Coolmee Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 I've been casually dating this guy but lately i felt he was getting distant because he stopped asking for dates all the time,and whenever he asks for a date he chooses to see me on the weekend altough he knows i usually leave town on the weekends, so i don't understand is he just making excuses for not to see me or am i just overthinking knowing that during the whole week he could set a date at any day but he doesnt? Did anyone of u have been in this kind of situation before?
stillafool Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 Maybe weekends are the most convenient time for him to date. Is there a good reason you have to go away on weekends?
Author Coolmee Posted March 9, 2017 Author Posted March 9, 2017 But he knows i don't like staying and at first he never minded,and we would just meet each other during the week
preraph Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 Well, one thing for sure, he isn't listening very well, is he, if you told him you're going out of town. He's probably trying to stop you from going out of town. I'd say this is a dead end.
Author Coolmee Posted March 9, 2017 Author Posted March 9, 2017 Well, one thing for sure, he isn't listening very well, is he, if you told him you're going out of town. He's probably trying to stop you from going out of town. I'd say this is a dead end. So what am i supposed to do ?
RecentChange Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 (edited) Try taking to him? What does he say when you tell him the weekend won't be good for you? Do you give a different time and day that will work for you? Do you ever reach out first? Do you always wait for him to arrange all of the dates? Do you show enthusiasm towards him? Edited March 9, 2017 by RecentChange
act00 Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 Why do you go out of town on weekends? Is this a necessity? Work? It's hard to date with conflicting schedules. He's free on weekends, you're free on weekdays. His only choice is to see you on a weekday when he has work and has to be up early in the morning because your schedule seems far more impossible to work around. It's a tough match, and he could just be exhausted, and also frustrated that you can't take time on the weekend to accommodate him. You state you "just don't like staying," so it doesn't sound like an obligation to have to be leaving, and he isn't hitting high on your priority list. How do you think that makes him feel? This one just may fizzle out. 1
dumbass2 Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 So what am i supposed to do ? Talk to him and find a compromise if you really want to see him. Ask him if you guys could go out on the a week night some weeks and you'll work to have some weekends open. It just takes communicating. If you're not that into him, then just let it fade away and see what he does and don't worry about it since you said it's only casual. No one here knows exactly what he is thinking. I'm not gonna guess because I don't know enough about your relationship. 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 So what am i supposed to do ? If you don't want to change your weekends schedule, I'd politely tell him, "I'm sorry, although we've had fun I feel our schedules just really don't work well. I'm never available on the weekends and you're never available on the weekdays. It just wasn't meant to be. Take care." It sounds like a power struggle - yes, you should ask him about this, but OTOH, he obviously knows you're never available on weekends, yet only asks you out for those times. It just isn't going to work out. Each of you is trying to force the other's hand and are busy struggling with being the Man on Top (or Woman on Top) in this regard rather than having a relationship. Move on.
smackie9 Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 I think the writing is on the wall.......he wants to move on.
GoldSparkz Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 You say you're casually dating which usually means FWB. If this is the case, he probably doesn't see you as relationship material and isn't prepared to move you from his weekend schedule to his weekday schedule.
Author Coolmee Posted March 10, 2017 Author Posted March 10, 2017 Try taking to him? What does he say when you tell him the weekend won't be good for you? Do you give a different time and day that will work for you? Do you ever reach out first? Do you always wait for him to arrange all of the dates? Do you show enthusiasm towards him? I confronted him about this, i told him why can't we just meet on another day during the week ? He simply said and why can't you just stay the weekend ? "
Author Coolmee Posted March 10, 2017 Author Posted March 10, 2017 Why do you go out of town on weekends? Is this a necessity? Work? It's hard to date with conflicting schedules. He's free on weekends, you're free on weekdays. His only choice is to see you on a weekday when he has work and has to be up early in the morning because your schedule seems far more impossible to work around. It's a tough match, and he could just be exhausted, and also frustrated that you can't take time on the weekend to accommodate him. You state you "just don't like staying," so it doesn't sound like an obligation to have to be leaving, and he isn't hitting high on your priority list. How do you think that makes him feel? This one just may fizzle out. I go to my hometown to see my family.I'm just saying that he has the whole week to see why does he choose an inappropriate time for me plus he can't be thaat busy if he wanted to see me he would make time for me
act00 Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 I go to my hometown to see my family.I'm just saying that he has the whole week to see why does he choose an inappropriate time for me plus he can't be thaat busy if he wanted to see me he would make time for me Uh, no. I work all week and I work early, so bed early. This limits when and how I can get together on a weeknight, particularly if the man gets out of work later, making it difficult because I need to get to sleep, and I do have home obligations as well, or errands I may need to do after work to free up my weekend, or they're only open on weekdays, etc. I certainly understand your desire to go home on the weekends. You could reasonably go every other week, but if your priority is going home every weekend, not spend time with this guy and grow a relationship, I see where this is headed. If he wants more than you do out of this relationship (more than casual), he's going to seek it from someone else because you don't seem to want to move in that direction. You expect him to do all the bending with little consideration of his schedule and his time. It's all about compromise. He's not important enough to you to stay in town a couple weekends. That's okay, but there is a consequence. 3
d0nnivain Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 I go to my hometown to see my family.I'm just saying that he has the whole week to see why does he choose an inappropriate time for me plus he can't be thaat busy if he wanted to see me he would make time for me Weekends are date time. He feels like you don't care enough about him because you run away home every weekend. He wants you to prove that you care about him by being willing to give up a weekend to spend time with him. You don't have obligations on the weekends. You want to do what you want to do -- go home. He wants you to pick him. He thinks you don't care enough about him or the relationship which is why you only give him weekdays & you have a whole other life that doesn't include him on the weekends. Chose wisely. I can't image any many putting up with the dating scenario you have set up -- no weekends. It's fine to run home when you don't have something fun to do where you live but do you realize you are giving up a date to hang with mom & dad? 4
CptInsano Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 Weekends are date time. He feels like you don't care enough about him because you run away home every weekend. He wants you to prove that you care about him by being willing to give up a weekend to spend time with him. Agreed. Excluding weekends sends a pretty strong message. 1
Author Coolmee Posted March 10, 2017 Author Posted March 10, 2017 But he used to be okey with me going home on week-ends and we would just meet during the week.But now I just don't understand why he ignores me during the whole week Until the weekend than he wants to see me.
Gaeta Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 But he used to be okey with me going home on week-ends and we would just meet during the week.But now I just don't understand why he ignores me during the whole week Until the weekend than he wants to see me. He thought he would be ok with it at first and now realizes it's not enough. And why do you need to visit your family on EVERY weekend? 2
Author Coolmee Posted March 10, 2017 Author Posted March 10, 2017 Uh, no. I work all week and I work early, so bed early. This limits when and how I can get together on a weeknight, particularly if the man gets out of work later, making it difficult because I need to get to sleep, and I do have home obligations as well, or errands I may need to do after work to free up my weekend, or they're only open on weekdays, etc. I certainly understand your desire to go home on the weekends. You could reasonably go every other week, but if your priority is going home every weekend, not spend time with this guy and grow a relationship, I see where this is headed. If he wants more than you do out of this relationship (more than casual), he's going to seek it from someone else because you don't seem to want to move in that direction. You expect him to do all the bending with little consideration of his schedule and his time. It's all about compromise. He's not important enough to you to stay in town a couple weekends. That's okay, but there is a consequence. So you're saying if you were dating, you would refuse to see ur boyfriend during the week because you don't have time?
Author Coolmee Posted March 10, 2017 Author Posted March 10, 2017 He thought he would be ok with it at first and now realizes it's not enough. And why do you need to visit your family on EVERY weekend? It's not that i need to it's just that i refuse to stay the weekend,because i see it this way,"why would i stay with him on the weekend while i was there 5days and he didnt ask me out"
Gaeta Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 It's not that i need to it's just that i refuse to stay the weekend,because i see it this way,"why would i stay with him on the weekend while i was there 5days and he didnt ask me out" If you think passive aggressive like this, if you are always on the defensive, if you think it's always up to the other person to make the compromise than good luck with dating. I don't know how long you've been seeing this guy. I don't know what you mean by 'casual dating' but maybe you should be clarifying what you want and what he wants instead of playing cat and mouse. 5
d0nnivain Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 It's not that i need to it's just that i refuse to stay the weekend,because i see it this way,"why would i stay with him on the weekend while i was there 5days and he didnt ask me out" I can understand that. But you both want to have this all or nothing power play. If he saw you during the week, would you be willing to see him on the weekend once in a while? If you want to save this relationship, stay home next weekend & go out with him. While you are enjoying each other's company arrange a weeknight date. Balance & compromise are important. 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 But he used to be okey with me going home on week-ends and we would just meet during the week.But now I just don't understand why he ignores me during the whole week Until the weekend than he wants to see me. Because he's sick of coming in second constantly and now the novelty of new sex is wearing off, so he's less willing to go chasing it. It's a power struggle. There's no solution since you refuse to accommodate his schedule even occasionally. You need to let this guy go to find someone who's more available on an average/typical schedule (I used to HATE going out during the week when I worked full-time). 1
act00 Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 So you're saying if you were dating, you would refuse to see ur boyfriend during the week because you don't have time? Not REFUSE, but it would be limited and not every day. I have a bed time. The time I could spend would be short. I need to NOT oversleep. I need to be alert and functional at work, which means I can't stay out late. I have other obligations as well, at home, and during the week just isn't the best. On weekends, Friday and Saturday night, I can stay up late. I can sleep in. I can take a nap. I can relax and have fun with no worries and no restrictions. I would expect my (just met, casual) boyfriend to want to spend time with me on the weekends if he likewise had the weekends off, at some point. I would probably be like yours at first, thinking that as we get to know each other, he would start making me a part of his free time, and he would want that time with me when I didn't have to rush off or he didn't have to rush off as well. If that didn't happen, I would start backing off, because apparently he doesn't like me enough to include me or want me. It's really simple. You are not considerate of his time, and you don't like him enough to want to be around. You'd rather go home, and that's okay, but don't expect this to work out. You're only thinking about what he can do for you. There's not much reciprocation on your part. You have other priorities, and he isn't one of them. He would probably like to spend time with you when he doesn't have obligations hanging over his head, like work in the morning and getting adequate rest. Sleep deprivation can impact job performance. He would like to spend time with you when YOU don't have obligations. This time is the weekend. He wants you to want him enough to spend time with him on the weekend.
dumbass2 Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 You're being passive aggressive in handling this. Talk it out. If I was dating a woman, I would expect being able to go out on a date with her on a Fri or Sat night and maybe see her a couple of times during the week. In the early going maybe 2 times a week up to 3. Sometimes it is hard for people to go out during the week due to work, but there has to be give and take. Talk it out rationally with him. 1
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