Dumper jealous/regretting?

[FThomas]

My exgf dumped me almost 4 months ago, I was basically neglecting her a bit and we had some arguments from time to time, we were basically the both to blame... However, no cheating was involved, no abuse, nothing serious, just small differences.

 

She dumped me a couple of times before, but in the end I more or less begged and got back together. But not this time, I decided to go NC, first month light contact, some texting where both said we missed each other and that it would be nice to give us some time and try to fix things in the future, overall it felt like she had the power and was even saying things like "maybe I will still be waiting for you". We even saw each other once, I could see she missed me, and she later messaged me saying she liked seeing me, that message gave me some hope.

 

I invited her to a party I organised with some friends, to which she obviously declined... however, it upset me a bit the way she rejected the invitation. Still some light contact until one day a friend tags me (on FB) in a picture where im surrounded by some attractive girls... In a way that made me feel good, I thought the jealousy would make me look more attractive in her eyes, however, I think she saw it and then she went silent for some days.

One day I tell her that I would like to meet her to talk and a coffee, she saw the message and took a day to answer, I asked when, she took two days to tell me that better next week because she was busy, that did not happen because next week she said she was busy as well (she was posting pics with her friends partying), so, due to the delays in getting an answer and the constant rescheduling of our meeting I just decided that she was just not interested anymore so my first reaction was to tell her I was busy as well and that I would let her know when I had the time, feeling rejected I deleted her from FB and started strict NC.

 

I have been having sex with some girls meanwhile (without my ex knowing), working out and trying to forget her hoping she would contact me at some point, she never did. During this time I have been receiving some information from different people that saw her or her friends, some of her friends dislike me quite a bit and she seemed to be confused by what was happening between us. One of her friends said some insulting things about me, which I guess my exgf thinks as well, that was also something that pushed me a bit further away from her.

 

So, more or less a month since NC started I went to a club with some friends and... she was there! I bumped into her when I was alone with a girl (no kissing but we were laughing a lot together), I said hi and she reacted nervously with a weird look in her face and turned around, interesting to say, I got more muscle and that improved my looks. Later, going to the toilet, I bump into her again, talk a bit and I quickly cut the conversation smiling and saying "it was nice talking to you, see you around". Later another girl from university was flirting with me and being very close, my friends told me that my ex was looking at me a lot. This made me feel quite ok, again thinking that making her jealous would make her want me more, however, I've been told that now she goes around saying she's done with me and I'm one of the worst things that happened to her.

 

She hasn't been seeing any guys as far as I know, and it kind of scares me that now she might start to go on dates and that I might have burnt all bridges although that I literally did nothing wrong... However, a part of me says 'f**k her, I am the dumpee and she was ignoring me when I was trying to meet her to talk, so what's she expecting now?'. I guess she still cares and might want me back to some extent, if she wasn't jealous or angry that would mean she was over it.

 

Any suggestions as to how to proceed or any similar stories? A part of me wants to text her and ask to see her, another one tells me not to and stay in NC and expect her to contact me and hopefully get back together since I don't think the relationship was that bad and I think about a lot about her, we were not perfect but I have seen worse boyfriends and girlfriends.

[LitTunnel]

Bro, stop contacting her. You're making yourself look weaker everytime you do. Think of it this way, with every call, you're giving her more power. More and more power. Is this the affect you want on her? If not, then stop contacting her. She clearly isn't interested enough to contact you so your best course of action is to fall back for a while. You can't bother her anymore because that will send a message that you're not as high deman as you think you are because you keep contacting her. You've done all you could now just keep enjoying your life and go out and have fun. Let her calm down and come to her senses. This will take time. Maybe months or a year but let her come to you. Remember, she dumped you. Stop listening to the part of the brain that's telling you to "do something." It's a false proposition that will land you in bigger and bigger trouble. Believe me, I fell victim to the "do something" suggestion and got me in worse situation. Is this what you want? No, then stop and fall back. Enjoy your life as best as you can. Yes, it's hell but again, nothing you can do. Nothing you can say to bring her back. She has to decide on her own to want to reconcile with you, not the other way around. Bro, I'm on your side, trust me but you can't keep going on like this because it's only prolonging your pain. Stay as strong as possible. The silence will eventually make her very curious. She might call you in the future but until then don't do anything. If she doesn't come back then bro, it wasn't meant to be. Either way, you're going to be alright. Hey, look on the bright side, you're getting laid. Duh!!!

[ExpatInItaly]

There's too much drama and game-playing on both sides to expect a healthy relationship between the two of you anymore.

 

You might reconcile at some point, but I have a feeling it wouldn't last. Multiple break-ups mean you two don't work as a couple. It's time to let it go.