MikeJaz Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 So basically, I took notice of this new girl at work. Something about her just made me want her. She is average in looks. The 4th time I saw her I gathered all my courage and asked for her number and she gave it to me (which I am still glad I asked since I never saw her again at work since). Anyways the next day comes and I start texting her. My first mistake was asking her too many questions and then asking her to give me a call when she was done with her work instead of me asking when she would be done to give her a call. Next day I texted her with more small talk and after awhile she just stopped. Looking back I know I should not have sent her more question texts. Next day I thought I would see her at work. She wasn't there so I sent her a texting saying I was hoping to see her tonight and asked if she would be up later. She said yeah. Gave her a call after work and asked if she wanted to go see the movies the next day (Saturday). She agreed. I got home and looked up some movies and then texted her asking if she had any preferred genres. So Saturday comes around and the day is going fine. Midway through my shift I hear my notifications go off. Deep down inside I knew it was going to be a text about not making it or whatever. And it was. Basically she said she was sorry but I don't think I can go out with you. Crushed. Anyways I got off of work and called her up and asked what happened. I got the whole "You are really nice but not looking for a relationship" story. But said **** it and asked to go to the movies still for the experience (on my part). She agreed and we met at the theater. Actually had a great time and had a lot in common. As we were walking out and talking I asked if she was sure she wasn't looking for relationships. She said "I have to think about it now!" Walked her to her car and gave her a hug and she said she would be up for something again. Texted her later saying she looked great and replied with a compliment as well. Sunday, didn't text her Monday, called her up asking if I could come over and cook dinner at her place on Valentines. She said she was having dinner with family. So I asked if she wanted to come over on Wednesday and she agreed. Wednesday, texted her my address. She came over, we went shopping for groceries and we cooked. Had a great time. She was laughing, smiling, and pretty touchy. Played a game she brought over. Asked if we were "dating" now. She said she liked but didn't want to make any rash decisions like she has had in the past. Didn't bring it up again. Even said she didn't want to leave. But I had to be up for work in the morning. Walked her to her car and gave a hug, once again said she was up to do something again. Friday, called her up saying she should come over. However it was her family game night so she said would Saturday be fine, which I worked so I said Sunday. We agreed on a time and was set. Saturday, at work and got a text from her. Deep down I felt it was going to be another I can't make it text. Ended up being her just confirming the time. Sunday, we meet at the place, go for a nice walk, hop on some rocks, sit and talk for a long while. All the the same signs she is interested, smiling, laughing, bumping into me and etc. On our way back I finally went for her hand. Ever since then we never let go and she even said she liked that and that was a smooth move. We went to grab something to eat and had to end the day short cause I had work. She said she was very glad we went out today. *****asked***** to give her a kiss on the cheek. She said sure and gave me another hug. Told her to think of some ideas for places to go. Monday, she texts me saying she couldn't think of anything =p. Actually made me very happy cause she finally texted me first. Called her right back (another mistake I guess) and suggested a place. Agreed on the time and she seemed happy. Tuesday, we arrive at place and this time she instantly goes for my hand. Talk, smile, laugh and touch the entire time. We get done walking and I suggest we go to my place to watch a movie. Get to my place and watch the movie. Asked if there was anything else she wanted to do. "mmm idk". So I said lets kiss. So I went in for the first kiss. Since it was my first it was bad and she laughed and said you don't have much experience do you? Told her to show me then, so she hops on me and starts going ham. Started groping her breasts and etc. However my mother came home and knocked on my door basically unknowingly cockblocking me. I go see what she wants and came back and suggested we continue. She said sure but for me to take the lead. So I did and were at it again then I moved down to her neck. Did this for awhile and then stopped. She seemed really into it since she was grinding on me hard, digging her nails into my hair and moaning. Looked at each other on and off for a bit while I was rubbing her. She said we could go further the next time when my mother wasn't home. Eventually stopped and we talked some more. Then she wanted to see some games on my PC so I showed her. She was constantly biting my shoulder and feeling me up the entire time. Eventually she had to go because she had work soon. Walked her to her car, gave her another hug. She kinda stood there so I was like, "you want another kiss?" "mhm!" so I kiss and hug her again and ask when she would be free next. She said was was gonna be busy this week until Monday. This is where is went cold. Sent her a text the following day. Nothing really worth responding to but she could have replied with something. Didn't talk to her till Saturday. I believe this is where I really started ****ing up. That morning I was working, I thought I saw her car parked out in front of my job but wasn't sure. But I was scared to text her asking. So I didn't. Called her after I got off and work and talked for a bit and saying we should do X on Monday. Also it ended up being her car. Cause I was gonna text her to stop by my job to say hello. We talked for a couple mins and I told her I'd call her back tomorrow. Then I really ****ed up by sending a text to her saying that my mother was out and that she should come over if she wasn't busy. Once again no response. Called her the next day and she said she might have to work and to call Monday when she got off work. Called her Monday and she indeed had to work but said she would be free Saturday. Friday, didn't talk to her the rest of the week but called her up. Ended up talking for a bit. Asked her if she was free and she said she was doing nothing all day Saturday. Said she should come over and bring some board games (she likes board games). She was "hmmm idk maybe.." and went on to say she wanted to take me to X but it was too cold (we both had cold so I agreed). Said she had to go and would call me back. Saturday, don't hear from her for most of the day so I call her and said we should go see a movie. She said she was tired and feeling sick but Monday for sure. Sunday, ended up seeing her at work. It was kinda awkward at first. But towards the end we warmed up again. Overheard her talking to some coworkers how she felt awful yesterday (so I guess being tired/not feeling good was true) Asked me if we were still seeing the movie tomorrow. Ended up getting off at the same time and so I walked her out. Asked her if she wanted to grab something to eat and she declined saying she wasn't hungry. Asked her what time did she wan't to see the movie and she said she would have to check with her boss/landlord to see if she has to do anything. By this time she is all over my arm again. Get to my car and drive her to her car. She gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I say I wanted a real kiss. She leans in and I kiss her on the lips. She asked for another so I kiss her again and she gnaws my chin. In hindsight I probably should had escalated into making out but I just kissed her on the lips once more and told me to call me when she finds out. Monday, she texts me around 3:20 asking if the movie at 4:20 would work. I call her back and tell her that it wouldn't cause I needed to take a shower and then it would take me about 30 mins to get there. So she says hold on and loops up other times. We go with the 6:40 one. We talk for a bit and then I say I'd see her there and said bye. This is was kinda weird though. Unless I didn't hear her she didn't say bye as well. Just went silent. Kinda made me think. Anyways, its around 5:40 and I just got out of the shower and got dressed. Phone rings it is her. I knew she was calling to cancel. Said her landlord through a random party and needed her apartment to host. She did mention on a previous date that her landlord throws parties and she had to use her apartment to help host. Anways she said she was sorry and asked for my next day off. I say hold on and try to look at my schedule. She says can we figure this out tomorrow, I gotta start cleaning. I go "mhmmm" and she was like "was that a mhm or a mhmmmm" and I was "mhmmmm" and I was like "look, every time we try to do something something comes up". Not in a mean tone or anything and she goes "whatever i dont care anymore and hung up". I take flaking at the last moment extremely personable. Not just because of her but from "friends" in the past. Sent her a text later saying that I didn't like how the conversation ended and that I was just disappointed that I wouldn't get to see her. She responded the next day saying the understand but if she doesn't do what her landlord says he can lose her apartment and she was not making up excuses. Text her back a few hour later saying I respect that but I didn't know they had you by the neck like that. If you still want to see the movie feel free to call me on X or Y with a time. Didn't hear anything for a few days and then she texted me that "i dont want this enough, im sorry". Texted her back saying "That is all you had to say. . Enjoyed the short time together, best of luck". To be quiet honest I am not even sad or mad. I thought I would be more upset but I wasn't and I'm still not. Granted this is the first girl I've dated in a very, very long time I felt things were going fine. Each date got better and better. 1 was cool, 2 warm, 3 hot and 4 being superhot. Then it went straight sub zero. I would just like some advice on what not to do in the future so I don't **** it up with the next girl.
todreaminblue Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 (edited) i don't think you really f ed up at all......maybe with the last phone call even then you were honest and for me pretty understandable you were disappointed.....just seems more like to me the parties are more important never heard of a renter having to host parties for a landlord before......not something i would do......that would actually be pretty close to a nightmare for me.....i would move out ...prefer to live in a car than do that...... i feel she faded out on you with her lack of interest in making it work.........i dont think you did anything wrong really....other posters may see it different....i feel you should continue to be honest with your dates and say how you feel the right women will find that refreshing ......some woman will appreciate that honesty in you and not having to second guess what you are thinking because you are open and honest...dont drop that honesty.....sorry i couldnt really help you...i dont see anything wrong with what you did.......good luck...deb Edited March 10, 2017 by todreaminblue
Author MikeJaz Posted March 10, 2017 Author Posted March 10, 2017 (edited) i don't think you really f ed up at all......maybe with the last phone call even then you were honest and for me pretty understandable you were disappointed.....just seems more like to me the parties are more important never heard of a renter having to host parties for a landlord before......not something i would do......that would actually be pretty close to a nightmare for me.....i would move out ...prefer to live in a car than do that...... i feel she faded out on you with her lack of interest in making it work.........i dont think you did anything wrong really....other posters may see it different....i feel you should continue to be honest with your dates and say how you feel the right women will find that refreshing ......some woman will appreciate that honesty in you and not having to second guess what you are thinking because you are open and honest...dont drop that honesty.....sorry i couldnt really help you...i dont see anything wrong with what you did.......good luck...deb In terms of her landlord issue that she told me early on. Basically she Nannys their kids in return for rent. However they host parties every now and then they use her apartment as a host. Which I am assuming is either connected, next to or above the landlords. She said she hates them and wants to move out. However I just don't see how I could be worth her driving 35 mins to me 3 times just to hang to nothing. Edited March 10, 2017 by MikeJaz
todreaminblue Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 (edited) In terms of her landlord issue that she told me early on. Basically she Nannys their kids in return for rent. However they host parties every now and then they use her apartment as a host. Which I am assuming is either connected, next to or above the landlords. She said she hates them and wants to move out. However I just don't see how I could be worth her driving 35 mins to me 3 times just to hang to nothing. who can say really what happened...... all i know from what you write is she faded on you...maybe she liked her little amount of freedom she had...sounds like with the parties and the nannying she is basically controlled..on an almost on call basis...now that would suck big time..my daughter works casual and is on call basically seh sadid if i want money i hav eto work the shifts.....so i dont have a life anymore ...they call whenever anyone doesnt show....... work is work you should be able to leave it when you walk in your own home... and relax...have days free for down time......with a bf or alone...........she might have liked you ....i see that she was pretty full on into you......pretty keen by what you write.....i think she felt pressure and not necessarily from you ....but from her living conditions..and no place to go maybe... so stuck.... so i am not sure what happened but i dont feel anything you really did pushed her to end it...i think her living situation made it hard...maybe she saw that happening more often.......deb Edited March 10, 2017 by todreaminblue
salparadise Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 (edited) This is just how it goes in dating. You're going to have a lot of these near misses where it looks like there may be mutual interest initially but for one reason or another an attachment doesn't form. It's not anyone's fault necessarily, and I don't think you should assume it's your fault by asking, "want to know where I went wrong." It sort of didn't generate enough of its own energy to create and sustain an attachment. That's all there is to it –– next. It looks different from the male and female perspectives. As a young male, you're going to be on the receiving end of bad news more often because that's how nature works. Men are pursuing reproductive opportunities with women, the more the better... but women are the choosers and they're always focused on quality over quantity and filtering for the exact combination of genetics, alpha qualities, protector/provider tendencies, loyalty/dedication/familial investment, and a man's ability to increase her status in the world. They don't think these things out loud; it's implanted deep in the amygdala beside the wiring for regular heartbeat and respiration. If you keep doing your best, remain positive and optimistic, and seek authentic connection with women... eventually one that you like will like you too and say, yup, this is my kind of guy; I'm going to try and lock him down. If you're lucky it may even be for life. If not for life, you keep picking yourself up and going for it again and again. The key is to remain positive and optimistic –– if you fall into the cynicism/bitterness trap, well, that's a hole that's hard to climb out of. Be authentic and wait for a good one who wants you for you, as opposed to having fantasies of grandeur. Edited March 10, 2017 by salparadise 2
Author MikeJaz Posted March 10, 2017 Author Posted March 10, 2017 who can say really what happened...... all i know from what you write is she faded on you...maybe she liked her little amount of freedom she had...sounds like with the parties and the nannying she is basically controlled..on an almost on call basis...now that would suck big time..my daughter works casual and is on call basically seh sadid if i want money i hav eto work the shifts.....so i dont have a life anymore ...they call whenever anyone doesnt show....... work is work you should be able to leave it when you walk in your own home... and relax...have days free for down time......with a bf or alone...........she might have liked you ....i see that she was pretty full on into you......pretty keen by what you write.....i think she felt pressure and not necessarily from you ....but from her living conditions..and no place to go maybe... so stuck.... so i am not sure what happened but i dont feel anything you really did pushed her to end it...i think her living situation made it hard...maybe she saw that happening more often.......deb Yeah and she also worked a second job as well. A long with doing some volunteer work throughout the week. So she had a pretty busy life going on. But of course she made time for me in the beginning. Especially with the driving 35 mins to meet up with me. But I guess she just faded like you said or simply found someone better. This is just how it goes in dating. You're going to have a lot of these near misses where it looks like there may be mutual interest initially but for one reason or another an attachment doesn't form. It's not anyone's fault necessarily, and I don't think you should assume it's your fault by asking, "want to know where I went wrong." It sort of didn't generate enough of its own energy to create and sustain an attachment. That's all there is to it –– next. It looks different from the male and female perspectives. As a young male, you're going to be on the receiving end of bad news more often because that's how nature works. Men are pursuing reproductive opportunities with women, the more the better... but women are the choosers and they're always focused on quality over quantity and filtering for the exact combination of genetics, alpha qualities, protector/provider tendencies, loyalty/dedication/familial investment, and a man's ability to increase her status in the world. They don't think these things out loud; it's implanted deep in the amygdala beside the wiring for regular heartbeat and respiration. If you keep doing your best, remain positive and optimistic, and seek authentic connection with women... eventually one that you like will like you too and say, yup, this is my kind of guy; I'm going to try and lock him down. If you're lucky it may even be for life. If not for life, you keep picking yourself up and going for it again and again. The key is to remain positive and optimistic –– if you fall into the cynicism/bitterness trap, well, that's a hole that's hard to climb out of. Be authentic and wait for a good one who wants you for you, as opposed to having fantasies of grandeur. Yeah, I'm not too down on it. It is just a shame it was so close but didn't click. It would be nice if she ended up texting me back saying she made a mistake but the chances are extremely slim and I don't know if I would take her back at that point. Especially for not at least calling me over the phone. All in all I think the thing I regret most out of my decisions was that I didn't text her on that Saturday. I literally had it typed out and ready to send but I didn't. It probably would have went something like Me: Hey is that your car in front of X? Her: Yeah why? Me: I'm at my other job and I noticed it out there but wasn't sure Me: You should stop by when you get back Her: Okay sure And then I would have at least saw her in person and asked if she was doing anything later or if she was still interested in doing something Monday.
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