Gabi Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 I am not sure what do i call this but I will list out few occasions for you to judge Sometimes when i tell her to fix something like keeping her shirt in the right place from the floor she becomes sad because i said in a strict tone. Just a note this happens rarely and not always. Mostly she does fine If we are in the mall and its dinner time and when she is hungry, she gets upset and keeps a frowny face, gets easily irritated. When she done with food, she is back to normal When she is sad about something or when we fight and i am angry as well, she expects me to hug her but i dont feel like hugging that time and then she says why dont u hug me. I mean how do i know what's going on in her mind. Should i really hug just for the sake of making her feel better for something i did not do wrong? Sorry if this is all confusing but is this normal behaviour of any girl or she should fix this. If yes what is this called Mind you this doesnt happen often but it does trigger that kind of behaviour which i hate
Jj66 Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 I can sense your frustration. A nugget: you cannot change anyone. People can change themselves with sufficient motivation but you cannot change them so accept her if you can. If you can't accept her behavior, give her a chance to change if she wants to. Otherwise it's probably best to move on. I have the opposite experience regarding hugging. When my girlfriend is upset the last thing she wants is for me to hug her. She tells me: don't touch me. At first it bothered me but then I realize that she's a different person than me. I let her process and then afterwards she's receptive to being held again, usually closer than ever. 1
Author Gabi Posted March 10, 2017 Author Posted March 10, 2017 Hi Thanks a lot for your input Actually she doesnt have ego which is a good thing about her. She never fails to say sorry and also says she is trying to chage herself. So yes i can see some motivation from her side to change Can you tell me how should I behave when she reacts on those sitation. Should i leave her alone and give her space or is it better to keep consoling her. Only issue is sometimes she gets quite sad and i waste a lot of hours just on consoling and hence its becoming quite repetitive to me. Its like if u dont give a spoilt kid something he will cry until he gets his stuff. Only thing is my girlfriend is that kid occasionally and not everyday
todreaminblue Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 (edited) i had an ex who used to poke me when we fought trying to make me laugh....when i was upset...he would not stop......no matter how many times i said dont or no or stop.......and eventually i would laugh......because i laugh when i am in pain...it was angry pain,.frustrated anxious pain..........i would laugh....and he would go for the hug...needless to say he never got hugged..and our relationship faltered at the three year mark ended soon after...due to many reasons..him not listening to me when i said stop was one.......cheating abandonment leaving me penniless other reasons...a hurricane of reasons....i am still his friend..... .if you dont like to be touched when you are angry so be it just explain to her that you cant you need to have your space for a little while...people who love me know that i need my space if i am upset ...either sad or angry or out of sorts i just need to be alone for a while.....doesnt mean i love them less...and they know that..i always come back....i need space to think...normally its never longer than a couple fo hours till i am ready to deal with any issue i have left for a while.... if you are that way....that is who you are...your coping mechanism..... if she loves you she wont try to change you ....you cant fix her either you have opposite ways to deal with issues...maybe give verbal affirmation if you have a disagreement or she is sad and then tell her you just need some space and you want her to have some space as well..or it just me you cant mesh...im more inclined to believe if two people love each other they work it out...beats being without the other person.....sacrifice is often necessary....i hope it works out for you......i wish you well....deb ..... Edited March 10, 2017 by todreaminblue
elaine567 Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 If we are in the mall and its dinner time and when she is hungry, she gets upset and keeps a frowny face, gets easily irritated. When she done with food, she is back to normal Low blood sugar often causes irritability or impatience which will be solved by eating something. People usually need to eat something every four hours so that is why we tend to have mid morning/mid afternoon snacks as well as regular meals. Make sure she eats something and is not going for long periods of time between meals. 9
act00 Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 I think she could work on her pouty irritability when she's hungry, but when blood sugar drops, it can make someone irritable. You know that she is this way, so if she's hungry, don't extend shopping (activity) for an extended period. Pay for your thing and go eat, or go back to that store if you didn't really get a chance to look around. How long can she wait? She keeps a pleasant demeanor for 30 minutes, and you quickly wrap up what you need to do? Would that be fair? If you're in the mall around dinner time, would eating before you shop be reasonable to you? Agree to look around for an hour or two and then eat ("Let's eat at 7), and stick with it, so she has a timeline to work with. This can help her maintain some pleasantness. If you're uptight that she leaves her clothes on the floor, many couples fight over this. On occasion, "Honey, could you please use the hamper?" Or just pick up her shirt. Is it that hard to give her a hug when she's unhappy? If you fight, it's okay to express that you just need to take a moment alone. You two have to learn each other's needs and learn some compromise. She has to accept your need to be alone after a fight as well. 1
d0nnivain Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 You can't fix another person. You act like she's broken because she does things that you don't agree with. From her perspective she may think you are broken for acting like a parent & telling her to clean her room & failing to comfort her when she is upset. As for the shirt on the floor, this will be a lifetime thing Some people are messy & she's a special class of messy called a dropper. I am also a dropper. If it bothers you, pick it up. For short periods of time I tried to date men who did what you do -- told me to pick stuff up & acted like they had the right to tell me to do so. If it solely their home, sure, fine. I'm polite. In my home, whether I share it with you or not, after a while you tell me one more time to pick something up & I'm going to end up screaming at you to pick it the F up yourself & that will be the beginning of the end. After a fight, if your SO needs a hug to regain equilibrium & asks for one, no matter your reason for not wanting that hug, your refusal will eventually undermine the relationship. It's not that easy to ask for comfort from somebody else. To have that person withhold after the ask is flat out rejection. Multiple occasions of rejection will lead to the demise of the relationship. 3
Lorenza Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 Everyone has their little perks and pet peeves. Thats a part of being together with another person. There's nothing to fix here (except your unwillingness to hug her after a fight, like come on, that's really mean) 5
elaine567 Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 After a fight, if your SO needs a hug to regain equilibrium & asks for one, no matter your reason for not wanting that hug, your refusal will eventually undermine the relationship. It's not that easy to ask for comfort from somebody else. To have that person withhold after the ask is flat out rejection. Multiple occasions of rejection will lead to the demise of the relationship. Agreed. OP, the hug is "making up" behaviour, and hugs are all about renewing the pair bond again after all the bad things done or said during a fight.. If you withhold the hug, she sees that, as you wanting to keep the fight going, as you do not want to make up, as you do not want to renew the pair bond, as you are holding a grudge... She withdraws and starts to think, thinking turns to hurt, hurt turns to anger and before you know it you now have a resentful bitter gf. Being in a relationship means you need to continually nurture those pair bonds. 2
Gaeta Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 Sometimes when i tell her to fix something like keeping her shirt in the right place from the floor she becomes sad because i said in a strict tone. Just a note this happens rarely and not always. Mostly she does fine This one you are sweating the small stuff. In a relationship there is always one more tidy than the other. Using a strict tone isn't going to do any good to your relationship, you are not her father to use an authority tone with her. Simply say: Honey pick up your shirt from the floor please. Accept she is a bit messy and will always be. It's her personality. Remember don't sweat the small stuff, don't let a shirt on the floor get to you and mess the connection you have with your girlfriend. We're not talking about a hoarder here, it's just a shirt. If we are in the mall and its dinner time and when she is hungry, she gets upset and keeps a frowny face, gets easily irritated. When she done with food, she is back to normal This is a health issue she has no control over but she can learn to manage it. I had an ex who could not let his blood sugar level go down otherwise he'd get grumpy, light headed, confused, irritable. Because of this I always kept in my purse and in my car a couple of candy bars. When I saw him start sweating and shaking a candy bar fixed it in minutes. When she is sad about something or when we fight and i am angry as well, she expects me to hug her but i dont feel like hugging that time and then she says why dont u hug me. I mean how do i know what's going on in her mind. Should i really hug just for the sake of making her feel better for something i did not do wrong? What is going on in her mind? she wants a hug from you, she needs your warmth, your embrace, and need to feel you 2 are alright. Give her the darn hug. 1
GunslingerRoland Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 I think we've all been hangry before, but in just doesn't sound like she has good control over her emotions. How old are you guys? Because if you are late teens, early 20's she may still be maturing. If she's older though, I don't see this getting better. 1
smackie9 Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 You are not compatible....she wants an attentive BF that is receptive/sensitive to her needs....you are not that guy. You wants her to change and she wants you to change....since that ain't happening it's time to call it a day on this relationship. You don't fix this, you leave. 1
preraph Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 I am not sure what do i call this but I will list out few occasions for you to judge Sometimes when i tell her to fix something like keeping her shirt in the right place from the floor she becomes sad because i said in a strict tone. Just a note this happens rarely and not always. Mostly she does fine If we are in the mall and its dinner time and when she is hungry, she gets upset and keeps a frowny face, gets easily irritated. When she done with food, she is back to normal When she is sad about something or when we fight and i am angry as well, she expects me to hug her but i dont feel like hugging that time and then she says why dont u hug me. I mean how do i know what's going on in her mind. Should i really hug just for the sake of making her feel better for something i did not do wrong? Sorry if this is all confusing but is this normal behaviour of any girl or she should fix this. If yes what is this called Mind you this doesnt happen often but it does trigger that kind of behaviour which i hate The food thing, she needs to have her bloodwork done and test for low blood sugar. People who have dips in blood sugar can become VERY irate when they need to eat something. Inform her about this condition and make sure she is tested. Usually the easy fix is to carry a candy bar in your purse. No one wants to trip over someone's slobby habits of leaving stuff lying around. I get that, but I also get that you can't usually boss someone around like that without becoming a parental figure, and once you become a parent, you are no longer sexy because no one wants to have sex with their daddy or mommy. So this is something you have to be very careful about. I have known lots of women who had this problem with guys and left them for it because they were too lazy and stubborn to change and no one likes to be talked to like a child, so it is a more complex problem than it seems on the surface and it's a sex killer. You have told her you hate this, so why keep repeating it? Either hire a maid and stop arguing about it or leave and find someone more compatible with you on household things OR stop trying to live together and keep seeing her but know you can't marry or have kids with her. 1
GemmaUK Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 Low blood sugar often causes irritability or impatience which will be solved by eating something. People usually need to eat something every four hours so that is why we tend to have mid morning/mid afternoon snacks as well as regular meals. Make sure she eats something and is not going for long periods of time between meals. Agreed. I get this also if I'm not careful - the worst possible thing I can do is drink a sugary drink (or eat anything sugary) and then wander around shopping. It took me a while to realise what the culprit was but for me it was sugary drinks. For her it might be that or she maybe eats breakfast which is sugary. I very very rarely eat sugary food as it is but I only eat it now at night when I have had a good meal. My sugar levels rise high with the drink initially but then can plummet drastically and before I have even finished the drink. The worst thing then is to eat more sugar - it just delays the inevitable but not for long - not at all and the crash is much much worse. The best thing is just to drink plain water when out and then if low blood sugar still occurs munch on peanuts which are slow release energy. When blood sugar drops it feels horrific - sweats, shakes, concentration is zapped and if I'm with someone who wants to choose somewhere nice to eat it's even worse as that takes time - all I want is food and right now. 1
kendahke Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 If we are in the mall and its dinner time and when she is hungry, she gets upset and keeps a frowny face, gets easily irritated. When she done with food, she is back to normal Hunger is a mug... it hurts. It's why babies scream until the bottle/breast is in their mouths. She perhaps is young and doesn't mask her feelings well, but yeah. A lot of people are grumpy when they're hungry. Mind you this doesnt happen often but it does trigger that kind of behaviour which i hate You two are mismatched. Save yourself a lot of angst and just stop dating her. 1
lurker74 Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 I am not sure what do i call this but I will list out few occasions for you to judge Sometimes when i tell her to fix something like keeping her shirt in the right place from the floor she becomes sad because i said in a strict tone. Just a note this happens rarely and not always. Mostly she does fine If we are in the mall and its dinner time and when she is hungry, she gets upset and keeps a frowny face, gets easily irritated. When she done with food, she is back to normal When she is sad about something or when we fight and i am angry as well, she expects me to hug her but i dont feel like hugging that time and then she says why dont u hug me. I mean how do i know what's going on in her mind. Should i really hug just for the sake of making her feel better for something i did not do wrong? Sorry if this is all confusing but is this normal behaviour of any girl or she should fix this. If yes what is this called Mind you this doesnt happen often but it does trigger that kind of behaviour which i hate I hear that Dear Abby and Dear Prudence and the like get fake letters all the time. This post has to be fake. I honestly didn't even have to read it because the topic was "How do I fixed this part of my Girlfriend," and the answer to that is you don't get to fix anything. You accept or you do not accept. That is all. But then I read the post. Summarizing, your girlfriend: Doesn't respond well to me being strictGets hangryWants a hug too soon I'm sorry - there's no way that an adult can possibly think that any of these things can or should be fixed. I'm sorry if my tone is dismissive. If this is a real post, take my tone as advice that I do not believe you are looking at things properly - you only get a chance - JUST A CHANCE - to change yourself. You get zero chance of changing someone else, unless you want to be abusive. If it's fake, then kudos for getting it read. 4
Author Gabi Posted March 12, 2017 Author Posted March 12, 2017 I hear that Dear Abby and Dear Prudence and the like get fake letters all the time. This post has to be fake. I honestly didn't even have to read it because the topic was "How do I fixed this part of my Girlfriend," and the answer to that is you don't get to fix anything. You accept or you do not accept. That is all. But then I read the post. Summarizing, your girlfriend: Doesn't respond well to me being strictGets hangryWants a hug too soon I'm sorry - there's no way that an adult can possibly think that any of these things can or should be fixed. I'm sorry if my tone is dismissive. If this is a real post, take my tone as advice that I do not believe you are looking at things properly - you only get a chance - JUST A CHANCE - to change yourself. You get zero chance of changing someone else, unless you want to be abusive. If it's fake, then kudos for getting it read. Well its not fake, English isnt my first language so maybe I didn't phrase the paragraph properly Anyhow thanks for everyone help.
todreaminblue Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 Well its not fake, English isnt my first language so maybe I didn't phrase the paragraph properly Anyhow thanks for everyone help. is there a language barrier in your relationship at all? do you have cultural differences that have become evident?
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