before and nothing has ever happened. The fact that he used to say to me how annoying and bitchy she was and say mean things about her family to me makes me even angrier that he's with her now (if only he knew). He also swore blind that he could NEVER be more than friends with her because it would be like hooking up with his baby sister. Doesn't add up! 1
EmilyJane Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 (edited) I think maybe I should have been a bit more specific. I didn't mean they were in a committed relationship. I meant that I have no doubt that their interactions long since moved from borderline flirty to mildly cheaty until he at best broke up with you because it was new and thrilling and he wanted to bone her and not feel like a bad guy. And that's at best. This absolutely only came out of no where for you. But it would be good to be wrong in this instance. You have some strangely high opinions of this man to the extent of describing him as mature etc when the actions he takes are like so very not. I think that happens a lot when you've been dumped. You sort of put them in a place of greater status compared to you. But it is illusiary and I think you're in danger of idealising him to protect yourself from the rejection and perhaps feeling like a fool. And with regards to how he used to complain about her. Always be suspicious of strong emotions about someone where there shouldn't be any, even if they are negative ones. Edited March 31, 2017 by EmilyJane 1
1fish2fish Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 And with regards to how he used to complain about her. Always be suspicious of strong emotions about someone where there shouldn't be any, even if they are negative ones. I am tucking this gem in the back of my mind for future reference. 1
breadbin Posted March 31, 2017 Posted March 31, 2017 Well done OP for doing the no contact thing the right way. I turned into this beggy, needy, desperate flop and she probably lost all respect for me after that. Wished I just walked away and saved myself the heartache. More power to you! I'll be the devil's advocate and say he probably misses you. He probably wants you back. He is afraid of asking for fear of rejection. The girl he is with means nothing to him. He is probably plagued with guilt about the breakup and your actions have confused him. He didn't expect you to take it so well. He has trouble with his ego and thinks that this is how he replenishes it. I wouldn't bother with him. Seems childish.
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